So you’ve been on a date with a guy. Maybe you’ve been on a second date, or third date even. You think it’s going well. You kind of like him. But there’s just one thing missing – one thing playing on your mind. And that’s the fact that he hasn’t kissed you yet! He hasn’t “made the move.” So if you’re wondering, “why hasn’t he kissed me yet?!” – fear not – as you’re in the right place. In this post, we’re going to give you all the possible answers. So let’s start from the top…
Why Hasn’t He Kissed Me Yet?
When considering why he hasn’t kissed you yet, you need to have all the “facts”. This then makes the situation easier to understand. So ask yourself:
- How long has it been?
- I presume you’ve had your first date, but what about your second or third?
- Have you spoken much over the phone / text?
- What was it like when you then met in person?
- What sort of things do you speak about?
- How close are you?
- How well do you feel like you know each other?
- What’s the chemistry like? Is there chemistry there?
- What are you both looking for in a relationship right now?
- Where are your heads at?
- Does him not kissing you, seem like it would be out of character?
- What’s your initial thought for why he hasn’t kissed you yet? And what suggests that that explanation could indeed be true?
See it’s easy to jump to conclusions. But what you THINK it may be, may not always be the case.
I mean, there’s lots of different reasons why he may not have kissed you yet, so it’s just about piecing it together to try to reveal the most likely cause.
(If of course, you’re not in a position to be able to ask him yet.)
“Can’t I Just Ask Him?
See in some cases, you may be able to just come straight out with it. You may say something like:
“So I’m really enjoying getting to know you. And I don’t know about you, but I feel like there could be something there between us. I just wondered – why haven’t you kissed me yet?! Are you not feeling it romantically? It’s totally okay if so… I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page!”
This can work sometimes – depending on what you’re like as a person and what he is too.
But for some people, or in some dating situations, you may not feel comfortable doing so and you may be worried about coming on too strong, which is why it could be better to go down the route of spotting the signs instead – and then making a plan for what to do about it, based on that.
Why He Hasn’t Kissed You Yet
It’s time to get to the bottom of, “why hasn’t he kissed me yet?!” Uh huh, that’s one question we don’t want anymore.
So let’s run through some of the different options for why he hasn’t kissed you yet. In no particular order…
1) He May Not Be Into You
Okay so as much as you may not want to hear it, we have to put forward the option that, maybe he’s not kissed you yet because he’s not feeling it and therefore doesn’t want to.
This doesn’t mean that you’re not smart enough, funny enough, beautiful enough or good enough in any way. You are all of that AND MORE, so please don’t think it’s a reflection on you.
But rejection, is – unfortunately – simply part of dating. You won’t be every single person’s cup of tea, and with some, there could just be something missing… but that’s okay.
Taking the positives from this one, if he’s not kissed you because he’s not into you, at least he hasn’t led you on! (He’s not a bad guy really!)
2) He May Be Unsure
Next up then, if he’s not kissed you yet, it may not necessarily be because he’s NOT into you – it may just be that he’s not 100% sure how he feels just yet.
Feels about you, feels about what he wants – he’s just overall a little confused.
Maybe mentally, he’s not quite in the right frame of mind for dating and relationships. Or he thinks that he wants something, but he’s been hurt before and so he’s just cautious… wary.
Again, the good side from this is at least he’s not kissing people for the sake of it, and he clearly doesn’t want to mess you around or create a messy situation.
So be patient. Do the same thing. Take your own time to establish how you feel about him.
3) He May Only See You As a Friend
Now usually, when you’re dating and you want to kiss someone – even if you perhaps don’t see long-term potential, there’s usually at least some sort of physical attraction or chemistry there.
What’s left if there isn’t that there? Well then we have… FRIENDSHIP! Yup, it may very well be that he’s not kissed you yet because he’s put you in the friend-zone. (Damn!)
He only sees you as a friend, unfortunately. He’s just not made that clear enough, or spoken up about it just yet.
4) He May Be Scared Of Rejection
Just like your mind is going wild, wondering “why hasn’t he kissed me yet?!” and fearing that dreaded “because he’s not into you!”, he may be holding back for the exact same reason.
