When, Why & How To Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him

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What do you say to your ex you still love? Should you tell your ex you still love him? And if so – how do you tell your ex you still love him? How do you let him know, or directly express these words to him? And in what situations is this, and isn’t this advised – plus why. There’s so many questions around it all, I know, I know. So let’s break it all down to give you complete confidence and clarity in what you’re doing next. Here’s when, why and how to tell your ex you still love him (if – at the end of this – you still think it’s a good idea.)

Should I Tell My Ex I Still Love Him?

So first off, before we look at how to tell your ex you still love him, let’s make sure that telling him is definitely the right thing. Ask yourself:

  • What is your situation like with your ex?
  • What’s driving this desire for you to tell him you still love him?
  • Are you struggling to feel better after the breakup and so are hoping this will help?
  • Do you hate that you’re feeling unwanted, and want all of this pain to go away?
  • Where do you think his head is at, in terms of how he feels towards you? Are you noticing the signs your ex misses you, and acting based on that?
  • What would be the benefits of telling your ex you still love him?
  • What are you looking to get out of it, or gain from it? And would that be the best thing if you did get it anyway? (Really think this through! After all, what you want and what’s genuinely best for you, are not always the same things. It doesn’t matter if your ex is miserable and you feel like you are too – trying to get back together, is not necessarily the fix for that.)
  • Do you HAVE to tell him, in order to get the outcome you want? Are there other things you could do, to feel the way you want to? (Always look at all options.) Remember, there are also actually-helpful questions to ask your ex to help you through this process too!
  • Could you be making a mistake by telling him? What damage or “harm” could it do?
  • Are there any responses he could give you, which would make you feel worse? And how likely are you, to get these responses? In fact: added extra – write out all the possible responses you could get, and how you feel about those. Does it still feel the right thing to tell him?
  • In what ways could it be the wrong decision to tell your ex you still love him? Why shouldn’t you possibly do it? Or why would others say you shouldn’t do it (if you’re struggling to find reasons yourself)?
  • How likely is it to make no difference whether you tell him or not and – in that case – is there any point, telling him? Really?
Can I get over my breakup in my own way?

It’s Important To Think This Through…

That’s a lot of questions right? But take the time to weigh it all up.

We’re only being this comprehensive with it because – when it comes to ex’s and the fact that you broke up for a reason – going back there isn’t always advised. 

And yes, I know – it’s hard when you’re trying to move on when you are still in love with someone.

But the last thing I want is for you to prolong this pain, or stir up more pain, so really take the time to think it all through and make sure this is the right thing to do – for you.

Be honest with yourself, about your intentions, and take a step back to see the situation clearly, then make a decision from there…

When Should I Tell My Ex I Still Love Him?

Next up, let’s look at what situations you should and shouldn’t tell your ex you still love him and when it is and isn’t okay (or at the very least, recommended!)

See, ultimately – it’s your call.

  • But what are your values?
  • What are your morals?
  • And what boundaries do you have in place in terms of how you should behave, knowing your own value and worth?

In which situations would you go on to regret this, and in which situations do you know – hand on heart – that it really is okay?

Well, as a rough guideline, we would always say:

DON’T Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him If…

1) He’s in a New Relationship

First up, if he’s in a new relationship, it’s really not the time to be telling him you still love him.

He’s moved on… And even if your ex moved on quickly or is now in a rebound relationship, it’s not for you to get involved and isn’t fair if you do so.

It isn’t fair on anyone – especially not his new girlfriend. Because – as much as you may try to see that she has – she really hasn’t done anything wrong. So put yourself in her shoes.

Would you want an ex trying to move back in on your man? No way! So keep your Girl-Code and don’t cross the line. Back off and have respect for both the two of them, and yourself.

Because hey – let’s say your your ex is testing you, is it really right? And are you really going to rise to “the test”? No. It’s toxic. And this leads me onto my next point…

2) Your Relationship Was Toxic

If your relationship was toxic and you want to tell your ex you still love him, because you miss him and – deep down – you hope it could result in some sort of reconciliation or soothing of this, don’t do it.

