Feeling unlucky in love? Finding dating apps dreadful? Then let’s cover all basis to ensure you’re not making some simple (yet fatal!) mistakes, particularly on the earliest stages of speaking on dating apps. See, there’s certain questions you should NEVER ask on dating apps. Here’s 13 to steer fully clear of (+ why, and when you can safely ask them!) So let’s get stuck in shall we?
Why Are There Questions You Should Never Ask On Dating Apps?
So first off, you may be wondering – why are there questions you should never ask on dating apps anyway? What’s the big deal?
Well because – as a whole – messages can be easily misinterpreted…
You have to be careful in how you communicate via text to avoid coming across in the wrong way, due to the lack of nonverbal cues, ambiguity in text, and misinterpretation of tone.
When you then also throw in the element of messaging on dating apps – speaking to a stranger, who could be a potential love interest, but who doesn’t know you yet, it creates even more room for issues.
See, there’s certain questions and conversations:
- You will want to leave to ask in person.
- You’ll want to ask at a later stage.
- Or perhaps you’ll not want to ask at all, perhaps it will come out, if and when it needs to, from them sharing, rather from you asking.
Questions You Should Never Ask On Dating Apps
Now some dating app questions you should never ask are just a given. In fact, they’re more-so questions you should never ask in general.
These are questions which are too direct, too rude, too personal; or which could be a sensitive subject.
Like for example – asking about a person’s weight, an “imperfection” they might have, or where they’re “really” from.
That’s self-explanatory, right? Just general common courtesy!
Anything that suggests there’s something wrong with someone, or which invades their privacy – avoid, avoid, avoid. You don’t need us to tell you that!
13 Questions You Should NEVER Ask On Dating Apps
So when looking specifically at the questions you should never ask on dating apps (which all too many people fall into the trap of!) we’ve got things like…
1) So, what’s your story? / Tell me about yourself!
This is a lame no-go question, because how is someone supposed to summarise their story, over chat?!
It’s also such a broad question and comes across as lazy. I mean… What do you ACTUALLY want to know and ask?! Be more specific.
If you want to have more fun with it, challenge them to share a 60 second elevator pitch of themselves as a voice note – but only if you have a go at doing one first, too!
2) What are you doing on dating apps?
Now if you’re asking this question because you want to know – more specifically – what they’re looking for (i.e. something serious or just a fling), the intentions aren’t wrong, but be mindful of how you word it.
Avoid asking WHY they’re on dating apps. It comes across like they’re doing something wrong, or be perceived as something that’s embarrassing. It can also be seen as slightly confrontational.
Instead, opt for questions about dating or dating apps themselves, like –
- So, how are you finding [dating app]?
- I noticed your profile states you’re looking for [something casual / something serious.] That’s cool. I’m [share what you’re looking for too, to start the conversation about it.]
It’s still direct, but it’s less accusing. It’s also more to the point.
I mean, a person is clearly on a dating app to be able to find and speak to other single people, so think – what do you really want to know here and how is it best to ask?
3) How are you still single?
This is a common question people ask on dating apps that’s supposed to come across as a complement.
However, in turn, it actually can come across as though there’s something wrong – not just with being single as a whole, but with them if they are still single (based on how great they come across.)
You’re basically suggesting it doesn’t make sense to you that they’re still single… When you know better than that! There is such a thing as single by choice remember!
Dating is difficult, it’s hard to find the right person, and actually, sometimes people just want time to ENJOY being single first. So bear this all in mind.
4) What attracted you to me? / So what made you swipe right for me?
This is definitely one of the questions you should never ask on dating apps, because it’s like you’re fishing for complements. (Which is NOT a good look!)
I mean, isn’t it obviously? They liked the look of how you look and the “vibe” you gave through the things you chose to say. There’s not a huge deal to go off on at this stage so there’s not much more to it.
If you want to find out more about if anything in particular appealed to them, try picking up on something that stood out on their profile to you, and they’re likely to share the same back, but don’t specifically ask.
It’s not about playing games or trying to play it cool. It’s about having confidence in yourself and knowing that – of course – there’s things on your profile that are likely to attract like-minded people.
The next stage is getting to know that person further.
5) Who’s that girl / guy in your picture?
So let’s say you’ve matched with someone but they have a photo with a girl / guy in. As tempting as it may be to ask and as much as you might wonder – DON’T.
It comes across as possessive, controlling and clingy, especially so early on.
Remember, you’re trying to get to know a person. That’s your main goal and intention.
And besides, it’s highly unlikely that the person is likely to include a photo with an ex or a fling… And if they did, then there’s even more chance that there’s nothing to it!
So brush any worries or insecurities aside and focus on getting to know them instead. It’s no big deal.
6) What took you so long to reply?!
Another red flag reply you really want to avoid is asking someone why they took so long to reply…
And hey, I get it, it’s easy to get your guard up on dating apps… Maybe he’s hot and cold texting. Maybe he messaged consistently and you then stopped for a couple of days…
No-one wants to be ghosted before the first date.
