So you hate being single? You don’t like being on your own? You want to meet the right person? But boyyy, does that feel like an impossible task! Sound familiar?
Well first up, I want you to know that I feel you. I get it. I know how tough it can be, not to mention frustrating. And I’m not here to give you a [partially] pointless pep talk that may make you feel marginally better in the moment, but not really create much change thereafter.
No. That’s not what this is all about.
Instead, I’m going to guide you through what to do if you hate being single, so that you change the way you feel, change the way you look at it, and increase your chances of finding what you want.
Okay? The thing is, the only way this will work is if you not just read this, but apply it as you go along. Do the “tasks” – and no, it’s not lame-ass homework.
It’s what’s going to help… To get you out of this doom-and-gloom single-life-hating rut.
So you ready? Then let’s start from the top…
What To Do If You Hate Being Single
So before we look at what to do if you hate being single, I want you to ask yourself why you hate being single.
(Because you’ll probably find that it’s not actually the single-status itself that you hate!)
To make this easier, grab a notepad (yup, we’re going back old-school), grab a pen, draw a line straight down the middle.
- On the left write down all of the things you DO like about being single.
- On the right, write down all of the things that you DON’T like.
Do this right now, before you read any further. I know it’s easy to cheat – to say you’ll come back to it or to do it in your head.
I mean, I know the temptation to carry on reading and find the solution is going through the roof (ha!) but if you want the solution, you have to do the groundwork… And this is the groundwork.
It’s not pointless. It’s essential. Because until you get super specific on what exactly you don’t like, it’s very difficult to address and work through it.
So, go, go, go. Write, write, write.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. You can change your mind, scribble things out, add to the list later on. For now, this is just a brain dump to get you thinking and reflecting.
Why Do You Hate Being Single?
So what did you find? Why do you hate being single? It could be because:
- You don’t like being on your own. Or, more specifically – you don’t like feeling lonely.
- You’ve been on your own for so long now. In fact, it feels like you’ve been single your whole life!
- Perhaps being single also makes you feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy. You’ve spent so long allowing others to validate you, when you are single – it’s confronting, it’s difficult.
- Maybe you’re not quite over your ex. You still have things to deal with on that front – the hurt, the rejection, the “trauma” even perhaps, and so you’re looking for someone to fill the void, to make it go away, to enable you to start afresh. You want to build a new life with someone…
- Maybe it’s not even an ex that’s getting to you. Perhaps you’ve just had a load of crappy dating experiences and so you’re getting tired of it now.
- It could also be that you miss the companionship, the company, having someone there, to tell about your day, to share your life with, to show you that love and care.
- Maybe you miss the affection, the intimacy.
- Or maybe you are actually at a time in your life when you’re ready to settle down, and so you hate being single because you’re stuck in a place you don’t want to be – unable to move forward.
- Perhaps it feels like the WHOLE WORLD has someone… except you. (Not entirely true, but I get it!) Maybe you feel worried that you won’t find that special person.
- Or it could even be that you feel pressured to find someone – it’s more that you feel like you should hate being single – because everyone around you is conscious of it, and asking you about it, and you kind of want the same old questions to just stop!
There are no end to reasons. Many reasons are common, shared by others. But there will some that will still be very much specific to you. Dig deep to find these.
Find those personal reasons. And be totally honest with yourself. The more honest, the better. No-one’s going to read this but you, remember. And there’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
By the end of it, you’ll probably have quite a lot of reasons why you hate being single. It won’t usually be just one thing but the effect of everything compiling.
Once you have this list, read it through again and circle the top three. The biggest things that are getting to you the most about it right now when it comes to single life.
Let’s Dig a Little Deeper…
Once you have your reasons – you’re clear on why you hate being single, I want you to probe a little further. I want you to ask yourself:
Where is this coming from?
You may have already touched on this when getting everything out on paper above, but if you haven’t, go one step further to piece it altogether.
For instance – let’s say one of the biggest reasons that you hate being single is the loneliness. You feel incomplete without someone, and – even you – do not totally understand why.
At this point, it’s worth speaking to a coach. I actually specialise in coaching in this area, and we can work through it together if you’re struggling.
