Feeling lonely or disheartened? Struggling to still feel loved when you’re single? In fact, are you starting to HATE the fact that you’re single, even?! Then you’re in the right place…
See, it’s time to spread a little more love in your life, my friends. It’s time to see that you don’t need to have a relationship to feel happy, loved and whole.
You can feel all of those things without a significant other, and when you get to that point, it opens you up to a whole new world of opportunities! So, let’s give you back that power…
Here’s how to feel loved when you’re single. Sit back, relax and get ready to feel the lurrrrrve.
What Is Love?
So before we look at the ways to feel loved when you’re single, I guess we better try to get a little clearer on what exactly love is… which is a trickier question than you’d think because love means different things to different people. However:
By definition, love is “an intense feeling of deep affection.” It’s a feeling of warm personal attachment to another person.
Because of this, it means that we don’t need a partner to feel it. We can get it from other types of relationships. After all, there are different types of love…
What are the Different Types of Love?
The reason you can still feel loved when you’re single is because there are different types of love.
In fact, the Ancient Greeks looked into this a fair old bit and broke them down into key categories… They even have their own names!
To run through it very briefly, we have:
1) Storge: Familiar Love
Let’s start from the top with the first type of love most of us will experience. See, storge is a naturally occurring love rooted in parents and children.
It’s born out of familiarity or dependency and therefore comes immediately and easily. It’s an infinite love built upon acceptance and deep emotional connection.
For this reason, it can also develop between best friends.
2) Philia: Affectionate Love
This is love without romantic attraction and again, therefore occurs between friends or family members.
There’s often similar values and mutual respect for each other – when you find someone you really click with and who is on the same wavelength as you.
3) Ludus: Playful Love
Moving on a little now, the next type of love to touch on is Playful Love.
This is commonly found in the beginning stages of a relationship, before deep levels of intimate love have been formed.
At this stage, the focus is more on fun. The relationship is casual, undemanding and uncomplicated, with lots of flirting, teasing, playfulness and laughter.
This kind of love works best for people who are self-sufficient and very secure in who they are. Without that, or with different attachment styles, there is a risk of someone getting hurt.
4) Eros: Romantic Love
Next up, it’s romantic love. This one is very sexual, passionate and dates back to primal love: our natural instincts. It’s a passionate love, often displayed through physical affection.
It’s like when you fall in love with someone you’re really attracted to and are infatuated with them in a way. “Is It Love Or Lust?” – This is often a closely linked debate.
See, this love is a desire for another person’s body, which is why the two of you can be very affectionate – with clear signs of chemistry between the two of you!
There’s also another one…
Linking off from these, there is also Mania (although some might argue if this is actually true love at all?) It’s an unhealthy kind of love, an obsessive love in fact, that leads to unwanted jealousy or possessiveness – often known as codependency.
Most cases of obsessive love are found in couples with an imbalance of love towards each other. An imbalance of Eros and Ludus is the main cause of Mania. However, with healthy levels of playful and romantic love, the harm of obsessive love can be avoided.
On that note: if you find yourself starting to obsess over someone, you want to ACT FAST to stop the habit in its tracks before it escalates into this type of love!
5) Pragma: Enduring Love
Building on further from the romantic loves that we’ve spoken about, there’s then enduring love that develops.
This is when the sexual attraction takes a backseat and you now begin to fully appreciate the personal qualities and compatibilities.
It’s a unique bonded love that matures over many years: an everlasting love between a couple that chooses to put equal effort into their relationship.
Commitment and dedication are required to reach Pragma. Instead of “falling in love,” you are “standing in love” with the partner you want by your side indefinitely.
6) Agape: Selfless Love
We’re nearly there now so it’s time to talk about selfless love! This is the highest level of love to offer. It’s given without any expectations of receiving anything in return.
Agape Love not a physical act, but a feeling. It’s this universal love, such as the love for strangers, nature, or God.
Agape can be said to encompass the modern concept of altruism, as defined as unselfish concern for the welfare of others. It’s rather beautiful, I must admit!
7) Philautia: Self Love
Last but not least then, we have the love we feel towards ourselves. Philautia is a healthy form of love (without pushing through into Hubris which is when you inflate your own value).
Instead, healthy self love is where you recognise your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs. Self-love begins with acknowledging your responsibility for your wellbeing.
You need to have self-love in order to love others and feel love as fully in return so it really is fundamental.
Why It’s Essential To Know The Different Types Of Love
By understanding the different types of love that are out there, you can actually build on the ones that don’t rely on you to be in a relationship, to still feel loved when you’re single.
Break down each type of love and ask yourself, what can I do to feel more of this in my life? Really dig deep, think about it, explore things further.
Unsure how to do it? Okay, let me give you some examples to get the ball rolling.
Ways to Feel Loved When You’re Single
Here’s how to use the different types of love to still feel loved when you’re single.
1) Storge Love
To tap into the “Familiar” Store Love, spend more time with those who have that deep-rooted unconditional love for you. (I.E. family or friends.)
