Is He The One? 10 Signs He’s The One

So you’re dating someone, or are in a relationship, and you find yourself wondering, “is he the one?” Feeling unsure? Well let’s break it all down. 

By the end of this, not only will you feel clearer about if he’s the one, but your perspective and the way you look at it as a whole, should also start to shift too. So let’s start from the top…

Is He The One?

Before you can answer, “is he the one?” there’s a few things you need to know.

1. Is he the one for what? To spend the rest of your life with? Is that what you’re looking for? To get into a relationship with? Is that where you’re at right now? What is it that you actually want?
2. And what do you mean by that? Do you believe there’s just one person for everyone? Is this verging on soul mates? Or are there multiple suitable people out there for you, and you’re just looking for one of the ones who you’re truly compatible with? Define: “the one” in terms of what it means to you.
3. Then comes the question of what “the one” looks like – because let’s be fair, if you don’t know what you’re looking for, there’s no way you’re going to be able to find it… or know when you’ve found it for that matter either. So clarity is key.

Activity: Getting Clear On What You Want

Before you read any further, stop for a moment, consider the three questions above and write down the answers – putting particular focus on question 1 and question 3.

• What are you looking for in a potential partner?
• What are the most important things?
• Do you have any dealbreakers? And what are your “desirables”?

Write it all down. If you really want to get clear on whether he’s the one, it’s worth doing this properly. Working through it; getting it out on paper… I mean, the clearer, and more specific you can be, the easier it will be to determine.

Just try to remain unbiased when doing this. Write your list as if you hadn’t even met your partner (or potential partner.) Be honest with yourself.

If he doesn’t tick every single box, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s NOT the one. But you have to have your core base for what you’d ideally want, to honestly gage if that is him.

How Do You Know What You Want?

See this is a big thing also worth considering, when asking yourself “is he the one?”

So often we think we know what we want. We know what we want “on paper.” We know who we think would be good for us. Oh, and we sure know who’s NOT good for us but who we always tend to be drawn towards too! But regardless of this…

Read that again. It’s pretty thought-provoking. What I don’t want you to do is get so focused on the ideals you have in your head, the “picture” you painted for who you should / would be with, it stops you from fully seeing and appreciating what it right in front of you.

And this isn’t about compromising. It’s not about falling in love and forgetting about the things that do really matter. Instead, it’s just realising that sometimes we get things wrong, sometimes life and love takes a different path.

So what are the most important things? And how should you feel when you meet the one? What are the signs that he’s the one – if you’re feeling unsure about what “the one” really looks like? Well let’s take a look…

10 Signs He’s The One

When we look at the signs he’s the one, I want to focus generally speaking – on how he makes you feel, on how the relationship is.

These are the key positive indicators that suggest the two of you are really good for each other, and this relationship – it’s working. Use this as a tick list, if you like, to help you better answer, “is he the one?!”

How Do You Know He’s The One?

You may not find that every single one of these signs matches up, but it will certainly give you a lot to think about. So let’s get stuck in…

1) It’s Pretty Easy

So first off, one of the key signs he’s the one, is if, generally speaking, it’s been fairly easy.

I mean, all relationships have challenges. Every single one of them.

Like we spoke about here, even the best of relationships take work. But you should be working together, more than you’re clashing against each other.

The right relationship will feel easier than most of the others. You’ll still have those tough times no doubt, like we said, but if he’s the one – it’s different, and you’ll feel it.

See, look at the flip side… have you ever been in a relationship where deep down, you KNOW he’s not the one? You know it’s not right? Not how a healthy, happy relationship will be? Then compare that to this.

Often, you know what’s right what’s wrong, what’s normal and what’s not. You also know if things are unreasonably difficult…

Or if, on the other hand, you’ve dealt with everything the two of you have faced, pretty well!

2) You Can Be Yourself

Another big indicator that he’s the one – or has potential to be anyway – is if you can be yourself around him. This means:

• You’re not treading on eggshells, worried about upsetting him or arguing with him.
• You can be yourself, without feeling like you’re going to “put him off” or “scare him away.” He loves you for you – and you both know that and feel it.
• You also feel relaxed. Being yourself around him just comes naturally. Why? Well I guess because of his nature, because of the strong foundations that you’ve built and because – fundamentally – the two of you click.

