How To Enjoy Alone Time

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For some, spending time alone can feel like a little daunting. It’s unfamiliar, and generally has pretty negative associations. You think that being alone means you have to feel lonely, but you don’t; not at all. In fact, it’s more than possible to feel happy when alone. You just have to know how to enjoy alone time and feel comfortable doing your own thing.

So what does it take? What are the key steps when it comes to how to enjoy alone time? Well my friends, in this post, we’ll guide you through step by step.

In fact, by the end of it, you’ll have all the guys singing “Miss Independent” to you. Let’s cue the song to get these vibes going…. Really listen to those lyrics girl, because this is soon going to be YOU! 😉 (I guarantee you!)

Why You Need To Feel Happy When Alone

Learning how to enjoy alone time, will honestly change your life, your relationships, your level of self-love… It all and more.

See, you need to become comfortable spending time alone, both when you’re single and when you’re in a relationship. Why?

Well because, when you can’t spend time on your own you become clingy.

This means if you’re dating, you’re at risk of coming on too strong, and if you’re in a relationship, you tend to have the habit of being too controlling – as you’re afraid of being left.

What’s more, you’re putting your happiness (and sense of worth, to a degree) in someone else’s hands. You’re becoming reliant on them, when you don’t need to.

When you can start to feel happy on your own, it builds your confidence, builds your mental strength and helps you find more of an inner peace. (Honestly!)

hate being on my own

How Much Alone Time Do Most People Have?

Generally speaking, the amount of leisure time people spend alone changes with age.

Studies show that 16 to 24-year-olds and those aged 55 and over spend the highest amount of time on their own.

This then leaves children and people aged 25 to 54 generally tending to spend the least time by themselves.

But remember – alone time can be optional. It’s not a burden, but can be a blessing, so you can choose to spend time on your own if you want / need. You can decide to take time out, for yourself. It really is not a bad thing!

And that’s the end goal of this… To help you to value spending time alone, and be able to feel happy when alone, to the point of not only fully embracing the alone time you do have, but also being able to choose to take time out to yourself, when you want or need.

Because THAT, my friends, is where the true power comes.

hate being on my own

How To Enjoy Alone Time

So what do you do? What are the key steps when it come to how to enjoy alone time? What does it actually take to feel happy when alone?

Well, here’s our quick, clear, but simple guide, my friends. See, it’s time to become happier just doing your own thing! So here’s how to enjoy alone time..

1) Ease Into It

If you’re not used to spending time alone, it may be a bit of a shock to your system!

For example, if you’ve recently moved out of your family home and have gone to being around EVERYONE, to then suddenly just being by you, yourself and I… know that it’s normal to need a period of adjustment.

It may feel a bit strange at first and it might not be how you envisioned it. (At times, anyway.)

But with this for example – you could break it up by still spending a couple of evenings a week back at home, or having your friends over a couple of nights, keeping yourself as busy as you can so there’s less time spent solo in your new apartment… until gradually you find it easier.

Eventually you will LOVE that alone time, but it’s okay if you’re not there straight away.

The same can be said if you went from living with a partner to living on your own – do the same thing.

Or if you’re still in a relationship but finding your partner is out more as you build interdependence in your relationship, you can still find ways to keep busy until you’re happy completely in your own company. There’s nothing wrong with that, okay?

what to do if you don't like being on your own

Interesting Insights Into Time In Relationships

Interestingly, studies show that couples – on average – spend about two to two and a half hours a day together, including weekends, according to the Office for National Statistics.

But that time is largely spent watching television (one-third of all the time spent together), eating (30 minutes) and doing housework together (24 minutes). 

Pretty mind-blowing, right?

Now women actually value alone time in a relationship more than men. So if you’re in a relationship, try to break down the time you spend with your partner:

  • How much time on average, do you personally spend with your partner?
  • How do you SPEND the time you spend with your partner?
  • Is there “empty time”, like when watching TV, that you could take yourself away, to get that quality SOLO time in? And how could you better spend this time?
  • Then, when you are back together, how can you actually make it more like proper quality time in your relationship? How can you better use the time you have together? And what positive impacts is that likely to have?