But don’t just spend time with them… Consciously feel the love that they are naturally giving up.
Notice the small gestures they do, really feel that connection when they pull you in for a hug, and appreciate the bond that’s there. (Right in front of you!)
When you’re feeling lonely, instead of isolating yourself, reach out – give your Mum a call, go out for a drink with your Dad.
There are people who are there for you and want to be there for you, so let them be.
You also don’t have to see them just when things are bad… get into the habit of spending more quality time with loved ones on a weekly basis just because it makes you feel good… and makes them feel good too. This leads us onto Agape Love
2) Agape Love
Agape Love has got to be one of the best of them all when it comes to feeling love when you’re single. Why? Well because there’s SO much you can do!
Focusing on Agape Love makes you a better person and just makes you feel so WHOLE!
You’re giving selfless love, without wanting anything in return. But it’s funny because actually, by doing these things, it is proven to improve your mental wellbeing in the process…
So it really is a win, win for everyone! A few great suggestions to get you started…
> Do Random Acts Of Kindness
Unsure where to start? Then here’s 50 acts of kindness that you can do anywhere in the world, no matter what lockdown restrictions are currently in place.
It doesn’t have to always be big or grand, the little things count too. But if you start getting into the habit of doing small acts of kindness daily, I promise you, even just a week from now, you will feel a hell of a lot of better in yourself.
The best way to receive love is to give it, as they say.
What you put out into the world, you typically get back – not because anyone OWES you, but because you naturally start to feel the way you want others to feel. Try it, see for yourself.
> Connect With New People
Another way to feel loved when you’re single is to focus on connecting with more people – and this can relate to dating actually.
See, when you meet someone new, instead of going through the motions, judging, qualifying, moving onto the next – try actually connecting to the person that you match with.
Don’t go into it looking to GET something, go into it looking to – again – just simply give.
Listen to the person, understand them, get to know them on a deeper level, give them the time you’d want others to give to you and I promise your dating experience will change completely.
Whether things develop or not from there, it doesn’t actually matter, because when you feel like you connect with a person, you feel closer to them. And when you feel closer, you feel love.
My last recommendation in this area is to volunteer more. Give back. Give freely.
Supporting charities is not just about giving your money, but your time. In fact, in some ways, that’s all the more generous because time is something we can’t get back.
Go tree planting to get you connected with nature again; campaign about something you’re passionate about to feel connected with others and like you’re able to make a positive difference; volunteer at a homeless shelter and fully appreciate just how lucky you are…
Because that’s another thing: gratitude. If you want to feel loved when you’re single, stop focusing on what you don’t have and instead appreciate what you do have.
It will dramatically change the way you think and feel, I promise you. You just have to get into the habit of reminding yourself daily – which is where a gratitude diary comes in handy.
3) Ludus Love
I’m going to throw in a little potentially controversial one now. Please also note it can be a little RISKY, and I only recommend it if you’re in a good place mentally.
However, I want you to know that you can actually still have pretty meaningful relationships with people, even without the commitment.
So, if you find someone you click with, you have that attraction, you have fun when you see each other, and can open up to one another – you don’t need to throw it away just because you’re “unsure” it will go anyway long-term.
Ludus love is actually kind of like a friendship (just usually with the added “extra” benefits!)
So don’t rule out or underrate relationships like these, so long as the communication is open and the mutual respect is there.
Also, don’t worry about being judged. Do what’s right for you, whilst staying true to yourself. What anyone else thinks is unimportant! TRUST ME…
4) Philautia Love
Last but not least then, it all goes back to that mighty SELF-LOVE to help you feel loved when you’re single. And again, it’s not to be underestimated!
See, believe it or not, love DOESN’T have to just come from other people. Self compassion, self care and an appreciation for who you are as a person – really does go a long way. And if you can truly learn to love yourself, for everything and all that you are – you will feel all the love you need (and more!) regardless of your relationship status!
Self-love also sets you up to be loved as fully and completely as you deserve because hey – we accept the love we think we deserve and if we don’t have that love for ourselves to begin with, we won’t demand as much from another person. So self-love is key, key, key!
Both get you in the habit of doing small things daily to benefit your mental wellbeing and really boost your confidence. Talking of confidence-boosting, you can also ask yourself these questions to increase self-confidence any and every time you need!
So what are you waiting for?! Get started now!
How To Still Feel Loved When You’re Single…
So there we have it – how to still feel loved when you’re single. There’s plenty of suggestions there – plenty to think about and plenty to work through.
The biggest question I have now is which will you start with?
In fact, how about this? To get you going – choose one thing to tick off that list before you go to sleep tonight. Just one thing. No matter how big or small.
Seize the moment. Start now. Open your heart and your mind to let more love into your life… in different ways.
And hey, don’t stop just when you get into a relationship because I’m pretty sure you’ll find just how good it makes you feel!
Hope this helps. Take care.