How To Deal With a Moody Boyfriend

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Got yourself a moody boyfriend? Wondering why your boyfriend is moody, but more importantly – how to deal with a moody boyfriend? Then you’ve come to the right place. So let’s break it all down, starting from the top.

Define Moody:

So before we look at how to deal with a moody boyfriend, I want to get clear on what we actually mean by moody. See, by definition:

If you describe someone as moody, you mean that their feelings and behaviour change frequently. In particular, they are likely to often become depressed or angry, without any warning. Someone who is moody is bad-tempered and unwilling to enjoy themselves.

Although – as you can imagine – there’s a few variations to the definition.

When it comes to your boyfriend – what do you mean by him being moody? How do you define it? What are you noticing? What can you pinpoint?

Because the clearer you are on how he’s behaving – what is and isn’t okay, and how often it’s happening, the easier it is to decide what to do!

Why Is My Boyfriend Moody?

Another important element that comes into the moody boyfriend dilemma is WHY he’s moody. What’s causing your boyfriend to have these grouchy spells and mood swings?

There’s a lot that could come into it, but talk to him about it. Remember, the two of you are supposed to be a team.

Not only is moodiness not very nice to be around, but it’s also not very nice to experience. So discuss it with him.

What Causes Moodiness:

Moodiness can stem from a number of different things, but let’s run through a few potential causes. See it could be that:

> This is just your boyfriends personality. It’s the way he is. Has he always been like it? Been like it from the very start? Consider this when weighing up if it’s just a characteristic. 

> He’s just going through a rough patch. How long has your boyfriend been moody for? Is this happening alongside other things? Could it be down to stress? Pressure? Things going on aside from the relationship – like at work, something to do with his family, his friends, his health?

> Perhaps he’s not happy. Not necessarily with the relationship but another aspect of his life. That can certainly cause moodiness. On this note, we must also raise the possibility that…

> He may not be happy in the relationship. Try not to jump to conclusions with this one though, or take it personally. I mean, is he actually showing signs of losing interest, has he actually fallen out of love with you, or could it be in your head?

> He could be using it to manipulate: Do you find that he’s moody when he doesn’t get his own way? Is he making things difficult to try to influence you? It’s important to throw out there. As moodiness can be a tool used in controlling behaviour, unfortunately. Click here for the signs of a toxic relationship.

> It could be down to lack of sleep. Is he just moody the day after a bad night? Or perhaps he’s usually always moody, but always struggles sleeping? The two of them could relate.

> Diet also comes into it. Low blood sugar levels or hormonal changes (yes, men have hormones too!) can also create irritability. So if the moodiness is out of character for your boyfriend and he’s not sure why he feels the way he feels, he might like to speak to the doctors.

What To Do If Your Boyfriend Is Moody

So what should you do if your boyfriend is moody? Well:

1) Monitor It

So first up, if your boyfriend is moody, try not to act straight away. Everyone has their off days. Many have off-spells even.

However, if your boyfriend is being moody and the moment he shows any signs of moodiness – you’re straight onto him, that’s likely to only make him grouchier.

And understandably so, in a way. You can’t expect someone to be their best, cheery self 100% of the time. It’s good to make a note of it though – especially if you start to notice it more and more.

You can ask him if he’s okay, how his day was, how he’s feeling. Just don’t push or interrogate. Keep it light.

Recommended Read: How Men Deal With Difficulties Differently To Women

2) Talk About It

If you are finding that your boyfriend is moody, and it’s lasting longer or the mood swings are happening more frequently, then raise this with your boyfriend.

Don’t do it accusingly. Speak to him from the outlook of concern. Say something like,

“Babe, you’ve not been yourself recently. I’ve noticed you can be pretty irritable and snappy. Are you okay? What’s going on? You can talk to me you know?

Try to have a proper conversation with him about it and note how he responds.

Does he get defensive? Does he snap back? Do you find he becomes MORE moody after this? Or perhaps he denies it? Says there’s nothing going on? Closes off even more perhaps?

How he responds is just as important as why he is acting that way because – really – if he’s being moody and difficult to be around, he should be able to acknowledge that and apologise about it.

Remember, there’s two people in this relationship and it’s not fair on you.

What To Do If Your Boyfriend Is Moody

3) Don’t Forget About Your Relationship Standards

Dealing with a moody boyfriend can be difficult. It creates a bad atmosphere, affects your mood, and puts strain on your relationship.

