Are you communicating effectively with your partner? Are you saying the things you want and need to? Here’s 10+ things you don’t tell your partner enough (most likely) – plus, why it’s so important.
See, this goes beyond anything surface-level. These 10+ essential expressions and phrases open up conversations that all healthy relationships need to have.
10+ Things You Don’t Tell Your Partner Enough
So let’s get stuck straight in, shall we? Here’s 10+ things you don’t tell your partner enough.
1) I love you.
Let’s start small and simple, with those powerful all important 3 little words.
See, saying “I love you” is so often one of the things you don’t tell your partner enough. And yet – expressing your love daily is one of the small, healthy relationship habits, you should be doing daily (at the bare minimum!)
Remember – there’s different ways to say “I love you”, so if it feels like it’s getting repetitive – you can most definitely switch it up. But get into the habit of it – that’s the easiest way.
According to a YouGov survey, the percentage of couples who say “I love you” every day decreases as the length of their relationship increases:
- 2–5 years: About 50% of couples say “I love you” every day.
- 10+ years: About 33% of couples say “I love you” every day.
- 50+ years: About 18% of couples say “I love you” every day.
Expressing love can have emotional and physical benefits, and can reinforce feelings of importance and connection.
Saying “I love you” is one of the easiest ways to build intimacy, so it certainly shouldn’t be overlooked.
2) I appreciate you… / I appreciate you doing this.
Next up, another of the common things you don’t tell your partner enough, is that you appreciate them, or you appreciate the things they do.
Acts of service is one of the common ways to show someone you love them, and sure – they don’t do what they do for praise – but giving them the recognition and appreciation, only helps to foster a more loving, happy, healthy relationship.
Pick up on the big things and the little things they do. There is always something to be grateful for, and showing that gratitude can mean even far more than you think.
3) This behaviour made me feel triggered.
Moving on now then, this one may surprise you, but it’s important to open up…
The better you are at expressing how you feel and explaining your triggers and behaviours, the closer you and your partner will become, because they then have the understanding they need.
Ever acted up, in ways that were unfair or unreasonable? Then explain why. Explain your triggers.
It’s not that you’re not taking responsibility for your actions (you are), but by sharing your triggers – you and your partner can better work through them together, as a team.
This is one of the biggest things people don’t tell their partner enough. Often, embarrassment, shame or the fear of being vulnerable comes into it. But it shouldn’t, it really shouldn’t, my friends.
PSST, if you’re struggling to understand your triggers and how to best communicate these with your partner, check out our Specialist Relationship Coaching. I’m a bit of an expert in this area (having also worked through my own), so I’m here to help. You are not alone. 🫶
Things You Don’t Tell Your Partner Enough
What else should you tell your partner more? How else should you open up? Well, by saying the following phrases…
4) I didn’t like it when you did this.
Telling your partner the things that you don’t like or don’t appreciate is also important in a relationship.
Now just to be clear – this isn’t about nitpicking. You don’t want to pick up on every single thing you didn’t like your partner doing. (How toxic and draining would your relationship then be?! 😫)
Instead, you want to be selective and only pick out the things you need to – plus, balance it out (where possible) with something empathetic that you do acknowledge about the situation or something that you did like.
When you do this, and really focus on the things that are the most important to you, you can start to create the changes you want to see.
Remember – it’s important to have boundaries in a relationship. It’s also important to know your partners boundaries, or the things that they don’t like. So this is something that should be encouraged both ways.
5) I need / I really value…
Another important thing to express to your partner is what you need. And again, just to be clear – this is NOT about putting unreasonable demands on the relationship.
It shouldn’t all be about “you, you, you.” But expressing your needs is important, as is encouraging your partner to express theirs.
You should already know what you both want and need in a relationship. If not – it could be time to ask the tough relationship questions you’ve been putting off!
But sometimes they may need a reminder, or from time to time, you may need to speak up and share how you feel at that moment in time. For example:
- “I’m feeling really tired this week. Is it okay if I don’t go to your parents on Sunday? I just know I need some time to myself. I’m happy to host them next weekend instead!”
- “I feel like we’re not getting much time together at the moment, and as you know – I really value quality time. Do you think we could set aside some time together this weekend? When works for you?”
