In our last post we explored, “Do Long Distance Relationships Work?” Now, we’re going one step further to establish how to make long distance relationships work. What it takes. What you can do to strengthen it.
See, long distance relationships are tough. There’s no denying that. But they’re also incredible.
If you can love, trust, respect and support each other from a distance, then just imagine what it will be like when you’re able to be together, physically… and permanently too.
So don’t give up. Stick it out. Here’s how to make long distance relationships work…
How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work
When it comes to how to make long distance relationships work, there’s some key things you need to know and do. So let’s start from the top:
1) Get Your Mindset Right
Mindset is everything. In life. In love. And especially in long distance relationships. See, right now, you can’t be together as much as you’d like.
There is a distance between the two of you and – no doubt – at this moment in time, there isn’t a great deal you could do about it. So the best thing you can do? Embrace it.
Instead of dwelling on how much it sucks and how hard it is, remember why you’re doing it.
Perhaps you’re both pursuing your dreams which is why you’re currently apart.
Feel proud for doing this, proud for sticking with it, and blessed to be in the kind of relationship where you do both support and encourage one another… when you can both have a life away from each other whilst still being together in each others heart and mind.
Or maybe you’re in a long distance relationship because you just live in different areas and neither one of you can move right now. Know that by going long-distance, it allows you to still be together.
You’re not giving up on your love. You’re still pursuing this relationship and that’s pretty freaking amazing… that’s something special, truly showing the strength of your relationship and how the both of you feel.
If you tell yourself you hate the distance and you “can’t do it”, then it will be self-fulfilling, you won’t be able to do it and the relationship will break down.
But if you focus on how thankful you are, how wonderful what the two of you have actually is, then it will push you through.
REMEMBER: As hard as your situation is, there’s always someone out there who could have it harder.
For example, imagine being in a long distance relationship with no internet access, no phones, no communication. There’s people who have been in that situation, done it and got through it. So you can too!
2) Keep That Connection
So the two of you can’t be together in person 24-7. Damn, you’re probably craving 1-7, anything would be nice! But despite this, you can still stay close, mentally, emotionally, sexually even.
The connection doesn’t have to fizzle just because the distance keeps you physically apart.
The key however? And this is super important if you want to know how to make long distance relationships work… It’s putting that effort in daily to keep the connection there.
Yes, the two of you have busy lives, no doubt. But you can always make time for each other.
On the busier days, keep those little good morning / good night messages coming through. Send little things to stay involved in each other’s lives, stay part of it.
Then when you can, allocate time for proper catch-ups, for speaking, video calling, doing different virtual dates to mix it up!
See, if you actually focus on it and prioritise it, you can keep the connection there. It just takes time and effort, daily. And knowing why you’re doing it, but also wanting to do it.
It shouldn’t feel like a chore. This leads me onto my next point…
3) Don’t Lose The Commitment
The only way to make long distance work is when the two of you stay equally as committed.
If your hearts no longer in it, then it’s likely to turn from relationship, to friendship, to simply a pen-pal. So you can’t get into long distance relationships half-heartedly.
Long distance relationships take love, patience, effort and care. So let’s move through into some long distance relationship tips now, which will really help when it comes to how to make long distance relationships work…
Long Distance Relationship Tips:
Building on how to make long distance relationships work, here’s some long distance relationship tips, which will really make the world of difference.
1) Utilise Technology
So first up, it’s a no-brainer to utilise technology when it comes to long distance love.
I mean, we’re so lucky to live in an age where you can get so easily connected with anyone, anywhere in the world. So it’s about:
- Taking pictures when you’re going about your day and firing these over to your loved one, to bring your day to life.
- Sending little and often text messages for fast, regular contact, so that – again – you’re still sharing your life with your loved one.
- Making time to do video calls so that you can speak and see each other, interacting as if you were in the same room.
Make these things part of daily life and your daily habits to make everyday life come alive for your partner, and vice versa.
2) Don’t Speak Excessively
Now I said above about regular contact, but I want to stress the “little and often” part. See, there is such a thing as speaking to much, over-compensating when you’re not together.
So try to strike the right balance to avoid burnout and boredom. After all, if you speak too much – there will be a point when you simply run out of things to say!
You don’t need to speak more than the average couple, just because you’re long-distance. You just need to stay connected in a way that works best for you.
See, you should want to update your partner, not feel like you have to. You also don’t want to excessively speak, as if you don’t trust that and are checking up on them – scared of them “doing something wrong.” This isn’t healthy.
So when you have things to talk about – share them, get excited, involve your partner just as you would if they were there.
Just don’t feel the need to go over-board because – actually – that doesn’t help the relationship, if anything it only harms it. Balance is always key!
3) Make Virtual Date Nights a Regular Thing
There’s heaps of virtual dates you can do. It’s all about getting creative.
Whether it’s a “Netflix and chill” sort of night, where you watch the same movie at the same time, despite being in different parts of the world.
(Popcorn and comfies are still essential, and having that video call on to watch each others reactions… this is particularly great when you vouch for a scary movie!)
Or something like “Dinner Delivery Roulette” where you pick and order the meal for your partner and watch the other unbox it… then dine together, with your video on opposite ends of the table!
You can even play Truth or Dare, as – believe it or not, but – there are actually heaps of fun and entertaining dares you can send over text!
These date nights are essential when it comes to making long distance relationships work. They provide that quality time, that bonding, and really bring the two of you closer.
4) Don’t Let Each Other Down
Another thing that’s particularly important in long distance relationships is to stay consistent and reliable.
This means, when you set a time to speak – you stick to it, or if you really can’t, you have a valid reason and “reschedule” immediately. Don’t be flakey! Put value on that time you block out for your partner.
