How do you become happy being single? What does it really take? And is “happily single” ACTUALLY a thing – or just something people say to try to kid themselves or convince others?!
In this post, we’ll break it all down, with the raw and honest truth about being happy single – plus, the 10 step process to becoming happily single. (Because, yes – spoiler alert – you can do it!)
So let’s start from the top shall we?
Is “Happily Single” Genuinely a Thing?
So before we get into it, we’ve got to address the “elephant in the room”, which is of course the question of whether happily single is really a thing.
I mean – can you actually say you’re happily single, if you’re single, but – ideally – wouldn’t be?
Well, yes. You can still be happily single, even if – in an ideal world – you’d have a partner, or know that in the future, you want a partner. Why? Well, think about it.
Can you be happy, financially, even if you’d rather have an extra million dollars?! For sure. Can you be happy with your dance skills, even though you know you know that you’re usually one of the worse dancers in the room?! Absolutely! Why? Well…
Because in ANY situation, there’s always a ‘better case’ potential scenario, but there’s also always a worse.
There’s also usually things you can do to change the situation (or increase the chances of your situation changing), which will – if you stick with it – eventually pay off. (In most cases, to some noticeable difference anyway.)
But that doesn’t mean that you can only be happy once you’ve reached that ‘end destination.’ Nor does it mean that – at that moment in time or possibly even ever – you have the desire to change it.
Which is why you can indeed be happily single – whether you want single life to be something short term, long term or permanent. And you can too, EMBRACE being happily single, wanting to be happily single at that moment in time, and enjoying it!
In fact, here’s some of the best books for single women, to help to inspire you (as you’ll then see – you’re not alone on this path… And it is, more than possible!)
How Many People Are Actually Happy Being Single?
Now there’s often suspicions when we talk about being happily single.
After all, intimate relationships are generally associated with better mental health, which is why some people assume singles are dissatisfied with singlehood or life.
That’s why, so often, if you’re single, you’ll be asked things like: “Have you met anyone yet?” “How’s dating going?” “No luck finding the right person yet?”
There’s just the assumption that something’s wrong, or someone’s missing, so you must be trying to do something about it. (Eye roll!)
The thing is, new research suggests that single people are actually, in general, satisfied with both singlehood and life.
People with lower singlehood satisfaction are more likely to be men, older, more educated, or in worse health. But as a whole – people are happier being single than you may realise. (Woohoo!)
10 Key Steps To Becoming Happily Single
So what are the key steps to becoming happily single? What does it take to reach the point of being happy being single, and then be able to fully embrace single life?
Well, we’ve pulled it into a 10 step process. So let’s run though it, step by step…
Step 1) Allow Yourself To Heal
Now this stage may not apply if you’ve never had a boyfriend / girlfriend before, but if you have – allowing yourself to heal is the very first stage to then becoming happily single.
See, breakups hurt. Literally! Science says so too.
For this reason, you can’t expect to get out of a relationship and… Wallah! Just like that, you’re totally embracing and enjoying this next new chapter of your life. It very rarely works like that.
(Even if your last relationship was toxic, and you are glad to be out of it… That doesn’t mean you have to be 100% ok, straight away!)
Instead, you’re going to go through ups and downs. But if you want to have more ups than downs, you have to take the time and effort to feel better after your breakup by working through that healing process properly…
And continuing to do the things you need to do (and the things that are good for you) from there.
Step 2) Get Clear On What Happily Single Means
The next core element of becoming happily single, is getting clear on what being happily single actually means. See, the definition of happily single is basically – being happy being single.
(Wow, there were a few little tongue twisters in there, hey?!)
What this looks like to you, may differ from one person to the next however. But that’s actually the great thing about it!
So grab a piece of paper and ask yourself the following questions (in order to get a little clearer on it):
- What things do you need in order to be happily single?
- What things would most likely hold you back from being happily single?
- Is there a particular mindset you should have, in order to be happily single?
- How will you know when you’re happily single? What will it look like and how will you feel?
