So you meet a guy, you get on well, he a lot of the right boxes, but you find yourself asking, are we better off as friends? Or maybe you’re friends with a guy and he’s caught feelings for you. It can be tricky huh?
All good relationships are based off the foundation of friendship, but still – some friendships are meant to stay in that friend-zone. So how do you know who should be what?
Well let’s take a look at the key signs you’re better off as friends.
10 Signs You’re Better Off As Friends
Here’s some of the key signs you’re better off as friends.
1) You’re Not Sure If You See Him Sexually
Chemistry is important. You can actually feel it in different ways – not just physically or sexually. But what you’ll find if you’re better off as friends, is there’s probably some sort of spark.
You’re bouncing off each other… After all, it’s one of the reasons you’re considering if you could be or should be more. However, the physically attraction, the “want to kiss them” feeling, just isn’t quite there.
Initially, this doesn’t mean anything. It can grow. But if you see them more and more, and each time, there’s still not that craving… In fact, you start to see them less and less “in that way”, it could definitely be a sign you’re better off as friends.
You can’t force these things. You can’t make them be a certain way. Either it’s there, or it’s not. But time will surely tell with this one. Feelings and chemistry should only grow in time, not dwindle.
NOTE: You may also find someone physically attractive, have that initial “lust” with them, but as time goes on, you start to see them in a different way.
Perhaps the appeal starts to go the more you get to know them (although you can still appreciate that they’re an attractive person.)
The thing is, once it’s gone – it can be hard to get back. That’s why “friend-zoning” is such a common thing.
2) You Feel Super Comfortable Around Them… Like, Too Comfortable
It’s good to be comfortable around a person, to be able to be yourself. However, when you’re dating someone, when you see things going somewhere – you should kind of want to impress! And that’s important…
You’re probably better off as friends if you find that you’re too chilled around a person to the point that you:
- Can’t really embarrass yourself.
- Don’t really care how you look.
- Don’t care what they’ll think. (After all, you feel like they like you for you, and if it’s not there in a romantic sense, there’s nothing too bad you can do to make them run!)
You’re more carefree when you see it as a friendship. The worries only usually appear when you know you want it to go further (and you’re not sure if it will.)
3) You Don’t Miss Him When He’s Gone
You enjoy his company, you like spending time with him, and you know you’ll see him again. (See, this goes back to it being too comfortable remember. You’re even chilled about that!)
However, you don’t miss him when he’s gone. You don’t dread saying goodbye. And you don’t feel like you need to get plans in place for when you’re going to see him next because, you’re not actually all that desperate to see him.
It’s nice… but nice isn’t what forms the start of an exciting new relationship. You want those fireworks, those intense feelings. You want to want to be with him again when you’re apart. Which is why it’s a key signs you should perhaps just be friends.
4) You’ve Dated Him Before
If you’ve dated him before, if you’ve already crossed the friend-zone and find yourself back in it, then it’s a major sign that’s where you’re meant to stay.
Most relationships – once they’re explored romantically, there’s no going back. Well, not with ease anyway. This is because of all of the reasons above – like chemistry, feelings, connection. It’s not that easy to swap and change between the two.
And maybe you want this to be more… maybe you know he would be good for you. But wanting isn’t enough. It should happen naturally, and it shouldn’t slip back. Not unless you have things happening in your life that are preventing it from being what it could be.
On the flip side, if you dated before and it was FIERY – there were arguments, conflict and so it’s easier as friends, you get on better as friends when there’s no romantic feelings involved, then trust me…
Stay there whilst you can! Don’t risk breaking the friendship to “try again!”
5) There’s Things That Won’t Work
The better you know him, the better you know if there’s something there or not, especially if you’re able to be honest about it. But that’s a good thing…
See, when you date, and date with the intention to date, it puts pressure on you having to see the person in a particular way. It makes you more likely to try to force it romantically – when sometimes, that’s not the best thing for the two of you.
If however, you get to know someone as a friend, you see them more for who they are. You naturally see if there’s something there or not… or if you’d like things to progress further between the two of you.
Once you see someone as a friend, you see them for who they are, and fully appreciate them as a person, with less criticism and judgement… After all, they are who they are.