It also means you stick to your virtual dates – you plan them like you would any date, you put effort into planning them to make them the best that they can be, and then you turn up, on time, the same way you would in person.
Whats more – and this is the biggest biggie of all of them – when you do have dates and plans to see each other in person, you don’t bail.
The two of you will already not be spending as much time together as you’d like, so it’s essential that you know, you really can have those dates to look forward to.
You don’t have to worry, that time will be your time and it will be going ahead. All of this helps to build trust and dependability. It also keeps your relationship on track.
5) Keep The Romance Alive
Another key component when it comes to how to make long distance works, is keeping the romance alive in the relationship.
This is important, because if you’re not careful – the relationship, without any physical touch or affection, could very easily slip into a friendship.
This is one of the reasons why virtual date nights are such a good idea in a long distance relationship, especially the more romantic ones. However, you may also like to:
- Be a little flirty. Here – try these flirty questions or flirty jokes to add into conversations.
- Be a little dirty. You might also like to step up the flirting to heighten the sexual tension and build intimacy in your relationship, even when you’re apart. It totally depends on what you’re comfortable with, of course, but remember – this is your partner. You can be yourself. Say what you feel. Experiment with it!
- Add as much spontaneity and excitement as possible. Click here for some ideas!
6) Appreciate The Time You Have Together
When you are together, really appreciate the time that you have.
Don’t get down, don’t feel sad, and don’t dwell on how you wish it could be like all the time… it will take away from the time that you actually do have together.
Instead, focus on having fun, making memories, sharing new experiences together.
If you think about it, you can be in a relationship, see each other every day, live together, but fall into a routine. This means the time you spend together isn’t always especially high quality.
When you’re in a long distance relationship, you’re not able to see each other as often but – on the plus side – it does make it far more likely to make the most of the time that you do have. So really seize this!
7) Be Honest and Open
When it comes to how to make long distance relationships work, honesty and openness are key. They’re key in all relationships, but even more so when you’ve gone long distance.
You can’t bundle things up because small issues then become big ones.
Fearing jealous, insecure? Talk it through. See where it’s coming from – more you, or him. And from there, see how you can better work through it, what will make it easier.
Feeling lonely, disconnected? Struggling to “trust” your partner (even if they’ve not done anything to make you doubt them)? Finding that worries or concerns are seeping in? Then raise them, talk them through.
You two are a team, even when you’re not standing side by side. If you keep things inside, it will only make you feel further apart from your partner, and it’s these kind of things that eventually lead to you feeling like giving up.
8) Don’t Be Too Demanding
Everyone has their needs: what they need in a relationship in order to be happy. This also includes what you need in a long distance relationship in order for it to feel like it’s working too.
So understand this, discuss this (which comes back to that open communication) but make sure your expectations and demands aren’t set too high.
Remember, right now – it’s not going to be ideal. You may not have as much time with your partner but remember: it’s just temporary. Or relatively temporary anyway.
You can still make the best of your long-distance relationship, make it work, make the two of you learn, thrive and grow, together.
But this is just one chapter, it’s not a “forever” thing. And you have to accept the fact that it won’t always be easy or fun. But that’s okay.
When you’re struggling, when you’re finding things tough, just remember this. Put things into perspective. Instead of demanding more from your partner, even in these difficult circumstances, know that demanding in relationships never works well.
Communicate. Appreciate. Take a step back. And stay grounded.
Try not to be needy. Your partner should be there for you, picking you up on your down days and helping you through. But they also have their own life to get on with too, wherever they are in the world.
So be understanding of this. And remain as a team – instead of getting frustrated, and taking it out on your partner.
9) Trust Each Other Completely
The biggest cause of long distance relationship break-downs are because of a lack of trust.
So if there’s one thing you’re going to take away from this – one core essential when it comes to how to make long distance relationships work, you must must must, work on the trust.
- Trusting the process. Knowing why you’re doing it. Knowing that what you have is special and worth it.
- Trusting your partner. It also of course, means trusting your partner – knowing that (although they could have a whole separate life that you don’t even know about), you know them, you love them, you know they love you too and you know they wouldn’t do anything to hurt or betray you.
If you don’t have confidence in the strength of the relationship and the loyalty of your partner, then a long distance relationship feels like living hell.
You’d be constantly on edge, anxious, over-thinking and asking excessive questions.
You need to be free to live your own life and your partner needs to feel free to do the same too. It should be supportive, not smothering. You shouldn’t feel the need to constantly “check up” on him / her and vice versa.
So for your own sanity: never get into a long distance relationship (or any relationship on that note) if the trust is not there.
And if it is – one of the best long distance relationship tips is to focus on continuously building it, because that’s what creates the strength which will plough you through!
10) Be The Best Partner That You Can Be
Last but not least, on our long distance relationship tips, I just want to highlight that – at the end of it all – all you can do is give it your all, put as much as you can into making it work (without it totally draining you) and ultimately, be the best partner that you can be.
You won’t be perfect. No person nor relationship is perfect. There’s going to be times where you “mess up” and get things wrong… and that’s okay.
Long distance relationships in particular can be challenging and testing, so try not to be too hard on yourself, or your partner. Just do the best that you can.
Keep trying, keep loving, keep communicating, and you may well just find that you even start enjoying and appreciating this part of your journey together!
Best Of Luck
So that’s all for this one – the starting base and top long distance relationship tips when it comes to how to make your long distance relationship work. I hope this has helped.
If you find you’re still struggling, are sabotaging or have toxic habits you want to try to break, simply join our free community support group and we’ll tackle it head on!