So, you’ve been ghosted after the first date. Wondering what to do? Why it happened? And how to respond? Well my friends, we’ve got you covered. Let’s look at the ins and outs of ghosting after the first date – starting from the top.
What Does It Mean To Be Ghosted After The First Date?
So first off, ghosting is a term that gets thrown around easily. But what does it actually mean to be ghosted after the first date? What is classed as ghosting, and what is not?
Because hey – just because a guy doesn’t message again after meeting you, doesn’t mean he’s ghosted you.
It just means he’s not bothered to reach out again (so you can presume – I guess – that he wasn’t really feeling it.)
This can suck – especially if you kind of liked him. But it’s just the way it goes. It’s nothing to take personally. And remember, if he doesn’t want it, you shouldn’t either.
So what is ghosting after a first date? Well, it’s if you guys went out, you sent a message afterwards and you don’t hear back. In fact, you don’t ever hear from him again. That’s ghosting.
It could also not be QUITE as cut throat…
Ghosting could also happen after the first date whereby you hear from him initially, maybe a few messages here and there – but gradually he fades you out and you never actually see him again.
(This tends to be a little more common. Sometimes it’s referred to as “caspering” – “friendly ghosting!” But the outcome is still the same.)
However the key thing to note here is that there has to be that initial contact from your side, or multiple attempts. Otherwise it just falls into the two of you both not speaking again. You see the difference?
Why Do People Ghost After The First Date?
So why do people ghost after the first date? Why not just have the common courtesy – if they’re not interested – to say that they’re not interested?
Well, because that takes a bit of courage, right?
It’s not nice to be rejected, but it’s also not nice to have to reject someone. And so ghosting someone after the first date is the easier (but also far weaker and crueler) way out.
Where it becomes more confusing is if you thought the date went well, you covered the key things you talk about on a first date and thought you connected well. Maybe he / she even mentioned having a second date… So, to go from that to ghosting is even harder.
But again, it’s nothing to take personally and it’s not always done vindictively. Yes, you were probably strung along a little. They also probably weren’t as genuine as they seemed.
But, the chances are – they’re probably also a little emotionally immature, unsure what they’re looking for, aren’t really ready for something serious or, just need to tweak their moral compass a little bit.
Is It Normal To Get Ghosted After The First Date?
Now what I DON’T want, is for you to think that being ghosted after the first date is normal.
It’s not. And even if it’s happened a few times, it’s not something to shrug off. Like, “this is what dating is like nowadays!”
Yes it happens. Maybe it’s happened before. It may also happen again. And it happens to many people – not just you. But that doesn’t make it right. And it certainly isn’t “the norm” so it won’t always be this way.
Dating does have it’s fair share of disappointments. But there’s also great people out there.
Great people who will treat you right – whether you’re the right person for them or not. So don’t let bad experiences like this taint your outlook, okay?
What To Do If You’re Ghosted After The First Date
Okay so let’s move on to the solutions now. Here’s what to do if you’ve been ghosted after the first date, broken down into three simple steps.
Step 10 Accept It
Acceptance is the first stage to dealing with anything. I know it’s frustrating, I know it’s hurtful too.
You may feel like trying to make him want you, you may feel like clinging on, you may feel angry and want to lash out. Whatever emotions you feel, feel them. But don’t necessarily act on them. Especially not straight away.
And don’t fight the situation – don’t try to change it. Yes you’ve probably messaged after your first date – reluctantly and with a little disappointment that you didn’t hear from him first.
Maybe you followed up, naturally, as you didn’t hear from him. That’s fine.
But when you realise he’s ghosting you – purposely ignoring your messages or not reaching out himself, then you have to accept it. You have to accept that this is what he is doing. And that’s just the way it is.
Don’t chase him. Don’t make excuses for them. And certainly don’t go all detective! Just accept that it’s happened and allow yourself to FEEL all of the emotions that this stirs up for you.
To build on this further, I highly recommend bobbing over to this article…
Recommended Read: How To Gain Closure After Being Ghosted
Step 2) Feel It
Being ghosted after the first date is difficult. It’s worse than being ghosted on a dating app or before the first date, because you actually went to meet this person. You got to know them and they got to know you.
Prior to that, the chances are – if they became date worthy – you also invested a fair amount of time into getting to know them. It’s therefore natural to feel the sting of rejection.
