How do you know if your relationship is worth fixing, or if actually, too much has happened and – quite simply – it’s broken and beyond repair? Well my friends, as hard as it may be to hear, here’s the 10 key signs your relationship is beyond repair, to give you the clarity and confidence you need to know what to do next…
10 Signs Your Relationship Is Beyond Repair
It’s time to get answers – to know if your relationship is fixable or broken beyond repair. So let’s jump straight in, with the 10 key signs your relationship is beyond repair…
1) The Love Is No Longer There
There’s many things in relationships (and life actually, too) that can be worked on – providing the commitment and effort is there. But a lack of love?
Well, that’s a tricky one… Because that’s not actually something you have complete control over.
I mean – sure – ultimately, we decide who we choose to be with. But just as your brain changes when you fall in love, it does the same when you fall out of it.
When you fall out of love, your brain is re-wired. You no longer feel the same way and – to a degree – you can’t actually do anything about it.
There’s no going back. Things have changed now. It is different. It’s just whether or not you can physically find that love again – but this isn’t always possible (even if you really try!)
And that’s what makes it one of the key signs your relationship is beyond repair – because a lack of love in a relationship is no relationship at all, really. It’s just two people “trying” but who will never really get anywhere, which is why you have to be really honest with yourself about it.
Do You Love Your Partner But Are No Longer “In Love”?
PAUSE HERE, and ask yourself… Do you love your partner but are no longer “in love”? Or maybe it’s the other way around?
Click here to read the signs he doesn’t love you anymore – as they’re the same for you too. It’s important to recognise as it could be keeping you in the wrong relationship.
It’s a sign your relationship is beyond repair… you just haven’t realised it yet because there are still feelings there.
2) You Keep Breaking Up & Getting Back Together
Another similar sign that you’re hiding from the truth, or not fully seeing what’s happening, is if you keep breaking up and getting back together again.
There are, undeniably, still feelings there between the two of you – but the two of you together, and the relationship itself… it’s not quite right. That’s why you reach the point where you have to leave, but can’t then stand to be apart, so try again…
The truth is, it’s a losing battle as you shouldn’t really have to get to the stage of breaking up in the first place, and if you try again, but things don’t change enough for it to work a second time, every time you go back, you’re just wasting time and denying the inevitable.
So if you’ve been on “breaks”, had time apart , or broken up completely, and tried again but it’s still not worked, it’s certainly one of the biggest signs your relationship is beyond repair.
Or… You’re Staying For The Wrong Reasons
Another sign worth mentioning, is if you haven’t broken up completely, but know – deep down – you’re staying for the wrong reasons.
So like we said at the start, maybe the love is a little lost, but on top of that, it could be that:
- You’re afraid of being on your own or having to start over.
- Or maybe you feel obliged to stay because you care about your partner and you don’t think they’d be able to cope with the breakup.
- You could even be in a toxic relationship and feel like you literally CAN’T leave (more on that in a moment.) There’s no end of reasons…
Whatever it is, staying for the wrong reasons won’t make it any more likely to work long-term.
You’re just, again, delaying the inevitable and covering over the cracks until it has no choice but to break up anyway. But the longer you stay, the closer you become to the truth…
3) Your Relationship is Toxic & Damaging
How else do you know if your relationship is beyond repair? Well, if it’s become incredibly toxic and damaging… and you / your partner can’t seem to break free of it.
See, we can all fall into toxic habits or patterns to some degree, or at times. And yes – these things can be worked on and if they’re improved / removed, the relationship is still salvageable.
But if you’ve reached the point where – as much as you may try – you’re just no longer good for each other, you may have to accept the fact you’re bringing out the worst, not the best, in one another and choose to walk away… for both of your sakes.
Sometimes, two people just aren’t compatible. That’s the way it goes. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re bad people – you could also just not be in the best place, or the right place right now. (Either that or you’ve ended up with a “scumbag”… hopefully not!)
But recognise how healthy your relationship, how well you gel together, or if fundamentally – you’re just not a good mix. See where you’re truly at, with open eyes.
Can a Ruined Relationship Be Fixed?
In this article, we’re looking at the 10 final signs your relationship is beyond repair, but (and this is a big but!), if just one or two sound familiar – yet there’s things that are positive and do give you hope, it may not have to be all over!
The chances are, if you’re here now, mistakes have been made or bad things have happened. Does that mean that everything can be fully forgiven and forgotten about? (Especially straight away.) No. But if damage has been done – it is still recoverable.
A “ruined” relationship may not be completely ruined, or the damage doesn’t have to be fully permanent.
The biggest “deal breaker” sign depends on the attitudes that you both have and the willingness that is or isn’t there… that’s the biggest indicator as to whether your relationship is beyond repair. (It sounds poetic but it’s true!) This leads me onto my next point…
4) There’s No Effort Anymore
Another thing that is therefore pretty “un-workable” when it comes to relationships, is if there’s no effort anymore. This is a key sign your relationship is beyond repair, because you / your partner aren’t willing to do what it takes to get it to repair.
You don’t try, you have no fight left in you and you don’t put the effort in to fix the relationship. Or not as much as much effort as you should, or need, anyway.
It’s like one, or both of you have given up. Perhaps too much has happened and you no longer even really believe that it can or will work now.
“So why even stay?” you may ask. Well because it’s hard to leave, right? Or maybe you’ve not yet fully realised quite how bad it’s got…
The fact of the matter is however, unless you try to change it, you’ll only stay where you are, or escalate to a worse place, then eventually break up.
