Wondering why you’re still having dreams about your ex? Want to know how to stop dreaming about your ex? Well, unfortunately there’s no magical solution that will GUARANTEE the dreams will be gone for good.
But, don’t lose hope – because there are certainly ways to better deal with the dreams about an ex. We can also do some things to reduce the chance of you dreaming about an ex… so this will get easier, trust me!
Why Are You Still Dreaming About Your Ex?
Do you find yourself asking, “Why am I still dreaming about my ex?” then I want to start by recommending this article, where professional dream analyst Lauri Quinn Loewenberg breaks down the different meanings. See…
“Whatever’s going on in the dream is going to reflect not necessarily [what’s going on] between you and your ex, but what’s going on with you.”
For instance, if you’re dreaming about your ex rejecting you, and re-living those feelings over and over, it’s your mind trying to help you come to terms with reality.
You want them back, but deep down, you know it’s not going to happen. “Whatever the ex is saying to you is what you are saying to yourself in regards to the ex.”
Similarly, if you’re dreaming about your ex dating someone else:
- It shows that you’re coming to terms with the fact that your ex is going to have a life after you. You’re experiencing this in your dream first, as a way of simply processing it.
- It could also mean that you’re still too focused on your ex – depending on the angle or the frequency. So ask yourself, “Am I really accepting this?”
Then of course, there’s the nice dreams about your ex. The dreams that take you back to the good times with them, that you wish, deep down, you were still living. But it’s important to note: it’s not always the person you’re missing, but the feeling.
Dreaming About An Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Always Mean What You Think…
Before you get stressed, or overwhelmed about dreaming about your ex, take a breather. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you still have feelings for them, in fact, in most cases this isn’t true at all.
And I know it’s not great to have to have the reminder. The good dreams don’t make you feel good, and the bad dreams definitely don’t either.
But this doesn’t have to mean that you’re still hung up on him. It also certainly doesn’t mean that you’re not still making progress to get over your ex – you are. You’re not back to square one.
If you want to try to piece things together a little better, when you have a dream about your ex, ask yourself:
1) Okay, so what actually happened here? What exactly was I dreaming about?
Get clear on the core message. The actual revolving point of the dream. Was this dream purely about your ex, or were they just pop up, and if so, at what point?
2) Where could this have come from?
Have there been certain things playing on your mind that relate to this dream, or the message behind the dream? Is this more about the emotions you’ve been feeling recently, more so than that exact person? This leads me onto my next question…
3) What could this dream have meant?
Is there anything going on in your life, actions, behaviours or relationships that could be similar to what happened with your ex? Are there any different things it could mean than what you first initially think?
Don’t just assume the worst. Try to look at other possible rationale – find some meaning behind it that is more constructive or empowering.
(Because if you do get down about it, that’s only going to create more dreams that you don’t want as it takes over your mind even more!)
4) What could the lesson be here?
What might your mind trying to show you or remind you? What could the message or meaning be behind it? This leads me onto my final question…
5) What am I going to take away from this, and do I need to take anything away?
This dream can have as much or as little power and significance as you want it to. It can be good to notice why you’re dreaming about your ex – especially if it’s particularly “eventful” as it means you’re able to better process and understand it.
At the same time, it could just be your mind trying to get your head around things – and that could not even necessarily be about them, like we said.
So at the end of it all, it comes back to what you think, how you feel and how much influence you’re going to give your dreams.
How To Stop Dreaming About Your Ex
So like I said at the start, there’s no guarantee when it comes to how to stop dreaming about your ex, but you can work it in your favour to make it less likely that you’ll have dreams about your ex… Which is the next best thing, right?
Also, by knowing that your dreams about your ex could not actually be about your ex, but instead more about you… And that actually, they can be a good thing, flagging up some important messages, then dreaming about your ex becomes something that’s less dreaded and instead, better understood.
So what do you do? How do you stop dreaming about your ex? Well, ultimately it comes down to:
1) Understand The Messages
I talked above about some of the reasons why you’re dreaming about your ex and how to better process that, draw up better conclusions. I did this, not just to give you a better insight, but because it’s essential if you want to stop dreaming about your ex.
See, if you have a one-off dream about your ex, they made a brief little appearance – this is less cause for concern. But if you’re getting very vivid dreams, or repeat dreams about your ex, it’s likely that there’s something troubling you, there’s a deeper message hidden away there and it’s trying to reach you in your subconscious mind.
For this reason, if you want to stop dreaming about your ex – when you get dreams like this, don’t just brush them aside, take some time to process them.
- Write it all out when you wake up so the dream is fresh in your mind, and out on paper before you forget it.
- Write a morning journal to better process your thoughts and feelings as soon as you wake up, to better process what’s going on.