Maybe you’re wondering, “Is it me?” “What don’t they like about me?” “Why aren’t I good enough?” But try to squash these thoughts as they’re not accurate or helpful.
Instead, try to simply acknowledge the pain – the negative emotions. Know that YES, you will bounce back from this and it doesn’t have to be a massive deal.
But at the same time, you don’t have to brush it off or cover over those negative feelings. As it is perfectly natural to feel the way you do.
See, we as humans are wired to feel uncomfortable with rejection anyway. In fact, rejection stirs up the same pain as physical pain. So you’re not being unreasonable as such.
So have a little cry if you need to. Work out the frustration in the gym. Also don’t shy away from any embarrassment. That’s okay too.
You have to feel your emotions in order to release them.
Acknowledge how the situation made you feel, so that you can then let it go and move forward – WITHOUT holding onto it. As that’s a big thing too.
If you keep these emotions in, you’re likely to then carry them around with you. It will taint your views on dating and therefore the way in which you come across in future dates.
So don’t let this person impact your future chances of finding love!
Recommended Read: How To Properly Feel Your Emotions
Recommended Read: Are You Repressing Your Emotions?
Step 3: Move Forward
If you’ve been ghosted after the first date, it doesn’t have to be a long, complicated process for what to do after.
As long as you’ve accepted it, felt any emotions that that’s stirred up, then really – you can carry on to the “moving forward” part. You decide, after all, how big or little of a deal this is.
Now as we touched on earlier. If this isn’t the first time it’s happened, or the first bad experience, it may start to take its toll. But don’t stress. If that’s the case, simply join our free community support group. We can work through this together.
If you’re all good on that front, it’s just a case of “onwards and upwards.”
Someone who was weak enough to ghost you after getting to know you – well, they’re really not someone who’s worth worrying about. So don’t waste time giving it anymore of your attention.
If you think you need a little break from dating, that’s okay. If not, get back into it again, with a fresh, clean slate and an open mind. After all, at least you’ve found someone you WON’T be with – that’s one step closer to finding someone you WILL!
Should You Message If You’ve Been Ghosted After The First Date?
Now this is a big question that crops up – if you’ve been ghosted after the first date, should you message? Should you say something?
Well that’s entirely up to you, and what you do, will probably depend on your character.
- If this is playing on your mind and you feel like saying something would help to give that final piece of closure – then message.
Just make sure you message in the right way so that you come across as calm, and simply “calling him out on it”, instead of going crazy. Click here for some suitable message templates:
Recommended Read: How To Respond To Ghosting (Text Templates)
- If you’re not too fussed either way, or don’t have that burning desire to say something – then leave it.
Messaging someone who ghosted you isn’t going to achieve anything. It’s for you, more than anything. So if you don’t see the benefit or don’t have the need, that’s great. It’s one less thing to do, right?!
What If He Messages After Ghosting Me?
If he messages, months down the line after ghosting you (or tries orbiting you!) – well, the power is then back in your hands, right? You decide if you want to reply or not. I mean…
Option 1: You can say nothing at all. After all, you don’t owe him anything after the way he treated you.
Option 2: You can call him out on it when he tries to make a reappearance. Now’s the perfect time to say!
Option 3: Or, you can be polite but firm. Friendly, but not about to be walked all over. Say that it’s nice to hear from him but you don’t respect the fact that he blanked you for so long after you dated, so you don’t really see the point in speaking now.
Things happen, people make mistakes, but ghosting someone is not necessary, or the right way to go about things. If you want to give someone another chance for that, that’s okay. It’s your call.
Every situation is different after all. But just be mindful of how they treated you before and if you see any signs of it again – don’t tolerate it. Remember your worth.
“But I Just Want To Make Him Regret It!!”
No-one likes feeling unwanted. No-one likes that sting of rejection.
So if you’ve read all of this, agree with the steps from here, but are still feeling a little frustrated about the fact that he ghosted you after a first date, then jump on over to this article for How To Make Him Regret Ghosting You. Trust me, it will be just what you need to read right now.
That’s All For This One
So there we have it – what to do if you’re ghosted after the first date.
In time, you’re going to look back on this and be THANKFUL that he ghosted you, because it ruled out the wrong guy faster and easier for you.
It’s a good thing. It will only help you find your special person sooner.
But for now, keep doing all that you can to move forward from this now. Like I said, this person isn’t worth anymore of your time. So it’s onwards and upwards my friends!
Take care.
Love,
Ell_xx
