Have you been put in the friend zone? Does he see you as just a friend? In this post, we’ll run through the key signs he only sees you as a friend – plus, what to do about it.
Should you try to progress your relationship? Or is it better left where it is? Can you do anything to change the way he sees you? Here, we’ll soon reveal. So let’s start from the top…
Does He See Me As More Than a Friend?
So first up, before we look at the signs he only sees you as a friend – let’s compare this against the signs your friend has feelings for you.
That way, you’ll be able to tell what it looks like if he DOES like you on a romantic level.
And – if he’s not doing these things – it then increases the likelihood that he does indeed, only sees you as a friend.
See, if he’s secretly got feelings for you, you’ll notice things like…
- He’ll make time and effort to see you, speak to you, get to know you better and just be there for you – any and every time you need.
- He’ll ask you lots of questions and pay more of an interest than most people. In fact, he’ll take a particular interest in your love life OR (if ignorance is bliss), not want to hear about it at all!
- In some cases, you may find that he gets over-protective or jealous if you’re ever with other people. (People usually being guys… He doesn’t want to see you with anyone else romantically, you see!)
- You’ll find the two of you sharing “moments” – so there will be intense eye contact, burning chemistry and just “something between you.” This is a big one – especially if you’re falling for him, or – at the very least – starting to see him in a romantic way too.
- You may also find that he actually actively pushes the boundaries of your friendship – to try to test the waters and gage how you feel. So – most commonly – you’ll notice the signs he’s flirting with you or he’ll find opportunities to progress your friendship / “relationship” further.
- He’ll also try to impress you in most cases. He just can’t help himself! He wants to be with you really, and wants you to want to be with him – to see him in that way.
These are just touching on a few of the differences between a friend-who-is-just-a-friend and a friend-who-wants-to-be-more-than-a-friend.
It’s similar to the signs he likes you but is hiding it, or the signs he likes you but is scared of rejection. As all of these things tie in if your friend secretly has feelings for you.
The good news is – this means you actually have a lot you can look out for, to help you piece it altogether.
So this is a great starting point if you want to know if he sees you as just as a friend, or more than a friend. Knowledge is power, so the better you can differentiate between both the signs that he does and the signs that he doesn’t, the easier it becomes to work out.
15 Signs He Only Sees You As A Friend
So, now you know what it looks like when he DOES like you as more than a friend, what are the key indictors that he DOESN’T? What should you be able to notice?
Well, unsurprisingly – it’s pretty much the opposite of the signs he secretly likes you.
So, the signs he only sees you as a friend look a little like this…
1) He Doesn’t Flirt With You
First off, if he only sees you as a friend, he will – as you can imagine – treat you like just a friend.
This means, there’s no flirting, no crossing the boundaries and no temptation (from his side at least) to do so either.
Now it can be difficult to tell if someone is flirting with you. (In some cases, that can be part of the challenge and part of the reason why you don’t know how he feels!)
If he’s a flirty person, he’s also likely to flirt with ANYONE (including you) which can be confusing.
“Does he like me? Does this mean anything?” That’s then for you to try to work out!
But generally speaking – there will be less to no flirting if he only sees you as a friend.
He likes you, but not in that way. And so he won’t act that way. That’s when it’s nice and easy to be able to tell anyway! Like we said – characters can vary.
2) He Dates Other People
Following on from our last point, another major sign he only sees you as a friend is if – not only does he NOT flirt with you – but he often flirts with other people.
Then you know he’s perfectly capable of being flirty, but he’s just not that way with you.
He also dates other people, but there’s no date requests for you, nor do you feel anywhere close to being able to date him. (Darn!)
That’s then another likely sign he only sees you as a friend, unfortunately. (Or not.)
Of course he could be in denial… He could be fighting his feelings for you, but secretly want to date you. It can happen...
But it depends if you’re getting any sort of hint or indication of this. (After all, you don’t want to be “clutching at straws” here, do you?)
See, in most cases, he’s not dating you because he’s not interested in you romantically and he probably doesn’t think that you would be in him either.
This is no reflection on you. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you as a person or can’t appreciate the fact that you are, indeed, an attractive person, but romantically – there’s something holding him back or missing there for him.
3) He Talks To You About Other People
So what else have we got? Well, a MAJOR sign he only sees you as a friend is if he’s very open about his love life.
He doesn’t tell you to try to make you jealous or test your reaction. He’s simply open and talks to you like “one of the lads”. He doesn’t even think about it…
If there’s someone on the scene and he’s excited or it’s just “good gossip”, he’ll happily share if he only sees you as a friend, because he won’t think it matters.
4) You Only Really Speak In Group Chat
There’s ways to tell if someone likes you over text, but one core essential – is that the person puts the time and effort into messaging YOU!
If he only sees you as a friend, you may do things together, but it’s only usually within a group.
