Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday?

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Should I text my ex happy birthday? Won’t it seem rude if I don’t? And what’s the harm if I do? Really? In this post, we explore all – from all angles. Don’t worry, we’re not going to just shoot down the idea straight away. (I know, I know. You’re probably searching this, hoping the answer to be “yes!”) So let’s come to the right conclusion, properly. Let’s weigh it all up.

Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday?

So in order to decide if you should text your ex happy birthday, I want you us to first establish:

  • What’s the situation? How long has it been since you broke up? How and why did it end? 
  • What are the two of you like now? Are you on good terms?
  • Do you ever speak? Or are you currently doing “no contact”?
  • Why ask you considering texting your ex happy birthday?
  • Is it a big deal either way? Do you really want to do this?
  • What’s making you worry that you shouldn’t? Why might it not be a good idea?

See, if we’re talking about texting your ex happy birthday and it’s been YEARS since you’ve broken up – the question is kind of irrelevant. It’s not a massive deal either way. 

On the one side, if you never speak – it could seem a bit random. It also shows you’re still thinking about your ex enough to remember it’s their birthday (weird, you really should have moved on!) 

Unless of course you have them on Facebook and so Facebook told you. Or a lot has happened since the two of you were together and there’s no bad feeling there at all.

In which case, like we said at the start – is there really any harm? No, probably not. As long as you’re just messaging to say “happy birthday” as an old friend more than anything.

Recommended Read: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

So where does it get more complicated? Well, if the breakup wasn’t that long ago, if you’re not speaking, shouldn’t be speaking or if you’re trying to get over your ex. Or trying but don’t really want to. Let’s explore all of this a little further.

Why Do You Want To Text Your Ex Happy Birthday?

So let’s presume the latter is true. The breakup is still pretty raw, and yet you still want to reach out. Before you ask, “should I text my ex happy birthday”, I want you to ask yourself:

WHY do I want to text my ex happy birthday?

Stop for a moment and really think about it. What’s the honest intention behind wanting to text your ex happy birthday and what are you looking to get out of it? The word honest is key here.

Do you miss your ex? Are you using it as an excuse or opportunity to speak again? Are you hoping it gets you speaking again, helps you to reconnect? And why do you want this? Because you feel a bit lonely, or because you want the two of you to get back together?

There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s just how you feel. But you have to determine how you feel, because then you can better gage what the best thing to do is. To make this easier, let’s explore a few scenarios. 

Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday?

Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday If…?

Should you text your ex happy birthday if… Let’s break it down a little.

1) I’m Doing No Contact?

Well, no. No contact means no contact. It’s in place for a reason. It’s the best for both of you. And texting your ex happy birthday isn’t worth breaking that for. 

Either it will make the conversation escalate and therefore further break “no contact”, or you’ll get a “thanks” back, which is really neither here nor there.

Remember, you’re not together anymore. Right now you’re not even really friends. You’re not on speaking terms. So I know your naturally instinct is to want to wish your ex happy birthday. Maybe you’ve spent years wishing it them and helping them celebrate.

But things have changed. You’re not together, you shouldn’t act like it and so you shouldn’t be breaking no contact to say a few little words. It’s just not necessary.

Recommended Read: Should You Block Your Ex After a Breakup? Find Out Here

2) I Miss Them?

Now this is a no-brainer. If you want to text your ex happy birthday just because you miss them, you really may as well not bother.

First up, if you miss them, you need to establish WHY you miss them – whether it’s them, what you had or just because you’re struggling to readjust. Missing them doesn’t always mean you should be with them or trying to reconnect again would be the right thing. So slow down just a second!

Recommended Read: What To Do When You Miss Someone

And let’s say – for arguments sake – you miss them and want to be with them. You know (or strongly think) it’s the right decision, you know you can’t let go and you want to fight for them. Well, okay, I won’t go into that on this post, but please consider:

  • Are you messaging happy birthday as your “way in”? Because there’s really better, stronger openers than – what is essentially – small talk. Don’t lead with this.
  • Are you both on speaking terms, and so you’re messaging happy birthday as it would be unusual not to? If this is the case, then – who am I to stop you? You’re already following the path of trying to get them back and so will, of course, message happy birthday on their birthday!

I doubt it’s the latter, otherwise you wouldn’t be here – reading this. There wouldn’t be the deliberation. But that situation would be the only case, really, where you would naturally text your ex happy birthday. (Not that it’s necessarily the healthiest place to be in!

Recommended Read: Should I Get Back With My Ex?

3) You Want To Make Them Think Of You

Another reason why you might want to text your ex happy birthday, is you want them to think of you. You’re using it as an excuse to spark off conversation – a way in. But you want to get back on their mind.

The thing is, they will or they won’t already be thinking of you regardless. You popping up won’t really make much difference. Also, if you’re not going to get back together – why make it harder? Not just for them, but for you too. Breakups are difficult enough as it is.

So I know it’s hard. I know you’re torn. I know you really want to speak to them. You also want them to miss you and want to speak to you too. But you just have to stick with it.

Recommended Read: What To Do If You Can’t Get Over Your Ex

Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday?

Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday?

Ultimately, as you may now be starting to see – texting your ex happy birthday is not really needed. It’s okay if it’s an old ex and you’ve moved into the friendship level.

But you forgot about it – trust me, don’t lose sleep over it. You never NEED to text an ex. Your friendship will never really be the same as others anyway. And in most cases, wishing your ex happy birthday is a BAD idea over a good one. 

On the flip side, if the breakup was fairly recently, if there’s unresolved issues or feelings, if you’re not quite over them, if you want to get back with them, if you have ulterior motives, etc, etc (you get the picture) and you want a simple answer… Should I text my ex happy birthday?

The answer is no. Definitely not. Just leave it out, forget about it. It is of course your call either way, but trust me, texting your ex happy birthday is:

  • Unnecessary.
  • Has no real benefit.
  • Can only stir up rejection or disappointment.
  • Can make things complicated.
  • In inappropriate in some cases.
  • Can set you – or your ex – back.
  • Doesn’t need to be done!

Hope this helps. Take care. And remember… this will get easier. For more breakup support, click here.


Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday?
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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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