Want to know how to make him want you? How to become more desirable? Draw a guy in – hook, line and sinker? I mean, there’s no guarantee. But, the good news is – there are definitely things you can do to make a guy want you, to work the odds in your favour. So here’s what you need to know…
How To Make A Guy Want You
Generally speaking now, if you want to make a guy want you – ultimately – it comes down to how you make him feel. Uh huh, it’s quite simple really.
See, when dating, it’s so easy to get carried away with your wants, your needs, how you feel.
And I’m not saying this should be discounted… You deserve to be made the way that you want to feel too.
But when it comes to winning over a guy, when it comes to how to make a guy want you, it simply comes down to making him feel good. That’s the main goal and the main determining factor.
Do You Make Him Feel Good…?
It doesn’t matter how good you look, how much of a catch you are – how he feels is going to weigh heavily on whether he gets more “grief” or goodness with you.
And of course, where he’s at mentally comes into it too – it’s not all on you.
Some guys will run for the hills at the first sign of trouble because they’re not emotionally ready or have a lower “pain thresholds.” I’ll explain this in more detail in just a moment.
But the simple key to making him want you, is to always keep this nugget of man-knowledge in the forefront of your mind.
So if you qualify properly, meet a great guy, really hit it off, and would genuinely like it go go somewhere – you just need to keep asking yourself…
What does he want here? What does he want to feel? How would this make him feel?
And this isn’t as simple as “oh, he wants to feel happy and loved so I’m going to smother him in love and affection.”
Sometimes he’s going to want the chase, sometimes he’s going to want you to keep him on his toes. So it’s not just about being a wet dishcloth (ha!)
In fact, let me break it down with a few examples. After that, I’ll run through the process a little more. And from there, I’ll finish off with some final tips.
That’s right ladies, by the end of this – you’re going to be FULLY PREPARED! (That guys not going to know what’s hit him!)
Understanding The Driving Forces Behind Human Behaviour
So before we look at how to make a guy want you, if we’re basing it off the premise of making him feel the way he wants to feel, there’s something you must know and that is that…
We as humans, are driven by the need to avoid “pain” and the desire to feel “pleasure”. In other words, we are led by what we think will hurt us the least, and make us the happiest.
It’s a fundamental survival instinct. And it’s been explored. In fact, the idea of pain and pleasure as basic human motivators was first made popular by Sigmund Freud in 1895.
It was actually philosopher known as Epicurus first commented on it all the way back in 300 B.C. Uh huh, this goes way back!
Although if you’ve already heard about it now… it was probably down to Tony Robbins. This video of his is pretty powerful if you’d like to understand it further.
Fundamentally however, it’s important to be aware of, because it will help you make sense of a lot… even in dating!
Why? Because dating is all about people. And the better you “get” people, the easier they are to date!
[ Psst, want to get better at dating? Check out our top 10 recommended reads. Click here to see our roundup list: The Best Dating Books That Will Help You Find Love: Click Here ]
How To Apply This When Dating
If you know that a guy is ultimately led by “pain” and “pleasure”, you can use it when it comes to how to make him want you.
You just have to take a step back in situations, and consider where his mind is likely to be. For example:
- Let’s say you’re dating a guy, you’ve taken the time to get to know him, have asked all the important questions.
- You get that he wants to find the right person, but he’s been burnt a few times in the past and so he wants to take things slow.
- You on the other hand are starting to catch feelings, it’s making you feel uncomfortable and so you try to hurry things along or rush for a label, because you’re scared of getting hurt (your pain and pleasure comes into it too, you see!)
In this situation:
- Pushing him, constantly asking him how he feels – that’s likely to make him feel uncomfortable. That’s going to bring pain.
- Focusing on having fun with him, building memories, showing him how good you are together – that’s super positive. All pleasure there!
Like I said though, it’s not just always about being “perfect”, never risking any upset.
If he’s a person who likes to be pushed, who’s attracted to strong women, who doesn’t mind being challenged, you doing this – and picking your moments when doing so! – is going to create “pleasure”.
So it really is about not only understanding men and what keeps them interested, but also understanding YOUR MAN(!)
You must know what he wants and needs, what he can take and can’t take, and not push it unless it’s actually needed. And that my friends is the key here!
How To Make Him Want You
In summary, if you want to make him want you, you have to understand him.
If you really want to make him want you (because you feel confident that he’s the right person and he makes you equally as happy too) you have to put him first.
This isn’t about compromising on what you want and who you are. It’s just about thinking before acting, putting yourself in his shoes and considering what would make him the happiest… Because that’s what you want: for him to be happy!
This means working on yourself, pushing aside your self-doubt, insecurities and any irrational behaviour.
And this won’t just be for his benefit, or for the sake of your (hopefully new and blossoming) relationship – it’s going to be good for you too.
That’s why it’s also so important as you see this as something for you. YOU see the “pleasure” like we spoke about above, in being this way.
