25 Essential Self Love Questions

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Want to focus on learning to love yourself? Wondering how to learn to love yourself? Where to start?! And what’s more – what will create lasting change?! Well, these questions about self love will give you the clarity, goals and vision you need, to really get going. So, let’s get stuck in, shall we? In no particular order, here’s 25 essential self love questions to start your self love journey.

Self Love Questions (Instructions) 

These self love questions to ask yourself, are powerful things. However, to do this properly:

  • Grab a notepad and pen.
  • Write each question out on the top of a page and get ready to take your pretty notes, as you then have an entire page to brainstorm!

Now you might also want to come back and add to the answers of these self love questions.

After all, your journey to self love, will be ongoing. There will be a lot of learning and growing, as you go along. 

But actually – it’s okay to not have all of the answers straight away, not be completely sure, or change your mind, adjust answers and add to them. In fact, this is to be expected!

The most important thing is that you’re exploring these self love questions properly, and using them to guide and shape the action that you take from here.  

25 Essential Self Love Questions To Ask Yourself

Without further ado, now then, here’s our top 25 essential self love questions, 

1) How would you define self love?

There’s heaps of definitions when it comes to self love, and things you’ll hear about it, as a whole… Which is why it’s important to get clear on what self love means TO YOU.

That’s the most (if not only!) important thing. It doesn’t matter what anyone else may say.

You need to have your own understanding of self-love and how you look at it (making sure you perceive it in the positive way that you should), as that will shape all of your work on it from here.

So write it down… If you had to explain what self love means to someone else (who knows nothing about it), what would you say that it is?

If you’re feeling unsure, have a read of one of the very best self love books for women, to help to swat up your knowledge of it all, and be able to clearer break it down for yourself.

2) What is your self love vision?

So once you know what self love is and what it means to you, you can then build on it further to establish your VISION!

  • What are you working towards?
  • What would you class as the “end goal” in terms of how you want to feel?
  • How will you think or behave when you reach the levels of self love that you want?
  • What things will you be able to do?
  • What things will be different when you up the levels of self love in your life?

See, just like you may have a “career vision” or “life vision” with all the key relationship milestones – a house, a husband and kids (for example), you also want to build out a self love vision and what that looks like to you…

After all, it makes it FAR harder to reach an end destination, if you don’t know where you’re heading! And from this, you can start to set more specific goals.

3) What do you REALLY want?

Now a big part of self love, is being able to prioritise yourself, and know that you are important… And what you want is important too. But alongside this – you have to take care of yourself.

And one of the biggest ways to do this, is to make sure you’re doing what you TRULY want to do, as opposed to what you THINK you should do.

Now this might sound like “a bit of a mouthful” so allow me to explain a little further…

See, nowadays, you’ll probably find yourself scrolling through social media. I mean, the average daily usage is 2 hours and 31 minutes. But it’s not always healthy, and is brings with it – many pressures.

You see others looking a certain way, posing a certain way, seeming to live this set life… And it’s easy to try to want that, or try to want to be like that.

But this is one of the biggest mistakes you can make, because – in many cases – these other people are putting on a “show” so it’s not really them, which in turn means it wouldn’t feel like you either.

So take a step back. Stop your scrolling. Throw out any of society’s expectations or common pressures and instead get back to your core…

What would make YOU happy? What are the most important things to YOU? And how can you base the action that you take, around that?

Self Love Questions

4) How will you act and behave?

We touched on it above, when exploring your self love vision, but this is definitely one of the self love questions worth breaking down further…

Particularly as you can break these down into little stepping stones.

So start from the top, and ask yourself:

  • What would it take to feel the way you want to about yourself, and look after yourself the way that you know that you should?
  • When you reach that point – how will you act or behave? What things may be different? What things will you say “yes” to more, and “no” to more? And how will these things then further influence the way that you feel (in a positive way?)
  • Can you write a list of key behaviours that increase self love?
  • And can this list start to form a “tick list” for you, with key things to do, to get you there?

5) How will, reaching new levels of self love, help you and others?

Can you see what we’re doing with these self love questions here? We’re:

  1. Brainstorming action plans and key tasks.
  2. Driving those strong reasons “why” you need to take action to increase your motivation around it! (This all ties in with the pain-pleasure theory of motivation, you see!)

See, the more benefits you see to increasing self love, the easier it will be to do the things you need to do and stick to the things you say… to make you ultimately feel the desired way!

So with this self love question – start to look at the benefits of increasing your self love, from all angles. Who will it help? How will it help? What’s the knock-on effect. Then bring it back to…

6) Why is self love so important to you?

What does self love ultimately mean to you?

Why – aside from all of the benefits you’ve started to brainstorm above – are all of those things important to you? Why does this matter so much?

If you’re struggling with this one, you may like to jump back to these key questions to get to know yourself better, as ultimately – it should come from within.

Essential Self Love Questions To Ask Yourself

Building on these self love questions now then, let’s start to get even more clear and specific…

7) How would you rate your levels of self love now, compared to where you want to be?

It’s important to recognise not just where you’re going, but where you currently (and honestly) are, right now.