Do you see? It can be done subtly, calmly and casually. On a similar note…
6) I felt really [however you felt] today.
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is shutting their partner out and not opening up enough.
Remember – emotional intimacy is one of the key types of intimacy your relationship really needs and letting your partner in, comes with that.
You should have open, honest communication. You should feel comfortable enough to share and express. This in turn, then also helps your partner to understand you more.
So sharing how you felt, in different situations or on a daily basis, is most definitely one of the things you don’t tell your partner enough in most cases.
Stop talking about how your day went and talk more about how you feel. Go deeper with it!
It’s not about being negative but open and honest as that’s actually one of the most effective ways to build intimacy in your relationship.
FEEL LIKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP NEEDS A LITTLE TLC? Then sign up for our Couples Intimacy Challenge. This runs over 30 days, and provides small, simple, yet incredibly effective intimacy exercises and activities for couples, that will bring you closer than ever. Trust me, it’s a real game-changer, and well worth checking out! 🙌
Things You Don’t Tell Your Partner Enough In The Bedroom…
Talking of intimacy, we have to now mention one of the key things you don’t tell your partner enough in the bedroom, as this can be one of the most common things destroying intimacy…
7) I like it when you do this / I’d like it better this way.
Fundamentally, people don’t tell their partner enough what they do and don’t like in the bedroom…
And hey, I get it! You don’t want to cause any hurt or offence. It can also sometimes feel like a daunting topic to talk about.
But if you can bring yourself to say it (in the right way) it will totally transform your compatibility in the bedroom and the physical connection that you have.
It could just be small tweaks. But how will your partner know your preferences if you never talk about it?!
Our couples intimacy challenge can actually also help you to become more comfortable speaking about this… So hey, here’s another little nudge if you’ve not yet clicked on through to check it out. Head over now!
Things You Don’t Tell Your Partner Enough
We’re onto the final 3 things you don’t tell your partner enough. So what else have we got? Well…
8) So I was just wondering…
Now this is more one of the questions couples don’t ask enough – but it’s not necessarily WHAT you ask, it’s the asking of questions in itself. I mean:
- What would you like to know about your partner?
- What were you wondering about how they felt?
- What did you assume? Instead of assuming – talk it out!
By doing this and focusing on asking instead of assuming, and expressing that you genuinely want to know these things, it brings you so much closer to your partner.
To get you into the habit of this, if you’re unsure where to start – we’ve created 365 Deep Questions, designed for you to break down and ask one question a day, daily.
Only pick and choose from the questions you genuinely want to know, as this is about you and your partner, and what YOU are wondering about them. But you’ll probably find most of them take your fancy, and you’ll learn more about them than ever before by doing this!
9) I’m thinking about you.
Just how asking questions shows that you care, telling your partner that you do and you’re thinking of them, goes a long way too.
This – in most cases – is one of the things you don’t tell your partner enough.
You can do it directly, by saying specifically, “I’m thinking of you.” This is actually one of the most powerful phrases that make someone feel loved.
Or you do it in other ways, by remembering the big things, the little things and the things that are important to them, to demonstrate it even more.
For example, have they got something big coming up? Or did they tell you they wasn’t enjoying something and they have to do it again the next day?
Then send them a text; surprise them! Send them your best wishes, at the times they need it, whenever they need it… And even if they don’t!
It’s not about being clingy, but kind, caring and affectionate.
10) I’m Sorry
Last but not least, we’re going to finish off with one of the HARDEST things you don’t tell your partner enough, which is – of course – “I’m sorry.”
Apologising is known to be difficult to do, because it goes against our natural instincts and makes us feel threatened. However, it’s important to step up, take responsibility for your mistakes and be the bigger person by apologising.
It shows reflection and self-awareness – two important elements needing for building and sustaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
So, when you’re wrong – recognise it, admit it, and apologise. It’s no big deal, really, and will make your partner respect, understand and appreciate you so much more.
That’s All For This One
So there we have it – that rounds up the 10+ things you don’t tell your partner enough, found commonly in couples.
How many of these did you find rung true for you? And what small changes do you commit to making from here? Let us know in the comments box below!
I hope you found this valuable.
My very best wishes.
Love,
Ell_xx
