Fed up of clashing with your partner? Treading on eggshells? Or getting the silent treatment? Then it’s time to get to the bottom of it! Here’s 7 reasons why communication sucks in your relationship to make it easier for you to – instead – find the solutions to improve it.
Signs Your Communication Sucks
So before we look at the reasons why communication sucks in your relationship, let’s start by running through some of the signs that it does.
Because hey – I get it, there’s a good chance you’re still in denial, asking yourself, “Is it really that bad?!”
But that’s the thing, isn’t it?
Because what starts as a “one off” or “only now and then” slowly but surely starts to become a habit, and before you know it, your “new norm” isn’t that healthy at all…
So have a read of these and see how many sound familiar…
15 Signs Of Communication Issues In Your Relationship
In no particular order, some of the key indicators include –
- You often feel like you’re treading own eggshells with your partner, hoping and praying you won’t get a reaction from them, over something you’re trying to say.
- You know that you’re guilty of snapping at your partner too. You’re not always entirely fair.
- Conversations with your partner can be pretty passive-aggressive. You or they try to avoid conflict, but end up just making digs all the time. It feels pretty toxic.
- You often feel like your partner doesn’t truly listen to you; you’re not being heard.
- There seems to be more of a distance between you and your partner at the moment.
- You or your partner can often shut down and try to avoid having important conversations altogether, but as a result – problems still remain or needs are not fully being met.
- You or your partner often interrupt each other – cutting them off mid-sentence, or not allowing them to finish getting across everything that they want to say.
- You’re both guilty of getting defensive (or reactive) to any form of – what feels like – criticism, instead of listening and trying to understand.
- The “silent treatment” can most definitely be “a thing” in your household!
- You both tend to make assumptions, instead of asking, or properly listening.
- There seems to be a lack of, or reluctance to, compromise in any way, from both / one side.
- A lot of unnecessary misunderstandings seem to be going down in your relationship.
- Resentment over unresolved issues seems to be building now too.
- Arguments are more frequent and often escalating. They feel incredibly difficult (if not impossible!) to resolve, or keep from cropping up again and again.
- Or, quite simply, you KNOW the communication in your relationship is not quite where you want or need it to be!
7 Reasons Your Communication SUCKS In Your Relationship
So, what is the cause? Why is this happening here? Uncovering this is actually incredibly powerful tool.
After all, just like, “if you can find strong enough reasons WHY you want to do something, you’ll always be able to work out the HOW to get you there” – the same applies the opposite way around too.
If you know WHY the issues are there, it’s so much easier to then break down the HOW part to fix it.
You want to get to the root cause here. So here’s some of the common reasons why communication so often SUCKS in relationships…
1) You’ve Never Actually Swatted Up On It
Communication skills are something that aren’t taught in universities, colleges and schools – let alone communication skills in a relationship.
So before you beat yourself up for the fact that – actually – communication in your relationship kinda SUCKS… try not to.
Instead, simply recognise it and commit to doing something about it.
After all, studies show that communication issues is the most common factor that leads to divorce, so it’s a big deal.
START NOW! Before you read any further, I actually want to provide you the opportunity to act on that right here, right now, by checking out our 30 Day Couples Communication Challenge. Day by day, it breaks down invaluable tools that seriously improve communication in your relationship and bring you closer than ever before…
2) You Have Different Communication Styles
What other common causes are there for poor communication in a relationship? Well, differing communication styles and – again – a lack of understanding for these.
For example, one partner might prefer direct and assertive communication, while the other prefers a more subtle or indirect approach.
Likewise, some people rely heavily on words, whilst others communicate through their actions or body language.
This can lead to immense misunderstanding and frustrations, so again – it’s something to learn more about.
3) You Have Emotional Barriers
Emotional barriers include things like:
- A lack of emotional intelligence.
- Poor emotional maturity.
- A lack of emotional stability.
- Emotional distance (this can be built up from the poor communication itself, which then only feeds into sustained suck-y communication.)
Whatever the causes or reasons behind this, it can certainly be one of the ultimate reasons why communication sucks in your relationship…
But that’s why it’s so powerful to be able to clearly see if you fall into this category, as there’s a lot of areas for growth and development within here.
4) You Have Unresolved Past Experiences
These can stem as far back to childhood.
After all, negative communication patterns learned from childhood can undoubtably influence how you communicate in adulthood today.
Likewise, negative experiences in past relationships can trigger you in your current relationship, which also creates issues with communication.
Or, similarly, negative communication patterns learned from past relationships will also do the same.
Don’t be scared, don’t be ashamed. Just don’t bury your head in the sand.
On a similar note…
5) Other Factors Stop You From Showing Up As Your Best Self
This could be low self-esteem, insecurities, or even external factors like work stressors.
The difference is – some factors are temporary, some factors are permanent, unless you take the time to work through them properly.
That’s why if you recognise that the #1 reason why communication sucks in your relationship is down to YOU – you have to commit to homing in on it further and working to overcome it.
After all, if it’s something that won’t just go away…
This poor communication won’t just destroy your current relationship, but any chance of finding true happiness with anyone else as well.
So it’s a BIG DEAL! On the flip side…
6) You Have Unmet Needs In Your Relationship
Poor communication can also build up from unmet needs in your relationship.
But remember – it is your responsibility to recognise and do something about it. This isn’t about playing the blame game…
“But it’s MY PARTNER that is doing this wrong, or MY PARTNER that isn’t doing this…”
That may be the case. But together, you’re supposed to be a team.
There’s usually reasons for unmet needs, and it’s not always a case of your partner simply not trying or caring enough.
So take action, get to the bottom of it. Don’t stay stuck and let it continue to feed into poor communication issues – that are then also a reflection on you.
THE GOOD NEWS IS – this is something that we can help with too. Check out our Power Hour Relationship Coaching Calls, as we can use this to get to the root cause, in just 1 session. They’re affordable, cost effective and you even get 50% OFF your first call.
7) You’ve Become Complacent
When you feel secure in a relationship, and the relationship gets to that very comfortable and familiar stage, at times, you can become complacent.
Like we mentioned at the start – what begins as a slip up starts to become a habit, and before long, you’re not treating your partner how you did at the start.
There’s a great quote that says,
“If you do the things you did at the start of your relationship, your relationship would never have to end.”
So of course, if this is the main reason why communication sucks in your relationship – that’s probably a good sign…
This may just be the reality check you need to step things back up again.
That’s All For This One
So that rounds up the 7 common reasons why communication can really suck in a relationship – the key root causes.
If you have any questions, feel free to drop them in the comments box below.
If not, I wish you all the very best on your journey.
Know that each small step adds up. And you should feel incredibly proud of every single one that you take.
Love,
Ell_xx
