Find yourself asking, “does my ex hate me?” Wondering how it has come to this and what you should do? Well my friends, fear not, as in this post we’ll break it all down – starting with the key signs your ex hates you, how you know if your ex hates you and how to deal with an ex that hates you. So let’s get stuck in…
Why Does It Feel Like My Ex Hates Me?
So first up, let’s look at why it feels like your ex hates you.
- Is it the things they’ve said?
- Is it the way they’ve behaved?
- Or perhaps it’s more about the things they’re NOT doing anymore?
- Or the way they are towards you now? There’s a coldness? A sharpness? Right?
See if you can start to put your finger on why it feels like your ex hates you, you can then better establish if it’s actually true. It may be, it may not be.
After all, they could just be hurting after the breakup, need some space, or are simply feeling angry (a key stage in the grieving process.)
As a result, they’re taking it out on you, but it’s no reflection on you. Breakups are just hard, after all. And everyone has a different way of dealing with them.
Why Do I Care If My Ex Hates Me?
Now we also have to raise the question of why you care so much if your ex hates you.
But before you jump to conclusions here – it doesn’t necessarily mean that you want them back (or should get back with them.) It’s just a shock to the system.
After all, you went from being – in most cases – not just lovers, but best friends too. Now your ex feels like, a stranger, or worse yet, an enemy even. It’s TOUGH!
It’s therefore pretty natural to still care how you ex feels. And sure, you may also care because you still have feelings for them, so it hurts to think that they feel in such a negative way towards you.
But again, that doesn’t mean that you’d get back with them even if they didn’t.
So be kind on yourself. Be gentle. It’s okay to care if your ex hates you. It doesn’t have to mean anything more or anything less than that though.
How Do You Know If Your Ex Hates You?
Right now, we’re still making assumptions – going off feelings that your ex hates you…
Feelings that are also likely to be a little more heightened and sensitive, because everything’s still so raw right now.
But if you find yourself asking, “does my ex hate me?” and this just keeps going around and around in your mind – then it’s a good idea to get a little clarity over it.
How do you know if your ex hates you? Well my friends, it’s to look at the signs…
10 Signs Your Ex Hates You
Here’s 10 key signs your ex hates you – they’re not just hurt and angry, but actually feel like they don’t even like you anymore.
The important thing to note here, is that these are the signs they hate you right now. That doesn’t mean they’ll hate you forever or that these feelings won’t pass.
It also doesn’t mean that they can’t still love you too. You can both love and hate a person at the same time. (Uh huh, it’s confusing and conflicting, but thus is love and life!)
So what are the things you should look out for? Well…
1) You Hurt Them, Badly
One of the key signs your ex hates you – or is likely to hate you – whether they tell you that or not, is if you did something that most people would see as unforgivable.
You lied, you cheated, you had an affair, or betrayed their trust. You hurt them, badly.
As a consequence, there’s likely to be a part of your ex that hates you. They’ll certainly hate what you’ve done.
So if you let them down, and are feeling the change in their behaviour towards you now then – yes – there’s a good chance that, within all that hurt, there is some hatred too.
But understandably so, you have to agree? Put yourself in their shoes.
Recommended Read: How To Let Go Of The Mistakes You Made in a Past Relationship
2) You Didn’t Treat Them Right In The Relationship
Now let’s say there wasn’t one set circumstance where you let your ex down, but instead – they didn’t think you treated them right.
Perhaps you were controlling, demanding, or didn’t show them the love they wanted / needed.
If your ex realised that after the breakup, and realised how bad it got only once they were out of it, then resentment may start to build.
They’ll feel frustrated that they tolerated things they don’t think they should have, for so long. And this frustration will grow into hate.
It won’t last – not if they know that deep down, you’re not a bad person. But post breakup, they may still feel it.
So reflect on your relationship yourself.
- What did they say after the breakup?
- What things weren’t they happy with during the relationship?
- Did you notice a change in them? And their dissatisfaction?
- How long weren’t they happy and how did it take it’s toll?