You can actually be like it in any type of relationship, with anyone. In many ways, it’s just about being a kinder, more considerate human…
And this doesn’t mean you let people take advantage of you. You don’t. It just means that, day to day, you’re altogether more thoughtful and giving – because you want to be.
And when you meet the right person, it won’t be one-sided. The better you are to them, the better they will be to you.
If they’re not – you know to walk away, but will walk away with your head held high, because you know you’ve given it your all and been the best that you can be!
Top Tips To Make Him Want You
So what else do you need to know when it comes to how to make a guy want you? What else can you do to help the process along? Well…
1) Bring Out That Feminine Energy
I want to start this point off, by pushing you through to this article on Medium which shares “Why Feminine Energy is Kryptonite for Men.”
“Men tend to like soft, feminine women. And women are often drawn to a bit more rough, Alpha-male typed man. This goes waaay back to pre-historic times and has a lot to do with procreation. This yin and yang attraction is somewhat ingrained in us through biology. The times may have changed, but our biology has yet to catch up.”
It’s fascinating. It talks about what men are attracted to, biologically. But by knowing this – you can use this to your advantage to make a guy want you more.
See, it’s not about changing who you are, but bringing out your feminine side (alongside remaining a strong, independent fierce woman!)
Unfortunately appearance does play a big part in this natural attraction. But there are other elements too. For example:
- Taking Care In Your Appearance: “Evidence of self-care signals to others that you’re healthy and strong, making you a good reproductive partner.“ So grab yourself one of the best designer perfume dupes, take a little time to do your makeup & wear those outfits that make you feel good!
- Being Empathetic (a natural feminine quality due to the way in which we’re wired): “It shows that you will be loving and supportive when hard times inevitably arise. Complacency is not attractive, turns out.“
- Being Easy-Going: “Someone rigid and cold isn’t going to be loving and nurturing to him and his children, which he needs to balance off his inability to be this way. A warm and loving woman conveys a nurturing mother.” (Which is where “playing it cool” the right way, comes in!)
And before you judge – read the article. Ultimately, men like to feel masculine and if you provide the opportunities for him to feel like more on a man – alongside flaunting your feminine qualities and attributes – it will make him want you more. And this goes down to science!
2) Don’t Make It Too Easy
Another science-based insight that I want us to tap into, is the fact that men love the chase. They’re wired for it.
See, in the early stages of falling for someone, your brain is releasing certain chemicals, including dopamine, adrenaline, epinephrine, and norepinephrine.
These are natural hormones that lead to a feeling of happiness and euphoria. The “chase” keeps that high going. It adds that excitement.
Some guys live for the chase, and the chase alone (they’re the ones we want to avoid.) But all men will be driven by it to some degree.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “But I thought you said we shouldn’t chase men? You wrote a whole article about that here…” And yes, that is true. But the kind of chasing I’m talking about is different to the kind we want to do to make a guy want you.
See, you DON’T want to chase if it’s all one-sided. You’re the one initiating all of the dates, you’re the one keeping the conversation going. If it feels like you’re more into him than he is to you, scrap that. Walk away. (If he is into you, he’ll come running back!)
This isn’t about game playing either. Not really. He still knows where you stand, you’re not messing him around. That’s childish. Instead, you’re it’s more about making him work for you…
Give him enough to grab his interest, show him what you’re all about, show him you are interested. But at the same time, show him that you know your worth – and he’s got to put a bit of graft in for you too!
It’s good. It sets up a healthy dynamic. And it’s needed. Especially if you’re following the process of how to make him want you by focusing on what he wants. You have to keep a bit of character about you!
3) Be Yourself
Everything you’ve read in this article is going to be super helpful.
It’s going to give you the knowledge you need to know how to make him want you. It’s putting YOU in control… and will work in most cases. (Trust me, just try it!)
The thing is, I don’t want you to be so focused on how to make a guy want you that you forget who you are. Through all of this, you have to keep being yourself.
You can’t be worried about what he will think or scared of putting one foot wrong and pushing him away. And it shouldn’t feel like any of this is an “act”, like it’s inauthentic, or like you’re treading on eggshells because he’s been placed so high on a pedestal – that’s not healthy!
You want to be the best version of yourself, but still remain yourself.
And know that just by being yourself – that’s going to be a major sway in itself. Because you, yourself, are enough. The right person will see you, appreciate you and want you.
Never be so focused on winning someone over, that you forget your own worth or feel like you can’t still be who you are. Because you most definitely can… and you have to! If you feel like you can’t, then you’re trying with the wrong guy!
You’ve Got This…
So there we have it! The most essential fundamentals when it comes to how to make him want you.
Whoever he is, he’s a lucky guy. Just remember – before you invest everything into him, make sure he’s right for you. Make sure he’s up to scratch and “fits the bill!”
You deserve the world, and more. So keep doing your thing. Keep having that confidence. And always strive to be the best that you can be – in all relationships. Take care!
Love,
Ell_xx
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