See with this example, it may come down to:
- Limiting Beliefs: Somewhere along the way you linked a relationship to your value. You thought that in order to be happy, you had to be with someone. We’ve wrote a post on understanding your limiting beliefs around love if you’d like to read more on that and how you both, identify and work through, your limiting beliefs.
- Low Self Esteem: It could also be that you’re lacking in confidence and this need to be with someone to feel completed, is ultimately because you yourself, don’t feel good enough on your own. Low self-esteem can stem from all sorts of things. You can also be confident in some areas, and lacking in others. Again, it’s something to explore further in terms of looking at why.
- Other Issues: It could also be that other things play into it. For example, you could have abandonment issues, which is why being alone can be confronting. You therefore crave the closeness and security as that’s more of a safety net. Or perhaps the last person you dated or were in a relationship with left you, and so again, this plays on your mind even more so when you don’t have a new, positive experience to replace it.
I know it can be pretty tricky, and you probably won’t have all the answers straight away – but the better you can understand why you don’t like being single, the easier it is to then change it.
Address The Issues Head On
There’s one final step in this section, when it comes to changing the way you feel and that is to simply address the things you need to.
See, it’s easy to assume that the problem is – you’re single. But many people are single (and at a stage in their life where they’re ready for that to change even) and yet they still don’t hate where they currently are.
You can be happy, without anything changing in your life – when you work on changing your mind and anything that is tainting your views or feelings.
And that’s exactly why you want to get to the root of the problem. When you do this, the rest will follow – so I honestly can’t stress this enough.
And if you’re unsure what the issue is, if you’re unsure why this is getting to you so much, if you think there’s “no big deal” then it’s probably a case of working on your general mindset and outlook – to stop that negative inner voice and instead shift to a more positive way of thinking and living.
You can also explore what it COULD be, and address the POTENTIAL underlying reasons why you hate being single… Take action and then see if anything changes.
The key is to not just sit and accept it, but to keep trying different things to do something about it, until you feel happier in yourself and where you are.
How To Stop Hating Being Single
So here’s the deal, in life – there’s going to be a lot of things you don’t like… a lot of things that are less than ideal, that you wish were another way.
The thing is, you have two options: mope around about it, or get on with it. Putting it bluntly of course!
It’s like if you’re overweight, and you’re not happy about it. You wish that you wasn’t. But wishing it isn’t going to change it. Getting down about it isn’t going to make it better either.
The only way to change it is to TAKE ACTION. And to keep taking action. There will be ups and down’s along the way, struggles still – of course – but the more you do, the more progress you’ll make and gradually you’ll get to where you want to be.
The other alternative is to become happy with it by changing the way you look at it.
I for one, am an action taker, so – where possible – I always recommend working on the things that you can control, doing the things you can do, then leaving the rest down to acceptance and a mindset shift.
And that’s exactly what we’re going to here for how to stop hating being single.
Here’s What You’re Going To Do…
So you hate being single. Now it could change by chance.
You could just wake up one morning, and meet the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, just like that, completely out of the blue. HALLELUJAH!
On the flip side, this could also not happen.
In fact, the chances of this actually happening are actually pretty slim which is why you don’t really want to leave it down to “chance”.
Instead, we’re going to take a more proactive approach…
1) Actively Date
And I know, you’ve been doing this a while – you’re tired of it.
I mean, all of those soul-sucking, confidence-knocking bad dating experiences are probably a bit contributor to why you hate being single in the first place.
But again, it’s like the weight loss example.
- Do most people like working out?
- Do they enjoy getting a sweat on and feeling like their heart is literally going to beat out of their chest?
No! Probably not. But they get used to it, they stick with it, and some do learn to love it… Because it also gets easier the fitter they get and they know it’s worth it.
That’s what we’re going to do with dating… You’re going to embrace it, have fun with it and learn to love it (so long as you’ve first asked yourself these essential questions before dating, first!)
Because, here’s the thing:
When you learn to love being single – or at the very least are pretty okay with it – when you’re able to appreciate the people you meet and the experiences you have, it puts you in a far better position to attract what you want anyway.
