Is your partner holding back? Have you fostered a safe space for the two of you to truly be able to open up? In this article we’ll break down the 7+ most common things couples find difficult to share with their partner, so that you can identify which of these ring true for the two of you.
Why Do Couples Find Certain Things Difficult To Share?
Now we’re all human – certain things may be difficult to share, not only with your partner, but with anyone.
These are usually things that are seen as embarrassing, shameful, or which put you in a vulnerable position. There may also be an element of fear of being judged, rejected or abandoned even.
Then of course, some things may just be difficult to talk about as a whole, as they trigger you, or stir up a whole lot of sadness, anger or pain.
Likewise, there may be barriers to communication also due to past experiences or an avoidant attachment style / emotional unavailability.
With the complex matters there’s not necessarily a “quick fix.” For these, you might like to consider Specialist Relationship Coaching to work through them properly and fully.
But there’s also smaller things that couples find difficult to share with their partner…
This is typically due to things like poor communication, a lack of emotional safety, emotional distance or a lack of trust. These are therefore what you want to really get to the heart of first.
After all, you should be able to feel like you can turn to your partner ahead of anyone else.
Being able to talk openly and honestly with your partner about anything is crucial for a healthy relationship because it fosters understanding, trust, and emotional intimacy.
It’s one of the key foundations for a happy, strong and long-lasting relationship.
So try to, first, identify the things that your partner may find difficult to share with you. Then, you can create a safer, more supportive space, that better encourages them to open up moving forward.
7 Things Couples Find Difficult To Share With Their Partner
So let’s get stuck in, shall we? In no particular order, here’s some of the most common things couples find difficult to share with their partner.
Have a read through, send this article over to your partner too, then discuss together to see what you’re both holding back on and how you can best start to improve communication in this area moving forward.
See, you’ll often find that couples struggle to share…
1) Insecurities About Themselves
Insecurity can be a complex issue rooted in past experiences, societal pressures, or low self-esteem, making open and honest communication challenging.
The problem is, low self-esteem can also create anxiety in a relationship. It stops you from showing up as your best self when you don’t fully appreciate, love or respect yourself.
This is therefore an important thing to be able to talk to your partner about; and something that is valuable to identify. Likewise…
2) Insecurities About The Relationship
Common relationship insecurities include fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, jealousy, difficulty with intimacy, and attachment insecurity, to mention just a few.
These can manifest as trust issues, constant reassurance seeking, and difficulty with emotional vulnerability.
They can be embarrassing to talk about as the individual may often know they’re not always entirely fair or reasonable.
As a result, they act up in ways they don’t want to, instead of addressing the root cause, honestly and openly.
3) Things They Unhappy About In The Relationship
Depending on a couple’s relationship dynamics, the things they’re unhappy with can be one of the couples find difficult to share with their partner.
This can include the big stuff – like boundary crossing or clear signs of disrespect, to the small stuff, like uneven distribution of household chores.
Be mindful that even the “small stuff” can build up over time and create bigger issues – with one partner feeling unseen, unheard and under-appreciated.
This is why it’s so important to create a safe, open space to talk.
BONUS: Recurring Relationship Issues
Building on this, if there’s been an area of conflict, couples can often find it difficult to bring things up again, due to fear of another argument about it or emotional exhaustion.
They therefore try to cover up the problem, ignore it or avoid it, but the truth is – this doesn’t make it go away. If anything, it only makes it worse.
4) Needs & Preferences in the Bedroom
This can be a tricky topic that couples often try to avoid talking about. It may be down to embarrassment, feeling uncomfortable or just not wanting to hurt their partners feelings.
The thing is – a lack of open communication around your physical needs, can be one of the biggest causes of intimacy issues in the bedroom, so you kind of can’t win without opening up.
For this reason, this is one of the most helpful topics to recognise and address. ⭐ We can make this easier to do with our Couples Intimacy Challenge – be sure to check it out. ⭐
5) Personal Health Concerns
Health concerns are another thing that couples can often keep to themselves.
Whether that’s because they feel embarrassed, they don’t want to make it real, or simply don’t want to worry their partner.
The thing is, these worries or fears can only then build up. Sharing can help to ease the burden and give your partner the opportunity to support you in the way that they want to and need to. Similarly…
6) Mental Health Struggles
While there isn’t a specific percentage readily available on how many couples regularly discuss their mental health, it’s clear that open communication about mental health is crucial for healthy relationships and all too many don’t speak up about it enough.
There are many factors that influence this – embarrassment, fear, feelings of inadequacy; cultural normals and gender roles can also come into it.
The problem is, when couples don’t share how they feel, it creates emotional disconnect as well as heightened negative emotions and these can start to take their toll on the relationship itself.
TOP TIP: Try to get into the habit of doing emotional check-in’s, if not daily then weekly. It’s a small thing that makes a big difference, and doesn’t even take up much time.
7, Emotionally-Fuelled Problems or Concerns
Couples often feel comfortable talking about issues at work, family drama or general stresses that are pretty surface level.
But there deeper stuff, that’s more difficult to talk about – these are certainly one of the common things that couples find difficult to share with their partner.
For instance, overspending on a credit card which creates financial troubles that make a partner feel pretty shameful, bullying in a friendship group which is especially hurtful, or even personal beliefs that mean a lot to them.
Problems or concerns that are emotionally fuelled often create blocks when it comes to opening up to your partner about, so this is something to be mindful about…
What To Do If Your Partner Is Finding It Difficult To Talk To You
Now the good news is, there’s plenty of things you can do if your partner is finding it difficult to talk to you. Consider:
- Creating a safe, supportive environment for them to open up.
- Let them know you are always there to listen, with no judgement, just love and care.
- Be mindful of their potential triggers and open up conversations about these to be able to recognise them if you’re unsure.
- Practice calm, active, empathetic listening.
- Encourage your partner to use “I” statements to focus on how they feel.
- Ask open-ended questions, to encourage your partner to elaborate.
- Be inquisitive! Show genuine interest. Show that you’re really listening and trying to help, or at the very least, be there.
- Acknowledge, respect and validate their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them or fully understand them.
- Set aside time each day, with no phones, no distractions; create space for you to regularly talk and reconnect.
- Be consistent with it. Make this a healthy relationship habit, as that’s what will make open up easier over time.
We actually naturally get you into the habit of this in our Couples Connection Challenge. There’s also our Couples Communication Challenge if communication is an area in which you know you’d like to improve.
That’s right, there are fun, engaging and easier ways to go about this. So allow us to help to make things easier for you. 🫶
That’s All For This One
So there we have it – that rounds up some of the key things couples find difficult to share with their partner, plus a brief intro on how to start to foster a safer, more supportive space in which they know that – actually – they can talk to you about anything.
I hope you’ve found this interesting, helpful and insightful.
Wishing you all the very best.
Love,
Ell_xx