3) You Ended It
What other reasons could there be for your ex now hating you? Well, if you ended it.
Is this fair for a breakup to then cause hatred? Well, not really. After all:
What’s right for one person is right for the other.
What I mean by this is if you broke up with your ex because you knew that was the right thing for you – that automatically makes it the right thing for them too.
Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves them, completely, and is 100% in – just like they are. So “what’s right for one person is right for the other” is a really important lesson to remember when dating and in relationships.
Right now, if your ex hates you because you ended it – things are obviously all still too raw. But as you’ll hear repeatedly in this article, it won’t be this way forever.
They just need to fully heal so that they can then see things clearly and let that resentment go.
There’s been a sting of rejection. Maybe they hate that it’s come to this, they hate that you won’t try anymore and they hate that they can’t change it. But everything will become clearer with time.
4) You’ve Moved On
It’s one thing ending a relationship, it’s another if you then move on quickly.
And this doesn’t mean you’re necessarily doing anything wrong – especially if you’ve formed a genuine, new connection. It’s just a case of you healing faster.
It’s hard to feel better after a breakup and can take both time and work.
But if your ex isn’t over you yet, it’s likely that a little hate could build, when they see that you’re all fine and dandy, when they still are not.
They feel hurt that you’ve “replaced” them, and jealous to – that you’re able to be happy again if they’re not. They’re likely too still miss you, if not want to be with you.
So the “hate” is just a response to all of that.
Recommended Read: 15 Signs Your Ex Misses You
5) They’re Miserable
Everyone deals with breakups differently, and for many – it’s a real struggle. Sadness is a natural stage of the grieving process, but for some, they get stuck in this.
If your ex is miserable, it’s likely that they not only hate you, but hates everything right now – including the situation as a whole and how he feels.
Recommended Read: 10 Signs Your Ex Is Miserable
Not only this, but it could be that your ex was miserable towards the end of the relationship too. Maybe they’re going through a hard time right now in general.
If this is the case, try not to take it personally as it’s not really about you – but them.
Signs Your Ex Hates You
We’re half way through the signs your ex hates you. It’s not the nicest of topics, is it? But how are things looking? Are any of these signs ringing true so far?
Whatever the end verdict, I want you to make yourself a promise now…
Whether your ex hates you or not, once you’ve come to the conclusion, you have to let it go. You can’t keep going over it and giving it your focus.
The breakup has happened, it’s hard. People have been hurt, that’s natural (unfortunately.) But it’s time to let it go and start to look forward.
There’s nothing you can do to change the situation your ex and yourself are in now. But rest assured – you’ll both come out of this stronger and happier. So give it time. Allow the dust to settle.
6) They Speak Badly About You
As we continue to work through these signs now, what else will you notice if your ex hates you? Well, they’ll speak badly about you to other people, and this will start to come back to you.
Maybe their “breakup story” is different to yours, or they’ve been twisting it, slating you and telling a different version of events.
They’ll paint you to be the bad guy – whether that’s true or not.
You may also find they start sharing things on social media – provoking quotes, or long statuses (if they want to make this public.)
On the flip side, if you’ve been speaking badly about them – that too, could create the effect of them hating you.
Essentially, if the breakup wasn’t particularly amicable and things have become a little toxic between the two of you now, it’s a good indicator that there’s some negative feelings there.
Recommended Read: 10 Signs Your Ex is Bitter After the Breakup
7) They Try To Cause Problems For You
Another big sign your ex hates you, is if they’re making your life more difficult now.
It could be something simple – like not allowing you to collect your things. Or maybe they’re trying to put new dates “off you”, or sabotage any new relationships that you start to form.
It’s not nice, it’s not needed and if they continue to do it – knowing that it hurts you – it’s got to be because they can’t fully think clearly, driven by this hate and anger.
They’ve stopped caring anymore – not only about you, how you feel and the impact their behaviour is having, but stopped caring about most things in general too.
Right now, they’re in a pretty destructive place and it can be difficult to see.