Getting OUT of that relationship was your blessing in disguise. So – whether it leads to anything or not – telling your ex you still love him would only be back-tracking.

There’s no benefit of it, even if you do feel like you still love your ex. (As hard as that may be to hear… Deep down you know it’s right and true.)

What do you say to your ex you still love?

3) He’s Shut You Out Or Pushed You Away

If your ex has made it perfectly clear that you’re over, done and he’s moving on – telling him you still love him and trying to grovel for him back – is only going to lower your self-worth and won’t change the situation you’re now in.

So as tempting as it is – don’t forget…

The right person will always stay in your life. If he walked away, let him. And don’t ever beg for someone back. Because whenever it doesn’t work out, it means that person wasn’t right. And from there… this brings you one step closer to find someone who is right for you.

So don’t worry if you’re noticing the signs your ex hates you. I know it’s difficult and confusing and feels conflicting… You want to try to change it. But it’s not your place to.

It could be that your ex is just bitter after the breakup, or using this supposed “hate” as a way to try to make the breakup easier to deal with.

Whatever it is, it’s not your problem anymore, and showering your ex with love to try to change it, wouldn’t change it anyway.

So, slowly but surely, you need to let it go and let him go… In order to FREE YOURSELF from this turmoil and pain!

4) You’re Trying To Get Over Him

As a whole, if you’re trying to get over your ex, you want to try to avoid telling him you love him.

There’s no benefit to it and it’s just not what you should be focusing on, let alone discussing with him.

I mean, if anything, you should be going no-contact, or blocking your ex if you’re still fixating on him.

If you’re trying to get over your ex, but are thinking of how to tell your ex you still love him, you need to reassess the best things to do, to get you over him and understand that this isn’t the right thing.

It’s Okay To Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him If…

On the flip side, it’s okay to tell your ex you still love him if:

1) You’ve stayed on speaking terms, and have been working on yourself to fix the issues that caused you to separate. (In some cases, your breakup may not have even been a breakup, but simply you telling your partner you need a break.)

In order for it to be okay for you to tell your ex you still love him – progress has been made, the closeness and feelings must still be there, and the moment feels right. You want to share with your ex that you do still love him, to then also see where he’s at with it all too.

2) You’ve reconnected with your ex months down the line, and are simply having a conversation.

You do still love him (to whatever level that is, and whether there’s intention there for more or not) and you simply want to be honest (or answer honestly if he asks), telling him the truth.

3) In some cases, it also doesn’t do any HARM confirming to your ex that you still love him if it’s right after the breakup if that is, indeed, how you feel.

However, if you don’t want to get back together or don’t think it would be the right thing to get back together, you should also make that clear so that you don’t offer false-hope or lead him onto thinking anything different.

Wondering if you are, indeed, leading your ex on? Then look at the signs your ex is waiting for you and choose to take a step back… for their sake as much as yours.

How do I let my ex know I still love him?

How To Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him

So let’s say you’ve worked through all of this and you still want to tell your ex you still love him. 

You know – hand on heart – it’s the right thing to do. Or at the very least, it’s okay to do in the situation that you’re in. It’s suitable, relevant or not a massive deal…

So how do you tell your ex you still love him? How do you actually go about it? 

Well this depends on why you’re telling him, and the way in which you’re able to tell him. For example:

  • Are you already on speaking terms? 
  • Are you planning on telling him over text? 
  • Or do you want to tell him in person? 
  • Are you able to tell him in person?
  • And how much of a “declaration” do you want to make this?

Let’s run through a few different considerations when it comes to how to tell your ex you still love him, and the process you can work through to decide the best way to go about it in your situation.

How To Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him

So, when it comes to how to tell your ex you still love him, you want to:

1) Determine Your Goal

The way in which you tell your ex you still love him will largely depend on what you’re looking to get out of this. 

Now, we got you thinking about this at the start, so you should already have a good idea. But get fully clear on this now, as it will then shape your approach…

2) Work Out Your Tone

Depending on WHY you want to tell your ex you still love him, you can then get clearer on the most suitable tone. For example:

Have You Been Working On Your Relationship Already?…

If you’ve been actively working on yourselves, to try to fix the problems that were in your relationship before, when you then go to tell your ex you still love him – you want it to be in a proper, sit down conversation.

