Feel The Pressure To Find Someone? Don’t! Read This Instead

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So, we’re in yet another lockdown here in the UK and wherever you are in the world right now, with whatever restrictions that are in place – let’s be fair, it’s not the IDEAL time to meet someone. Yet despite that, you can still really begin to feel the pressure to find someone. Why? Well I guess a few things contribute to it.

1) This Whole Coronavirus Has Totally Screwed Us Over

For starters, hasn’t this virus destroyed a lot? My heart goes out to all the people and their families who have lost loved ones. Truly it does. But when it comes to dating – it sure has thrown a spanner in the works too.

You can’t meet people in the same way as before right now. Yet ironically, it makes you crave that closeness and connection even more.

I mean, when it first hit – it was so out of the ordinary, it literally felt like THE START OF THE GODDAM APOCALYPSE, right? And who really wants to spend these ‘last days on earth’ alone?!

It’s no surprise that there’s been a rise in people looking for relationships. I guess in some ways, it’s been a bit of a reality check. Although that’s still not a reason to rush into something with someone unless it’s 100% right.

2) It’s Also Cuffing Season

On top of that, it’s also cuffing season – the time of the year (Autumn / Winter) where single people couple up (usually as a short term thing) to combat the loneliness of the more miserable months.

Uh huh – if you’ve never heard of it before, I swear I’m not making it up! It is a thing.

See, as humans – we’re not actually made to live alone, so I guess in a way – we are a little biologically wired to feel the pressure to find someone… because we put the pressure on ourselves, sometimes without fully even being aware of it!

Either way, cuffing isn’t the answer. When there’s feelings involved, it’s very easy for someone to get hurt, so leave the cuffs at home… or in the bedroom if that’s your thing! ;p

3) It Can Feel At Times, Like Everyone Around You is Connected But You

Because of a combination of one and two, it can feel even more so like everyone around you is all settled and in love – and that can make you feel even more isolated, even more alone and like you HAVE to do something to change it… Hence why you feel the pressure to find someone even more!

But hold up my friend. Slow down there just a second because firstly – not everyone is coupled up. I know it can feel like it, and maybe it’s happening in your immediate circle, but there’s a whole wide world out there and a hell of a lot of people in the same situation as you. 

Also – since when do YOU follow the crowd? Girl, if you’re a reader of Forgetting Fairytales, you’ve got a different outlook and you certainly don’t take the easy route or the same path that everyone else is on if you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.

So hey – you might feel more pressure to find someone right now. Maybe you’ve also been single a while, are actually ready to meet someone now – but have been scuppered. You feel like times ticking by and it’s now harder than ever to find ‘the one’. It’s frustrating. I get it. And I get that lots of things play into this – not just one or two things alone. But here’s why we’re going to do my friends…

How To Remove The Pressure To Find Someone

What are we going to do? Well first up, we’re going to get to grips on our mental state. Do you not find that when you’re feeling positive, happy and emotionally stable – you find it FAR EASIER to have a better outlook on like, everything? Of course you do. So…

STEP 1: Work On Your Mind

These articles are a good starting point okay? So click on through to at least one of those before reading any further? Promise? The link will open in a new tab so you can still come back to this… What I don’t want you to do is to just READ and not apply it or act on it. Got it? Okay good.

After that, we’re going to put things into perspective a little.

STEP 2: Put Things Into Perspective

One of the biggest things that increases this pressure you feel to find someone, is comparisons.

“He’s moved on and found someone, why can’t I?” “She’s been with him for like, forever. Why can’t I have that? What’s wrong with me?”

So hold up, hold up, hold up. Because for starters – you’re painting your garden as crappy, and their grass as this perfect, fresh turf – when you don’t actually know if that’s the case.

I mean, think about it –  just because someone’s with someone right now, does that necessarily mean they’re going to last forever? If they’re staying in the wrong relationship just because they don’t want to be on their own right now – it’s not really serving them and it will eventually break down – trust me.

Or let’s say someone rushes into a relationship just because they don’t like being on there own. In that case, the same thing applies – it might last weeks, months, maybe even years, but if it’s not right, it won’t be as healthy or fulfilling as it could be and again, it will only come to an end.

This is what you’re avoiding. You’re not getting into something for the sake of it.

