So you’re dating a guy. Things are going well. You know he’s most likely dating multiple people however. So how do you keep him interested? How do you stand out amongst everyone else, and keep progressing your new relationship forward? Well my friends, in this post, we’re going to look at EXACTLY that! So buckle up. This is how to keep a guy interested…
Why You Want To Keep Him Interested
So before we run through how to keep him interested, I first want to run through WHY you want to be doing this anyway. Because some could argue, “well if he’s interested, he’ll be interested regardless. I shouldn’t have to convince him…”
Which is true. I always say: the right person will see your worth. But this isn’t actually about convincing. It’s just about making sure you keep the relationship fun, fresh and exciting and are giving it the best chance of working out!
All of these tips are also going to help you. They’ll make your dating experience with him, far more fun and enjoyable.
Make Sure Your Mindset Is Right
Just to make this super clear, you’re not trying to keep a guy interested by giving, giving, giving if it’s not being reciprocated.
You also need to have the right mindset around this. I don’t want you to think that he’s above you. This isn’t about chasing someone who’s our of your league (he’s not!) or letting him take advantage of that.
That makes the dynamics all wrong, and by the way – we don’t chase. No, instead – it’s about keeping it fun and exciting. But it’s a mutual thing. It works both ways. You’re both trying to impress and keep it flowing in the right direction.
This means that the guy should also be pulling his weight, putting the graft in and making the effort. It’s not a competition and you’re not giving to get. But, you have to get a little back because it’s a reflection on how he feels.
When dating it should be: Equal interest. Equal effort. Otherwise it’s a good chance you’re just wasting time with the wrong person.
So don’t be so focused on keeping a guy interested that you forget to see what’s actually happening here. You should always remember your worth, know that you’re a damn good catch here too, and ensure that your effort and feelings are definitely returned.
If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this in a way that’s healthy. Okay?
I also want you to know that you’re allowed to “pursue” a guy, then change your mind. You may be putting the effort in, keeping him interested then end up losing interest yourself because you realise that perhaps he’s not who you thought he was or isn’t quite right for you. That’s okay.
So just take it all as it comes. If it’s meant to work out, it will work out. These tips on how to keep a guy interested will just give it the best shot!
How To Keep a Guy Interested
So what do you do? How do you keep him interested? Well, it’s easier than you think you know – providing you take it easy, keep a level head and relax.
Yup, see in more cases than not, we actually end up stressing ourselves out, getting too intense and scaring a guy off, when all we actually needed to do is take a step back! So let’s break it all down.
1) Be Yourself
I’m going to start off with the NUMBER 1 thing that will keep a guy interested, well keep the right guy interested… which is what you want… and that is, to simply be yourself.
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Don’t let the stresses of dating, or any fears / insecurities from your past take over. Instead, be unapologetically you and let your uniqueness shine through.
Show the guy what you’re all about. Focus on being the best version of yourself, and the happiest version of yourself (which also makes dating a far nicer experience for you too!)
When you do this, it will be like a breath of fresh air for the guy. He’s more likely to be intrigued and want to get to know you further because…
YOU are enough. Just as you are. You are and always will be enough.
So if you’re going to take away just one thing from this article, that is what I want it to be.
If you feel like you’re having to really TRY to keep someone interested and it’s knocking your sense of self-worth then it’s a telltale sign that they’re just not right, that’s all. This leads me onto my next point…
2) Don’t Force It
If you feel like you’re having to force it, it puts strain on the relationship. It also doesn’t feel so natural. So real. This will only kill the interest because he’ll be able to tell somethings not right right.
So if things feel uncomfortable or a little off – ask yourself why. It could be something as simple as you putting too much pressure on it. Or – maybe it isn’t quite right. Who knows?
One thing we do know for sure however, is that forcing it won’t fix it. So that’s never the way forward.
3) Keep It Fun & Exciting
When dating, you want to focus on building a bond – doing different things together, getting to know each other better.
