How To Subtly Flirt Over Text

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Want to know how to subtly flirt over text? How to flirt with a guy over text without coming across as too “full on”? Then here’s our go-to guide to flirty texting, including key “text flirting examples” to make our strategies clear and easy to apply!

PLEASE NOTE: This is how to subtly flirt over text. It’s perfect for if you like a guy but you’re not 100% sure how he feels, so you just want to test the waters a little first.

It’s also great if you’re texting a guy you’re currently friends with, and want to try to get out of the friend-zone. Or – if you’re just simply trying to play it cool (but want to do it the right way!)

This is different to openly flirting over text, but still very effective.

How To Subtly Flirt Over Text

So what do you do? How do you subtly flirt over text? Well, let’s jump in with the key techniques and approaches, shall we? By the end of this, you’ll be a texting MASTER! (Just you wait and see!)

1) Keep Conversation Light & Fun

So first off, a core essential to subtly flirting over text, is to keep conversation light, fun and enjoyable. You want to get the “vibe” right from the start.

See, people like people who make them feel good. Naturally! So in order to get the attraction there from the start – make the conversations fun and feel-good.

Make this person WANT to speak to you and ENJOY speaking to you because it’s easy yet entertaining. And the best way to do that? To relax and allow yourself to be yourself…

Don’t try to impress. Don’t try too hard. Text how you speak, and let your personality shine through, and topics just naturally flow.

When you do this, you’ll probably find you’re a little bit flirtier than usual anyway.

You don’t have to THINK about what you say too deeply, it just kind of… comes out as flirtier as you see the person that you’re texting in that way.

subtly flirty texts

2) Be Consistent

One of the major differences between a friendship and romantic connection, is consistency.

See, when you text a friend, you may text back and forth for a while, but if you get distracted and don’t reply for a day or so – they’re not going to take it personally and it doesn’t matter.

When you text someone you’re romantically interested in, there’s more consistency as it’s a way of expressing interest.

It may be difficult to know how often you should text someone you’re dating but you’ll just naturally find you end up texting more regularly if you see each other as more than just friends…

It’s in the fun stage of getting to know each other. You’re just bouncing off each other and enjoying speaking to each other and the messages just seem to increase more and more.

So you can subtly express your interest in someone, by being engaged and fully present – by replying daily (and pretty regularly) and keeping that momentum going.

3) Use Emojis

When it comes to how to subtly flirt over text, emojis are going to be one of your best friends. Why? Because they can say or suggest things, without needing words.

I mean, guys use emojis to flirt all the time. There’s flirty emojis guys use, and emojis guys use when they like you. Uh huh, emojis can actually be very subtle giveaways for how a person feels.

But that’s the good thing – emojis are still always left slightly open for interpretation.

This means you can use an emoji to subtly flirt over text, then see what you get back. If similar emojis are being used to respond – you can better see that it’s reciprocated.

And if it’s not, or your message is shut down a little, well, there’s nothing to feel embarrassed about as you didn’t STRICTLY say anything – it’s down to them what they think you may be implying!

How To Subtly Flirt Over Text…

For example, you may say things like:

  • Long shift today then? Sounds like someone needs a hot bath & a bit of pampering 😘😘
    This could be seen as subtly flirty, or just kind and caring (“like you would be to any person.”)
  • Got any plans tonight then? πŸ‘€ Doing anything… wild or crazy? πŸ˜‰
    Now, the wink emoji is usually openly flirty, as opposed to subtly flirty. However, this could be seen as just jokey and sarcastic... Which is why you’re able to use it when subtly flirting over text, when saying something like this.

To subtly flirt over text, you may want to focus on incorporating emojis like: 😘 πŸ€ͺ πŸ‘€ (As these are standard… but suggestive.)

However there’s plenty to choose from so have a play with them and slip different flirty emojis in, as and when you can.

how to subtly flirt over text

4) Tease Them!

So next up, we’ve got flirting by teasing, and this goes back to those high-school days, right? Where you wind up someone that you fancy!

Now, because it’s done in a joking way, and can be interpreted in different ways, it’s a great way to subtly flirt over text.

You’re essentially just being a little playful, teasing and joking around with them. After all, laughter is the way to a person’s heart, as they say!

