Stop Texting Your Ex! (Do This Instead)

Spread the love
  • 187
  • 1
  • 1
  • 1

Stop texting your ex! Feel like you want to? Then resist the urge my friends, resist the urge! In fact, drop your phone right now (unless of course you’re reading this on it) and push it to the other side of the room. Here’s how to stop texting your ex, with 10 things to do instead…

Why You Need To Stop Texting Your Ex

Texting your ex is a bad idea. I know you want to. I know you miss them. It’s super super tough.

But trust me when I say – it will do no good. It will achieve nothing. And do you really want to set yourself back like that? Lose your self-respect? No, no, no. The answer is no.

You don’t and so you won’t. And thankfully – you definitely don’t need to!

Right now you’re experiencing withdrawal symptoms which is why the temptation to call or text can be difficult to ignore…

But you’ve got to remember that doing things like this will only respite you from your grief momentarily. It won’t last and it won’t even make you feel the way you want to feel.

You don’t want to text your ex to just reach out. You want to text your ex because of what you’re hoping you’ll get back, or how you think you’ll feel after.

But trust me when I say – the “relief” you get, will soon be replaced with regret.

Feel like texting my ex

I Mean, Ask Yourself This…

What if they don’t reply back? What if they completely ignore you? Leave your message on read? How will that make you feel then?

Or worse- what if they do reply and it’s the complete opposite to what you wanted to hear? How will that make you feel?

See if your ex wanted to reach out – they would. It doesn’t matter if you think your ex is testing you. You don’t need to get involved in those “games.”

And if you think, “Well I blocked them, they can’t.”

The thing is, if they really wanted to, they still would and could. But they’re not texting you, and you’re not texting them, which is how it needs to be.

And let’s say they are texting you – the same applies for them. There’s no benefit of it and it’s not helping either of you, so be the bigger, braver person here and don’t text back, for both of your sakes.

You have to remember – texting your ex won’t change the situation. And I know it’s hard – especially if you’re struggling to move on after a breakup as you’re still in love.

It won’t change the way you feel right now either. Instead, it will only knock you back in the healing process which is why you have to resist the urge!

Repeat after me: I must resist the urge. And I will resist the urge!

what to do when you want to text your ex

Things To Do Instead of Texting Your Ex

So how can you stop texting your ex? How can you reduce the temptation? What can you actually do which will support you on this process of recovery?

Well my friends, we are fully prepared with strategies and suggestions here! (PHEW!) So here’s 10 things to do instead of texting your ex…

1) Text It Out On Your Notes Instead 

I’ve put this first because this is my go-to solution to feeling better, almost instantly.

More often than not, you want to text because you have things to say, things to get off your chest. Keeping them in can feel like it’s starting to suffocate you.

So it’s good that you WANT to get them out, instead of repressing your emotions.

But just because you have things to say – it doesn’t mean you have to say them to your ex.

Instead, go onto the ‘notes’ section on your phone and text it all out on there. Write it as if you were going to send it… But of course you won’t.

You should have already blocked your ex and deleted their number by now anyway, which helps to reduce the temptation. (Or if your ex has blocked you – even better!)

This task is purely to help you process your thoughts and emotions, get them off your chest and feel the RELEASE from that.

In fact, if you’ve not tried this before, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much it helps so it’s a great starting point when it comes to how to stop texting your ex.

Stop Texting Your Ex

2) Hit The Gym or Have a Workout

Did you know that exercise is actually one of nature’s natural painkillers?

When you put your body to the test, your brain’s hypothalamus and pituitary gland produces neurochemicals called endorphins.

These bring about feelings of euphoria and well-being as well as highlight the “reward” circuit of your brain.

Ultimately, exercising makes you feel good, which is why a workout is one of the best things you can do if you want to stop texting your ex.

It’s a healthy habit rather than a destructive one, that’s going to benefit both your mind and your body; and really work towards helping you to feel better after a breakup.

So next time you’re feeling crappy, drop your phone and pick up a dumbbell! Burn off the frustration and temptation instead!

Alternatively, go for something lighter like yoga. Yoga can be just as testing on your body (in different ways) but is also an effective relaxation technique.

So explore different exercises, but get active if you want to stop texting your ex… As it shifts your focus and makes you feel far better and stronger, which then takes away from your desire to text!

form new habits after a breakup

3) Call or Text A Friend or Family Member

Who do you turn to when times get tough? Your Mum? Maybe your sister? Perhaps your bestie? Whoever it is – they love you and they are there for you. (If you’ll let them be, of course.)

So instead of pouring your heart out to someone who doesn’t care, speak to someone who does.