Initially, you should be forming as much of a friendship as you are the foundations of a relationship. And this takes time.
So if you want to keep him interested, focus on having as much fun with him as possible. Go new places, try different things, get creative with some home date ideas – whenever you see each other, think about what you can do to create new memories, to bring the two of you closer.
Don’t think about anything else. And certainly don’t start overthinking…
- What are we?
- Where is this going?
- Is he dating anyone else?
None of that even matters right now. All that matters is what YOU TWO are doing and how YOU feel. Stay in the moment and allow yourselves to fully enjoy that moment.
Laugh together. Get out of your comfort zones together. Do things that you both enjoy!
4) Don’t Rush Things Or Push For a Label
It can be difficult when dating and you start to catch feelings for a guy. It can take you from fun and loveable to TOTALLY CRAZY… very, very quickly.
Why? Because you have emotions. It’s natural. It’s normal. It can become very scary, you can start to feel very vulnerable. You don’t want to lose the person or what you have, so you start to cling on, act irrationally, act in ways that are no longer really you.
As a result of that – instead of keeping him interested, moving it forward – this often only ends up pushing him away. It can also make it feel like living hell for you, which is certainly not what we want.
- 10 Signs You’re Coming On Too Strong
- How To Become Emotionally Stable
- How To Take Things Slow When Dating Someone
So try to slow things down. Take a step back. Get some space. Get some time to BREATHE, RELAX and see the situation for what it really is. Know why you need to do this. Know what you want to do it – because that’s the key.
If you really want to take things slow and take things slow with ease, then you need to want to. You need to have strong reasons why you need to. Because that attitude shift is what’s going to change everything.
Also make sure you’re taking enough time to “qualify” him yourself. Right now, you’re probably focused on making sure HE wants YOU – but if you’re genuinely looking to meet the right person and want your next relationship to be your last, then you must allow enough time to be 100% sure about who you choose.
Remember, a label actually means nothing. And making it “official” won’t make you feel more secure if you’re not secure in yourself.
5) Keep Being Your Own Person
Be your own person. Do your own thing. Have your own life – and allow him to have his. In fact, encourage him to have his. Give him space. [How Often Should You Text? Click Here To Find Out]
When you do this, not only will that put you in a better frame of mind and keep you more level headed, but it will also only draw him to you more.
When you’re together – show him love, show him interest, be his best friend. But when you’re not – give him his space, make him start to miss you, make him be excited to catch up with you.
If you get this balance right from the start, it’s going to build such strong foundations for a happy and long-lasting relationship.
Another thing that’s super important if you want to keep a guy interested? Standing your ground. Knowing your mind and not allowing him to walk all over you – no matter HOW much you like him!
If his behaviour starts to shift or he behaves in a way that makes you lose interest or respect – tell him. Be honest. Don’t have a go at him, no way. But don’t be afraid to express how you feel. And if he doesn’t like it? Then he’s not right.
You can’t be afraid of “scaring” someone off and feeling like you always need to “please” them. Communication is key and that includes being able to communicate the things that you’re not happy about – but in the right way.
6) Take an Interest In What He’s Interested In
Taking an interest in what a guy’s interested in is a great way to, well, keep him interested! See, it all goes back to these experiences.
Having fun, showing you listen, showing you care. You’re also showing him what your relationship could be like together – and that the two of you really do gel.
So maybe he has interests that aren’t quite your thing – but if you’re willing to give them a go, it says a lot about you as a person, and that’s going to mean a lot to him.
Each new experience is also bringing you closer, so never say no to doing something new together – especially if it’s something that’s important to him. It will make you learn far more about him, far faster too.
7) Let It Progress Naturally
When it comes to how to keep a guy interested, you’ll hear a lot of different advice. There’s the whole “keep him mean, treat him keen” and discussions on intimacy and how quickly or slowly that should move.
My view on this? Do what feels right. Just like you don’t want to rush the relationship – don’t rush key stages of the dating process. It actually adds more interest and excitement if anticipation and chemistry is able to build. So in that respect, it is good to wait before moving things forward physically.