8) They Say Nasty Things
Nastiness works hand in hand with hate. After all – if they cared about you the way they once did, they wouldn’t and couldn’t knock you down like this.
This doesn’t necessarily mean they mean everything they say. They’re just hurting and lashing out. But none of the less, they’ve convinced themselves you’re not a good person, which then – for them – justifies their behaviour. (Right now anyway. Time will calm it all down.)
So they may cause arguments with you, insult you or say hurtful things. Or it could just be little “diggy” comments / remarks that criticise you.
Either way, it’s pretty toxic – which is one of the reasons why you have to stop looking for the signs your ex hates you (and stop caring about this too.)
Instead you have to distance yourself from it, if your ex is only dragging you down now.
Remember: your mental wellbeing is the most important thing. Prioritise that. Especially through difficult times and big life changes. This is a big deal for you too, but that doesn’t mean you’d act the way they are now and actually – it’s not okay. No matter what their “reason”.
9) Or Refuse To Speak To You At All
What else will you notice if your ex hates you? Well they’ll probably have blocked you out of their life. And sure – sometimes this is a coping mechanism after a breakup…
They may not necessarily be doing it because they hate you but because they don’t know what else to do to try to make this easier to get through.
However the difference between this, and your ex hating you, is how they go about it.
- Has your ex made it clear they want nothing to do with you?
- Are they cold and blunt, when you have had any communication?
- Do they shut you out and refuse to communicate with you?
- Do they not seem to care what you think about this? And how you feel? (Not one bit?!)
- Is this all led by anger? (Closely linked with hate.)
- Do you FEEL like they’re doing it because they hate you? (After all, you’re likely to know your ex better than anyone!)
… And Block You Out Their Life
If they’ve stopped speaking to you because they hate you, you’re also likely to notice that they’ve blocked you out in other ways too – like blocked your number and blocked you on social media.
Recommended Read: What To Do If Your Ex Blocks You On Everything
Recommended Read: Should You Block Your Ex?
You may also notice they’ve deleted all photos of you from social media. They just want you gone, irradiated, removed. Eek!
And like I said, these aren’t necessarily signs your ex hates you. This could just be their coping mechanism. But it depends how many of these signs are ringing true, and the way in which they go about it – the attitude that’s there with it.
10) They’re Full or Free of Emotion
Last but not least then – the final sign to look out for, is if they’re free or full of emotion.
See, they’ll usually act with intensity, fuelled with anger. Or, on the flip side, become completely cold and distant – like you mean nothing at all to them and never have…
This is a really big one, and a key indicator as to how they feel.
Is It Ok If Your Ex Hates You?
So what’s the verdict? Does it look like your ex hates you? Are the signs your ex hates you, starting to ring true? And if so – what are you supposed to make of this?
Is it ok if your ex hates you, or should you try to do something about it? Talk it through with them or try to change it? It’s a tricky one isn’t it…
Of course it’s not nice when there’s any sort of hate, directed towards anyone.
But whether it’s “ok” or not is kind of out of your control, because you can’t change the way a person feels about you – especially when such an intense emotion has built up…
How Do You Deal With An Ex That Hates You?
What should you do if your ex hates you? How do you deal with an ex that hates you? Well, actually, this answer is quite simple…
See, as much as it hurts – to go from so close, to so much hatred and anger, there’s really not a lot you can do about it. (Unfortunately, or not.)
If you’ve done things that are wrong, then you have to sit with the consequences (unfortunately.)
All you can do is apologise, learn from any mistakes you made and vouch to be better. (Without beating yourself up about it. After all, the fact that you feel bad about it, shows you’re not a bad person.)
If this hate is not really justified, then you simply have to stop focusing on it, not take it too personally and remember:
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die…”
Buddha
This is affecting your ex more than it is affecting you. So decide today, that you won’t be sucked into that toxic cycle. Instead, focus on yourself and how you will move forward.
I hope this helps to give you the clarity (and a little more closure.) Take care. Stay strong.
Love,
Ell_xx
