Do you catch feelings too quickly? Fall for people too fast? It’s not necessarily a bad thing – love is so beautiful and it’s exciting when someone is able to just sweep you off your feet. But it does put you in a vulnerable position, with a strong chance of you either getting hurt, or ending up with the wrong person- unable to even see it at the time, because you’re so taken over by your feelings. When dating, it’s good to stay level headed. You don’t need to put a guard up or be afraid, you just need to be a little wary and make these men or women work hard for your love. Don’t give it to them too fast or easy. After all, if it’s right – then what’s the rush? Here’s how to stop falling for people so fast…
Why We Might Be Catching Feelings So Quickly
This is a complex topic, influenced by many different factors, but some of the most common reasons for falling for people too fast is because we’re just not in the right headspace. We tell ourselves we’re not happy being single, we make it our mission to find love and we’re so focused on it – the moment someone with potential comes along, we jump at the chance and think “YES, this is finally it!” I know I’ve been there. But it’s only going to cause more pain later on.
Another reason why we might be falling for people so fast, is insecurity. Often we make someone our world – without them fully deserving it – because inside we feel a little empty. We crave that love and connection so we stop focusing on whether this person is really suitable for us, and just look for if they can give us what we want / need in that moment. We’re wanting a short-term fix, instead of carefully considering things long term. It’s honestly just a recipe for disaster.
And hey, let’s say for arguments sake we strike lucky – we find someone who is almost perfect for us so we think – there’s no harm in falling for them fast. Well even then, it’s not the best idea. It takes time to fully know someone properly so your judgement is still hazed. It also puts pressure on the other person too quickly because with these feelings, comes more intensity. The healthiest relationships progress naturally and gradually. So slow things down a little, okay?
At the end of the day, your happiness is in your hands – not in anyone else’s and it’s certainly not dependent on a relationship. Know who you are, know what you want, be able to spot any warning flags and stay level headed. It will honestly save you so much heartache, not to mention time.
How To Stop Falling For People So Fast
So what can we do to slow down our feelings, stop them from completely taking over and potentially hazing our judgement? A few things actually. But the key here, is to not just read this blog post and think “oh yes, that’s great”, only to then forget about it. Yep, I know how it is! But you’ve got to take action and actually apply what you’re reading – starting now.
Unless you change your actions, the outcome will always remain the same.
So, here’s a little check-list for you, helping you become feeling-free (just kidding, we’ll still get all the nice feelings inside as things start to develop, it just means we’re protecting ourselves a little too!)
Five top tips for how to stop falling for people so fast…
- Take Things Slowly
I know this is what you don’t want to hear. When you find someone who you finally see potential with, it’s easy for them to take over your life and you just want to spend as much time as humanly possible with them. This means that things can easily develop quickly, but it’s super important – and actually far more meaningful – when you take things slowly.
- This means not rushing into getting intimate with them… and yes, it is hard to resist, I completely understand! But this also makes them want and respect you more. And if they’re not willing to wait, you know they’re not after anything long-term or serious anyway.
Note: if you find this difficult, think of it as a little challenge! Give yourself little dates you have to wait until before things can move to the next stage and then feel that personal victory when you stick to it. Trust me, it’s well worth the wait and actually only makes things better when they do progress as the chemistry builds every time you see each other.
- You also don’t want to rush opening up to them, not completely. If they ask you a question, answer it. You have nothing to hide. But don’t volunteer your whole life story and your ‘deepest darkest secrets.’ Hold a little back until the trust and timing is there. Your relationship is being built from now, not based on anything to do with your past. So let them into that part of your life as and when you choose – but know that it doesn’t have to be straight away and there shouldn’t be any pressure around it either.
Let things progress at a steady pace. Do fun things every time you spend time together, but space out these get togethers and leave gaps between them. Don’t overthink anything but by doing all of this, you will be able to think more clearly and better assess the situation, seeing it for what it is.
2. Adopt The Right Outlook
Your mind is a powerful thing. As mentioned earlier, if you’re focusing on finding someone and you have an unhealthy reliance on love, relationships and acceptance – these are all things you have to address. Similarly however, if you can get into the headspace of not wanting to fall in love too quickly, of enjoying where you’re at right now and only being willing to allow someone into your life for something serious if they are 100% worthy – you’re going to be far more pickier and far less easily-influenced.