If he’s the one, you’ll have moved out of the “trying to impress him” stage and will simply be able to relax.

If the relationships healthy, you’ll also be able to relax, which in turn, makes it easier for you to just be yourself. This leads me onto my next sign actually…

3) You Don’t Have To Worry

Relationship doubt and insecurity can often come from you.

But it can also come from the relationship just not being quite right. It happens when you’re with someone you don’t trust or don’t feel secure.

So yes, you partly have to make sure that if you want him to be the one – you’re able to be the one that YOU want to be in the relationship too… or work on it until you are that person, for him as much as for you.

But a great indicator is, if right now, you do feel happy and relaxed.

See, even if you’re not perfect, the right person will work with you to enable you to be how you want to be and feel how you want to feel…

Not because they have to, but because they want to – because they love you.

So overall, security is a great indicator that you’ve got some things right in your relationship. This therefore takes you one step closer to him being the one. But what about the flip side? Well…

4) He Still Excites You

This guy could be PERFECT on paper. He could tick all the right boxes, do all the right things, be an absolute sweetheart. But the thing about love – is you can’t force it.

And so whether it’s early days or not, he should still excite you. You should still get excited to see him, spend time with him. You should still find him interesting, engaging, fun to be around.

You should look at him and think, wow. He’s pretty frickin’ awesome isn’t he?

And you might have your pet peeves with him, and maybe he drives you a little crazy every now and then. But you still see him, appreciate him and are excited by him!

The relationship hasn’t gone stale or stagnant.

If you’re struggling with this one then ask yourself: did he used to excite me? When did it change? And then work hard on getting that back before you make a decision.

Sometimes relationships do, unfortunately, just fizzle. Sometimes they just need a little helping hand. You’ll only know which is which with this, until you try.

5) You’ve Built So Much More Than Just a Friendship

Building on the last point, you could also have a lot of the right things in a relationship: love, trust, honesty, loyalty, good communication, common interest, etcetera etcetera.

But even with all of this, you may still wonder if he’s the one, if there’s certain elements missing.

See all good relationships also need that chemistry, that spark. And a spark that doesn’t fade into nothingness as time goes on. You’ll also have a bond, a close connection.

It’s things like that that make you feel like you’re “soul mates” – a phrase so often linked with “the one.” And if you don’t believe in that, you’re at least able to recognise that there’s something special there.

6) You Can See a Future With Him

You don’t have to have everything mapped out, especially early on. But if he’s the one, you can see a future with him, or at least kind of picture a potential future.

And I know, it’s a tricky one. For some, they don’t even like to think about it. But hey, if you don’t like phrasing it like that, if you find that overwhelming, think about it like this. Break it down as:

• Does this person fit into your life right now?
• And do you still see them fitting into it in years to come?
• Do you want the same things? Are you heading in the same direction?
• Could you see your life without him?
• Would you even want to see your life without him?
• How much does he mean to you?
• How compatible do you think the two of you are?

This leads me onto my next point…

7) You’re Genuinely Compatible

Many of the signs that you’re compatible are also the signs he’s the one, or again, could be the one.

It’s like having common interests, the same values, similar / complementary communication styles. You’ll also want the same things in life, be able to learn and grow together.

You’re also able to both enjoy time together and spend time apart.

When you’re genuinely compatible with someone, you’ll feel like you know them inside out. You’ll get them, they’ll get you. You’ll work together, be a real team.

When you face issues, you’re able to work through them. Again, this goes back to communication and also conflict resolution.

There’s so much to it, but it’s important to realise: compatibility can be worked on, especially when the commitment is there to do so. That’s why in so many cases, love ultimately comes into it.

8) You’re Madly In Love

This isn’t about fairytales or happily ever after’s. It’s also not about unrealistic expectations. But you must know that you can, and deserve to be, in a relationship where you are madly in love.

Like I said, they may drive you crazy at times but that doesn’t take away from how much you adore them.

And yes, love alone isn’t always enough. But if he’s the one – you’ll have love, as well as all of these things. And when you truly love him, you’ll know.