It’s food for thought my friends, and thought that can then be acted on, so that you meet your need for alone time (now that you’ve also learnt how to love it) but also better make the most of the time you spend with your partner (or loved ones.)

As hey – the same applies if you’re single and looking to get the balance right between spending time with friends and family vs on your own.

codependency in a relationship

How To Enjoy Alone Time

Continuing on – now then – with the steps for how to enjoy alone time, you should also…

2) Try Not To Be Tied To Your Phone

If you’re trying to EMBRACE alone time and feel happy when alone, but you find yourself glued to your phone, aimlessly chatting to anyone and everyone – then you’re kind of just avoiding it.

See, some time on your phone is fine – but not all the time.

And sometimes social media can only make you feel more isolated than before as you see everyone’s “picture perfect” lives and feel the pressure to constantly be doing things, based on what you see. (FOMO is actually a thing, guys.)

So try to steer clear of social media altogether, if you can – especially during the times that you’re spending time by yourself.

If you are feeling lonely and you do want to reach out to someone – try a phone call instead of a text or aimless social media scrolling.

Hearing someone’s voice will be far more comforting when you’re spending time alone, and you can always switch loudspeaker on, so that you can do your nails or something, at the same time!

That way – it’s almost like you ARE with someone, but you’re still there – doing your own thing, by yourself.

This is a clever little trick to – again – ease you into alone time, you see. And you’ll find you gradually don’t need any form of company at all.

In fact, when you truly learn to love spending time by yourself – not having to go on your phone or see / respond to anyone else, is actually A RELIEF!

how to enjoy alone time

3) Get Out & Go Somewhere

So here’s the good news – just because you’re spending time alone, doesn’t mean you have to be locked in a room, doors and windows all closed, completely by yourself. (Ha!)

No-one said that alone time had to be spent pent up indoors. So if you want to make it easier to feel happy when alone get yourself outside.

See, nature is actually a natural mood booster, so even just embracing that change of scene, will physically change the way you feel inside.

Why not take your book to the local park? Or head on a walk in a nearby nature reserve? You could also visit a national trust? Or venture somewhere you’ve never been before?

Because hey… Why on earth not?!

It makes it a little easier, because even though you’re still on your own – you will be surrounded by other people, so it just breaks things up for you a little bit.

Just don’t be self-conscious, okay? Notice other people who are doing the same, and who are also on your own, instead of fixating on those who are all coupled up or with friends and family.

No-ones looking at you and thinking anything, trust me. It’s all in your head. So hold that head up high and get out there, girl!

how to enjoy being on your own

4) Go Out & Do Something

Similarly, why not go out and do something when spending time alone?

Go to the gym, go for a swim, have a little shopping spree, head to the cinema, take yourself on a goddam date!

There are plenty of fun solo date ideas (that – trust me, you can actually do!)

Honestly, if you’ve never done it before, it may be unfamiliar territory. But start with what you know and already know that you enjoy, then branch out to do more and more.

Embrace this independence! Because I promise you – the more you push yourself, the more empowering it will feel and the more natural it will become.

PSST: Grab one of the best books for single women to inspire you. Even if you’re not single, it will inspire that independence that will help you better embrace your alone time!

how to enjoy being on my own

5) Pump Yourself Up With That Positive Self Talk

If you want to know how to enjoy alone time, you need to understand that the attitude you have going into it, is going to be a huge deciding factor to how you feel.

See, the truth is – you can feel happy spending time alone, but only if you want to. And often, your mind is the biggest battle and the only thing real thing that’s holding you back.

If you tell yourself how rubbish it is when you’re on your own, or how lonely you are, or how much you miss your partner, or how much you wish you had a partner, then yes – it is going to be sh*t, putting it bluntly. You’re going to feel sh*t because you’re basically telling yourself too!