Having said that, there’s no set timeframe. No rules around anything like that. Each person is different. So do what feels right for you, and certainly don’t feel any pressure, obligation or shame even. There’s no comparison needed. Go with your gut.
You can still keep things fun, exciting, flirty and affectionate without going “all the way.” This will then build the chemistry and make sure the relationship doesn’t sit in the “friend zone” – whilst still standing to your own morals and earning his respect.
8) Be Willing To Let Him In
You also need to be willing to open up, let him in. As part of this, you must be prepared to feel a little vulnerable at times – and know that feeling vulnerable is okay, it’s not a bad thing.
There’s a difference between feeling vulnerable because you’re allowing yourself to FEEL again. And feeling vulnerable because your gut is telling you that something’s not right.
So you need to know how you feel and why you feel it. Trusting your gut is actually often a good thing. It often knows things before you do.
But if it feels right with a person, there’s been no major warning signs, everything’s progressing in the right direction and and the trust is there – then let him in. It will bring you closer.
It will increase his interest – because you will connect on a deeper level. You’ll build a stronger bond. And that’s what will enable the two of you to develop further.
9) Get To Know Him Better
The better you get to know a guy, the easier it will be to know how to keep him interested. See, men and women are fundamentally wired differently – so already, what you want and need, is likely to be different to him.
But you can break this down further.
- What kind of relationship is he looking for?
- What’s his love language? How does he express his love and what kind of things make him feel the most loved?
- Where have things gone wrong with previous partners before? What things doesn’t he like? What things put him off or push him away?
- Is he introvert or extrovert? Does he need more or less space?
- What’s his attachment style? And what can you take away from this?
- What makes him happy in a relationship? What does he need?
The list could go on and on, but if you’re going to take one thing away from this, it’s that everyone is different. Everyones answers will be different. And so, what may make one guy interested, may make another less so.
The Most Important Questions To Ask A Guy When Dating
The key is therefore to really get to know the person on a deeper level. This takes time, and again, is something that you can’t rush. You can’t just fire out all these questions then tick, tick, tick, it’s as easy as pie!
These are just things you should start to learn the closer the two of you get, then from there, you can use it to strengthen what you have and progress it into more… if of course, what he wants aligns and fits well with, what you want.
10) Know That This Isn’t All On You
For my final point, I want to head back to where we started and remind you that this isn’t all on you. In fact, if you allow the guy to take the lead a little, it’s actually going to make him MORE interested in many ways…
He knows he needs to put a little graft in, he has the opportunity to “sweep you off your feet” and is able to step into his masculine role.
He’s also more likely to value you. If all you do is IDOLISE him, put in ALL the work – he’s going to take a step back, he’s going to start taking it for granted.
If you focus on giving, being the best person that you can be, being the best to him that you can – but also having a balance so that he knows he needs to do the same back, it will make him up his game. Just like you are really!
It will also make you feel better about yourself, more confident in the relationship and far happier – which is what we really want. I mean, what’s the point in “getting” the guy if the dynamics are then all wrong? There’s no point. No point at all.
[ Psst, want to get better at dating? Check out our top 10 recommended reads. Click here to see our roundup list: The Best Dating Books That Will Help You Find Love: Click Here ]
This Isn’t About Playing Games
This is about finding love. You want to keep a guy interested because you think the two of you have something special – there’s real potential there and you want to give it the best chance of it evolving into something more, something long term.
You’ve Got This, Trust Me…
So that’s how to keep a guy interested. Not so hard is it? And remember – if it feels like it is, it’s because you’ve taken on a losing battle, trying to convince someone who isn’t right for you.
Just keep in mind – that’s not really a battle lost. It’s a battle won. It’s one step further, because…
Every person who you realise isn’t right, takes you one step towards finding the person who is right.
So have fun. Enjoy it. And never lose faith. Good things are happening here, I promise you.
Love,
Ell_xx