See guys fear rejection, just as much if not more than we do. I mean, it’s a real knock to your ego isn’t it?
So not only do they want to hear that you’re not interested, but they also certainly don’t want to move in for a kiss only for you to move back. How embarrassing!
To make this one easier to work out, click here for the Signs He Likes You But Is Afraid of Rejection. Uh huh, you can thank me later… It will soon make far more sense!
5) Maybe You’ve Just Been Friends?
Now let’s say you’re wondering why a guy won’t kiss you if you’re not yet dating, or you’ve just went on your first date with someone who – up until now – was just a friend.
If this is the case, it’s going to take time to adjust out of the friend zone.
Because hey – that doesn’t mean the attraction hasn’t always been there or you haven’t already (secretly) seen each other as more than just a friend.
But crossing the boundary enough to kiss – that’s not been done yet, right? So it’s not surprising that there may be a little hesitation.
Remember, there’s more to lose here which makes it even bigger of a risk!
6) Or It’s Not Really The Right Time?
Now this next consideration comes in two – quite different – parts. See, when we talk about it not being the right time, we could mean:
- Literally… As in, your first date is a group date and everyone is staring at you (awkward!), in which case, it would take a mighty bold character to still make the move!
- In Life… Now this could be down to a number of different things.
Perhaps he’s recently gotten out of a breakup, isn’t over his ex, wants to take things slow or doesn’t want to complicate things.
Maybe you’ve not been single for that long and so doesn’t want to be a rebound, or wants to take things slow for your sake.
Or it could be nothing to do with relationships and instead more about where he’s at mentally, in his life or in his career.
There could be other things playing on his mind which stops him from being fully present and therefore prevents him from progressing things with you.
I mean, ask yourself: How is he as a date? How does he seem in himself?
7) There Could Be Someone Else
Now for a reason we don’t really want to hear (but we have to throw out there!)
He could have not kissed you yet because he’s dating / “seeing” someone else, or dating multiple people even. (That could also be why he’s still on dating apps too!)
In the early stages, dating multiple people is pretty normal. But if things are progressing with one person in particular, it’s likely that he’s going to want to stay “loyal” to her.
If that’s the case, “why is he dating me to begin with?!”, you may ask.
Well – probably because he can. He is still technically single. But probably also because he wants to be sure of his feelings for her… so I guess in a way, you’re a bit of a “test.”
It sucks, a little. But it’s just the way of the dating world. He’s still likely to be open minded, but he’s not fully available – or not to the level you’d like anyway.
So if you think this could be the reason, simply hold your head up high and move onto the next date… with someone who is in the same position as you.
8) Or He Could Be Into The Other Sex
This is another common assumption. You’re wondering, “why hasn’t he kissed me yet?!” and so assume… “well, it can’t possibly be me! I must be a cover! He must be into the opposite sex!”
This does occasionally happen. When a guy is confused about his sexuality, or in denial, he may date women but not really have that desire to take things to any physical level… hence why he hasn’t kissed you yet.
However, this is really quite rare. So yes, I know it’s hurt your ego. But in most cases, one of the other explanations are usually more likely than this one!
9) He May Just Want To Take It Slow
A guy… Wanting to take it slow… Really?! Is it possible?! Well, yes, yes it is. Believe it or not! There are such guys out there. They do indeed exist.
And I know what you’re thinking… “But a kiss isn’t a big deal?!”
Maybe not to you. But everyone is different. And maybe he’s fallen fast and hard for people before and so wants to do things differently this time.
I certainly wouldn’t rule it out. And I also wouldn’t necessarily assume it’s a bad thing!
10) He May Not Be Confident
What other possible reasons have we got if a guy hasn’t kissed you yet? Well, this is a popular one now then. See in many cases – it could come down to confidence.
I mean, shy guys – of course – are less likely to make a move. That makes sense to you, I suppose? But what if he doesn’t seem shy? What if he comes across as confident? Well:
- It could be a bit of an act and inside, he’s not as confident as it seems.
- He could be confident in general, but not confident when it comes to women.