But if you choose to embrace it, really work on enjoying it, telling yourself how well you’re doing, telling yourself how much this is benefiting you and telling yourself that you ARE happy when alone – it’s going to shift your perspective.

Mindset matters. “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at, change.”

Read that again. Let it sink in. Then write it down on a post-it note so that you keep reading it every day as a reminder. It’s an incredibly powerful quote.

how to enjoy alone time

6) Take Time For The Things That You Enjoy

You can also embrace your alone time, by using it as a chance to do the things that you want to do, the things that make you feel good.

This is a no-brainer when it come to how to enjoy alone time.

So – for example – take time for an old hobby, find a new hobby that you start to love more than anything before, do some volunteering, give a new project a go.

Now’s the perfect opportunity to spend time for YOU. Be driven by the things you’re passionate about, the things you care about, the things that mean something to you.

And find beauty in the smallest of things. I mean, there’s plenty of simple things that make you feel good if you really start to look around you and notice them.

Use your alone time, as YOUR time, and make it time that you don’t waste but instead, value.

Remember, when you’re spending time alone, you don’t have to compromise or try to please anyone. You can actually just put yourself first and prioritise the things that you want to do.

This is an incredible thing. So don’t waste it by getting in your head and telling yourself that you hate being alone. It’s a blessing, remember? So feel it, and use it.

(After all, it’s not like you’re completely alone, every single second of the day.)

how to spend time on your own

Consider This If You’re Single:

So you might think that if you’re single and living on your own, you’re cursed with all of this alone time and have more time on your own than those in relationships, or than if you – yourself – was in a relationship.

But really think about it… Is this actually true?

I mean, if you’re fully embracing being single, and working through your singles bucket list, the chances are – you’re out and about, surrounded by people, doing different things, more than most!

You’re always looking out for fun places to hang out with friends, and make more of an effort to hang out with friends… Because you can, and it keeps you sane. Right?

But often, some of the “loneliest” people, are those in a relationship, and some of the people who spend the most time alone, are also in relationships.

Think of the stay-at-home-mom who drops her kids off to school then comes home to do all of the house work, before picking them up and waiting for her husband to get back… Only for him to then be preoccupied or wanting to “switch off” to TV, when he is home.

See, we can always think the grass is greener, or want what we don’t have. But actually – many singles are content with being on their own, and for good reason…

Not because being in a relationship is BAD (of course it’s not!) But because they’ve realised that them learning to be happy being single has actually made them fully embrace and make the most of all of their time…

So there’s no reason why you can’t do the same too, or start to see it and appreciate it that way, as well.

how to spend time with yourself

How To Enjoy Alone Time

Are you finding all of this valuable? Is it starting to open your eyes a little more? Alongside giving you the tools to start to enjoy alone time more? I hope so.

Continuing with the steps for learning to love being on your own, you should also…

7) Do The Things You Know You Need To Get Done

So I bet you never thought that CHORES would help you learn to be happy when alone, right?! But actually – they can work a treat!

Those household chores, the jobs you’ve been putting off, the tasks you never seem to find time for… If you do them now, when you’re on your own and have no distractions, you’ll feel so good.

You’ll gain a great sense of accomplishment, even with the small things.

Trust me, it sounds silly, but there’s few greater feelings than sitting down at the end of the night, in a nice tidy flat, knowing you’ve had a good productive day.

And hey – there’s plenty of things to help you keep busy at home.

So if you’re ever struggling with alone time, and wondering what to do or get focused on, take a step back and ask yourself: “Okay, well, what NEEDS to be done here?” Then crack on with that.

This then gives you a simple, productive way to – at the very least – help you make the most of alone time and feel good for it.

make the most of alone time

8) Do The Things That Are Going To Make You Grow

On a similar note, a secret trick to learning how to enjoy alone time, is to use it productively, doing the things that will help you grow!

Use your alone time wisely. Choose to allocate at least a small amount, doing things that support you.

Read a self-improvement book, tick off some tasks from this self-improvement bucket list. Or try our self-improvement challenge, swotting up on an area that you know you need to work on.