5) Or No Care
Similarly with a lack of effort, there comes a lack of care, and that’s another key sign your relationship is beyond repair.
When there’s a lack of care in a relationship, you’ll notice that:
- You’re expressing the things you’re not happy about, but it’s not being listen to, or cared enough about to be acted on.
- You often feel left unheard or dismissed even. (This could also be a sign of gaslighting in a relationship – click here to get a better understanding of that.)
- You’re no longer looking for fixes in the relationship, as you know there’s no point. You’re reaching the point where you’ve just accepted how it is (even if you’re now accepting less than you deserve.)
- There’s no change. (After all, care is essential for creating change.) This leads onto the next key sign…
6) It’s Been Bad For a While
We’re half way through the key signs your relationship is beyond repair, which leads us now to the fact that – if this really is it – it will have been bad for a while.
See, all couples go through rough patches, or face issues they need to work through, but if it feels like it’s just one issue after another, or each issue isn’t really getting resolved and it’s truly taking it’s toll – it may go back to the two of you, quite simply, not being right for each other.
Whatever you guys are struggling with, it doesn’t get better. As a result, resentment builds in the relationship, it all becomes a little more toxic, neither one of you are truly happy and the relationship is just not meeting either of your expectations or needs.
When things are bad, the intimacy often dwindles (or you lose the closeness and connection that comes with it), there’s a lot of arguments and conflict (which becomes ever draining) and it’s frustrating too…
If it’s been bad for a while, I highly encourage you to ask these tough relationship questions because you may actually be able to turn it around, but only if you act on it now...
7) And Is Getting Worse…
Going one step further on the fact that, if your relationship is beyond repair, it’s going to have been in a bad place for a while… On top of this, it’s likely to be getting worse, not better.
So maybe your arguments are a little more frequent or becoming uncontrollable / escalating faster. Perhaps harsher words are said, or worse things are done.
Either way, any signs of improvement don’t really last, which is why you’re losing more and more hope… and getting more and more tired of it all. (We all have our breaking points.)
8) You Barely Even Speak Anymore
When your relationship is unhealthy and not really working, it starts to take its toll. You’ll find that you barely even speak, let alone want to spend time around each other.
There will be this coldness, this distance, and this will be a stark contrast to how you once were.
You can tell you / your partner don’t want to be around each other, or can’t be around each other perhaps even… which begs the question of what’s really left of the relationship.
9) You’re Looking Elsewhere
Now this may be a tricky one to admit – particularly to others, but sometimes even to yourself. So ask yourself these questions…
- Do you find that you’re always checking other people out and “looking elsewhere”?
- Do you have any secret romantic intentions or desires with them?
- Have you been thinking about being with someone else? Or longing to be with someone else?
- Are you tempted to have an affair? Or likely to betray your partner’s trust to explore something with someone else?
- Have you been talking to people behind your partner’s back, and hiding it?
- Have your been flirting, or crossing any boundaries?
If you find that you’re heading into rocky territory or are likely to act on any of your temptations or desires, then you should leave BEFORE you act, to avoid hurting your partner.
Also, the fact of the matter is, if you’re already thinking about an affair – physical or emotional – you’ve already emotionally checked out of the relationship and so it’s likely that it’s beyond saving at this point anyway.
It works both ways, on the other side – if your partner is doing the same too. But with this one, you won’t fully know unless they tell you the truth.
So all you can do, is know your own heart and how you’re feeling… then do the right thing.
Because remember – it’s right for both your partner and you, to leave if you’re not 100% committed to who you’re currently with.
.. Or One Of You Is Cheating
1) If you’re already cheating, then – deep down – you know what to do. You need to do the right thing and tell the truth – then either try to make amends (doing whatever it takes to rebuild that trust again), or accept your relationship is now, beyond repair.
2) If your partner is cheating on you, and you know this (or have a strong feeling about it), then you can’t keep turning a blind eye to it. You have to address it head on. Otherwise you’re “digging your own relationship grave” as you can’t continue being treated like that.
Trust is another major component when it comes to a relationships health and success. It can be rebuilt- even once it’s broken, but you have to have complete honesty in order to do that.
Just don’t underestimate how difficult this is, as cheating is – undeniably – something that many couples don’t overcome. (So hopefully it’s not something you’re having to face!)
10) You No Longer See a Future
Last but not least then, one of the final key signs your relationship is beyond repair, is if you don’t even really see a future together anymore. (As much as you may hate to admit it.)
In order to see the truth of this, I want you to ask yourself:
- Is this really the kind of relationship you always pictured having?
- Is this actually the kind of relationship you really want?
- Does this relationship meet your needs? Or your partners needs?
- What things suggest you’re not compatible?
- What’s telling you to walk away?
- Why are you finding it difficult to see a future now?
- Why does this no longer feel right?
It can be difficult to face the truth, but if it’s there – these answers will help you to uncover it.
It’s at that point that you then need to have a serious conversation with your partner to discuss where you should go from here.
Just remember: if it’s not right, you can’t force it. And as Marilyn Monroe once said: “Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” So be brave. Do what you have to.
Signs Your Relationship Is Beyond Repair
That’s all for this one now then. We’ve stormed through the 10 key signs your relationship is beyond repair.
I hope this helps to create a little more clarity in your mind around where you’re at and what you need to do.
If you’re still feeling unsure, want to try to fix your relationship or have the confidence to leave, then get in touch for one-to-one breakup or relationship coaching. Click here for more details.
You’re not alone. Remember that.
Sending lots of care and support your way.