Discuss the situation, get that mini therapy session in with them, but then change the topic to something else.

Find out what’s going on in their world, make some plans, see what they have coming up – shift the focus AWAY from your ex, and the temptation to text them.

If you’re feeling down about your ex or crush, then you’re giving them too much power over your life.

So let it all out, feel your emotions in order to release them

Then (and this is the most important part) think about the other things that are going on – because there are far better things than them!

PSST: Speaking on the phone not enough? Then get out. Go out the house and meet up with your friends / family. There are plenty of fun places to hang out with friends and the change of scene (if texting / phoning isn’t quite doing it for you), could be just what you need.

stop missing your ex

4) Get Reading, Learning or Researching

The very fact that you’re on this article right now, shows that actually – this is kind of what you’re already doing. (Which is awesome. Give yourself more credit for that my friends!)

Instead of naturally reacting to how you feel, you’re seeking out alternatives. You’re looking at how to improve yourself after a breakup, and stop falling into the same old tracks as you previously might have.

You want to stop texting your ex, and that’s the first step. So good for you! Honestly, it’s things like this which will help to re-build you and start to make you feel better.

So once you’re done reading this article, look at other things that you can learn about.

Get distracted with something that will help you develop.

It might be on understanding your mind and emotions, learning how to build your self-esteem, figuring out how to feel that inner self-love, or it can be totally unrelated… Like swatting up on a history topic, watching a random TedTalk.

The options are endless! But shift your focus onto something that will expand your mind or help you grow, instead of being dragged down by someone who doesn’t really matter anymore.

Start this Self Improvement Challenge if you really want / need to immerse yourself in it. Because I guarantee, it will be one of the best post-breakup things that you do!

how to go no contact

5) Head Outdoors

Similar to exercising, this is less about the activity (although stretching your legs and striding out will certainly help for the same reasons we previously mentioned too) but the fresh air and the greenery in itself will really help.

See, nature is another natural mood booster. And so, sometimes – getting out in the great outdoors is JUST what you need.

The key with this one? Leave your phone at home or put it on flight mode, so you can just completely switch off with no distractions.

Allow yourself to simply be fully present in your surroundings and take everything in. Throw in an outdoor activity you can do, if you need… Especially initially when you’re first trying to get yourself into these new habits to stop you from texting your ex.

It could be walking, hiking, skating or surfing even. Whatever’s your thing. Or find new things!

I mean, there’s plenty of different hobbies for women in their 20’s, 30’s and beyond. So find something you can do outside that you really enjoy, that will help you in the moments when you feel like texting your ex.

things to do instead of texting your ex

6) Start a New Project

If you’re in a little turmoil and thinking about texting your ex, this is a big sign that already this person has already taken up far too much of your life.

It’s time to put a stop to it, help you find your spark again and re-build your confidence after a breakup.

Right now you might not be in the best headspace, but something to help to get you working towards that way, would be to put down your phone and start a new project.

It could be anything – big, small, short-term, long-term, something you’ve always wanted to do, something you’ve never thought about before.

Maybe a DIY project in your bedroom or home, make a collage of your bucket list, make a vision board or dream board, build something, draw something, write something. Create a happiness plan even, then get stuck into that!

There’s heaps of ideas for how to keep busy at home if you’re unsure where to start.

The more creative it is, the better, because it will really pull you out of your head. And, the sense of accomplishment when it’s complete – makes you feel pretty damn good too.

Remember, this is actually an exciting time. After all… you’re rebuilding yourself, re-creating yourself, and moving on with your life, in every way that you can!

So have a think, see what you can come up with… Then get to work, my friends.

How To Stop Texting Your Ex

7) Have a Little Pampering

Pampering is a great distraction when you’re trying to stop texting your ex.

Now, depending on how low you feel – right now, even showering could be an effort (and achievement!) But that’s okay. Even if it’s baby steps.

Take time for you, and every time you feel like texting your ex – take MORE time for you, and focusing on taking care of yourself.

There’s plenty of ideas for different acts of self care in our 30 Day Self Care Challenge if you’d like to give it a go.

But maybe start by having a bath, putting some relaxing music on, washing your face, exfoliating; go through the whole beauty routine – especially if it’s an evening or night.

In fact, why not have a go at exploring with different evening self-care routines?

Instead of dwelling in your free time – get yourself into good habits and see the difference it makes. Experiment with different acts of self-care and see what helps the most.

Find that you struggle more to stop texting your ex in the day? Then that’s even better…

It gives you an excuse to book yourself in for a little spa day, have a facial, get a manicure, get those brows tidied up!