This is because you’re likely to have the intention of wanting things to get back on track, and feeling that you’re now ready for the two of you to do this.

You want him to know this is serious, and so you want it to be a fairly serious, formal conversation. (Whether he has the emotional maturity for this, however, could be another thing!)

Has Your Ex Asked You How You Feel?…

If your ex has asked you how you feel, this means it’s not been your choice to share it first-hand and so you’re probably going to want a more lighter, casual approach in your response.

When, Why & How To Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him

3) Know “Where”

Building on this further now then, once you know the tone and mission, you can work out the best place to tell your ex you still love him. For example:

If You Want To Get Back Together…

If you were having a serious conversation about things getting back on track, this needs to be done in person. 

And – in all honesty – if you can’t get your ex in person because he doesn’t see it as important enough or isn’t willing to make the time, it’s a major sign you’re not on the same page and shouldn’t be having this conversation anyway!

If It’s Simply a Case Of Your Ex Asking You How You Feel…

On the flip side, if you’re simply responding to your ex’s question about whether or not you still love him, the chances are – this has happened over text.

It’s therefore appropriate to just reply via text. You don’t need to meet up with him to answer, or give him a call.

I mean, if you say that you do still love him and he says that he’s not over you either, it may then be a joint decision to meet up again (or not.)

But answering where / when he’s asked you is – of course – absolutely okay…

Just like if he asks you in person – if you know that you love him and you’re comfortable telling him, tell him there and then.

This then matches the TONE of you (presumably) wanting to keep it casual. So do you see how it all ties in?

4) Write Down What You Want To Say If You Need

Now you’re no longer with your ex.

For whatever reason you’re telling him you still love him – you’re only going to really get one (or few) opportunities to do so, before you then either get back together or really do confirm it’s better to part ways.

For this reason, you want to make sure that you get off your chest – what you wan to say, in the way you want to say it, including everything that’s important for you to say.

This then gives it the best chance or working. Or, failing that, provides a release and a better sense of closure (even if you don’t understand why it ended, or wanted it to end) if you are able to get it off your chest as concisely as possible.

So when it comes to how to tell your ex you love him – speak from the heart, write out what you want to say before when you need, read it back, and only send / express it, once you’re 100% happy with it.

Don’t rush what you want to say, or rush saying it for that matter either. Take your time, get it all out, check you’re happy with it, and then go from there…

Why Can't I Move On From My Breakup?

5) Be Prepared

The last thing I want to mention here, if it you are going to tell your ex you still love him, you have to be prepared to:

  1. Not get the response you want.
  2. It not lead to the outcome you may want.
  3. Possibly, even, getting no response at all.

Have your support network in place, ready – whether that’s friends, family or a breakup coach

Gee, grab yourself one of these breakup gifts to help a little too!

You should also use this as an opportunity – if it doesn’t go how you’d have ideally liked – to RELEASE those emotions and become part of the process of you letting go.

After all, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – you have to FEEL your emotions in order to RELEASE them… And feel your emotions properly and fully.

And hey – telling your ex you still love him isn’t part of the typical process for getting over an ex, but if it’s something you feel like you need to do – do it…

Just make sure you do it and that’s then it.

Don’t keep doing it, or keep putting yourself through this if your words aren’t being reciprocated or the actions / situation means that you won’t be able to change the outcome down anyway.

That’s All For This One

So there we have it – when, why and how to tell your ex you still love him. Remember – don’t act fast on this one. Really think it all through… Then do what’s best for you.

You should also use these I Am Loved Affirmations, to remind yourself in the meantime, that you ARE still surrounded by love; whether you still have your ex’s love or not. (And by the way, you totally don’t need it!!)

I hope this has helped. Take care and look after yourself.

I know breakups are painfully hard. Heartbreak hurts… Literally. But you will get through this, and everything will work out the way it’s supposed to be, I promise you.

Sending all my best wishes.


When Why & How To Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him
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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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