This leads me onto my next point…
2) Change Your Outlook
And we’re not changing it to, “Okay, I’m fine being single. I’m going to stay this way and I’m going to make the best of it.” No, we’re going to make it…
Okay, I’m single right now, but I’m not going to stay this way forever. I’m going to have fun dating, I’m going to put myself out there, meet new people and give this my best shot!
Make it your CHALLENGE, your MISSION to find someone you genuinely connect with, and enjoy the process of “hunting them down!” Use these empowering dating affirmations to help shift your outlook and have a bit of fun with it.
And I know you’re not going to feel like this 24-7, but really focus on embedding this positive attitude within you. To make this easier you can:
- Use uplifting, positive affirmations, and move your body, shift your state as you say them so it starts to pull you out of a rut.
- Separate your time: set allocated “swiping” sessions, typical “date nights” – getting into the habit of putting the time into dating, but (and here’s the big but part to keep that motivation in check!), don’t let it take over your life… still have other things going on. Think of it as like a side hustle, a thing you do on the side!
- Get your friends and family in on this mission so you can chat to them about it and they can encourage you / push you on.
- Mix up your dates. Do different things each time. This also makes it more enjoyable!
3) You’ve Got To Put The Time In
If you hate being single, and you want to do something about it, you have to put the time into dating because – just like everything – you really do get out what you put in.
And the more you date, the more you learn about dating, the more you swat up on recognising the warning signs of different people and certain situations, the easier it all becomes.
I mean, think about it – in a way, dating is a numbers game… There are SO MANY single people in the world. So many single people in your country, in your area, and if they’re not close by – travel a little!
My point is… there’s enough people out there for you to not just find one person, but multiple potential people.
If you focus on it enough, if you put enough time into it and date in the right way (cutting out any bad habits that sabotage your chances of finding love and instead do the things that will only encourage things to progress and blossom)… then, eventually, you will find someone.
You know this. This makes sense, surely!?
So every time you feel deflated or fed up, like it will never happen – remind yourself that this isn’t the case. You won’t be alone forever. Honestly. (Not that you’re actually alone right now but I get that it can feel that way sometimes.)
So keep working on it. Take breaks when you need to. This gives you chance to re-start, re-fresh and gets your motivation back.
But when you are going through a dating phase – give it your best shot! Go for it, have fun with it, and know that it’s not an impossible task.
It’s a case of “when” you meet the right person, not if. And if that’s longer than you wanted or planned for, know that that’s fine. There’s probably reasons for it, and you’re only going to appreciate it even more when it does then happen.
Keep Working On Yourself, As You Work On This
Of course alongside focusing on dating and doing what you can do to change your single status, you should also keep working on yourself.
Don’t underestimate the power your mind has to change anything in your life. After all:
“When your mind changes, your reality changes…”
So go back to that list – go back to the reasons why you don’t like being single in the first place, and work through them, one by one.
You can still do this alongside actively dating – you don’t need to be perfect to find “the one”, or one of the ones. Also remember, you don’t need to look for perfection… you just need to find the people who make you happy, and take it from there.
And this isn’t about compromising on what you want – hating being single and so settling for the first person who brings a bit of joy back into your life…
But it is about appreciating those who come into your world, enjoying what you have, when you have it. If it progresses into more from there, great.
If it doesn’t, then at least it gives you hope because you’ve been able to feel again – and that’s often what we miss and long for.
Feel A Little More Prepared?
I hope so. Genuinely. I hope you start to take action from this. I hope this starts to shift your mindset. And I hope you have a plan for what you’re going to do from here…
In fact, don’t click off until you do! Grab that pen and notebook again and write: What Am I Going To Do From Here?
Things will get better if you decide they will, and don’t make anything else be an option. You can switch from HATING being single, to becoming happily single.
You just have to put the work into it, to get to that point… So don’t give up!
In the meantime, be sure to browse our top 15 recommendations for the best books for single women… Because I GUARANTEE these will help to shift your perspective too.
Good luck. And remember, I’m rooting for you every step of the way.
All the best!