- Are there any things you may need to continue to do, to keep you feeling happy being single?
This should help to get the ball rolling. But the clearer you are about what you want, and what it means, the easier it is to get there. On a similar note…
Step 3) Get To Know Yourself Better
Getting to know yourself works hand in hand in understanding what it would take to be happily single.
After all, this isn’t anything to do with anyone but YOU, and in order to be happy being single, you want to continue to do things for YOU!
Think about all the time and effort you put into another person when dating them… All the questions you ask, all the things you do with them – well instead, do what you would for / with others, for yourself.
Go on solo dates, ask yourself questions to get to know yourself better and really learn about yourself from it. You’ll also grow from it – becoming more independent and happier in your own company, which in turn, takes you one step closer to being happily single!
Alongside this – you need to stop caring what other people think, or comparing yourself to others.
When you commit to getting to know yourself, also commit to living as authentically as you can, towards the real you. Start living FOR YOU, as that’s a fundamental key in all of this.
Step 4) Work On Yourself
No matter what your relationship status – working on yourself is always a good idea.
But it’s certainly especially fundamental to improve yourself after a breakup in order to become happily single, as you’re likely to identify things that will, otherwise, hold you back.
For instance – if you have low-self esteem and need validation from others to determine your worth, do you think you can truly feel happy being single? No way!
There’s so many different things that can come into it and prevent you from feeling happy being single. So the best thing to do is:
- Get to know yourself better (as mentioned.)
- Identify the things that hold you back.
- Know what “baggage” you may have picked up.
- Then break each issue down – one by one, to work through them.
There will always be specific things holding you back, if you currently hate being single and are struggling to reach the point of feeling happy with your relationship status.
But even aside from these specific things, you can still focus on general self-improvement as a whole – striving to become the best, happiest version of you.
Understand how to deal with your emotions; how to become a calmer person. Build up your resilience so that knock backs are not really knock backs. There’s also heaps of things you can do to build your confidence.
Just remember – when it comes to self improvement and personal growth, being willing to make mistakes and accepting the mistakes you make, is also key. You don’t need to beat yourself up. You simply live and you learn, which in turn makes you grow…
Being single is a powerful stage in your life, with endless opportunities when you fully embrace it. So don’t try to rush through it. Learn to love it. Fully utilise it. And see just how far you can go!
Step 5) Do More Of The Things You Love
We’ve covered some pretty “heavy” stuff there. But remember – you can and should still be doing the “fun stuff” alongside it too… Like doing more of the things that you love.
When you’re in a relationship, you invest so much time into another person. And when that’s the wrong person – it can in turn, feel like wasted time. But there’s no point downing on the past, instead, it’s about making the most about where you are now…
And right now – you have your time back. (Which is one of the biggest blessings!)
So do more of the things you love; more of the things you – before – didn’t have time for. Even if it’s simple things, or small things, that you like and enjoy.
By doing more of the things you love, you get more “juice” from life. In fact, there’s many benefits of doing the things you love. So this step, really is, a no-brainer!
Step 6) Find New Things That You Love
Out with the old, in with the new (as they say!) When it comes to being happily single, you want to not only do more of the things you know that you love, but find NEW things that you love too.
This is usually necessary, as so often, knowing what you enjoy doing, can actually be a challenge in itself if you’ve neglected yourself for some time; always put others before yourself!
So explore more of your passions, try different hobbies, break down the different aspects of your life and what you can add into it to enhance it!
Learn and grow as much as you can, as it’s the growth that then makes you happier with where you are. Why?
Because you’ll recognise that it’s your single relationship status that has FACILITATED the growth, and so you start to value it even more, and see it as a good thing.
On a similar note, this leads us to step seven…
Step 7) Meet New People Alongside Developing Your Relationships
Being single is all about embracing this new section of your life, and everything that comes your way. The more you do, the more you experience and – in most cases – the more people you meet.
This is a good thing. In fact – it’s incredibly valuable. See, the relationship you have with your friends is just as important as your romantic relationships in many ways. After all:
- Without strong friendships, you’re far more likely to feel lonely when your single, and therefore make it harder to feel happily single.