The thing is, you cannot forget your relationship standards.

  • Is this really the kind of relationship you want to be in?
  • Is he treating you fairly?
  • How is this starting to affect you?
  • Is he genuinely the right person for you?

It depends how long the moodiness has been going on for, and to what degree of course. It also depends on whether your boyfriend is actually acknowledging it, or doing anything to work on it.

You have to be kind, understanding, of course. But you also have to ask yourself, “Would I treat him like this? Is he taking things out on me? How long can I put up with this for?”

How To Deal With a Moody Boyfriend

There’s a few things now, to help you better deal with that moody boyfriend of yours!

1) Don’t Take It Personally

If your boyfriend is being moody, he’s likely to take it out on you. And I know it can FEEL like everything you say and do gets on his nerves. You start to wonder if it is you in the wrong. But think about it:

  • What actually is his problem here?
  • Is this really a reasonable response?
  • Is he being fair on you?

Because that’s the thing, in most cases – it’s on him, not you. He’s being moody because of his problem. You’re just feeling the fire from it.

So for whatever reason your boyfriend is being moody, try not to take it to heart. Yes, this can be easier said that done, but take a step back and put things into perspective.

Like we said above – you also don’t want to jump to conclusions. The chances are, if your boyfriend is being moody, it’s probably to do with something else.

So try to stay calm, don’t let it get to you, and ride it out – for the time being anyway.

2) Don’t Try To Fix Him

Another important thing to note is that you should, of course, be there for your boyfriend. Be there for him to talk to, be patient with him, be kind and understanding. Offer guidance, share words of support.

But don’t take on the responsibility of trying to fix him. Don’t keep pushing him to do the things he needs to do. That has to come from him, not you.

How To Deal With a Moody Boyfriend

3) It Could Be Something More Serious

Find yourself asking, “Why does my boyfriends mood change so much?” Feel like it’s been like this for a while, it’s pretty extreme, or is getting worse even? Then there could be something more to it.

Rapid mood swings are a sign of bipolar. They’re also a symptom of depression. This puts a toll on your relationship – even moreso if your boyfriend is dealing with this undiagnosed.

So encourage him to talk to the doctors, speak to a professional. He may not want to, he may not feel like he has to, but in most cases – it’s what will get him out of the rut and really start to help.

Hopefully it’s a blip – a rough patch that doesn’t last. But if it is more, it’s worth talking about – even if it’s moodiness that requires a therapist to work through these issues. Professionals are there to help! And like we said, don’t try to take it all on yourself!

4) He Shouldn’t Be Taking It Out On You

Also bear in mind, whatever he’s going through, is this really the right way to respond?

Because remember: his moodiness shouldn’t really be affecting your relationship. If your boyfriend is acting moody with you and around you, he’s not really being fair.

Quiet? Okay. In on himself? You could expect it. But moody with you? Difficult to be around? Is that really fair on you? Especially when it’s constant? Particularly if you’re doing all you can to try to help him? I don’t think so. It’s not really right.

So yes, be understanding. Yes, do what you can. But don’t do TOO much for someone who isn’t willing to think about you, or won’t put in the effort to help themselves. Tough love, I know. But you have to know where your limits are because these limits are there to protect you.

Recommended Read: 10 Signs He Doesn’t Respect You Enough

5) Take Care Of Yourself

Last but not least, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Yes, you’re dealing with a moody boyfriend right now. Damn, you’d expect it to be moody teenagers – not your own partner! But don’t let it take its toll on you.

Take time for self-care, remember your self-worth, and if your boyfriend really is being a nightmare to be around – take some time out, spend more time with friends and family to keep you sane!

Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend If He Is Moody?

Wondering what to do if your boyfriend is moody? And it doesn’t seem to change? Wondering if you should break up with your boyfriend if he is constantly moody? I get it, it’s tiring.

Don’t do anything rash. Talk it out first – or at least try to talk it out. See if you can encourage some kind of change, and if it’s still not working and the relationship is dragging you down more than it’s lifting you up, then you may need to make a tricky decision.

It’s all about weighing up: Is this person right for me and this is just a blip? Or is this who they are, how they deal with things, how they tend to behave?

Take your time. Come to the conclusion that’s right for you. Just know that whatever happens, it will work out the way it’s supposed to.

Fingers crossed for you. Take care!


How To Deal With a Moody Boyfriend
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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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