This will also be beneficial because it gets you out the house and amongst company – even if you don’t particularly feel like talking at the moment.

The worst thing you can do is exclude yourself. The more alone you feel, the more likely there will be temptation to text your ex. But the truth is –you don’t need him.

So let him go and instead surround yourself with positive people who are there to make you feel good!

things to do instead of texting your ex

8) Start a New Book or TV Series

Escape out of your world for a little while and get lost in another one! The important factor with this one however is to steer clear of anything romance-related. Steer well clear. You hear me?!

There’s plenty of empowering books for single women to choose from instead. You don’t need to go for the romance that will get you thinking about your ex even more!

Instead go for a thriller, a drama, an inspiring true-story. Personal development books are also pretty good. Here, see my personal reading list right now for some ideas.

The great thing is – reading a book is incredibly effective for shifting your attention. After all, you can’t possibly be sat thinking about your ex when you’re getting lost in another story, or trying to learn something new. It’s just not possible…

And likewise with getting into a gritty new TV series – yes it’s an escape and maybe not the most productive escape, but sometimes – especially early on – all you need is that easy escape… It’s all you can think or bare to do.

So start small, simple, easy and manageable and build it up from there.

See it’s not that you have to forget your ex completely.

Just focus on an attention shift initially. Because as with your attention elsewhere, then goes your desire to text. So it’s a fast, simple, effective strategy to stop texting your ex!

how to go no contact

9) Jump Onto a Dating App

Now this is a controversial one potentially, as it can feel difficult and daunting to start dating after a breakup.

But it’s important to understand – we’re not doing this because we NEED someone else, nor are we actually looking for a relationship right now.

However, chatting to other people and seeing there is a big wide world out there full of exciting new potentials is a good distraction, to say the least.

One of the hardest things after heartbreak is the sense of loss you feel. It feels like something is missing; there’s an empty space and now you have to replace it.

Right now you’re not looking to replace your ex with anyone else – instead you’re trying to replace him or her with your hobbies, personal development and goals. (That sort of thing!)

But at this moment, when all you want is a quick escape, there’s usually no harm in chatting to other people instead of texting your ex… And seeing that actually, your ex isn’t the ONLY person in the world who can make you feel a certain way.

So, give it a try! You have nothing to lose. Just make sure you’re honest and open to the people that you do speak to, so that they’re clear with where you’re at.

(This is a fundamental dating app rule so be sure to follow these to feel well equipped!)

Too soon for dating apps? No problem. There’s no rush.

Simply use these questions to ask before dating and start thinking about what you do want in a relationship.

Start by completing a Relationship Inventory to help you learn from your past relationship.

Just make sure you’re only looking back in order to move forward… Because that’s what it’s all about, moving forward, not back!

how to go no contact

10) Use A “Remember List”

This is the last one to round up this list now (and I’m ending it with one of my favourites when it comes to how to stop texting your ex)… Excitingly introducing the: ‘Remember List.’

What exactly is this?!

Well it’s a list that you keep on the ‘notes’ tab of your phone to remind you of the things you need to hear in the moments you need to hear them… like when you feel like texting your ex!

See, so often, we look back through rose-tinted glasses, remembering the best bits of a relationship and pushing out our mind the times that were actually pretty crap.

So to put things into perspective and pull the wool from over our eyes, you can use a Remember List.

How it works? Well there’s no “rules” as such…

Essentially you just write down of all the reasons why your ex wasn’t right for you, all those times that hurt and – if you want to go one step further – the things you need to remember when you feel in this low state.

These may be things like “you deserve better than this”, “staying with the wrong person was only keeping you from the right one”, “you will not let this beat you.”

These breakup affirmations may help you to develop your own.

Then every time you feel like texting your ex – instead of texting, have this list on your phone and read back through it until you’ve convinced yourself that yes – texting would be THE WORST IDEA IN THE WORLD(!) and actually – you’ve totally saved yourself by not!

Stop Texting Your Ex

Stopped The Temptation To Text Your Ex?

Phew… that was a close call, hey?! If you’ve now resisted the urge to text your ex – I want you to know how incredibly proud of you I am.

Or, if that wasn’t on your radar right now, save this list so that you know what to do in the event of an ‘ex-emergency!’ (Woohoo. All power to you!)

You’re actually doing far better than you give yourself credit for here, trust me. So hold your head up high, carry on with your day and stop texting your ex… At all costs!

In time this will all get easier, I promise you. So hang on in there and remember – the future really is so bright from here.

Take care.


Stop Texting Your Ex
Photo of author
Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

Leave a Comment