Isn’t dating fun when it’s new and exciting? All those different people. All that attention. It can be flattering to say the least! The thing is, as the swiping goes on and the search still continues, deflation can start to set in. Dating can take over your life, feeling like more of a part-time job, or even a chore. It can be hard to stay motivated when dating, particularly the longer you’ve been ‘in the game.’ The end goal is ultimately love, and when it feels impossible to find, it’s easy to just want to throw the towel in and give up. But my friends, this isn’t going to get us anywhere. So what can we do about it? Here’s some simple, top tips to stay motivated when dating…
How To Stay Motivated When Dating
1. Take a Break
Sometimes it just gets a bit much. We need that ‘time off’ to recoup and reenergise. Otherwise you’re inevitably going to burn out. Take a week where you don’t go on any apps, you don’t go on any dates – gee, take a couple if you need. Even have a whole goddam month off if it helps! During this time you should shift your focus back onto YOU. Do the things you enjoy, do the things that make you feel good, do what boosts your confidence. And then, when you go back to dating, you’ll feel far more refreshed and ready to try again! The key is to make sure that during that break, you cut it off dating completely. No secret swiping on the nights where you’re bored. Distance makes the heart grow fonder as they say! XD
2. Allocate Set Times
If you’re not quite at the break stage and want to keep pushing on, try allocating set times for ‘swiping’ to stay motivated when it comes to dating. It sounds very regimented but it can actually just help to sustain more of a balance in your life. With these boundaries, you’re less likely to feel like dating has completely taken over your life and instead, you’ll just see it as a fun part of it.
Remember, things won’t always be this way. And actually, we should kind of make the most of it. I’m sure we all know that person who has the “what ifs” or longing thoughts because they jumped into a relationship too quickly or have been with someone pretty much their whole life and never had the chance to experience dating. Dating does have it’s advantages, so allow yourself to see these and fully enjoy them, by incorporating it into your life with a level of intensity that feels right to you.
It could mean doing a little online dating for about an hour every night before you go to bed. Or maybe it’s a quick 30 minutes during your lunch break to see what you can spark off. Or perhaps you just want to leave it to weekends. Play around with it until you find what works best for you.
If you’re unsure what is or isn’t ‘normal’, or want to know how much time you need to invest into it to get out what you want, then have a read of this post. This looks at how much time you should spend on dating apps to get what you’re looking for, and how to save time when online dating.
3. Keep Doing Your Thing
If you’re getting disheartened with dating – putting it bluntly – it could mean you may not have enough ‘juice’ in other areas of your life, which is why you’re putting so much (or arguably too much) into dating now. And hang on in with me here. I’m not saying your life sucks. It really doesn’t. It’s probably more your mindset that does right now. And I get it. COMPLETELY. I’ve been there myself in the past and I’ve helped others through it too.
When you know you want to find someone, it can become almost an obsession, but you have to take a step back, remember the good things that you do have in your life, and take an outlook of gratitude. Be thankful for what you have, and thankful for the freedom that single life is giving you right now. Spend more time with your friends, hang out with your family, get focused on your fitness, pursue your passion, make time for your hobbies… have a healthy mix of the different aspects of your life, and sustain this even as the dates start to come through.
Here, this is why being single is actually so awesome. If you embrace what this article is saying, you might actually find that you start enjoying being single more again. When you reach this point – all desperation starts to disappear and instead, you know it would take someone super special to change it.
4. Diversify Your Dating
The dating world is full of different opportunities, so why keep sticking with the same thing? If you usually meet guys through a specific dating app, then why not try another one? Better yet – how about expanding further? You could give a dating website a shot (which is typically more in-depth and advanced), you could hire a professional match-maker (I’d say finding love is a pretty good investment to make!) or you could give something like speed-dating a go for a bit of fun. Change is a good thing. Don’t just stick to just what you know. Push a little more out of your comfort zone and have fun with it all again.
Which leads me onto another thing. Try diversifying in terms of who you date! Don’t just keep going for the same kind of guys, then wonder why they’re all just the same. Date someone who’s maybe not quite your type, but intriguing. Date someone with a different background, a different outlook, a different vibe. You won’t know if there’s potential until you give someone a proper chance so put yourself out there more!
Another fundamental error? Not allowing things to get to the actual date stage. You might find you’re chatting to people online but you lose motivation so let things fizzle out before you’ve even had the chance to see if there’s a spark in person. If this sounds familiar – your first goal has to be to up your dates per month. Don’t worry about first date nerves, if you feel them – it’s actually a good sign. But get yourself out there a little more and you should find, it’s an enjoyable process that helps you to stay motivated when dating.
5. Avoid Overdating
On the contrary, you may be losing motivation whilst dating because you’re dating too much. You’re saying “yes” to everyone, but your heart’s not totally in it, so you’re just completely exhausting yourself and the dates are all just merging together as one. It’s true – people can be different in person so you shouldn’t completely rule anyone out unless you’ve met. After all, just because someone’s not so chatty online, doesn’t mean they aren’t face-to-face. However, you can get a pretty good feel for someone based on their profile and socials, so if they don’t particularly excite you – don’t jump on a date with them! You have to WANT to see them because that is what will make you positive, open minded and ready to get to know them.
State of mind is so important, when it comes to anything you want to be successful at. So see where you’re at, try to find the source of your de-motivation, take those top five tips into consideration and then, when you’re ready – get yourself back out there with a new-found fire in your belly! You will find the right person, but it’s more likely to happen when you’re in a good place.
Sending lots of love and encouragement!