After all, you need to see yourself – and your situation – for how it really is, if you want to create genuine change on both the inside and the out.

So, what things are you happy about when it comes to yourself and your level of self love? How does this affect you and your life? And what sort of changes would you want and need to see?

8) What are your biggest “pain points” when it comes to self love?

This self love question aims to dig deeper into your insecurities or key areas of improvement when it comes to self love.

For example – you could know your worth and be able to stand up for yourself in professional areas of your life. (You back yourself and believe in yourself, intellectually)…

But then when it comes to loving your body and feeling comfortable in it (especially in front of other people), perhaps it’s a different story.

So try to recognise and home in on, these key areas and insecurities. Plus (going one step further on this), where they come from. This leads us onto our next question…

9) Where is the ROOT of your self love struggles?

This is arguably the biggest and most important self love question of them all, as it really gets to the heart of the problem… Which is key to then being able to fix it.

So ask yourself:

  • WHY do you struggle to love yourself?
  • What past experiences could this stem from?
  • What negative beliefs could be fuelling this?
  • Why has this developed? (As it doesn’t just magically appear!)

Know what your biggest issues / challenges are when it comes to a lack of self love, then break it down further and further; exploring possible things that created it.

(And by the way – it’s likely that it’s not just ONE thing, but an accumulation of things.)

10) Why SHOULD you love yourself?

This is one of the biggest self love questions, that you should keep coming back to, again and again… Not only to remind yourself of these things, but to keep adding to it.

See, it can be hard to think about what you DO love about yourself. So if you’re struggling, take a step back and ask yourself:

  • What COULD I love about myself, if I were to really try?
  • What things do others love about themselves? (After all, there’s no reason why you can’t find a love and appreciation for these things, about yourself, too.)
  • What would others want you to love about yourself / tell you, you should love about? (Note: these are usually the things that they love about you too!)

It can be anything – the big things, the little things, and everything else in between. Build it up and up, as you start to build yourself and your true levels of self love, up too. On a similar note…

Powerful Self Love Questions

11) Why are you worthy of love and happiness?

It doesn’t matter where you are right now, what’s happened in the past, or how you feel in yourself at this moment in time – get clear on why you deserve love and happiness…

Because deep down, you know that you do. (We all do, really!)

Self Love Questions

12) What needs do you have and how are they / aren’t they, currently being met?

When you start dating or getting into a relationship – you know your standards. You know what you want, need and expect, from and with that other person, right? But what about yourself?

  • What needs do you have on a personal level?
  • What do you need to feel happy and whole?

Then break these things down and weigh up whether you have them in your life, and to what degree.

For instance, to start to get you thinking, it could be things like: health, sleep, daily interaction, true friends, etc. (The list should go on and on.)

And how do all of these things tie into your level of self love?

E.G. If you had higher levels of self love, would you make sure you better meet your needs, because you know that it’s important?… You’re important?

13) Why is it important that your needs are met?

Once you have the list of things you need in your life, in order to feel the way you want to feel, I want you to establish why it’s important that you have these things…

That way you start to build up your motivation for working to get them.

You can also see that this ISN’T selfish, it’s essential. And of course, even knowing that you deserve these things, helps to build up your level of self love. (So it’s a win, win, win!)

14) What boundaries do you need to install in your life?

Another great self love question, is to find out what your boundaries are – or should be.

What boundaries could you have, which would help to increase your levels of self love and self respect?

For example, maybe you need to learn to say no more… And if so, explore what kinds of things / situations do you need to say no to, and what impact would that have?

Or maybe you need to give a little less (to the wrong people anyway), as it’s draining your energy and isn’t appreciated.

In which case, how do you know what is and isn’t right, in that area, for you?

Break it all down. Explore all aspects. Weigh it all up.

15) How often do you prioritise yourself, and why should you?

This can be anything from making time for self care, to doing more of the things you love; saying no more (as mentioned above), to committing to specific things (and giving it your all)…

Evaluate where you’re at when it comes to prioritising yourself. Then build up that motivation around doing it more, by writing a list of those strong reasons why you should.

What are your new standards / guidelines going to be, and why? (From there you can start to map out the “how” part, you see!)

Helpful Self Love Questions

We’re onto the final 10 self love questions. I hope you’re finding them valuable so far. Let’s have a few now then, where you analyse your behaviour…

16) How do you currently speak to yourself?

Being able to identify your internal self talk is such a powerful thing – and it’s self love questions like these, which enables you to uncover it. So break it all down…

  • Would you say you generally speak more positively or negatively to yourself?
  • Do you talk to yourself, the way you would a best friend?
  • What kind of things do you notice that you say to yourself?
  • How do the things that you say to yourself, tend to make you feel?
  • When do you and when don’t you, notice the way that you talk to yourself? And why could that be?

If you’re finding this one a difficult one – that’s okay. Simply keep the question in your mind more from here, so that you become more aware of your self talk, and can better break it down.

17) What do others do, which makes you feel loved?

