3 Reasons You’re Not Meeting Your Partner’s Intimacy Needs

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Is intimacy not quite where you want or need it to be, in your relationship? Want to take control? But unsure where it’s going wrong? Then here’s the 3 (real!) reasons you’re not meeting your partner’s intimacy needs – and why they likely aren’t meeting yours, either.

What Causes Intimacy Issues In a Relationship?

See, there can be many different things causing intimacy issues in a relationship. 

Different factors can come into it, like: stress, distractions, difficult life events, busy schedules, personal issues, arguments, resentment – to mention just a few.

Ultimately, all of these factors will fall into one of these 3 fundamental things destroying intimacy in a relationship. (Which is a super interesting read, by the way…)

But most of these factors are just a temporary thing – they come and go, change. Or you have the ability to change them, once you tackle them at their source.

So what are the real reasons why you’re not meeting your partner’s intimacy needs? What else comes into play? Well, my friends, allow us to now break that down for you…

what causes intimacy issues in a relationship

3 (Real) Reasons You’re Not Meeting Your Partner’s Intimacy Needs

When it comes to the real reasons you’re not meeting your partner’s intimacy needs, 3 main things come into play…

1) You’re Not Covering All Of The Different Types of Intimacy

We see this happen time and time again…

So maybe you have a great connection, you’re like best friends, and the deep emotional intimacy is there… But the physical is not. Or on the flip side, maybe you have a great s*x life, but feel disconnected emotionally… 

Do either of these sound familiar? See there are actually many different types of intimacy a relationship needs – that go beyond these main two forms.

So one of the major reasons why you may not be meeting your partner’s intimacy needs is because you’re just not covering all basis. 

Ultimately, you need to be connecting: physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, experientially, socially and when it comes to things like conflict (believe it or not.)

It sounds like a lot, but the good news is – there’s actually many different ways to build intimacy in a relationship, within all of these areas.

So you can pick and choose on what feels best and right for you.

how to improve your intimacy as a couple

Psst, thankfully also we another solution…

Want to take action RIGHT NOW to improve the level of intimacy in your relationship? Then check out our New Year Couples Intimacy Challenge.

From 1st January, we’ll set you up with small, daily (and more-than manageable) intimacy exercises, activities & games that bring you closer – on all the different levels you need.

It’s the fastest, easiest and most effective way to reconnect with your partner, so – at the very least – have a little look to see if it’s something you want to give a go…

Reasons You’re Not Meeting Your Partner’s Intimacy Needs

2) The Frequency or Level is Off

Now, it could be thatyou’re covering all of the different types of intimacy (overall) but you’re either:

  • Not meeting your partner’s intimacy needs as often as they need. Or…
  • Not meeting your partner’s intimacy needs to the level they need.

So for example, maybe you’ve managed to implement one of the healthy relationship habits of saying “I love you” every day, but your partner’s love language is words of affirmation and this isn’t quite enough.

They don’t FEEL loved by that and that alone, which is creating a disconnect between the two of you and a lack of intimacy (to whatever degree.)

In this case, you’d want to be looking at more of the different ways to say I love you and getting more creative with it. Remember, there’s plenty of clever ways to show someone you love them, based on what means the most to them.

The only way to find out things like this is to ask the tough relationship questions and talk it out.

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, it’s incredibly positive to identify where things could be improved. This leads me onto my 3rd and final point…

why your relationship is struggling with intimacy

3) You Don’t Speak About It Enough

So, awareness is all well and good. But once you know the reasons you’re not meeting your partner’s needs and – well – what exactly their needs are, you then have to continue to have open communication about it.

Remember – we all have SO much going on in our lives and world. There’s a lot to think about. It’s natural and normal to let things slip. But they don’t have to… Not if you’re organised with it.

  • Consider having monthly couples catch ups, to see where you’re at and how you feel.
  • Use things like our couples intimacy challenge to make working on intimacy a natural, normal and regular thing.
  • Try these smart yet simple couples intimacy exercises (number 3 in particular homes in on how to communicate your likes and needs in a way that comes across casually and even pretty seductively!) 🔥
  • If you’re still unsure how exactly to meet each other’s intimacy needs – ASK! And if you’re then also still unsure or confused, grab a Power Hour Relationship Coaching Call to get the bottom of it properly… Because that’s another communication issue that comes into it…

You have to know your own intimacy needs, and your partner has to know theirs too. Then, you have to be able to openly and honestly communicate them. Sometimes, it can take time to work out exactly what you want and need… But that’s okay. In fact, with the right frame of mind behind it – that can actually become the fun part!

Practically any relationship issues or challenges can be overcome by strong communication and the commitment to keep working on it. So if you have that – it really can be the magic key to get you both where you want to be. 🫶

why your relationship is struggling with intimacy

That’s All For This One

So there we have it – that rounds up the 3 (real) reasons you’re not meeting your partner’s intimacy needs, plus – most importantly – what to do.

 I hope you’ve found this valuable.

Got a specific question? Feel free to write it below and I personally will write back. 🫶

Wishing you all the very best.

Love,
Ell_xx

Reasons You’re Not Meeting Your Partner’s Intimacy Needs
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Author
Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, gaining over 7.5 million global readers to date. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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