So you meet someone new, you think they’re pretty cool. You feel that initial spark, that connection. But is it lust? Or could there be more there? In this post, we’re going to get clear on the key signs it’s lust that you’re feeling – to make it easier to differentiate and understand.
What Is Lust?
So before we look at the signs it’s lust, let’s take a step back and get clear on what lust actually is. By definition,
Lust is a strong sexual desire.
It’s essentially sexual chemistry, when you desire a person physically. Now you can of course, feel lust and love. You can also start with a physical relationship that grows into more – feelings deepen and strengthen.
But lust can also be ever consuming. It doesn’t form the basis of a healthy, long-lasting relationship when it’s all that’s there. And that’s why you need to understand what lust is, if you feel it, and if it’s lust and lust alone.
Seven Signs It’s Lust
So let’s get stuck in! Here’s some of the key signs it’s lust that you feel for a person…
1) You Want To Rush The Physical Side
One of the biggest signs it’s lust is when you’re ready to jump straight into bed with a person! Whether you do or not, is another thing, and – by the way – whether you do or not is totally your call. There’s no judgements here.
But you know there’s a lot of sexual attraction there, you feel it and you crave for things to progress further.
Now at this stage, there could still be more behind it, we’re not necessarily saying that there’s nothing else there. But lust is certainly pretty prominent right now and that’s where the physical cravings and desires come in.
2) You Don’t Overthink
When you feel lust towards someone, you’re not necessarily thinking:
- How will I come across?
- Should we wait?
- Is there a future here?
- Has this person got genuine potential?
You’re not so much concerned by that, nor are you – probably – particularly scared of getting hurt. That’s because this is less about genuine feelings for a person and more just about your feelings in that moment in terms of what you want to do!
NOTE: If you feel lust and other forms of romantic connection and feelings, this point is unlikely to apply so much. However, if it’s lust and lust alone, there will be no overthinking.
3) You’re Consumed By Your Attraction
You’ll notice you’re taken over by your attraction. You’re focused on the person’s looks, body, appearance. You think about what you could do to one another. Perhaps you fantasise about them sexually, daydream, let your mind wander.
4) You Feel Physical Sensations
Whats more, you’ll be taken over by physical sensations – feel physically aroused.
Your hormones are going through the roof – particularly testosterone and oestrogen, the sex hormones.
I’m sure you don’t need me to explain what it feels like to be turned on, but you are very much that when you’re around them or think about them!
5) Your Relationship Is Very Physical
It comes at no surprise, I’m sure, that one of the signs of lust is also when your relationship is very physical.
There’s likely to be less meaningful chats between the two of you.
In fact, if you took away the physical side (or the conversations that revolve around something sexual), you may find that there’s not all that much left there.
This is a key factor to understanding if there’s any substance behind the new relationship and leads me nicely onto my next point…
6) You Overlook The Things You’re Looking For
If you’re being driven by lust, like we said, that’s all the relationship is really about.
You know the kind of person you’re looking for, you know that – if you’re being honest – there are things that you want, that are missing in this person. But for now, that doesn’t really matter.
There’s the attraction, there’s probably the sexual compatibility (if it does progress and this doesn’t just become a one-off thing) and you kind of know where you’re at, but are okay with that.
You like the person’s company. You feel good with them. These kind of relationships are usually pretty fun and exciting. But they’re not always long lasting…
7) They’re Often Just a Short Term Thing
If things fizzle out with a person, it can be a big indicator that the relationship was being driven by lust as opposed to something more meaningful.
This is because – as good as it feels in the moment – eventually, it will no longer serve you, you are likely to look for, and want, more than just the physical side.
Is It Lust?
So what’s the verdict, is it lust? And what’s more – is it a bad thing if it is? Well, no, providing you’re clear that that’s what it is.
It’s important to not get lust confused with genuine feelings. Yes, you may still like the person, and yes, it is possible that lust and love exist together – you can feel both for a person. Which is great!
But sometimes, it is just lust driving your (or their) behaviour. And that’s why you have to be able to recognise the signs, to avoid either you or them, getting hurt.
- If you do find that it’s just lust, make sure you’re clear with the person you’re dating – you’re both on the same page.
- If you’re concerned that it’s the other way around, and you have genuine feelings for a person who’s being driven instead, by this sexual desire, then again, have a conversation about it.
Hold back on things physical for a while if you need, to see if there’s anything more there.
Hope this has helped. Happy dating!