Feel bored of dating? COVID knocked the excitement out of it- making you feel like “what’s the point?” Or maybe you’re just tired of searching – feel like meeting the right person feels like an absolute battle and you’re fed up of it now? Either way, all hope does not have to be lost. Trust me. Here’s how to stop feeling so bored of dating and get back to it being FUN again. But first, let’s start from the top.
The Signs You’re Bored of Dating
How do you know you’re bored of dating? This is the route of the problem and where things are going wrong? And what are some of the less obvious signs? Well…
1) You’ll Find Yourself Picking Fights or Arguments
Oooh, doesn’t sound great does it? But when you’re bored of dating, you’ll find you’re unnecessarily confrontational. Not because you’re a bad person, but you feel very much like “been here, done this.” You’re tired of it, and it makes you snappy or irritable – even if the person’s done nothing wrong.
Maybe you’re getting to know a person and you’ll keep pushing to disagree, instead of actually listening to them. Or perhaps they say something jokey and you take it the wrong way… then TOTALLY rule them out (perhaps prematurely.) You’re just not in the right headspace, and it tells. This leads me onto my next point…
2) No-One Quite Stacks Up
It doesn’t matter who comes through, how awesome they actually are – when you’re bored of dating, no-one really excites you anymore. In fact, you don’t properly give anyone a chance in order to allow yourself to see it. You’ve made up your mind and that is that.
3) You Just Keep Swiping
Swiping, swiping, aimlessly swiping. See it’s not that you DON’T want to find someone, it’s just that you’re bored of the process. As a result, you’ll still, most likely, be active on the apps.
4) You Make Less Effort With the Conversations
When you’re fully engaged, you’ll ask more questions, reply with longer answers, actually put effort into the conversation. When you feel bored of dating, it’s completely different – short, delayed replies, less expanding on what you think or feel.
But remember, so often (and including when it comes to dating), you get out what you put in. By putting less effort into the conversations, you’re actually making the conversations more boring yourself.
5) You’re Totally Struggling With Motivation
Someone offers to give you a call? Nahh, not tonight. You get asked on a date you would usually LOVE? Yet just can’t be bothered. Either you bail on the dates, or don’t even get to the point of accepting them.
Your motivation has rapidly dwindled so HEY – before we go any further here – I want you to read this article on how to stay motivated when dating, because it will really help you with that boredom battle.
Click here to read. It covers five simple tips to increase that motivation and get you back to you. Done that? Then let’s start to move onto the turning point here, how to STOP feeling bored when dating…
What To Do When You Feel Bored of Dating
Before I run through what to do when you feel bored of dating and how you can find that excitement again, I want to also throw this article out there for why – sometimes – the answer may just be taking a break from dating (click to read.) All done with that? Then let’s move on. Here’s what else you can try…
1) Give Yourself a Good Talking To
So first off, understanding the power of your mind, the difference your attitude makes. If you tell yourself you’re bored, you’ll be bored. I mean, think about it… Have you ever been asked to get something and your automatically say you can’t find it?
Let’s say you’re having a family dinner and your Dad asks you to grab the long-lost salt. You want to dig into your dinner, you’re not even bothered about a little extra salt! So you go into the kitchen, open up the cupboards that are ABSOLUTELY PACKED, have a rummage around, rummage some more, and come back like,
Nope. Couldn’t find it.
Your Mum then goes into the kitchen and shows you it was right in front of your eyes… yet you really didn’t see it. It’s because you’d convinced yourself you wouldn’t or you couldn’t, and THAT my fiends, is what we want to avoid doing when dating.
Don’t be so busy telling yourself how boring and crappy dating life is, that you end up not even seeing the people who are right there in front of you.
2) Give Each Match a Proper Chance
Dating can become boring when you feel like it’s just the same old process, over and over. Initially, you have to take the time to get to know someone, this is pretty unavoidable. You WILL always be starting from scratch with each new person… But the problem is, when you never allow yourself to get past that initial stage, you’ll never reap the benefits of when it does get deeper.
Also, again, shift your outlook so that you ENJOY the early stage more… you find it exciting! Think of it this way – you never know who or what is around the corner. You never know who is going to turn your world upside down! Each new match, each new date, it’s a new opportunity.
So don’t ruin your chance of things developing into something wonderful by now allowing them to get started properly to begin with. By doing this, you’re only actually wasting your time by bothering to match and message in the first place – so you owe it to yourself to be positive, optimistic and open-minded about each new person you decide to get to know.
It’s just important to note here: that there is a process to deciding who you do and don’t want to date so try to date smarter to reach this decision easier. This leads me onto my next point…
3) Forget About The Ones That Don’t Excite You
Some people will excite you more than other when dating – based, not only on attraction (not a good measure to go solely off) but also by potential.
If you’re finding it a chore to speak to someone right from the start, if there’s not enough things drawing you in about them, then don’t bother at all. You’re getting bored because you’re going about this half-heartedly, so cut the crappy conversations with people you know you’re not really feeling – don’t worry about those.
Remember, you can’t date EVERYONE, you don’t need to “vet” everyone thoroughly. Match those that draw you in, give them enough of a chance, but if you’re not feeling it, don’t put yourself through the full process. The ones that aren’t on your wavelength will then dwindle off at an earlier stage, leaving the ones with more potential. Focus on these people…
Focus on the ones that you think are a little different, could be pretty special, and who you seem to click with far faster and easier, right from the start.
