Are there any signs you can’t trust him? Any key indicators he’s probably not a good one to give your heart to? Well, actually, there are! In this post, we’re going to look at the key signs you can’t trust him. Recognise them. Acknowledge them. And don’t overlook them.
Can I Trust Him?
Trust – it’s a big thing, right? If you’ve been hurt before, it’s even more difficult to give.
We spoke here about how to let go of trust issues when looking for love, and here on how to build trust with another person.
But what if you just can’t trust him? What if he’s not a trustworthy person? He’s bad news? And then, how do you know for sure? Well my friends, in this post, we’re going to break it all down.
7 Signs You Can’t Trust Him
Here’s 7 signs you can’t trust him. If you’re reading through this thinking, “yep, yep, yep” – then this guy, he’s not to be trusted. He’s not “up to scratch” my friends!
1) He Tells a Lot of White Lies
First up, if he tells a lot of white lies – it’s not a good sign. And yes, he may say, “well what’s the harm?” “It’s no big deal!” And maybe he’s right, to a degree. But it says a lot about his moral compass.
- Why does he lie? What sort of things does he lie about?
- Does he lie for the sake of it? Have you noticed little white lies that didn’t need to be there?
- Are these white lies told to you, to others or to both?
- Do you ever confront him about them? If so, what does he say?
- If you have flagged it up – does he make an effort to cut them out? Or is this more of a habit to him?
- If you were in his situation – would you do the same?
Because that’s the big thing. If he’s telling white lies about things you wouldn’t, things you don’t agree with or things you think he shouldn’t – it immediately points out the difference in the two of you.
And I know what you’re thinking – if he lies about the little things, is there any hope of him being honest about the big things? In the times it matters the most? It’s certainly unlikely.
2) He Hides The Truth
Similarly to someone who tells a lot of white lies, they’ll also often have the tendency to hide the truth. You’ll find yourself having to ask to know something – something that really, he’d know that you’d care about or want to know.
When he does this, it’s usually hiding the truth about the things he knows you won’t like or won’t feel comfortable for – so there’s a chance he’ll get a bit of “grief” from it.
But it’s weak, and dishonest. And it makes you come across as “crazy”, having to constantly question him.
He’ll also make you feel bad about this – like you’re the one who’s being unreasonable or you’re the one who’s overreacting. He’ll sigh at your questions, try to put you off from asking.
Is that really the way you want to live? It can make you paranoid and it’s not healthy, not healthy at all.
Open, honest, transparent, always. That’s what you want. Whereas if a guy always hides the truth, all he really thinks or cares about is himself. And it’s a big sign of emotional immaturity.
Find a man, not a boy. Real men – they treat you how they should.
3) He’s Not Very Open
Next up, we’ve got the predicament of if he’s not very open – and it’s important to get the balance with this one.
See, if you’re dating – you can’t expect someone to drop their guard, lay their heart on the line and share their deepest, darkest secrets with you. In fact, if they did this straight away – I imagine it would scare you off!
However, he has to be willing to share, to let you in to an appropriate degree – especially as time goes on.
- Does he only ever talk about surface-level stuff?
- Does he always know the right things to say, but it doesn’t come across as genuine?
- Is he actively engaged in listening to you, and the things you share or say?
- Does he dodge your questions or only seem to tell you “what you want to hear?”
- Does he ever speak with emotion? Have you seen different sides to him?
- Does he close off and shut down when he feels uncomfortable?
- Does he look shifty? Seem to be hiding things?
If you’re connecting well, you’re sharing things about your life and your feelings with him – it should be reciprocated.
You can also get guys who OVERSHARE and only talk about themselves – again this also isn’t always a good sign.
It could be that he has this pre-rehearsed story, a story that he convinces himself of too, even if bits are exaggerated or not entirely true.
(Because that’s a thing, one of the signs you can’t trust him is if he lies so much, he’s also got into the habit of lying to himself too!)
So always seek balance. And if you feel like you’re not seeing a person for who they really are – raise it with them, see if they get it, see if you get a little more from them, or not.
4) He Doesn’t Seem Genuine
Next up, another one of the major signs you can’t trust him, if if he doesn’t seem genuine. For this, I recommend bobbing over to this article for the key signs he isn’t genuine.
We cover it all in far more depth over there, but essentially you’ll find that:
- His actions don’t match his words or his words conflict.
- It’s all a little “too good to be true”, or “too much too soon.”