Likewise when you’re messaging – you’ll find you’re usually just messaging each other within a Group Chat, and it’s mostly jokey stuff, nothing serious, no heart-to-hearts.
This isn’t a good sign, my friends, not a good sign at all! Not if you were kind of wishing that it could be more than just friends here…
5) He Doesn’t Message Much
Now let’s say the two of you are really close. If this is the case, perhaps you do speak privately and see each other privately.
However, you won’t be texting non-stop and if you have feelings for him but he doesn’t for you – you’ll probably find that you’re the one texting him first most of the time, and initiating most of the conversation.
See, you speak to friends less than people that you’re actively pursuing. Naturally. So if you want to know if he only sees you as a friend, ask yourself:
- Is he treating me like a friend, or treating me like more?
- Would be behave like this if we were just friends?
- Is he putting more effort in because he sees me as more?
Be honest with yourself. See what’s really happening, not want you want to see. Try not to fantasise or let wishful thinking take over!
6) He Calls You “Mate” (or an Equivalent)
Now we all love a good pet name. Only, if a guy sees you as just a friend, you won’t be hearing any “babe” or “sweetheart.” You’re more likely to get “mate”, “dude”, or called by your last name.
Uh huh, it’s not awfully endearing and definitely not what you want to hear.
Yes, it’s more personal in some ways, but it’s not romantic.
What if he calls that to everyone? Then it’s most likely that he’s put you in the group with “everyone” as opposed to seeing you as something more, I’m afraid.
7) He’s Too Comfortable Around You
What else do you want to look out for? Well, if he’s too comfortable around you…
And I know what you’re thinking – but surely it’s a good think if he’s comfortable? If he can be himself? Yes, for sure. But there has to be boundaries…
For example, if he’s lost his manners, is happy to burp or fart in front of you (with no embarrassment) – he’s too comfortable around you and only sees you as a friend.
Likewise, you may find that he doesn’t dress up around you. He doesn’t really make an effort with how he looks.
Sweaty from football? No worries. Hungover and grouchy? Oh well, you’ll “get it.”
Whilst we’re on the topic of being comfortable, there’s also the other angle…
- Can he hold eye contact with you without feeling awkward?
- Do you ever have a “moment” and he has to look away?
See, if he liked you – but was hiding it BECAUSE you’re friends – you’d notice he’s not COMPLETELY comfortable around you… especially when it’s just the two of you.
He’s got something to hide – some feelings in there. It might make him a little anxious, shy or on edge because he doesn’t want to let it out.
Not getting any of that? Find that he’s as chilled with you as anyone else?
Then it means there’s a lack of care. He doesn’t need to impress you, and that’s probably because he sees you as just a friend.
Signs He Only Sees You As a Friend
We’re nearly half way through the signs he only sees you as a friend. How’s it looking? Is there something more there, or probably not? Let’s keep these signs coming to make it clearer to see.
9) He’s Not Afraid To Tell You The Truth
Here’s another big sign he only sees you as a friend now then…
See, we know you have some sort of level of friendship. We also know that he cares about you. But if it’s as a friend, you’re more likely to hear more hard-hitting truths.
He’s not trying to win you, he’s not overly thinking about what he’s saying. And so he can come out with more things that – may seem harsh – but are true…
Although it’s usually in your best interest. (Presuming he’s a good guy, that is, anyway!)
So for instance:
- If you’re going a little wild and you need to sort your life out, he won’t be afraid to tell you.
- If you’re being flakey and dropping out of plans – he’ll say it to you straight!
He’s not being mean. Like I said, he’s just trying to help you.
But if he saw you as more than a friend – he’d be more careful not to offend or upset you or his reactions would be more emotionally fuelled. And that’s a major difference.
8) He Winds You Up
Another of the signs he only sees you as a friend, is if he ALWAYS seems to joke around and wind you up – especially if that’s in his nature or character and what he does with most of his mates.
Because sure, flirting by teasing is a thing. But if he only sees you as a friend, his teasing will be more like the way a big brother teases a little sister. It’s on a different level.
You’ll also notice it’s not matched with any chemistry-fuelled eye contact.
He is literally just messing around with you – not with any bad intention but certainly not with any romantic one either. It’s just not there…
10) He’s Disengaged
Another major sign he only sees you as a friend is if – when you’re together – he can be pretty disengaged. You’re not in a relationship, you’re not just “chilling out.”
If he was romantically interested in you, he’d make the most of the time he had with you – getting to know you more, building more of a bond.
So if he’s often sat on his phone when he’s with you, scrolling through social media or replying to messages – for example – it’s not a good sign.
He’s paying more attention to other things or other people. They’re more of a priority in his mind right now. And that’s okay – but if he liked you romantically, it wouldn’t be the way.