- Similarly, if you have poor friends, you’re more likely to rely on romantic relationships to “fill the void.”
- On the flip side – the WRONG friends will only drain you and knock you down…
So when you become single, it’s a good idea to do a reset. Do the toxic detox if you need to remove the people in your life who don’t genuinely care about you or support you.
Then, alongside this you want to both focus on forming new friendships with likeminded people, and developing deeper friendships within your friendship circle right now.
And by the way – family CAN still count as friends, but it’s good to also expand outside your comfort zone of your ever-dependable family, as external friends add extra value to your life too.
Just remember – there are many ways to still feel loved when you’re single… So value and appreciate the others you have in your life in order to realise – you’re really not lacking!
Step 8) Do Things You Never Thought You Could Do Before
So this is one of my FAVOURITE steps in the process to becoming happily single, because it’s just so darn fun and exciting… Yes, that doesn’t mean it can also be scary, but, I always say:
“The more you do, the more you can go on to do…”
Every time you push yourself out of your comfort zone, it gives you confidence and courage… Which then makes it easier to go on to do more.
So look at what new experiences you can do, what new challenges you can take on. Push yourself to do more, learn more and get outside your comfort zone in different areas of your life.
The best way to stay focused on this is to create a Singles Bucket List and then work through that, one by one. This should work in line with your Happiness Plan. (Which is also well worth giving ago!)
But whichever way you go about it – keep challenging yourself and getting excited about it! Because it will make the WORLD of difference. Trust me!
Step 9) Look After Yourself
Now this guide is giving you a lot of things to do, right? But it’s important to remember that you can’t be all go, go, go, 24-7.
Know your limits. Know that you don’t have to do every single thing, all in one go. Otherwise it will just become stressful, overwhelming and you’ll have no space to breaaaath.
You still need to take time to keep feeling your emotions, as opposed to putting on an act and PACKING your diary in, so much that you just end up repressing your emotions and blocking the important things out.
So take time for yourself. Focus on self care.
(In fact, I highly recommend this 30 Day Self Care Challenge to get you into the habit of doing small things, daily, to support your mental wellbeing.)
Just remember – just like when you were in a relationship, not EVERY day, will be a good day. You may not be happy in yourself, or feel happily single, every single day, with no blips…
Just like you most likely weren’t happy every day or happy with your ex, every single day.
But when you have those low moments – remember that they’re just moments. It doesn’t mean you’re not (or can’t be) happily single as a whole.
So take a breather and put your focus solely on you, to get back to feeling like yourself again.
Step 10) Date… When You’re Ready & Want To, Of Course!
Did you know, you can be happily single and still date?! It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
You can be happy being single, and open to meeting the right one… Just not fully focused and obsessed over finding someone. (Read that again, as there’s a key difference there and it’s a very important thing.)
You can be happy being single, and open to meeting the right one… Just not fully focused and obsessed over finding someone.
Also, let’s not forget that dating can also be fun! It’s one of the benefits of being single when you actually go into the right way, embrace it and appreciate it!
So, when you’re at the stage of your life when you’re single and have become happily single, make the most of that by seizing EVERY single-life experience… Including the joy of dating!
Because that’s the thing – when you’re happily single, you’ll naturally enjoy dating more, as you can be picky (without being TOO picky when dating), and just use it to further enjoy this stage of your life!
This is what I did when I was single, and it’s one of the things I genuinely believe that led me to meeting my partner now. I was in the right place, and that meant that I was able to meet my man at the right time… Which then also made it progress naturally and easy into where it now is!
That’s All For This One
So there we have it – the 10 key steps to becoming happily single and able to fully embrace single life!
Be sure to work through it step by step. When you do it properly, it’s not an “overnight thing.” But if you stick with it and can reach the point of being happily single – it will bring you power beyond belief!
So go for it. You’ve got this! And I’ll be here rooting for you, every step of the way!
All the best.