- He says things that are impersonal – he’s talking the talk but it could be to anyone.
- He talks a lot about himself – as opposed to equally wanting to get to know you.
- His behaviour starts to become inconsistent.
- His body language doesn’t match up.
- You’ll find he doesn’t actually express how he feels – there’s no emotion.
- He’ll have unrealistic expectations and will never recognise his own mistakes (one track mind!)
- You might find he’s manipulative or puts you down – this is because his intentions aren’t pure.
Like I said, read up on it in more depth in the article above, because if he’s not being genuine, it’s one of the major signs you can’t trust him, and something that you really can’t ignore.
5) He Says Things That Are Questionable
Onto sign number five, and another big indicator that you can’t trust him is if he says things that are questionable. So for example:
- Maybe he tells you about a friend that cheated on their parter, and is kind of laughing about it, or brushing it off like it’s not a big deal.
- Or perhaps he does something to someone that’s really not very nice – but again, it’s “no big deal” or “banter” to him – again reflecting his character.
See, not everyone who you can’t trust is this big, bad, horrible person – but the little things they say, will give away a lot about who they are and how they live.
If something doesn’t sit right with you, first seek to understand it, clarify exactly what they mean – but don’t then overlook it.
At the end of the day, you’re looking for someone who’s compatible, and that means the two of you must align. This leads me onto my next point…
6) His Morals Don’t Match Yours
If you can’t trust him, there’s a good chance your morals don’t align, or won’t align – which is why this is actually the easiest thing to dig into, to determine if you’re on the same page.
When it comes to trust, you want to focus specifically on the morals related to that, so:
- What’s his views on honesty and integrity?
- What does he class as being honest? And what does he see as lying?
- How do you know he’s staying true to his morals and values? Do his actions actually align? (Or again, is he just telling you what you want to hear but it’s not entirely genuine or true.)
Explore this further. Get his opinions on different situations, different things, and how he’d act in different scenarios. Because when you do this – you’ll find it becomes very revealing!
7) He Lets You Down
Last but not least, our seventh sign you can’t trust him, is if he lets you down. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: actions mean more than words.
So you might find that he’s flakey, unreliable, lets you down at short notice – with vague explanations or flimsy excuses. It seems like he’s only with you, on his terms.
He doesn’t necessarily care what you want or need. It’s all about him and how happy he is.
Recommended Read: Do You Like Him More Than He Likes You? Find Out Here
Sometimes he’ll be there, sometimes he won’t. His mood will regularly change, he’ll blow hot and cold, and you’ll often not know where you stand or how he feels.
He’s not your rock, despite you doing all that you can to be his. But you know what? All of this? It’s not okay.
If you can trust someone, you know they’ll be there for you. If you can trust someone, you’ll know they’re someone you can depend on – you can take their word and their word means something to them.
So this kind of behaviour? It’s a major warning sign. Don’t let the good times make you overlook the bad – especially when the bad is more prominent.
Can You Trust Him?
Ultimately, if you can’t trust him, you’ll already find yourself questioning it. You’ll feel suspicious.
And it’s not about playing detective all the time. I mean, who wants to do that, really?! You don’t want to become paranoid, nor will you put your past on new people – not at all.
Instead, this is more like a gut feeling. Somethings telling you that something isn’t quite right.
Maybe it’s the little things you start to notice – that you don’t quite agree with, or which don’t quite add up. Or maybe it’s just a feeling of being on edge or uncertain.
Either way, when it’s right – it feels right. At the same time, if you can’t trust him, you’ll have your suspicions that you can’t, then from there, when you start to piece it together, it will all begin to add up.
What To Do If You Can’t Trust Him
If you can’t trust him, if you have your doubts and concerns, the best thing to do – is talk to him about it. Honestly, it’s as simple as that.
See, if he’s a man and he is actually being genuine – he’ll be upset about this, he’ll want to talk about it, want to understand why you feel that way and hopefully fix it.
If he’s defensive, calls you crazy or paranoid, then it only confirms you were probably right and he certainly doesn’t have the emotional maturity to work through this. In which case: onwards and upwards my friends!
Yes, sometimes we can be guilty of overthinking things, allowing our past to affect our present, but if you’re confident you’re not doing that this time… trust your gut. Stand by your feelings.
Ultimately, with the right person, things are easy. (As a whole!)
So don’t ignore the signs you can’t trust him and don’t push for something that isn’t real or right.
Hope this helps. Take care!
Love,
Ell_xx