Being on your own does help to give you time to think and reflect. So if there’s things you really want to improve on and ways in which you want to change – use this time to do it. No excuses!

So let’s say you’re still hurting after a breakup, and you know there’s things you haven’t addressed – when you’re spending time alone, there couldn’t be a better time to direct your focus!

Or if you find you have insecurities that are damaging your relationship, use this time when you’re on your own to work through them. It will change your life, honestly.

best ways to spend time on your own

9) See The Value Of Spending Time Alone

A key step to learning how to enjoy alone time, is seeing the value in it.

For example, if you’re single – know the POWER you will have, when you have mastered how to be happy alone. I mean, you won’t be jumping into the wrong relationships for the wrong reasons!

Likewise, if you’re in a relationship – know that alone time isn’t going to pull you further apart. It’s actually only going to bring you closer and make you appreciate your relationships more.

When you’re living in someone else’s pocket, it’s easy to take them for granted – to not even realise what you have and therefore not always treat that person how you should.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, this alone time is going to strengthen your relationships.

It will give you time to think, reflect, remember and – most importantly – appreciate, whilst still giving you both the space to grow, but grow together.

Because aside from this, it will also give you a greater appreciation for yourself and what you’re capable of. You’ll really develop your sense of self worth.

As you grow in independence it will shift the dynamics of your relationship, from feeling like you NEED this person, to knowing that you’re strong enough to stand on your own two feet, and instead you’re choosing to be / be around them because you WANT them and LOVE them.

It’s a real, positive attitude shift, if you let it be.

Don’t be so afraid of losing a person that you end up smothering them. Know that it’s healthy to have time apart, it’s important to be happy when alone and it will only bring you closer together ultimately.

how to enjoy your own company

10) Tune Into Yourself

I spoke earlier about trying not to be glued to your phone, but when you’ve started to learn how to enjoy alone time, I challenge you to go one step further…

To make that digital detox more of a habit and routine!

Not only will it help you more to switch off, but it will really develop you as a person.

So often we’re bombarded with constant texts, comments and messages. But you can start to crave it, feel like you need it as a form of validation.

When you’re on your own, away from anyone else (virtually too), you no longer have this. It forces you to become comfortable on your own, to listen to the way you think & feel and get to know yourself far better.

This leads me onto my next suggestion…

how to be happy on your own

11) Get In Touch With Your Emotions Again

Our lives are so busy. Sometimes we purposely make them busy – to avoid confronting the things we don’t want to.

When we’re surrounded by other people all the time, we’re also constantly trying to read, and cater to, the other persons’s emotions. So much so, that you can end up losing touch with your own. This can result in you repressing your emotions.

But this is also why alone time is important. It gives us time to think, reflect and SLOW DOWN a little.

When you’re spending time alone, allow yourself to work through anything you need to. To feel your emotions without having to be conscious of anyone else around you, or what anyone may think if they saw you.

There’s no judgements here. You can fully let your guard go and make sure nothing’s bottled up.

This will give you a greater perspective on how you feel, and a better understanding of what makes you happy, what upsets you, and how you feel about different situations.

With that knowledge, it’s then easier to regulate your emotions on a daily basis and, better deal with anything that comes your way. You’ll really build your emotional stability, and by doing so – you’ll love and appreciate your alone time even more.

Write a diary, start journalling, get everything out. It will make you feel like a weight has been lifted and put YOU back in control of the way you feel.

It will also help you see that you can feel happy when alone and will start to associate more and more positive things to spending time alone, which ultimately only changes the way you feel about it.

hate being on my own

12) Make Plans & Get Excited For Them

So let’s say you’ve not quite adjusted to alone time yet and are perhaps feeling a little bit lost. Do you mope around? No way! Instead, I suggest you GET PLANNING!

Figure out what you want to fill your life with, map out the experiences you want to have, find different things to do, make a happiness plan and pull it all into a master wish-list that you can then work through.