See, he’s comfortable around you, sees you as a friend, like we said.
It’s not a CRIME to relax in someone else’s company and put your focus elsewhere. It just confirms that he’s not trying to pursue you romantically because to him – you’re just his mate.
11) He’s Touch & Go
Building on from our last point, if he only sees you as a friend, you may find he’s a bit touch and go. You don’t really know what to expect.
Maybe some days you’ll send messages back and forth… Then the next day you won’t hear from him all day… perhaps for multiple days.
His communication is all over the place. And he only really speaks when he “has time” or is in the mood.
See in his mind, he doesn’t think you’ll think anything of it – because he doesn’t think anything of it himself. You’re his friend, you don’t need to be chatting 24-7.
If you make plans together, he’ll be there. He doesn’t let you down.
But things are firmly in friendship-zone if – aside from that – he’s carelessly unpredictable and simply takes the time when he has the time, instead of making the time for you because he’s actually interested in you romantically.
12) He’s Never Tried To Make a Move
Has he ever tried to make a move on you? Ever kissed you? Have you ever shared any intimate moments? Any moments that suggest you could be MORE than just friends?
And how do you know if he felt it, or if it was just felt by you?
These are more of the things you should be looking out for and considering when wondering if he sees you as just a friend.
Because sure – everyone’s different. He could be shy, he could not know how you feel.
But in most cases, there will probably be some moments where he drops his guard and gives away his true feelings towards you.
Haven’t had anything like that? Then it could just be that there’s nothing there and he’s not feeling it…
Not because you’re not amazing. You are. Trust me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. And I want you to believe me with this one. This is nothing to take personally. Remember that, okay?
13) He Genuinely Tries To Set You Up
What else might he do if he only sees you as a friend? Well, he may set you up with other people – especially if you’ve been single a while and he has a big social circle.
Only he won’t just organise double dates to get closer to you and be able to spend more time with you.
No, no, no. He’ll organise genuine dates with people who have actual potential. Or, he’ll be your wing-man on a night out… If a guy saw you romantically, there’s no way he’d do that.
Does he get jealous? Does he feel like no-one is good enough for you and knocks other guys down? These will be key indicators – working both ways.
14) Nothing is Reciprocated
Now, depending on how you feel about this guy – the chances are, there’s going to be times where you’ve tested the waters yourself. Am I right or am I right? A little flirting?
Maybe some physical contact? Or even just trying to hold his gaze longer, or giving him suggestive looks?
The thing is, if he sees you as just a friend, you’ll get little to nothing back. Maybe he’s realised how you feel and doesn’t want to lead you on. Or perhaps he’s completely oblivious.
Ultimately though, if you’ve made a conscious effort to take things in a romantic direction or ignite a little more of a spark – and it’s not being acted on from his side, there’s a good reason for that.
15) You Just Feel It
Last but not least then, one of the biggest signs he only sees you as a friend is if you feel it.
He doesn’t even have to say it (although he might have done that too – depending on the circumstances in which you met and are in.)
- Do you feel like nothing you say or do is “good enough”? Do you feel like you’re not “good enough” perhaps?
- Does this feel like a battle? Like you’re trying to get him to like you romantically or see you in a different way?
- Is it difficult?
These are important questions. See, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – when it’s right, it will FEEL right. It won’t be this tough.
So if he doesn’t make you feel the way a romantic partner would make you feel, if you know – deep down – that from his side it’s just not there, don’t ignore it.
Yes it sucks in this moment, but it’s better to be aware of the truth than battling against the lies you’ve convinced yourself of to keep holding on to hope. But what does all of this mean?
Can You Get Out of the Friendzone?
In some cases – yes, you can get out of the friend zone.
Whether or not you want to try will depend on how much you’ve put yourself out there with this guy to date, and what your “relationship” is like.
Are you friends? Really good friends? Is trying to move out of it worth risking damaging the friendship for? Or are you more acquaintances and so – there’s less to potentially “lose”?
How do you feel about him? Is he just a crush? How long have you had feelings for him? And do you really think he has potential to be the right person for you?
What To Do If He Only Sees You as a Friend
When it comes to what to do if he only sees you as a friend then, you really have to weigh up how much you’ve tried, how much potential you think is there, and whether you want to explore things further.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there if you think it could be worth it, of course.
There’s no shame in trying. Even if it doesn’t go where you’d like it to lead. It’s then just a case of knowing when to stop trying if he’s really not feeling it.
Unsure what to do? What’s the best thing? How good your “chances” are? Then get in touch for private one-to-one dating coaching. Uh huh, I am at hand! We will make a plan!
Whatever you decide to do – do so with confidence.
Remember, this is just one guy in a world full of wonderful people. You’ll find someone who sees you and appreciates you completely, for everything and all that you are – whether it’s this guy or not.
So hang on in there. Good luck!