How To Get Revenge On Your Ex

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So you’re feeling hurt. Your relationship or “situationship” is over. Perhaps you were mistreated and are struggling to let go and move on. Something doesn’t feel right or fair. You think revenge is the answer. Revenge is what would make all of this better. But what can you do? Well, in this post we’ll look at how to get revenge on your ex – but revenge the right way (this is key!)

Why Do You Want Revenge?

So before we look at how to get revenge on your ex, I want to first establish why you even want it.

  • Did he hurt you? Treat you badly? Break your heart?
  • Did he cheat on you? Betray your trust?
  • Did he leave you and you didn’t want it to happen?
  • Did he say things that keep playing on your mind?
  • Are you just overall ANGRY about the breakup?
  • Do you feel lost, confused, helpless even?
  • Do you just want to take the pain away and think this may help?

I get it. You don’t know what to do. It’s tough. But, think about it – even if you do “get revenge” is it really going to make you feel better? I mean, it’s not going to change the situation, is it?

And the situation is what’s really getting to you here. But you can’t turn back the clock, you can’t change the outcome, you can’t make him feel a certain way or act a certain way – and by seeking revenge, you’re only prolonging the focus that you put on him.

So before you start thinking about how to get revenge on your ex, I want to encourage you to stop, breathe and not do anything rash straight away. Because this may not actually help in the way you think or hope.

How NOT To Get Revenge On Your Ex

If you are still set on getting revenge on your ex, then okay, who am I to tell you what to do?

But let me just get this clear – revenge doesn’t have to be nasty and vindictive. Some of the stories of revenge plans are – quite simply – quite twisted.

You are not that crazy ex girlfriend. I repeat: you are NOT that CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND!

Yes he hurt you. Yes you want to do something that makes you feel better about it all. But lowering yourself to do something that – lets be honest – no sane, or kind-hearted human would do, is not you.

And like we said – it won’t even make you feel better. In fact, if anything, it will only make you feel worse.

There’s a quote that says, “you can’t expect to have a sweet life if you’re bitter.” And it couldn’t be more true.

Whatever you focus on, you feel. So when you focus on revenge, all you’re stirring up is hate and anger. Instead, if you feel like you have to have some sort of revenge, the best way to do it, is by focusing on you and not them. So let’s take a look…

Get Back At Your Ex

How To Get Revenge On Your Ex

So revenge is typically defined as: “the action of hurting or harming someone in return for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands” but like I said, the “hurt” part that you should be aiming for when it comes to how to get revenge on your ex in a dignified way – is regret. That’s what we want.

You want to get revenge on your ex by making them realise they made a mistake, by making them realise what they lost. Not only is this going to be the most hard-hitting form of revenge anyway – but it’s also going to put you in a better headspace.

Remember: whatever you focus on, you feel. So instead of a hate-filled form of revenge, you’re focus on moving forward, bettering yourself and showing your ex what a fool they are through that!

Happiness Is The Best Revenge

Happiness truly is the best revenge. Better than anything else you can say or do. Sure, words can hurt. Actions can cause drama. But if you’re doing something that you know – deep down – a good human being wouldn’t really do, it’s only going to reflect badly on you.

Yes, you may THINK you’re getting revenge on your ex, but if you’re lowering yourself to do things you shouldn’t – it’s only going to show your ex why actually, he / she was right to get out!

Your ex isn’t going to think much of you if you’re doing things to purposely try to hurt them.

In fact, it’s likely to help them get over you faster… whilst you stay stuck, worked up with all this hate, frustration and anger! It’s toxic. Truly it is.

That’s why if you want to know how to get revenge on your ex, it’s really quite simple –

Work on building yourself back up. Work on being the best, happiest version of you. But genuinely – not just for social media. Show the world – and your ex – what a truly wonderful person you are. And feel that love and admiration for yourself too. Because that’s the best way to get back at someone – being completely happy and unapologetically you. It’s what everyone wants to do and feel, and will remind your ex what he / she has let go of. Maybe when you were together you were a “work in progress”, but now, you’re very nearly the “finished piece”.

Creating Your Revenge Plan

So if you’re going with happiness and regret when it comes to how to get revenge on your ex – how do you actually make that happen? Well, first up:

1) Don’t Act Straight Away

This form of revenge – it’s a long game. It’s not going to happen instantly. In the meantime, don’t do something you’ll regret, or act in a moment of rage.

