Think that making friends as an adult is hard? Finding that so-called “friends” seem to just come and go? Then follow these 3 simple steps to form genuine friendships that actually last.
Uh huh – that’s right, all hope is not lost! We’ve worked out the fastest way to form genuine friendships with the right people and are here to make it easier for you…
Why Is It Hard To Find Genuine Friends As an Adult?
See, there’s no denying – finding, making and keeping genuine friends, in adulthood, can feel like a bit of a battle.
It’s difficult to meet new people, let alone find the RIGHT people – people who you click with, who are similar to you, and looking to connect and form new friends, at the same time as you.
Whats more, people tend to have their guards up when it comes to making new friends.
There’s a lack of trust, a reluctance to open up and be vulnerable (which is needed to form stronger, more meaningful connections.)
There’s also a huge rise in “performative friendships” – friendships that are basically just for show. (Another thing we can thank social media for!)
The thing is, in the USA, the majority of people actually say they only have been 1-4 friends. (So bear this in mind – it could actually be more about quality over quantity nowadays.)
Still, there’s an art to forming genuine friendships – as we’re about to reveal – but the good news is, it’s simpler than you think!
3 Steps To Form Genuine Friendships
So, what do you do? What are the 3 key steps to form genuine friendships? What’s the best, easiest, most effective process? Well…
Step 1) Be Yourself
The first step to forming genuine friendships quite simply comes down to genuinely being yourself. (Honestly – that’s it!)
It sounds almost too simple, but hear me out here, because as part of being you, you also have to be willing to SHOW the real you and what you’re all about.
In order to do this, you want to –
- Be the best version of yourself, for sure (just like when dating), but be your genuine self. Bring your energy, your vibe, what you’re all about!
- Don’t necessarily try to impress. You’re not at a job interview. It’s not about trying to “win” people over. It’s about finding who YOU connect with and who connects with you too.
- Build your confidence so that you can show up in social situations, how you really want to. Consider how you’re coming across and if you’re able to really act in the ways you normally would (if you were with someone you’re fully comfortable with.) That should be the main goal – the aim. To show up as authentically as you possibly can.
- Cut the small talk. (It’s boring, and quite simply – no-one cares.)
- Don’t be afraid to ask deeper, more interesting questions – questions that genuinely interest you and help you get to know a person on the level you want to.
- … And share things about you, too. (It should be a two-way thing, and when you open up, it helps others to, too.) Allow people to genuinely get to know you… The real you!
Please Note: You don’t have to share all of your “deepest darkest secrets” straight away (in fact, that would be a friendship red flag if anything!), but don’t just keep it surface level as there’s no benefit in that.
Step 2) Put The Effort In
Now it’s all well and good being your fabulous self, but you have to put the time and effort into friendships too. This is actually THE MAGIC KEY!
Forget anything that’s happened in the past, or how many times you’ve been “burnt”, let down or disappointed by friends before. Don’t carry that kind of baggage around you or let past experiences taint you!
At this stage, you also don’t need worry about if it’s “returned” or appreciated.
Simply be the best person and friend that you can be – with no expectation or without looking for anything in return.
It’s like when giving love in a relationship… You don’t give in order to receive. You give because you want to, and you love them.
So, in a similar way, be a kind, giving, generous, loving and GENUINE friend, because that’s the standard you want to set and what you want to attract back.
If you’re looking to form strong, genuine friendships that really last – be the kind of friend you want to meet, and work on building the kind of friendship you want to have.
How To Do This In a Healthy Way
See, it’s not about chasing people, or making it completely one-sided. There’s plenty of simple things you can do. For instance –
- Organise different places to hang out, plan different things to do with your friends – things that are fun, exciting and good bonding experiences!
- Offer to “host” things at home – things that require you putting a little time and effort into, but which make your next girly catch up really special!
- Make a note of the important dates so you can remember them and celebrate them – like birthday’s for example. Then make your friend feel special by buying small, meaningful gifts (relating to the things they’ve told you), or organising a day just for them. Make them feel seen and heard and valued, just like you’d want to be!
Please Note: This is an investment – an investment of your time and emotions, which is why – again – similarly when dating, it works better when you focus on 1-2 people at a time.
Step 3) Notice and Decide
That leads us to our very last step to form genuine friendships which is to then NOTICE.
- Notice if your effort is being reciprocated – not each time, but over time. (That’s the difference.)
- Notice not only how your friend behaves towards you, but how they make you FEEL. (The right friendships will feel good and feel right. On that note…)
- Notice is your values actually align – if you really “get” each other and click. Yes, you can get different values that complement each other and bring out the best in each other, but when they clash or aren’t present enough – that’s where the friendship will break down.
From there you can then make a decision – a decision as to whether this friendship feels genuine and has the scope to be long-lasting, or if it’s most likely more just a “friendly” friendship.
Because that’s the thing – you can still make friends, find cool people to hang out with. That’s fine. You don’t have to cut someone off if they’re not “up to scratch”, it’s not about that at all.
It’s just knowing who to invest your time in, who you can really trust, and who you really click with! (The rest are likely to become more surface level friends, or slightly drift off… But that’s okay too!)
If the friendship feels genuine and rewarding, keep doing step 1 and step 2 – being yourself and putting the time and effort in, as that’s what then continues to build and sustain long-lasting genuine friendships.
If not, simply notice it’s not quite clicking with a person, and find other friends to focus your efforts on. It’s no big deal.
A Helpful Mindset Shift
See, when it comes to forming genuine friendships, it’s helpful to know that – just like with dating – it can be a bit of a numbers game.
You can’t expect to click with everyone to the same degree, or for everyone to be able to give what you can, at the same time as you.
It’s nothing personal or no big deal if friendships don’t work out. They’re not going to with every person. (So remember that.)
Humans are wired to fear rejection. But take a step back. Put things into perspective. Remember – this isn’t life or death. It’s okay. It’s just how it goes.
So, be the best person that you can be, be the best friend that you can be, follow the key steps to forming genuine friendships and – slowly but surely, it will start to pay off.
That’s All For This One
That rounds up our 3 key steps to form genuine friendships.
I guess the last thing I want to leave you with is our toxic detox process. After all, we all have limited energy and when you put it into the WRONG people, it’s utterly draining!
The right friends are out there for you. The kind of friendships you’ve always dreamed of, are within reach. So don’t give up! 🫶 You will “find your tribe!” … Trust me.
Good luck!
Love,
Ell_xx
