So you know he’s kind of into you, you’re starting to develop feelings for him too. But how do you know if the two of you want the same things and are on the same page? How do you spot the signs he’s not ready for something serious? Well, unless you’re a mind-reader, it’s pretty hard.
You’ve also got to give things time for the relationship to develop naturally (and the more pressure you add to that, the less likely it is to happen.) The most important thing however, is that you’re not wasting time on the wrong people… You must, must, must be looking to head in the same direction.
Oh… and by the way, just because he may not ready for something serious – doesn’t mean it’s any reflection on you. It could be the case of the ‘right person, wrong time’ for him. But remember…
If it’s not right for one of you, it’s not right for the other.
You WILL meet someone who you click with, who you bounce off, who ticks all the important boxes and – most importantly – wants the same things as you, and is at the same stage in life. So don’t settle or try to convince someone who’s not. Okay?
10 Signs He’s Not Ready For Something Serious
Let’s jump straight in with some of the key signs he’s not ready for something serious.
… That’s right girl, we’ve got you covered when it comes to spotting the men you want to avoid!
1) He’s Reluctant To Commit
So first off, a bit of a no-brainer, but if he’s reluctant to commit, it is – of course – one of the major signs he’s not ready for something serious.
If the two of you have been dating for a while, it feels very ‘coupley’ yet he doesn’t want to put the label on it, or make it into something more, then there’s only so much time you can give it before you’re just WASTING your time.
Obviously relationship-talk shouldn’t be brought up too early. Initially the two of you are still just getting to know each other, sussing one another out, but the closer you become and the longer time goes on – these conversations should naturally start to crop up and things should pretty easily begin to evolve.
This ties in nicely with my next point…
2) You Can’t Even Broach The Topic of Committing
Another warning sign is if you feel like you can’t even TALK about the potential of where the two of you are heading.
If you’re scared of how he will react or worried about scaring him off, then there’s actually a part of you that already knows he’s not ready for something serious… In which case, stop living in denial!
And I know, it’s tough. Wishful thinking sets in. It’s like ‘If I can just make him so happy being with me, maybe he’ll warm to the idea. Maybe he’ll want to build it into something more and will bring it up with me.’ But that’s all wrong.
You should never have to try to convince someone, or work hard to make someone want you. The right relationships happen naturally, with two people who feel the same way and are on the same page, at the same stage of their life.
You shouldn’t have to force or push things. And I mean, we all know love can be scary – but it’s all about taking the “risk”, knowing it’s worth taking a chance on the right person. Do you really want a man who’s not willing to do that?
Open conversation is key and if you feel like you can’t talk about where this is going (on top of him also not taking the initiative to discuss it), it’s really not looking good.
3) He Makes Promises, But You Don’t Think He Means Them
On the flip side, you can get the guys who aren’t scared of talking about where it’s going. Instead, they’re the complete opposite – talking openly about it pretty early on.
They put all these cute little pictures in your head – but it’s just part of sweeping you off your feet and is one of the key signs of a player.
He’s telling you the things you want to hear, saying what he thinks he should – but he doesn’t mean it and you can see straight through it.
It’s just like the same old spiel that you know all to well, he’s giving to other people. It’s too much, too soon and doesn’t come across as personal or genuine. Be wary of this my friends, be wary.
Remember, real life doesn’t happen like a fairytale – that’s what we teach here right?! So if it feels too good to be true, know that there MAY be a catch and he could just be love-bombing you.
4) You Know He’s Chatting To Other People
The two of you aren’t exclusive yet – he can do what he wants right? But when you meet someone and are genuinely interested in things progressing further, you naturally lose interest in other people.
It’s pretty time-consuming juggling all these matches, right? So why is he still doing that instead of putting his attention in one place for a little while?
It’s because he’s not ready. I’m sorry, but he’s not. He’s still got a case of ‘the grass is greener’ and he wants to make the most of – what seems like – all these endless options.
You shouldn’t have to say anything, you shouldn’t have to set ‘rules’, but if he is still pursuing other people – swiping, chatting, dating out of choice – it’s because he’s not ready for something serious yet. He doesn’t have the maturity to just want to “pursue” things with one person at a time and see where it goes.
He probably has a little growing up to do yet – and that’s okay. But it doesn’t mean you have to wait around for it to happen. You’re not a MUG are you? No… No, you certainly are not.
5) He’s Not Really There For You
The two of you have fun together, you get on great, but when times are tough and you need someone to be there with emotional support – he’s not really your man.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you, I’m sure he does, he’s just not ready for the heavy stuff yet. And you deserve a relationship that is more than that. You deserve someone who is your rock.
Similarly to above, if you feel like you CAN’T open up to him with the things that really matter to you, because you’re scared of him walking away, then again – it’s usually a sign that the relationship isn’t at that stage yet.
The question is: is it you holding back, or is it his actions that make you feel like you have to? This leads me onto my next point…
6) He Doesn’t Fully Open Up To You
One of the less obvious signs he’s not ready for something serious now – but the kind of relationship you have and the closeness of that relationship, actually says a lot.
See, if you feel like you know him pretty well but his walls are up, you haven’t fully seen his true self – that’s because really opening up to a person can make you feel pretty vulnerable. You’re allowing them to see you, exactly as you are. That takes a lot of trust, and commitment too.