This is an interesting self love question, as if you can recognise what things make you feel loved and why – you can find other ways, within yourself, to still feel loved.

For instance, let’s say you feel loved when people tell you they love you, or say nice things. Well, wouldn’t I Am Loved affirmations work just as well for this?

Or maybe it’s intimacy that makes you feel loved? Well, there’s still ways to deal with lack of intimacy – intimacy doesn’t come in one, set, form.

18) What do others say / do, which shows you DESERVE to be loved?

If you can see how others make you feel loved, from our last question above, it’s useful to actually compile this into more of a list that you can refer back to – reminding you:

  1. Not only of what others do to make you feel loved, and which show they, do indeed, love you. (And so you should love yourself too!)
  2. You can also build up a “case” of why you deserve to be loved, based on these things as well.

So for example – notice the things that your loved ones say to you. Pick up on the complements and remember them.

People think that you’re an amazing person, and you ARE… And that’s just one of the (many) reasons that you deserve to be loved!

When you start to really hear and recognise these things, you start to see (and hopefully also agree with them) the positive things that others are saying about you…

When you see it and believe it, you can begin to really build that self love. So you’re essentially using the love you receive from others, to help you learn to love yourself too.

Hence why it’s a useful self love question, well worth exploring!

Questions about self love

19) Who inspires you when it comes to self love?

This is a really powerful self love question (and possibly my favourite one on this entire list!) as it’s actually a very effective strategy for building self love. I mean:

  • Who inspires you by showing, undeniable, levels of genuine self love? It could be a confident influencer, or a person who’s so sure of themself and content in who they are and how they live, they don’t feel the need to “follow the crowd” or post on social media at all!
  • Who has – what could be – the same insecurity as you, and yet they still totally rock it? So it could be a body-confidence influencer, or someone who has the same facial features that you see in yourself (and don’t like), yet they’re still seen as beautiful and appear to always feel beautiful, themselves.

Role-modelling is a powerful tool, and with this question – you’re finding people who could be your role model and who feel good in themselves, encouraging you to feel good about you, too.

20) In what ways could you be being hard on yourself?

By using role models and positively comparing yourself to other people, you’re then able to better identify how you could be being hard on yourself.

In what ways could you be being hard on yourself? What standards do you have for yourself, which you wouldn’t have for others or which others wouldn’t have for themselves? 

Powerful Self Love Questions

21) What habits do you have which DIMINISH your levels of self love?

A super helpful powerful self love question is to ask yourself what habits you have, which may be knocking down your levels of self-love and not helping the way you feel about yourself.

So this could be self-sabotage which leads to constantly making “mistakes”; negative self talk, comparing yourself to others or even something like – treating others badly in the hope it makes you feel better about yourself… But of course it doesn’t.

This list could go on and on, but the key is to ask yourself the question so that you get exploring and analysing your own habits and how they could tie into your lower levels of self love.

22) How have you tried to increase your love?

Another useful activity is to look at the things you’ve done to try to increase your levels of self love so far. So for this, you want to ask yourself:

  • What have you done to try to increase your self love?
  • Why did you do it? (Or more specifically – why did you think that would help to increase self love? What was the idea of theory behind it?)
  • What things worked? (I mean, what impact did these actions have? Did they genuinely help to increase your levels of self love?)
  • What things didn’t work? And why do you think that is?

By breaking all of this down further, you can better determine the best things to try from here, when it comes to increasing your levels of self love.

23) What things do you do on a regular basis to support your self love?

Building on our last self love question further, you can then look at the things you do on a regular basis, which support your self love. After all, consistency is key.

Have you tried things that have helped, and only done them once? Or have you kept doing them?

What things do you do regularly (whether it’s also consciously or not) to sustain stronger levels of self love?

EG. This may be self-care, solo-date time, weekly time doing things you love, or even finding new hobbies that you enjoy, etc.

What habits have you developed and how do they support you?

24) In what ways could you show love for yourself, daily?

As we head into our final starting, self love questions, I want you to start brainstorming and thinking – what things could you do to show love for yourself daily? Even in just small ways?

Go back through your previous questions and answers if you need to get ideas and inspiration, but see what you can come up with… And then, of course, try it out!

Questions about self love

25) What should you remind yourself of, every day?

If there’s one thing you CAN do every day, to show love to yourself, it’s focusing on the way you speak to yourself…

So our final self love question gets you, essentially, establishing your own affirmations and reminders for a positive impact, straight away, from here.

Say the things you know you need to hear and remind yourself of, then repeat, repeat, repeat. That’s what it’s all about my friends.

Recommended Read: 101 Uplifting Affirmations for Low Self Esteem

That’s All For This One

So there we have it – 25 essential questions about love (you really should ask yourself.)

When used properly, these self love questions are powerful things; guiding your self love journey and what to do from here.

So take your time in answering them. Remember – you can tweak your answers or add to them, at any time you need. (They don’t have to be perfect or 100% set in stone!)

The most important thing is you start thinking, focusing & really homing in on the things you need.

Good luck. Take care. And know that I’m proud of you. You’re doing the right things!


Self Love Questions
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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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