It’s not about being negative, hating on other people, or thinking the worst – it’s just about knowing that it’s not necessarily perfect elsewhere so to stop making comparisons and instead focus on where you’re at. Also remember…

This Isn’t Going To Last Forever…

Life in this pandemic won’t go on forever. I know at times it feels like it will. But it won’t. It can’t. Nothing ever stays the same. So I know the current climate makes it EVEN HARDER to find love and that can add to the impatience you feel about finding someone. But this is just one section of your life.

Just like single life is it’s own section in it’s own right – and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing with you spending the vast majority of it waiting for it to change! In fact, if you really want to, you can learnt to love …….

Because hey – I know what you might be thinking… This isn’t just about winter, or the pandemic, this is about me – “I’m always frickin’ single.” Again – it’s a chapter my friends, just a chapter.

Whether you’ve spent 1, 2, 10, 20, even your whole life up until now, being ‘alone’ – if you want to find someone and are committed to find someone, you will, when the time is right for you. So be patient. And enjoy this time to yourself in the meantime, because it sure as hell has its advantages!

STEP 3: Find Other Ways To Feel Love

I also want you to know that you don’t have to just feel loved by being in a relationship. You know that, of course. But have you explored the full extent of this? Perhaps not.

See, it’s not the relationship itself that makes you feel loved. That’s why you can be in the wrong relationship and still feel completely worthless and alone – the label means nothing. There are also different types of love. Here…

[Click here to learn more about this topic.]

Again, it will open in a new tab for you and I think it will really help. The most important type of love to feel is actually the love you feel for yourself, and that’s what I want you to focus on.

Instead of feeling the pressure to find someone – first put your attention on learning to love yourself. After all, you must do that before then giving that love away to someone else. It is so so important because it’s going to affect the type of person you then attract.

If you think about it – you can use this time now to do the groundwork you need, to prepare you for the right relationship. This leads me onto my next point…

STEP 4: Use This Time To Work On You

I read this the other day, and I just loved it… “Six months of hardcore focus and alignment can put you years ahead in life. Never underestimate the power of consistency and desire. You have what it takes to be the best that you can be. Don’t doubt yourself. Harness your power. Exceed your expectations.”

Instead of getting down about what you DON’T have, focus on what you DO have and what you want moving forward. Work on the areas of yourself that you need to work on to become the kind of person you want to be. This then puts you in the position to have the kind of love you want to have.

You’re a wonderful person, you really are. But you still have so much untapped potential. Know that this time now is good for you. It’s serving you. It’s strengthening you. So start getting comfortable with the uncomfortable and EMBRACE this time now.

Use this time as an opportunity for growth. I mean… if you can get through a global pandemic on your own (on top of all the problems that creates) then you can get through ANYTHING! Stay true to you. Keep being yourself, doing your thing, and I promise you – you will actually come out of this in a far stronger position, ready to find Mr or Mrs Right.

STEP 5: It Doesn’t Have To Be All or Nothing

And hey – you can still date you know, you can still get to know new people and open your mind to the potential. The difference is, by doing all of the things above, you won’t feel as much pressure to find someone, which means you can start to relax, start to enjoy the dating process again and you’ll actually be far more likely to meet the kind of person you’re looking for when you’re less worked up! Agreed? Agreed!

Give Yourself This Time

The best gift you can give yourself this year, is this time. This time where you deal with whatever life throws at you, you embrace up to the good, the bad and the ugly and really make the best of a bad situation!

I know this year has felt like an ABSOLUTE DRAG at times, but stay strong. Know that you don’t need another person to complete you or make you happy. You’ve got this. You’re doing so damn well. So don’t feel the pressure to find someone.

If you meet someone who you click with – that’s frickin’ awesome. But don’t force things, don’t put pressure on it and don’t rush anything. Let those worries and insecurities go. Let things be how they’re meant to be and progress naturally if they’re meant to progress.

I promise you, if things haven’t happened with someone just yet – it’s that way for a reason. You have more strength and brilliance within you that simply needs to come out and it can’t come out unless you have this time now to flourish on your own!

So don’t get down about being alone, know that you’re not actually alone – there are so many people who love you and appreciate you, and keep working on feeling that love for yourself. Because that’s the key to contentment.

Be sure to SUBSCRIBE BELOW for more support over the coming months. I’ll then just drop you an email every couple of weeks with posts I think will help. Take care!


Feel The Pressure To Find Someone

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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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