But give him / her the opportunity to explain, and see if they do. A decent person would give an explanation if they go quiet out of the blue.
Or if it wasn’t that long, there’s a good chance there was no reason to say, so try to let it go; reduce the intensity.
Asking questions like this won’t help you or protect you. On a similar note…
7) How many people are you talking to on here?
Asking someone on a dating app, about other people they’re speaking to or seeing on dating apps, is just a big no-go. Focus on the two of you and the two of you alone.
See, you will reach the point to have conversations like this once you’ve met up, started dating and are thinking about becoming exclusive.
You may wonder why they’re still on dating apps if you’re dating. That’s natural, normal.
But by that point you’re unlikely to still be speaking on dating apps anyway and it’s most certainly not appropriate to ask early days.
So no matter how much you hate the dating process, or what worries you may have – give each new person a fresh start, a fresh opportunity and respect the fact that speaking to others is all part of it…
Also remember – you should still be speaking to other people too! (It’s one of our top dating app tips for finding love!)
Questions You Should Never Ask On Dating Apps (TOO SOON)
Now this next question is one you can ask in time, but shouldn’t ask too soon. It is, of course…
8) What’s your Instagram?
Now you might wonder why this is a no-go, but we’re referring to when you’ve not long matched with a person and you want to move it straight through to Instagram.
Dating apps are designed to be a safe place to speak, where you share what you’re comfortable with, and create conversation to get to know a person further.
Asking for their instagram straight away is like:
- You just want to snoop.
- Maybe you’re just there to grow your own following. (Yikes!)
- You’re also trying to move it through too fast, before you’ve really got to know each other. It’s not appropriate and it’s more likely to fizzle if you do this anyway.
So sure, connect on socials in time, but don’t push it straight away.
Questions You Should Never Ask On Dating Apps
What else have we got? Well continuing on, other questions you should never ask on dating apps include:
9) What hobbies do you have?
Now I know what you may be thinking with this one, “I can’t ask what hobbies a person has?! Really?!”
Well no, no you can’t. Because it’s a lame small-talk question. And small talk gets mind-numbingly boring on dating apps.
I mean, if you’re asking the same questions as everyone else, in the exact same way, you can’t then be surprised if you don’t have much luck on dating apps!
It’s like when someone sends a mere “hey” or “how are you?” as their dating app opening line.
No, no, no, no, no! Are we clear?!
You can still find out what they’re into, but ask in more interesting, less direct ways, or pick up on the things they’ve already shared or shown from their profile.
(It won’t be difficult to find out, so you don’t have to directly ask – as if it’s some kind of generic interview!)
Psst, we give pointers for how to do this with our dating app opening lines, if you need a hand!
10) Pineapple on pizza – is it right or is it wrong?
Now let’s be fair, we all love some silly this or that questions every now and then, but on a dating app, where you’re trying to put your best foot forward? I don’t think so!
In fact, I’m pretty sure you can think of more original funny questions than that!
That’s right – when it comes to questions you shouldn’t ask on dating apps, one’s you’ve heard time and time again, are 100% a no-go… Especially when the answer doesn’t even matter!
On the flip side then, there is such a thing as getting too serious and heavy, too soon, on dating apps…
11) How do you feel about [political leader]?
So politics can create some pretty heated discussions. And hey – let’s say you’re passionate about it, you’re into it, and maybe it’s even important to you which political values your future partner has…
Dating someone with different political views can be difficult at times.
But try to steer clear of deep or controversial political conversations on dating apps. It’s not the time or place to try to “debate it out” and let’s be honest – it’s hardly fun or flirty!
Go for more flirty questions to ask a guy instead, and save this stuff to later.
You can always get a better feel for a person in person, and hey – they may have valuable reasons why they feel the way they do about things which would be difficult to explain over message.
12) How many people have you slept with?
Next up, it’s the big “number” question. And sure, maybe conversations like this MAY happen in time. But early days on dating apps? Quite frankly it’s none of your business and should not even cross your mind…
Avoid intrusive, inappropriate questions. We mentioned this at the start and this should really be a given, but all too often, it happens too often. Speaking of which…
13) Send nudes?
🤮 Need we say more?! You may think it sounds flirty, or maybe you’re just down for a hookup, but dating apps – believe it or not – are not really the right place…
Especially if you’re using one of the serious dating apps, with people genuinely looking to find love.
It’s not appropriate so early on, nor is it generally safe, so don’t put someone under pressure. The chances are – if they wanted to send them, they would, so back off asking for them!
Bumble actually recently spoke up about how to ask for digital consent. See there’s guidelines around sending nudes too.
FOR WOMEN: It’s usually an issue with people sending nudes, not you asking, but hey, it’s worth mentioning for the guys reading this article here… Or the women who are guilty of it too!
That’s All For This One
So that rounds up our 13 questions you should never ask on dating apps.
What else would you say is an absolute no-go? What questions have turned you off in the past? Let us know in the comments box below!
Love,
Ell_xx
