So, you’re struggling to get over an ex, a guy you were dating, or even just a crush? Then my friends, this quick-fire activity post is the one for you. Here’s how to take him off the pedestal.
What it will give you? The three C’s… Clarity. Closure. A frickin CLEAR MIND!
Who Is This For?
This activity is for anyone who wants to get over someone. Anyone who’s not able to get over someone, because they’re still – pretty much – worshipping the ground someone else walks on.
I know, I know, we’ve all been there, it happens to the best of us. And yes – your ex may have had his strong points, he may not necessarily have been a bad person.
This isn’t about taking it to the extremes and instead, slating him. No, no, no. It’s just about taking him off a pedestal so that you go from:
Uhhh, why does it have to be over?! I’ll never meet anyone like him again.
To something more like:
Well, what we had was good whilst it lasted. But it’s over now. And that’s okay.
Because, trust me, there’s so much more to come. So much to look forward to. Such amazing people just waiting to be met! It just won’t happen until you let this guy go, and realise that, not only are you equally as awesome as him, but there are other people who are just as cool too.
How To Take Him Off the Pedestal
So what do you do? How do you take him off the pedestal? Well, let’s start with some questions.
TASK: Grab two pieces of paper and a pen, then write your ex’s name in the middle of both.
What Did You Like?
On the one piece of paper, jot notes to the following questions:
- What did you like about him? We’re talking – physically, emotionally, connection wise, personality wise.
- What did you like about how he made you feel? Get specific on these feelings… What did it feel like to be with him? In what moments in particular did he make you feel good?
- What did you like about the relationship that you had? Try not to think about specific things about him, but the relationship as a whole. These can actually become part of your relationship standards – what you want in a relationship moving forward (but more on that shortly!)
What Didn’t You Like?
On the other piece of paper, swap it around, ask yourself:
- What didn’t you like about him? What conflicted with you, your values, who you are as a person? Were there any things that frustrated you? Try to focus on the biggest things rather than the little niggles as these add more value and strength when it comes to how to take him off a pedestal.
- What didn’t you like about how he made you feel at times? What times in particular were these, and what emotions did they stir up? How often did you feel like this, honestly? Is that the way you should feel when you’re with someone? Is that the kind of partnership you really wanted? This leads me onto the next question…
- What didn’t you like about the relationship that you had? How did you wish it was different? What things would you have liked to have changed? What didn’t meet your relationship expectations and standards?
What Wasn’t Right?
On that second piece of paper, I want you to build on this further: looking back at the relationship, what wasn’t quite right?
- Could you trust him?
- Did he ever betray you?
- Did he make you feel worried or insecure?
- Had things happened that you’d overlooked?
- Did you compromise on things that were important to you?
- Or did you allow things you shouldn’t have?
- Did you ever get the feeling that something wasn’t quite right?
- Was this the kind of relationship you’d always envisioned?
- Could you hand on heart, genuinely see a long-term future with him?
Be brave. Be honest. Have a think through all of this and more to help to remove those rose-tinted glasses, once and for all.
What Will You Learn?
Going back to that first piece of paper for the things that you liked, I now want you to:
Circle the things that you liked in particular. Circle the things that matter. But disassociate them from your ex.
So – for example – instead of thinking of your ex and remembering, “Ah, he was just so funny. He made me laugh so much” take away from that: “Humour really is important to me in a relationship. I want someone who shares the same sense of humour as me and makes me laugh.”
You can still take things from this last relationship, you can still learn things and use them to move forward.
But that guy? He’s not going to take over your life. He’s not the king – but you my friends, are a QUEEN, and so he can’t take up anymore of your mind or life!
This Guy Wasn’t Perfect, And He Wasn’t Right
When you’re able to take him off a pedestal, you should see two things:
- He wasn’t perfect. You’re remembering all the perfect things more than the less-than-perfect, but when you take a step back and really see the bigger picture, he wasn’t. More importantly…
- He wasn’t perfect for you. As great as he was – and I’m sure he is – he still wasn’t perfect for you. How do I know? Because he’s not here.
Yes, you can beat yourself up, yes you can kick yourself for the mistakes you made. Gee, if you really want, you can carry on with this vicious cycle, unable to let it go. But the truth still stands that:
If he was the right person, he’d still be here.
I promise you. If you two were really right for you, even if you created this split – there would be a comeback. And right now, if you’ve gotten to this article, I’m going to assume there’s not been.
So girl, please listen to me now. Free yourself from this turmoil. Know that he wasn’t the one. Know that there’s someone more suitable out there for you.
I Mean, Look At It This Way…
Where did it all go wrong? What other things come into it?
- Do you share the same values?
- Does he live by the values he says?
- Do you share the same communication styles?
- If he walked away – would you have done so in his situation?
- What did he not see about you? Did he fully value and appreciate you as a person?
All of these things – they matter more than anything. Use these things to take him off a pedestal if nothing else works. And if you’re struggling to remember it in the moments you need…
Write it out as a note on your phone, write it out on sticky notes and put them around your room. Set alarms on your phone even, to remind yourself to not only read these things, but read empowering beliefs that you need to remember about yourself and your worth.
Agreed? Alright then. So now you have the process for how to take him off the pedestal. Do it as much as you need. Keep doing it if you need, until eventually you’ll realise and remember, he’s not “all that” and he wasn’t the one for you.
Hope this helps. If you’re still struggling, have a read of our breakup posts, and get in touch for one-to-one support. I’m here. I care. And you don’t have to go through this alone.
All the best!