Once you see him for who he is, without him trying to impress you as a date, you might find there’s fundamental things that you know won’t work with you.
You probably think he’s great as a person, but not as an ideal partner for you. For someone else – for sure. But just not for you. Whether they’re big things or little things, it’s based more on an overall feeling, rather than anything in particular.
6) Your Values Don’t Align
One of the biggest signs you’re better off as friends is if your values don’t align.
Values are the things that are important to you – the way in which you want to live. For this reason, these are things that can’t be compromised on. The two of you must align.
Always take the time to qualify a person. And actually listen to the answers.
If it doesn’t match up, accept it. Don’t push it. It doesn’t mean you have to cut the person out of your life if there two of you get on. It just means you should probably just be friends.
7) You Want Different Things
You’re in different places, looking for different things. This is a big one. Because you could actually see the person as more than a friend, but choose to stay just friends because you know the relationship wouldn’t be everything you want.
He wants something casual, you want more. So if you get on and can stay friends, without the feelings and the potential hurt that comes with it – that’s great! That’s a good place to be in this situation.
If the timeline doesn’t work, if it is right – later down the line, there could be a chance – but keep it on good terms, let the spark simmer below the surface if there is one (as that’s different to when you’re better as friends because that’s not quite there) and see what happens.
Remember: you want a partner, not a project.
If someones not in the best place, and you are, it’s not your responsibility to get them out of it – not when taking on the role of “girlfriend” at the same time. It’s not the right foundations for a long and healthy relationship.
He could be so damn perfect on paper – but if he’s not ready for it, it’s often better to remain friends and save yourself the heartache.
8) You Don’t Get Jealous
Jealousy isn’t healthy, but in certain situations – when you really like a person – it is pretty normal. On a low-level anyway. So if you’re finding there’s no care at all, it’s certainly not a great sign!
For instance, he could date other people and you wouldn’t feel the way you’ve felt in the past when someone you have been into has done that. There’s no worry or concern.
Maybe it’s because of a lack of romantic connection and therefore a lack of care. Which is ironic, because although you don’t care who they’re dating, you do care about them as a person. Ultimately, you want them happy.
But when you know you won’t get hurt if they were with someone else, that’s when you know you’re better off as friends.
9) The Romantic Feelings Are One-Sided
So I now want to raise the point of if you’re feeling it, but you know really, he’s not so much. This is a tricky one as it means you end up doing what you don’t really want to do, but which you know you have to… which sucks, but is also good at the same time.
You will get the level of love that you want and deserve. Your feelings will be reciprocated equally, but not if you waste them on the wrong person.
And this isn’t saying there’s anything bad about the guy. As long as he’s not messing you around or treating you badly – he can’t help it that he doesn’t feel it quite the same. Just like you couldn’t if it’s the other way around.
But in this situation, whichever way the imbalance may be, it’s better to stay as friends – whilst you can – before things escalate further and end up going south.
So let go, distance yourself, brush yourself off and know that this is for the best. If you can keep him in your life in some way, amazing. But if this is too hard to do, walk away completely.
NOTE: If you know he has feelings for you and you don’t for him, don’t lead him on. Even if you’re confused. Remember what it’s like to be in that situation. Be clear. Be kind. Set boundaries.
10) You’re Trying To Force It To Be More
You’re not daydreaming about him, you don’t feel those butterflies… and you feel guilty about it. Because you wish you did!
This is a key sign you’re trying to force it to be more than it’s meant to be, when really, deep down, you know the connection is just on a friendship level.
Maybe he’s not really your type, or not totally compatible. He just doesn’t excite you in the romantic sense. There’s something missing.
And yes, it is a shame in some ways – but not totally. Because you can still have a great friendship and know that the right person is out there for the both of you.
Are You Better Off As Friends?
So what’s the verdict? Are you better off as friends? Well, one thing I would say – is you’ll only really know for sure if you explore it with the person…
Date them, give it a proper shot romantically, have an open mind. Then, if you’re still finding all of these signs – you know what to think and do. But you can do so with confidence, knowing that that’s the way it’s meant to be!
Hope this helps. Take care!