So for example (depending on the context) you may say things like:

  • Hey you! Have you managed to get up this morning… πŸ€ͺ (It is only, well… 11am, I know!)
  • So I heard [something funny that happened, that you can tease them about]… πŸ˜›  (It’s okay, it’s okay, there’s no shame. It’s easily done! πŸ˜‰ )
  • Keen for a re-match at bowling next week? I promise I’ll go easy on you this time… πŸ˜… πŸ˜‚πŸ˜˜

5) Make Flirty Jokes

Flirty jokes are another thing that work a treat when you’re trying to subtly flirt over text. See, they’re like a win, win, win!

Not only will you make them laugh (or at very least smile) but you can easily throw a complement into them AND the person won’t know if you’re messing around or actually being serious.

This helps to keep them on their toes a little bit!

How To Subtly Flirt Over Text…

For example, if you said something like:

  • Well damnnn, wasn’t you looking ABSOLUTELY FINE last night πŸ€ͺ

Because it’s slightly exaggerated and uses capitalisation, expression and emojis, it comes across as far more lighthearted, jokey and fun!

They therefore won’t know if that’s just your character, and you’re just messing around with them, whilst lifting them up… Or if you’re genuinely (kind of!) chatting them up.

Now, there’s lots of flirty jokes you can make (we’ve written 30 there – designed for dates!) and these can be in actual joke-form, or just as banter.

For example, banter would be something like:

  • So I bet you missed me last night, right? It wasn’t the same without me there? πŸ˜‰πŸ˜›

Or more classic jokes, you’re looking for lines like:

  • Hey Chapstick… You’re da balm! πŸ€ͺ

You see? So there’s lots of different styles when sending flirty jokes over text. Find your own, or mix it up – playing around with all the different approaches to see what gets the best response!

texting tips for women

Is Your Flirting Being Reciprocated?

Wondering if he’s flirting back? If he likes you but is in a similar position to you – he’s not sure how YOU feel and is scared of rejection? Then look out for the signs…

It can be difficult to tell if a guy is flirting with you, but there will be key giveaways!

Try to read into his messages, but also weigh up what he’s like in person. Is there eye contact, physical contact, chemistry and are the two of you connecting on different levels?

It will all tie together to reveal if the guy really does like you!

How To Subtly Flirt Over Text

So what else can you do to subtly flirt over text? Well, getting back to it…

6) Ask (Subtly!) Flirty Questions

When you’re not with someone in person, it’s really important you keep the conversation going and flowing on text – which is where questions come in!

Now, there’s lots of fun questions to ask someone new, but if you want to subtly flirt over text, you want to focus on the flirtier ones. Like:

  • So how are you so unbelievably sporty?! Naturally gifted or…? πŸ˜›
  • Have you always been that good at [activity here]? Because that was actually VERY impressive earlier today! πŸ˜›

Or subtly flirty questions that aren’t actually really questions that need answering, but instead are used more so to, well… FLIRT! For example:

  • How do you always manage to [genuine complement, picking up on something positive here]?

This leads me onto my next technique when it comes to how to subtly flirt over text…

7) Pay Genuine Complements

So, when you’re openly flirting, you will naturally be pretty complementary. In fact, these can – at times – feel like they’re coming left, right and centre.

You’re trying to “woo” someone or win them over, and so you want to make them feel good!

When you subtly flirt however, you’re less likely to pay QUITE as many complements… But the ones you do pay, are typically more genuine, meaningful or “deeper” ones.

This should be alongside the subtly flirty jokes that are complementary (but which they don’t know how in which you’re saying it.)

These types of complements however, will also focus less on picking up on things about physical appearance and more about complementing them as a person – what they’re all about.

For example, you’ll always have a laugh and keep it fun, but every now and then you may say things like:

  • You’re actually quite an extraordinary person, did you know that?
  • Wow, you actually really impress me. That’s genuinely amazing.

Notice how there’s no emojis when you’re being completely serious. It’s just a genuine complement, from the heart, and with real meaning and sincerity.

how to subtly flirt over text

8) Show That You Listen To Them

When texting, you don’t want it to just be about question and answer, question and answer. You want it to be a conversation that flows and has a little more depth to it.

A great way to achieve this (whilst also subtly flirting!), is to bring up something they previously told you, and talk about that.

This shows that you’re listening to what they say and you care about the things that are important to them (big and small!) and you take a genuine interest.

You also have a strong chance of conversation flowing a little easier from it.