4) Don’t Feel Obliged To Pursue Things Further
You only have a certain amount of energy, right? This means you have to preserve it – keep it for the people who are worth your time. And that’s not that some people aren’t “worthy” as such. By worth, we’re referring to “reward” – the “reward” being a mutually positive relationship between two people where something meaningful does have the potential to progress.
So first – be selective in who you DO say “yes” to a date with. Just because you’ve been chatting for a little while, doesn’t mean you HAVE to meet them. And once you have met them – trust your gut. If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it – especially if this is triggered by the right things.
So know how you feel, listen to your heart and – if you do this – it will steer you away from most of the people who made you feel that dating fatigue and unbearable BOREDOM!
5) Spice Up The Conversation
So we spoke about how the initial stages of getting to know a person is inevitable – but that doesn’t mean that each new chat has to be the same. As a matter of fact, I actually completely avoid small talk.
I don’t want to know how a person is. Nope! I want to know who they actually are.
So throw in some different questions – in fact, here’s 100 different questions to ask when dating. Click to grab some inspiration! It shouldn’t feel like an interview and the chat chat should flow smoothly, but you’re going to find it far more fun and interesting if you allow the topic to wander a little. On that note…
6) Mix Up The Dates
If you’re finding you’re feeling bored when dating, try mixing up the dates that you do. Dating can feel tedious when it’s constantly the the same thing… You match, you chat, you go for a drink, the date is a little underwhelming, onto the next. So avoid this, by going on different dates.
Go explore somewhere new together as that creates experiential intimacy. You could also throw out one of these different first date ideas – like trying a new class, picking a new, random, local event or doing something sporty.
I mean on that note, research shows the sweaty hands, racing pulse and shortness of breath that come along with exercise mimic the physical effects of romantic lust… so getting physical may not be such a bad idea after all! Click here to read more ideas.
All of these ideas, all of these different things, they will suck out the boredom, because then – even if the date didn’t quite go the way planned romantically, you’ll have still ended up having a fun day or night in new company. You see?
7) Do More Dates Virtually
Whether you’re allowed to date IRL or not, adding in some fun, different virtual dates, may also be the answer to destroying your boredom. See, again, dating can become a grind. By adding virtual dates in there – they save time, they’re less initial effort, you can see how well you click, far faster and easier – and it’s making it different… mixing it up.
Dating virtually is less of a big deal, so you avoid the usual dating burnout, find the matches you are actually interested in getting to know, and make the dating process far more effective. So don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. Trust me!
8) Qualify Faster By Calls or Voice Notes
Another thing you can try, is qualifying your matches over calls. This means you don’t waste hours messaging for days on end, and instead, can find out faster if there’s potentially something there. See, it can be difficult to read someone over text. Calls on the other hand are completely different.
Did you know – I can actually tell how interested I am in a person by a simple voice note or call. How?!, you may wonder. Well because I’m all about energy. I need someone I can bounce off. So by hearing their voice and how they communicate, I have a far better indication.
Obviously it’s not set in stone just from this, but voice notes have certainly made me rule someone out faster, or increase my interest dramatically – and that’s what you need to kill the boredom when dating, finding that interest again.
9) Make Sure You’re Clear On What You Want
When you date with intention, you date with purpose – you’re far less likely to find dating boring. If you’re wandering around aimlessly, not really knowing who to match with and continuously wasting time on the wrong people then it’s no wonder you feel the way that you do!
Get really clear on what you’re looking for, the kind of person you want to meet and the kind of people worth mixing with. Make it a bit of a game – a fun challenge to find them. The only thing here, is you have to know what you’re looking to find… otherwise there’s no way of “winning”, you see?
So take some time out, write a list, understand your “deal breakers” and “desirables” – then you’ll have a far clearer idea of how to quality… plus, will end up finding and attracting more of the right people, which in turn makes dating far less boring!
10) Get The Balance Right
Another reason you may be bored of dating is because you’ve not quite got the balance right. See if you date TOO MUCH, it results in dating burnout. And boredom is just one symptom of dating burnout.
So if you’re looking to meet the right person – be proactive with dating, but don’t let dating take over your life. There’s more to life than that and more to you…
You don’t NEED someone else to complete you. Become happy on your own. When you do this, dating just becomes a fun, added bonus. A way to meet new people, connect with others – an enhancement to your life, not everything you need in your life.
Are You Clear On Where Your Boredom Is Coming From?
Once you know WHY you feel bored, what in particular is creating this boredom when dating – then you can start to do something about it. Look at what it is that is grating on you, what motions you feel like you’re going through that you’re fed up with. After you’ve identified it, ask yourself,
What can I do to change this? What can I do to make this better? How could I make this more fun? A little different? Is my attitude or mindset playing a part in it? And what am I going to do about it?
Make a decision. Take action. And you’ll then start to see the difference – trust me.
That’s All For This One
So there we have it – what to do when you feel bored of dating. If you apply these tips, if you work through this process, you will find the excitement starts to come back and you’ll find dating more enjoyable again.
I know it can feel hard, and tiring, but remember, it’s worth it in the end. You won’t be dating forever, and hey – there are actually people who missed out on the proper dating phases of their life altogether, so don’t overlook it. Learn to love it… or at the very least, enjoy it and make the most of it!
Hope this helps. Take care!