When you fall out of love with him, it’s not always quite so clear, because sometimes you’ll still be clinging on. So be honest with yourself, be honest with how you feel. Don’t overthink, but also don’t force anything.

That’s key when determining and being able to honestly answer, “is he the one?”

9) You May Feel a Little Bit Scared

Okay so here’s one you may not have expected! But the truth is, if he is the one, if you’ve found the one, and you feel like you were looking for him for a while – when things do start to come together, it can be a little scary. Everything you’ve wanted is suddenly in front of you and:

1. It’s like, is this too good to be true? Is this really it?
2. What if I lose this now? What if it’s taken away or doesn’t last?

You can feel vulnerable. Not because of the person or anything they’re doing – or not doing – but more because of your mind and your body, therefore warning you.

The thing is, when he’s the one, there’s no real danger, and you’ll see that, as things start to settle down.

But that’s the thing – as time goes on, if it’s right, you’ll feel calmer and more comfortable. Things will naturally just fall into place. Because hey, I know what you’re thinking…

Why Am I Asking If He’s The One?

Well, that could be for all kinds of reasons. Because yes, you’re right. You could be asking it because something’s not right. You know that, deep down. That’s why this doubt is coming up.

However, it could also be coming simply from inquisition even. See, as time goes on, or things get serious, it’s natural and normal for you to start to wonder.

Likewise, if you’re dating with intention – this is going to be something you ask yourself if you don’t want to commit for anything less than the real deal.

But it’s good to know – it’s good to make sure you’re in the right headspace. Because that’s what will allow you to think clearly and more subjectively.

Also remember, love and life isn’t always a fairytale. That’s what we preach here right?

So it’s wrong to think that you’ll meet this one person and suddenly know, with all your heart – this is it, he’s the one. It doesn’t always work like that.

Why? Because we’re people. We have feelings, fears, baggage, sometimes false expectations. It’s not always that black and white, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t still be brilliant.

10) You’ll Feel Happy

My final sign, when weighing up if he’s the one, is to look at how he makes you feel. If he makes you happy, if he makes you feel loved, good, and whole, then girl, it’s certainly a great sign… and a sign that shouldn’t be underrated.

See so often we can overthink… why do you think I started this off by asking you what you want and how you know that’s actually what you want / need?

Well, because at the end of it all, the most important thing is whether the person you’re with makes you happy and whether the relationship makes you happy, the vast majority of the time.

Because look at it this way – if there were things missing, if dealbreakers were there, they’d chip away at your happiness, right? That’s why happiness is such a good gage, when it comes to looking at if he’s the one.

All of these signs, they should make it easier for everything to add up. It should make you see what you really have. But at the end of it all, the biggest question you should ask is…

Does this person make me happy? Am I happy in this relationship? Is he happy with me?

And if you have any doubts, process them rationally. If you’re wondering where he’s at, ask.

But overall, if you’re spending more time happy, and you see that happiness continuing, with no major roadblocks to throw it off (like wanting different things), then I’d say that’s probably the strongest indicator that he really is the one.

Recommended Read: 20+ Cute Dating & Relationship Milestones

Do You Think You Could Be Happier With Someone Else?

And that’s just it, isn’t it? That’s one of the things that can throw so many people off. But doesn’t it just come back to, if the grass is greener on the other side?

At the end of the day, that’s only for you to decide. And you’ve got to go with your gut.

My personal advice? If you’re happy, in love, and have a good thing going on – keep watering your own grass and don’t worry about anything else.

So Is He The One?

So what’s the verdict? Where’s your head at now? Is he the one?

Well, there’s no way to know for sure. Love is a risk. Life is full of risks. You make “risks” and decisions every single day.

But if he’s likely to be the one, it all feels less risky. And it always feels worth it. 

Deep down, I think you know how you feel. You know what your heart is telling you. You know if he’s the right person. So listen to it. And be happy with it – wherever you’re at.

Because I promise you, one year from now, ten years from now, twenty, forty, sixty (if we’re lucky to get to that and more)- it will all work out the way it should. Especially if you go with what you know feels right.

Take care. Have confidence.

Love,
Ell_xx

Recommended Reads:

• Are You Seeing Him For Who He Really Is?
• Is Your Relationship Holding You Back?
• The Different Types of Love Languages + What They Mean