So For Example:

  • Let’s say you know he likes football, but he mentioned that this year, he wants to put far more into it. He wants it to be “his year.”
  • This was just a passing comment, but you picked up on it and really heard him.
  • You can then check in to see how training went, to get him talking about that. Or wish him luck on his next game, with extra encouragement as you know it means something to him.
  • Whats more, you can throw in those flirty jokes we mentioned (that always go down a treat!), like: β€œSee, it’s all that football you play, keeping you in shape!” or “Well, I bet you have plenty of cheerleaders rooting for you on the sidelines at the game… ;)”

Don’t want to be seen as “sucking up”? Then okay, here’s a couple more examples:

  • Let’s say they have a dog and – very occasionally – when they talk about it, they mention its name. You may then remember this and ask, a few days or weeks later: β€œHow’s [dog name] doing anyway? Chased anymore squirrels this week?” It shows you remember the little details.
  • Or, suppose they say they hate Sundays and the night-before-a-new-work-week dread. You then might send a link to a funny video on a Sunday evening, trying to lighten the mood. With that you could then text: “So I figured this would distract you from that Sunday-feeling… Has it worked? Even a little? Taken the edge off? ;)”

See, showing someone you listen, is a real gem when it comes to how to subtly flirt over text. So take note, actually listen up, then use that to – subtly – show your interest towards them.

9) Bring Up Memories You’ve Shared

When it comes to how to subtly flirt over text, you want to – basically – plant seeds in this persons head, showing them that, maybe there could be a romantic connection here, and maybe there is something between the two of you.

You’re not directly saying it. But you’re subtly showing it, so that it (hopefully) starts to open new doors.

A great subtle flirting technique, if to therefore talk about the things you done together, bring them up again to get them thinking about those times…

Reminisce and highlight the bond so you can then start to build on it.

Now this doesn’t mean clinging onto the past and constantly bringing up something from years ago, because that’s all that you’ve got.

It also doesn’t mean not being able to “let go” of something that happened last week (as going on and on about something is boring!)

how to show a guy you like him

How To Subtly Flirt Over Text…

Instead, you want to simply be opportunist, and drop things in where you can.

For older memories, for example, you can throw them to tease or offer banter. But it will just be a short, one line, like:

  • “Oh this will be a repeat of [something funny that happened] then πŸ˜‰
  • Ohhhh no. [Nickname you gave them because of something that happened.] is getting [some behaviour that links / ties in with that] again πŸ€ͺ

Or, if you’re bringing up more recent memories and want to instead, reflect on how good it was, you may say, less jokey things like:

  • I really enjoyed coffee last week. It was nice just chilling out with you, watching the world pass by. Time flew by as well, didn’t it?! We should go again? Maybe next week?

Notice how you’re not just saying that you enjoyed it, or asking to do something again, you’re also adding a casual evaluation of what it was like – to highlight the value of it, and that – actually – it was quite special. It’s not like that with everyone…

10) Use Their Name

Last but not least then, our final (insanely simple!) subtle flirting technique, is to make texts more personal by using their name more often.

You don’t need to say it in every message (of course!), but saying it a few times here and there signals that you’re interested in them, you’re fully engaged with them, and you’re talking to THEM.

This is easy to drop in. For example, you might like to sign it off, when you’re saying goodnight, or drop it in when you’re asking a question or making an observation. Like:

  • So how are YOU today, my dear Alex? πŸ€—
  • Night night then, Charlie. Sleep well.
  • Oh that sounds like to much fun James! πŸ™Œ You really know how to [complement here.]

You see? If you can shorten their name to make it more familiar (providing you know that others do this and they like it), or if you have any cute little nicknames for each other – that’s even better. So have a think!

That’s All For This One

And that’s it! We’ve now come to the end of our10 key strategies for how to subtly flirt over text.

We’ve thrown quite a few example in there for you too, to get the ideas flowing and demonstrate what we mean further. Now, my friends, it’s over to you…

See how you can use these strategies, see how you can tweak our templates, and have fun coming up with your own ways to subtly flirt over text.

Whatever you do, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there a little.

Subtly flirting is great, but make sure it still comes across as flirting (or makes them FEEL like it’s a little flirty) so that you really start to develop that romantic vibe between the two of you.

Good luck! Be sure to drop any questions you may have in the comments box below, or sign up for dating coaching so that we can help you, well and truly, master the art of it!


how to subtly flirt over text
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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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