For this to work, you have to have this outlook from the get-go, so it’s something you should be working on RIGHT NOW if you don’t already have it. Write a list of all the reasons why you appreciate being single, and all the things you want in a future partner and relationship. Here, this post helps you to get clear on that. Keep all of this in the forefront of your mind and get focused on sticking to it – because you know what you want, you know your worth and you know you’ll have everything and more, eventually!
Everything happens for a reason, every challenge makes you grow. So when the time is right to welcome a significant other into your life, it will happen. If it’s not happened yet, it just means you need a little more time for growth and discovery… it’s a good thing, believe it or not!
3. Have Other Things Going On In Your Life
If you don’t want this new girl or guy to take over your life, you have to vouch – no matter how awesome they are – that you will keep up with the things your single-self loves. Seeing your friends, making time for your hobbies, keeping up with your fitness, pushing forward with your work. There’s plenty you can work on. Have a look here if you’re short on ideas. Remember, a healthy relationship works when the other person complements your life, not takes over it. So if you want things to start off on the right foot, you have to keep all of these things going – especially in the exciting early stages. Of course you will now be making time to see this person too. But it’s all about finding the right balance.
Another thing this means? Don’t text or call too much! It should be enough to keep the relationship developing, but not so much that it starts to stifle each other. You want the other person to miss you, to look forward to your messages – not to know you’re always there and readily available to chat to. Remember, you’re a strong independent woman. It’s good to not speak 24/7. Even if you want to!
4. Keep Dating Other People
I honestly cannot speak more highly for this. If you don’t want to fall for someone too fast, you have to carry on dating other people. And I know, it can be hard to stay motivated when dating at the best of times – so when you do find someone that peaks your interest, your first thought may be to get comfortable with them. But honestly, you’re shooting yourself in the foot by doing this. You need to allow time to get to know them, but you should also remain open to getting to know others whilst you do this too… after all, that’s what being single is all about – finding your best match!
Stopping dating straight away is like going into a bakery, buying a slice of victoria sponge cake and really liking it – so just eating that every time you want a treat. But the silly thing is, there’s still heaps of other cakes in there that you haven’t yet tried… chocolate cake, carrot cake, fruit cake, red velvet cake. Different flavours, different mixes, and so by not even trying them, you don’t know if you would like them better than your favourite so far. So don’t turn down those other slices, until you’ve at least given them a chance! 😉
Of course in time, you’ll know the one person who stands out more than anyone else and things will develop to become more exclusive – but this shouldn’t happen straight away. You should also encourage them to do the same thing too. And this can be even harder than doing it yourself – with paranoia going through the roof and worry sinking in… “what if I drive them to liking someone else more?” But you have to remember, if this person is right and it is meant to be, it will still be. It doesn’t matter who else you’re both dating, you will still ultimately be drawn back together if you’re the right match. And when this does happen, you’ll actually feel far more secure because you’ll know you really are the ‘chosen one!’ and not because anything’s been forced or rushed.
5. See The Situation For What It Really Is
Last but not least, we’ve come to tip number five already for how to stop falling for people so fast! But, my friends, this one is arguably the most notable point. See, when we want to find love, it’s easy to get carried away. The kind of person we think we’re looking for comes along and BANG – all our problems are solved. Mr Right is officially here. Only, is he? Sometimes we need to stop, take a step back and ask ourselves…
Am I really falling for this guy? Or am I just falling in love with the idea of falling for him?
There’s a significant difference. If you’re struggling, write a little list of everything you like about him, and the things you don’t like so much. It’s not about picking flaws but seeing things more objectively. If there’s nothing on the list for flaws then you need to spend a lot more time getting to know him before you jump into anything – because everyone has them. It doesn’t mean they’re deal breakers, but until you’re able to get the full picture of what a person is like, you definitely don’t know them well enough to make any sort of commitments and if that’s the case – it confirms your worries that you’re getting ahead of yourself here.
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So that’s it – my quick guide for how to stop falling for people so fast! You really do deserve the best of the best and moving things too quickly can make you settle. A healthy relationship involves two secure, independent people who aren’t in a rush to make something happen because they are patient enough to let something happen. Look after yourself, learn to love yourself fully and don’t catch feelings for someone until you’re sure they’re going to not only look after them – but cherish them.