Stop Chasing Men, Here’s What To Do Instead

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Right ladies, it’s time to stop chasing men! I mean really, why do we do it for ourselves? Why do we go for the guys that seem unattainable or disinterested?

Because sure, there’s a bit of a thrill to begin with. Some of us love a challenge. But after a while, it just becomes frustrating more than anything, because it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to get the outcome you really want.

Nor are you probably getting back what you’re giving. So is it really worth our energy? I think not! So in this post, we’re going to get clear on how to stop chasing men, and what to do instead…

Why Do We Chase Men?

So first off, why do we do it? Why do we chase men? Well, we know what we want. Or we think we know what we want.

Maybe this guy is a bit of a bad boy, he’s just got the charm, is on the same level as you or has the dream looks that you’re after. He has lured you in, hook, line and sinker. And you just cannot get him off your mind.

The thing to remember here though, is no matter how irresistible he seems – he’s probably not as great as you’ve built him up to be in your head. And, he’s definitely not the full package if the mutual interest isn’t returned back to you.

Remember: the right guy will see your value. He’ll know your worth from the get-go. You won’t need to convince him!

The thing is, you don’t think about this when you’re chasing men. You’re just thinking about the outcome you want and you think it will all be worth it in the end.

It’s like a fantasy you’ve built up in a way… this end goal of true love and happiness. But you’ve got to snap out of it because you’re kidding yourself!

See, if you’re chasing men, there’s a good chance you haven’t really got to grips with your self-worth.

You think true happiness is going to come from someone else and right now – in the heart of your pursuit – you only have one man on your mind to give it to you. 

Fundamentally this is wrong anyway. And actually, it’s not particularly fair to put all these expectations on one person.

You should never go into a relationship looking for what you can GET, which is basically the attitude you have when you’re chasing a guy.

You’re craving his attention, his affection, his love. It can become smothering. But why else isn’t it good for us?

Stop Chasing Men

Why You Need To Stop Chasing Men

This list could be so damn long, but here’s ten reasons for why you need to stop chasing men… Like now.

This should be the reality check – the kick up the bum to get you to come to your senses. And it will make everything else so much easier from there.

So, you ready? Alright, listen up and listen up good…

1) It’s Just Not Right

First up, that’s not the way it should be. If a guys into you, he’ll show it. If a guy wants you, he’ll make the effort.

He shouldn’t need ‘training’ or ‘reminding’, nor should be need convincing that you’re worth it. He should just do it, because he wants to do it.

It’s like anyone in life really. If they want to be in your life, they will be. They won’t need chasing.

And we touched on briefly above, but to go into a healthy relationship, it should be about giving, equally. This leads me onto my next point…

2) It Makes The Relationship Unbalanced

Once you start chasing someone, that’s it, the dynamics are all wrong. The relationship becomes far too one-sided.

By chasing him, it’s recognising his worth, yet putting you on the back step, as though you’re not on the same level as him, hence why it’s not returned. This is only going to feed your insecurities.

And let’s say – best case scenario in your head – you secure him… You bag the man you want! Once things start to settle down, self-doubt is going to set in.

It will drive you crazy, not to mention tear the relationship apart. So please don’t put yourself through that… for your own sanity!

3) You’re Not Even Acting Like Yourself

This desperate, frantic search for approval from the guy you want, is also not pretty.

In fact, it’s going to make you act in ways you normally wouldn’t and certainly stop you from showing the best version of yourself.

Because of this, even if the guy is potentially interested in you (but just possibly ‘playing it cooler’), you’re actually likely to scare him away by your behaviour.

There’s just too much pressure and intensity. You’ll be coming on too strong.

And yes, I know you’re only chasing because you like him and don’t want to lose him, but you’re running the risk of getting him running the other way.

So take a step back and remember who you are again. This isn’t really you, is it? You are so much better this my friend!

4) You Need To Find Out How He Feels For Real

If you’re constantly the one messaging first, or making arrangements to do things, how will you know if he actually likes you?

How will you know if everything’s just being carried by you, or if he actually feels the same way back and will reciprocate that effort?

Because he may do, but because of all your effort, it’s allowing him to get lazy… By cooling it down, you can actually better see where he’s at and make your own judgements from there.

You’re not necessarily testing him here, but you are giving him the opportunity to show that he’s just as interested too. It’s a good thing!

See, there are ways that you can “play it cool” (which aren’t actually difficult!) and you can take things slow when dating, without it being BORING! It’s far better to get it right…

Stop Chasing Men

5) When You’re Chasing Him, It Takes The Focus Off You

If you’re so busy chasing a guy, it means you’re probably not giving enough time to yourself.

Where’s the Self-Love? Where’s the Self-Care? Get it back my friends, get it back…

Because he’s taking over. The balance isn’t right. So you need to shift your focus back on your life for a moment and do the things that make you feel good.

(And yes I know, being in his company makes you feel good, but you need to be careful because it may not necessarily last, and then where will you be? Back to square one! Only with a fresh new boat of rejection too!)

6) When You’re Chasing, It Stops You From Being Open To Others

You’ve got your heart so damn set on him, you can’t even let yourself see the other guys that are out there.

You’ll end up missing opportunities because you’re just so consumed by this one person. And I mean, is he actually even the one? Absolutely not if he doesn’t think you are too!