- Talk to someone about it. Whether it’s a friend, family member or a professional, if this is troubling you, working through it with another person will help to make it easier.
It’s kind of like solving a puzzle – although there’s not necessarily a perfect fit here, a right or wrong answer, or any set answer at all. So for you, it’s just about better understanding what the dream is, where it’s coming from, what it means and what you can then do about it. This leads me onto my next point…
2) Take Action
Action. Action. And, that’s right…Action! That’s what it’s all about. If you’re not happy about something, always feel your emotions. Allow yourself to feel them properly. But then look at what you can do. Because there are always things you can do.
Some things take time, yes, but there are always additional things you can do to make it easier in the meantime… Or make better progress with whatever you’re struggling with.
This is important. I know you can feel kind of helpless when your ex keeps popping into your dreams. You want to escape them, escape those feelings – and you can’t.
So by understanding what’s going on, why this is happening and then taking action to work on the areas that you may still be struggling with – when you’re awake – it will sooth your mind and make them less likely to trouble you when you’re asleep. For example:
- If you’re having recurring dreams because you’re over your ex, but you’re not over the hurt, rejection or abandonment that came with it – you’d focus solely on working through those feelings. You wouldn’t get weighed down about your ex themselves, but instead look at the deeper issues that the breakup caused or brought to light.
- Or maybe your ex has moved on, and you don’t necessarily have feelings for them, but you don’t like it. You feel angry, you feel like your relationship meant nothing, maybe there’s a little jealousy or resentment there. There’s not necessarily any deep rooted issues behind it, but there are intense emotions and these are what you’d focus on working through.
3) Calm Your Mind
The more at peace you feel in yourself and your mind, the more at peace you feel about the breakup and the current situation – the less likely you are to dream about your ex.
And sometimes you might feel fine, feel over it. Like we said – don’t let one random dream throw you off. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.
If however, you feel fine yet you’re still getting those repeated dreams, it could be down to emotional avoidance. Click here to read the signs and what to do about that.
Ultimately, you have to be kind to yourself, be gentle. Keep working on yourself, keep working on getting yourself in the best possible place – both in your life and your mind. And know that this won’t last forever…
Some articles that will help when it comes to that mind-calming, that you can work through as and when you need:
- Our Top 10 Relaxation Techniques
- How To Build Emotional Stability
- Simple Things That Make You Feel Good
You might also like to try the 30 Day Self Care Challenge – which focuses on the little things that you can do every day to better improve your mental and emotional wellbeing. That’s right, you’re fully stocked up now!
What To Do When You Have Dreams About Your Ex
So let’s say you’re doing all the right things, you’re following the process above and will continue to follow the process above. But what do you actually do when you have dreams about your ex? How do you respond?
1) Ride It Out
Unless you’re in that phase where you’re half asleep, half awake – it’s going to be difficult to get out of the dream when you’re in it.
If you are able to, great! (Although in some ways it’s good to see how in pans out so that you get that understanding… Or even see if you can influence it, change the direction of it, make it how you want it.) If you’re not… well, there’s not a lot you can do about it, right?
However, with all your newfound knowledge on dreaming about your ex, when your ex does come into your dreams, you should – hopefully – not stress out about it quite as much.
You don’t need to fight your dreams. Just like you don’t need to fight your feelings. It’s just about understanding and acceptance. Really drill that into your mind!
2) Remind Yourself It’s Just a Dream
Whether it was a good dream or a bad dream, dreaming about your ex is not a nice experience. After all, if it was happy and felt nice, coming back to reality can only make you feel sad and empty. If it was a bad dream, where your ex was with someone else or being horrible to you – well, that’s going to knock you fairly equally too.
Then there’s just the fact that dreams about your ex only help to remind you of your ex, which is not what you want. You’re most likely trying to get them out of your mind, not having them haunt you whilst you’re asleep!
But regardless of this, when you wake up – remind yourself that you’ve woken up. What happened wasn’t real. And yes, it wasn’t a nice reminder…
That dream was out of your control. You didn’t want it. You didn’t welcome it. But it’s done. What you are in control of is how much power and attention you give it now, once you’re awake.
3) Get On With Your Day
Whatever happens in your dreams, feel them if you need to, write them out, write out your feelings around them – fully digest. But then you still need to get up, brush yourself off and get on with your day.
You will not let this beat you. You will not give your past the power. And no, you’re not avoiding. You’re just choosing when to work through it (if you need to at all) and allocating set times for that, instead of letting it take over your day.
Remember: analyse, understand, take action. And do so with determination!
That’s All For This One…
So there we have it. Why you’re still dreaming about your ex, what your dreams about your ex actually mean and – ultimately – how to stop dreaming about your ex.
I hope this helps. All the best!