Some people take longer than others to open up, but if you feel like there’s not really any progress with this and very little personal sharing, then there’s a good chance he’s trying to keep things casual.
Dating Should Be An Equal Thing…
Remember: there should be a mutual curiosity around getting to know each other. If you see a potential future with someone, you want to fully understand them to suss out if…
1) The two of you are compatible and
2) What the future is going to hold.
So feeling comfortable enough to let someone in, and having that interest there, is vitally important. Do you both have the same level of interest, openness and engagement? Think about it.
7) He Kind of Comes & Goes
Just like he’ll play hot and cold when he’s messing you around, he will also do the same thing when he’s not ready for something serious. Sometimes it’s not even intentional.
See he’s kind of torn here – battling between what he wants and what he’s ready for. It can make him feel different ways at different times too.
As a result, you’ll feel like one minute he can be into you, the next, you’re not sure. You’ll also probably notice the guy hot and cold texting a lot… That comes into it too.
The best thing you can do in this situation is know your standards, express what is and isn’t okay to make sure you’re still getting the respect that you deserve.
You also need to make sure that you’re still giving him enough space – to think and breath, be his own person, live his own life. That’s all healthy.
Just don’t cling onto him. You don’t need to. Give him that freedom, it will say a lot. But if he then chooses to use it to keep you as just an option, you’ll have a lot better idea of where you stand.
8) He Has Other Things Going On In His Life
This is one of the different signs he’s not ready for something serious now – and actually it’s one of the GOOD signs, because – again – it shows a level of maturity.
See it might be that he’s not long gotten out of another relationship, he may still have some things to deal with, or perhaps it’s something completely unrelated. Maybe his career is all up in the air at the moment, or he has family dramas going on.
If he himself hasn’t got his life and mind together, there’s a good chance he’s not ready for something serious… But if he recognises that and prioritises on working through the things he needs to before bringing anyone else into his world – there is actually still hope for the two of you because the right intentions are there.
Right now, he may well have stuff going on. Important stuff. Or deep internal work. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it will influence his availability for a relationship.
So again, you simply have to give him space and time to do what he needs to do and take it all into consideration – weigh it all up when deciding what you want to do.
9) He Tells You He’s Not Ready Yet
As we come towards the end now, I have to raise the point of this one. After all you should know he’s not ready for something serious when he tells you he’s not looking for a relationship. It sounds obvious right? Only sometimes we’re reluctant to listen.
It’s avoidable however. When we remind ourselves of it. And luckily, this is actually something that we can find out fairly early, especially with a mans ‘intentions’ listed on many dating apps now.
So, to save yourself a whole world of heartache – the best thing to do when he actually SAYS he’s not looking for anything serious – is to not get too heavily invested or try to change his mind.
Don’t allow yourself to fall for someone who isn’t in the same place as you. Keep things light. You don’t need to cut him out completely – but you do need to protect yourself when you know that the two of you aren’t at the same stage right now.
It doesn’t matter how much you like him as a person or how much potential he would – in theory – have. Keep the fact that he’s not ready and therefore not right, in the forefront of your mind, and save your time to invest it in people who you know are at the same place as you.
And hey – you never know, if you stay in touch, things could happen later down the line, if your timelines then align when you’re at that stage.
But for now, respect his honesty, appreciate that you’re looking for different things, and avoid going there if you don’t want to get hurt. He’s not ready – but at least you know, right?
10) You Feel It In Your Gut
Last but not least, if you FEEL that something isn’t quite right, then it probably isn’t. See, when someone is really into you and is sure about you, you know. You may have your worries, insecurities or fears, but you still know, deep down.
The whole dynamics of your relationship is different too. Whereas if he’s not ready for something serious, you won’t have the same security. You’ll feel uncertain, uncomfortable even, and very unsure.
Trust your gut, and if you’re unsure whether it’s just you being ‘paranoid’ – talk to him about it. If he is open to something serious, it won’t make him run a mile.
If anything, having that open communication will only bring you closer. So there’s always a way to find out for sure.
What To Do If He’s Not Ready for a Relationship
Like I said above, if he’s not ready for something serious, the most important thing to do is ACCEPT IT. Don’t try to convince him, don’t try to change it and certainly don’t wait – continuing to see him with the hope of him one day waking up and realising that he was wrong. No, no, no. Have more self-respect than that.
If you want him to come running back to him, the best thing to actually do is leave things on good terms, have the strength to walk away and then let him remember what he’s missing.
Ultimately, if he’s the right person, he will come back to you once he’s sorted himself out – but you can’t count on that… He could also just be fobbing you off because actually, you’re not the right one. Or, there could be NO-ONE who’s the ‘right one’ at that moment in time because he simply doesn’t want to commit to just one person.
Regardless of what the reason is – don’t try to play detective to figure it out. It doesn’t matter. Just let it go. Let it go and focus on moving forward.
Give yourself a little time to get over him if you need, then when you’re ready, jump on back out there and work on finding someone who’s not only right for you, but is also in the right stage of their life to want the same things.
I Know It’s Hard…
At times it can feel like NO-ONE is in the same place as you, but this isn’t accurate or true. The right people are out there and every time you find someone who isn’t it takes you one step closer to finding someone who is.
So don’t give up! Now you know the 10 key signs he’s not ready for something serious. Take them on board, try not to ignore them… and good luck!
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All the best.