You need to stop chasing men so you can see the bigger picture again.

Because actually – you may find there’s someone far more suitable, right in front of you… only this guy will genuinely love and appreciate you, for everything and all that you are!

7) If You Stop Chasing Men, They’re More Likely To Appreciate You

Men aren’t always the enemies here, sometimes we’re our own worst enemies…

Men also aren’t always on the same page as us, so sometimes we’ve got to explain how we feel as they could just be oblivious.

Either way however, if you want to find a good guy, you’ve got to make sure they appreciate you. If you’re always so readily available, he won’t.

It’s like the stay-at-home-mum who looks after the kids and does everything for the husband and he just takes it for granted… not necessarily intentionally, but just because she’s always there.

The difference is here, you guys are not married yet! You’re dating. Things are new and exciting so the appreciation should be strong! Get things right from the get-go.

8) At The End, You’re Likely to Be Disappointed

Huh? Whaaat? Yep, I know. You may be surprised now, but it’s true. I can actually vouch for it.

See, when you’re chasing a guy, you become so set on the outcome, the ‘mission’ if you like, you’ve actually ignored the little signs that maybe they’re not so perfect.

When you finally ‘secure’ them, and the thrill is gone, you can start to see things for how they really are and that they’re not actually everything you thought they were cracked up to be.

Not always, of course. But sometimes. Because when you’re chasing men, your vision is blurred, you can’t actually see everything clearly.

You’re just focused on the chase and forget about all the other things that are really important to you. And sometimes, the guy just doesn’t cut it!

9) You Need This, Trust Me

You’ve got to stop chasing men because if you don’t it’s going take its toll on you. The chasing gets tiring. It also affects your level of self-worth, whether you realise it or not.

So please don’t let a guy wear you down, especially if he’s not doing the groundwork there too. He’s definitely not worth it and you’ve got to have the self-respect to walk away and put yourself first.

If he lets it fizzle out, you know you’ve done the right thing. A relationship is going to grow from two people who are mutually interested.

So if you stop chasing and it doesn’t go anywhere from there… there’s your sign that you’ve avoided a whole lot of heartbreak!

You haven’t lost anything, you’ve just saved yourself some time by seeing that it clearly wasn’t ever going anywhere. Perspective ladies, perspective.

Are you being too full on?

10) Love Shouldn’t Be Difficult

At the end of the day, love shouldn’t be difficult. When you get into new relationships there will inevitably be challenges, but love itself, shouldn’t be hard. So you shouldn’t need to chase. If it’s not right, don’t waste time on it.

So What Do You Do To Stop Chasing Men?

What to do instead of chasing men? Well this part is actually quite simple.

First up, you need to recognise when the dynamics are wrong and that you are in fact – chasing a guy. Because you may not have even realised!

Notice the imbalance, notice what you’re doing, and use all the reasons above to decide that – actually – you don’t like it, and you aren’t going to carry on doing it!

The first step towards change is making the decision…

Take a step back, see what happens. See if he starts putting the graft in or if it then begins to fizzle and he continues to pull away.

If it does – you then have your answer and YOU must choose to walk away!

In the meantime, instead of chasing men – I want you to focus on yourself instead. Become happy in who you are, before seeking others to be your source of happiness.

If you can do this, it will automatically encourage you to stop chasing men (and at an earlier stage than you probably find yourself in now!)

You’ll become pickier when dating… Not necessarily in who you go for, but how they make you feel. Which is such, such, such a big thing!

How To Make Him Want You

So if you stop chasing the guy, he comes back, he starts acting the way you want him to – then you can build on it.

You can follow these clever tips for how to make him want you even more!

With this, you’re still putting him first in many ways, you’re thinking what he’d want and what would make him happy – but if you follow the above strategies, you must make sure he’s treating you right before too.

Don’t try to make him want you if he’s not right for you. Notice when it’s not right and decide that – actually – you don’t really want him either!

If it is good, and it is going the way you want it to go, take a step back so that you’re able to fully appreciate it! Enjoy the good times, enjoy the happiness he’s bringing and remember that this is what you wanted!

Does This Mean You Have To Just ‘Play It Cool?’

No way! Just because this article is all about why you should stop chasing men, it doesn’t mean that you can’t ever pursue anyone.

In fact, there’s ways to play it cool… and play it cool the right way!

But go for what you want girl! This isn’t about game playing and there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and showing a bit of interest.

It’s just if you’re not getting that effort and interest back, and it’s starting to feel very much one-sided – that’s when you let it go. There’s a difference you see… So try to simply recognise that difference and get the balance right.

Because let’s be fair, if you have to chase (and are the only one chasing!), it’s not going to work. You deserve a lot better than this, and you’ll get it. But if you invest all this time in the wrong person, it’s going to stop you from finding the right one.

So stop chasing the wrong men! Know your worth. Like attracts like my friends. And trust that there is someone equally as awesome, just around the corner for you, waiting to find you too.

Stay positive – whatever happens from here.


Stop Chasing Men
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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

3 thoughts on “Stop Chasing Men, Here’s What To Do Instead”

  1. I think you get to a stage in your life where men think your time is up and it basically is, your youth is over! You may look young but your not young and dumb anymore, your too smart for men’s crap.

  2. I can read this article one hundred times over and still keep making the same mistakes…this time let’s hope it sinks in!


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