Instead, get smart about it. Cool yourself down. Think clearly.

How do you want to make your ex feel? And how would that make you feel? What’s the goal here? The desired end outcome? And does that sit right with you?

NOTE: If you’ve gone off on a tangent and have got too elaborate with your revenge plan, yes it may give you a wicked laugh whilst you think of it – but the thought of actually doing it, it will be questionable.

That’s because you’re a good person. Revenge is not naturally your thing.

So if you’re questioning if it’s the right thing to do – the answer is no. It’s not! And get yourself back to the drawing board for a healthier way to get revenge on your ex! (I.E. showing him what he’s missing!)

Want Payback After a Breakup

2) Think About It Clearly

If you are going for the “revenge through regret” plan, really learn from your past relationship (here – try this exercise if you’re unsure where to start.)

Look at where you went wrong, where you could have been better. What didn’t your ex like about you and your relationship? What mistakes may you have made, which you want to learn from? Then from this – which of these mistakes can be measured and shown?

For instance – if you were controlling in a relationship, even if you work on this, your ex isn’t going to know. Now that’s not to say you still shouldn’t work on it (you absolutely should), but as part of your revenge plan – there’s going to be things you can clearly show, and things you can’t… which is okay.

This is all about overall self improvement. You need both parts for the full transformation. You’re building yourself up into the person you want to be – the person you’ve always wanted to be. So look at it that way and do this as much for you, as it is to “get revenge”.

In fact, the primary focus should actually be YOU. Revenge is just a bonus! And the more that time goes on, the more that you’ll see it that way. Your mindset really will start to shift.

Just become aware of how you used to be, know what you want to work on and change, then start mapping it into a plan – with easy, actionable steps. (Even if that starts with learning about something!)

3) Take Positive Action

Once you know what you need to work on, you know who you want to be – all that’s then left is to work on it. Swat up in the areas you need to – read, listen, learn and apply. Applying where possible is always key.

Get help from a coach if there’s things you’re really struggling to address or change. (Here, have a look at how you can work with me!) You don’t have to do everything by yourself. The most important thing is that you’re taking positive steps forward.

Should you reach out to tell your ex what you’ve been doing?

Should you let him / her know how much you’ve changed? No way! We as humans, are naturally inquisitive. Your ex will stumble across your socials, check back in with you, or ask about you through a friend. They’ll find out one way or another, trust me.

In fact, here’s 10 key signs your ex is pretending to be over you and DOES ACTUALLY STILL CARE!

Also, remember, in order to get revenge – there’s going to have to be an element of care from your ex’s side. That means them finding out about you… it has to come from them. So don’t worry about the “how” part, just worry about the “you” part.

And when you start feeling truly good about yourself, when you keep evolving into the best version of you – that will naturally radiate out of you, people will naturally see it.

How To Get Revenge on Your Ex

Worried your ex won’t care enough to see this? Feel like you won’t be getting revenge?

Well shift your mindset. People have more of a conscience than you may think – even if you don’t see it.

And let’s say they really don’t care and you never hear from them – nor do they ever hear about you – again, well… you’re still getting revenge, even if they don’t know about it.

Happiness is the best revenge – like we said. And the beauty of happiness, is it’s best felt by you. Happiness is your revenge. Whether your ex knows it or not is actually irrelevant.

If you get to where you want to, if you feel the way you want to, and can learn from your last relationship to bring better things – that IS revenge. That IS “success!” And your ex no longer even matters.

How To Get Revenge On Your Ex

So there we have it – how to get revenge on your ex in the healthiest possible way. I hope this shifts your way of thinking and seeing it.

There’s so much out there to help you. Understand that you’re not alone, and – actually – there’s hundreds of others, thousands in fact, going through the same thing.

Heartbreak is hard. It hurts. It’s complicated. And confusing! Wanting revenge on your ex – it’s not even what you want, not really. But in time, you’ll start to see that.

You’ll let go of the pain, all of these intense emotions – they’ll start to fade, and gradually, you’ll start to feel better.

In the meantime, focus on the healthy version of revenge which is becoming the best version of you. And stick with it. Because this will start to lift you up in more ways than you think.

Hope this helps. Take care.


How To Get Revenge on Your Ex
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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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