If you’re feeling down about being on your own, don’t wallow. Instead, shift your perspective so that you can feel excited again! It will definitely take your mind off being on your own.

Baby steps okay? Just keep doing all these things that will help you. I promise you.

When it comes to how to enjoy alone time, you may not get that INSTANT enjoyment but slowly but surely, it will start to come more and more…

productive things to do when you're on your own

How To Enjoy Alone Time

We’re flying through this master plan for enjoying alone time now, hey? Are you feeling more and more confident about your ability to fully embrace it? I hope so!

Remember – you can always SAVE this so you can refer back to it.

Repetition is important. Try applying our recommendations, one by one, until eventually they’re all fully embedded and utilised.

Just know that you don’t need to master everything in one go. Aim to move tiny steps forward, every day / every time. That’s the best way to go!

So moving onto our final tips for how to enjoy alone time, it’s well worth to…

13) Do A Little Indulging

Back in the day – one of my FAVOURITE things about living on my own was being able to wear what I want, do what I want and most importantly – eat what I want!

So if you’re in the same shoes now – allow yourself to indulge a little too. And if you’re not – make the most of it when your partner / friends / family are out, and you can then embrace it!

Wake up when YOU want to, lounge in your scruffies on the odd day, buy in your favourite food, eat too much of your favourite food (and don’t feel bad about it!) Because girl – you already feel confident in the way you look, so you don’t have to worry about that!

I’m not saying do this every day (we don’t want to let ourselves go hey!) but you may as well do it on occasions to fully make the most of your freedom.

Similarly if you’re in a relationship but find yourself with the house to yourself over the weekend… don’t feel sorry for yourself! Get excited for it!

Blast your music whilst singing in the bath, have that pamper night, binge watch your favourite reality tv series that always get scoffed at, eat those chocolates without having to share!

It’s good to have a little fun with it sometimes. Spending time alone doesn’t have to be all about the “serious stuff”, by any means.

And when you also have learnt to love yourself, you’ll find your enjoy yourself even more, as you know you’re always able to have an absolute blast – even with no-one else!

how to enjoy alone time

14) Create Some Positive Routines

To help you adjust to your newfound freedom, work on creating some positive routines for things you do when you’re by yourself.

Like this Evening Self Care Routine, or Daily Self Care plan.

Perhaps you’ll start with some morning meditation, an evening walk along the river, or some form of daily exercise to support your mental wellbeing.

It’s all about finding and developing habits that will support you – no matter how big or small. These habits will help to make alone time become more normal.

And one of the most fun parts about it is finding and developing what’s “your thing” and works the most for you!

how to enjoy alone time

15) Don’t Let Discomfort Deter You

Last but not least, I want to remind you that whatever makes you uncomfortable, is your biggest opportunity for growth. So do not let discomfort deter you.

When you’re alone with just yourself and your thoughts – things can get pretty real. There will be times when you feel very confronted.

You might feel weak, torn, lonely, confused. But this is just part of your journey of self-discovery, one of the many new lessons you’ll learn. It’s contributing to your growth.

Reach out to others when you need. Then get back to that time by yourself to finish off the process of learning.

Remember why this is important. Remember who you want to be and why you want to learn how to enjoy alone time and truly be happy when alone.

Then watch yourself – slowly but surely – becoming that person.

empowering ways to spend time by yourself

Embrace Your Alone Time…

Remember, there’s a difference between being on your own and being lonely. If you want to learn how to enjoy alone time – jump into it with everything you’ve got!

Adopt these outlooks, try these different things and start to bloom into that strong, independent woman you know that you can be!

Remember, you CAN be happy when alone. Spending time alone really isn’t a bad thing.

So learn to enjoy your own company. Find happiness from within. You shouldn’t ever need anyone else to make you feel the way you want to feel. It’s all in your own hands…

Take care. Good luck. And if you have any questions or additional thoughts, be sure to drop them in the comments box below.

Love,
Ell_xx

how to enjoy alone time
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Author
Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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