Want to take the next step? Thinking of getting married? Then here’s 7 deal-breaker questions to ask before marriage (that will literally be make or break!)
See, getting married is a life-changing decision. Divorce rates are still high with almost 50% of all marriages (in the United States) ending in divorce or separation.
But the good news is, you DON’T need to be just another number…
7 (Deal-Breaker Questions To Ask Before Marriage
Here’s 7 deal-breaker questions to ask before marriage to move forward more confidently, with all the right things in place, to make the two of you really last.
See, before you get married, you want to ask your partner…
1) Why do you want to get married? Why is it important to you?
By asking this question before marriage you can ensure:
- You’re both on the same page.
- You’re both getting married for the RIGHT reason.
See, there’s plenty of couples who don’t get married, yet still have a healthy, happy, life-long, committed relationship.
Dating and relationship milestones look different for everyone and so you simply need to find what works best and feels right for the two of you.
Don’t cave under pressure or get married just for the sake of it / because “everyone else is” so you feel like you should.
Dig deeper. Discuss why it’s important, specifically to YOU – what exactly it means and why it is a big deal, and therefore is the right thing.
In some cases, one partner may want to get married more than the other. It may mean more to them, which is okay – so long as the other partner isn’t doing it SOLELY to keep them happy.
(They have to genuinely want to get married, too!)
2) Do you feel like we’re in the right place, and it’s the right time to get married?
Now every couple will have different standards and expectations when it comes to what they think they need, in order to be in the “right place” for marriage, and it therefore be the “right time.”
In most cases, there will always be SOMETHING that isn’t “perfect”, or MORE money that you could have, more stability, more wisdom, more something. Just like before you have your first child, they say, are you ever really fully ready?
But weigh up both sides. Look at the pros and cons. Look at the reasons why now is the right time, vs the benefits of potentially waiting. Know the “costs” of waiting, vs the “risks” of taking the plunge now.
Some things you may want to consider are:
- Are you financially stable?
- Can you afford to get married right now?
- How long have you been together?
- How happy, healthy and stable is your relationship?
- Have you been through tough times and challenges – and come out the other side?
- How strong do you feel like you are as a couple? And how confident are you in this?
- Is there anything else that comes into play when it comes to timings?
- Is there anything else or anyone else to consider?
3) What kind of wedding would you want, and why?
Next up – let’s talk about the wedding itself. And you may think – is this actually one of the DEAL-BREAKER questions to ask before getting married? But you may be surprised…
See, it’s better to ask now, to make sure your vision aligns – or you can both compromise to find a happy middle-ground.
Now we’re not just talking about which type of flowers you’d both want, but more:
- Who would you want to invite to the wedding?
- Is there anyone you WOULDN’T want to have there? And if so – why?
- How much would you be looking to spend on the wedding?
- Where would you want the wedding?
- What KIND of wedding would you want? E.G. church wedding, traditional wedding, formal wedding, intimate wedding, etc.
- Would you want to allow children to the wedding?
- How involved would you want your family?
- What roles would you want to give to who?
- Would you want to change your name, even? This could also be discussed here.
You should both have the opportunity to have your say and explain why you’d like it that way.
It may put your communication to the test, particularly if you don’t agree on certain things, but that’s a good thing in a way, as it’s important to ask tough questions in a relationship and be able to work through them together.
4) Are there any things which concern you about our relationship, which could potentially stop us from lasting the test of time?
This is one of the biggest questions to ask before marriage and – as hard as it is – it’s vitally important that you’re both completely honest…
Don’t be afraid to raise things that – from your side – need to change in order for the two of you to confidently move forward.
This could be things like:
- Poor communication.
- Trust issues.
- Recurring conflict.
- Unfulfilling level of intimacy in your relationship.
You should also ensure that you create a safe, open space where you can both express how you feel, without the other person taking offence or getting defensive.
Remember – you’re having these conversations in order to be able to move forward.
Nothing that you say is necessarily a deal-breaker in itself, as you’re simply identifying what you both need so that you can work on it.
It doesn’t mean you can’t still get married or that marriage isn’t right for you. You don’t need to be perfect. But from there, you can map out a plan to work on it…
This shows maturity and commitment to your relationship. So, although it may feel scary or confronting, it’s an incredibly positive thing to do, for the two of you.
5) What expectations, standards and boundaries do you have in a relationship and marriage?
For most couples, you’ll already have discussed this, but it’s still one of the deal-breaker questions to ask before marriage, as:
- This should be a conversation that you should be able to have more than once.
- As new situations occur, it may create new expectations, standards or boundaries, so it’s good to be able to go through these.
- It builds confidence that the two of you really are 100% on the same page before you take things to the next big stage!
Questions may be around boundaries when it comes to the relationship you have with others…
I mean, what constitutes as cheating? What behaviour do you find disrespectful? How would you expect your partner to act around others?
Questions may also be around work and family…
For instance, what is a healthy work-life balance? How would you want to raise children – what expectations would you have there? What duties or responsibilities would you see the two of you both taking on?
Really cover all basis that are important to you, and think – not just about now, but 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now and beyond.
6) What is your vision for your future and our future?
On a similar note, it’s also vitally important that you’re both clear, open and honest about – not only the future you envision for yourself, but also the future you want to build with your partner.
It’s one of the most deal-breaker questions to ask before marriage because it’s important your vision aligns to avoid the two of you ending up going separate ways.
Again, you don’t need to agree on EVERY single detail right now, or have your entire life (right down to retirement!) mapped out.
But you should generally match up on the important things, or be open to discussion and again, being able to compromise.
People change, things change, what you both want may also change, but it’s important that you start in the same place and are able to move with each other.
As part of this, you may therefore want to discuss your values – what’s important to you, and your morals – how you want to live. Because when these two things match up, you’ll often find your vision can quite easily, too.
7) What do you want and need, in order to be happy for the rest of our life?
What makes you happy now, and what will make you happy moving forward?
See, not all fundamental questions to ask before marriage look at the potential problems, risks or threats – you can swat up on the positive stuff too!
Again, there’s a good chance you’ll know a lot of these things already (particularly if you’ve been working through our daily deep questions to ask your partner!)
But it doesn’t hurt to dig a little deeper, and look – not only just at now, moving forward too.
For example, right now you’re happy but what might you want and need in the future? Or what do you want/ need to last in the relationship? What means the most to you?
That’s All For This One
So there we have it, 7 deal-breaker questions to ask before marriage.
I hope you’ve found this valuable. Be sure to SHARE it with your partner as you work your way through.
Wishing you all the happiness in the world – today, and every day.
All the best!
Love,
Ell_xx