- Or, perhaps he’s not totally confident on the actual “kissing” part. Perhaps he’s had some bad “feedback” before and so doubts his “ability” a little bit.
You honestly can’t always tell. I mean, think of the times where people have told you that you come across as confident – yet inside you haven’t felt it?
Also think about the courage it actually takes to lean in for that first kiss… especially if the “moment” isn’t readily made. This leads me onto my next point…
11) Maybe He Hasn’t Had Any Signs From You
So you want him to kiss you, right? But do you think you’ve shown any signs of that?
- Have you been affectionate towards him at all?
- Have you held his gaze or ever lent in closer?
- Has there been any arm brushing or hand touching?
- Have you told him that you kind of like him, and made it clear it’s in a more-than-friends-way?
See he may not have kissed you yet because he’s waiting for some signs from you, or – perhaps even – wants YOU to make the first move!
It is 2022 after all… And are we or are we not, strong, independent women? It’s not all down to him, is it?
12) Or Is Playing Games With You
Something that you may not have considered now then, is he’s not kissed you yet as that’s all part of his game! He’s playing you… Either playing hard to get or trying to play it cool.
He could be trying to make you want him more – mistakenly thinking that the game-playing is a good tactic to do so.
Or he could just be playing you because he IS a player, and this is all part of the fun for him. In which case, he’s a total waste of time. (But let’s hope it’s not that!)
See there are actually ways to play it cool the right way… But this can sometimes be hit and miss if someone hasn’t swotted up properly on it. So he could just be getting it wrong.
13) You Could Have Bad Breath (Yikes!)
Where are we at? Where are we at? Well, if you’re wondering “why hasn’t he kissed me yet?!”, I’ve got to throw in the possibility that it’s down to bad breath!
I know, I know, it’s not pleasant – it’s not pleasant even just thinking about it (how embarrassing!)
But bad breath is definitely a turn off, so it could certainly stop him if he gets a whiff when the two of you are close. He’s not going to want to lean back in after that!
Now, don’t worry about that garlic bread you had during your romantic meal…
It could also be that he’s worries that he has bad breath too! (He totally didn’t think ahead and bring chewing gum, hey?)
The good thing is, these are just little reasons. As long as one of both of you doesn’t, consequently, “get the ick” (which is totally unreasonable!) – there will still be chance to rectify it next time.
The occasional bad breath isn’t a deal breaker. Not for most people anyway!
14) Your Expectations could Be Different To Yours
Another possible explanation now then – is that you think he should have kissed you by now, but he honestly doesn’t think anything of it!
Your time-scales and expectations could be completely different – because what you’re used to or how you do things is different.
I mean, what does a first date mean to a guy? What does a second date mean to a guy? And how about a third, fourth or fifth? It could vary.
Also, how do guys usually act around you? And are these the right kind of guys?
Could he just be different to them? Or move things along at a different pace than you? Maybe he wonders how soon is too soon to have your first kiss. This actually leads me onto my final point…
15) He Could Be Waiting For the “Perfect Moment”
Is it not a possibility that maybe, just maybe, he’s trying to be a gentleman here?
Maybe he’s trying to show you that he’s different, that he wants to form an emotional connection as well (or before) the physical connection, and respects you enough to wait.
It’s a nice idea, isn’t it? And it could very well be the case.
Or a less romantic but possibly still just as sweet explanation – maybe he wants your first kiss to be special and up until now, your dates have not been quite what he wants to set the scene.
It’s so easy to jump to bad or extreme explanations, when – like I said at the start – that may not necessarily be the case.
Why Hasn’t He Kissed Me Yet?
So what’s the verdict? Why do you think he hasn’t kissed you yet? Come to a conclusion that makes the most sense, or if you’re still not sure – simply let it go.
Does it really matter? Is it really that big of a deal? I mean, what is he doing that makes you feel like he’s interested in you romantically?
What have been the best things about getting to know him so far? Focus on those, instead of scrutinising over the small stuff.
Because remember – if you’re not sure why he hasn’t kissed you yet, and you want the two of you to kiss… you can move in for that first kiss.
That is in your control!Just be brave. Go for it girl! Because you honestly have nothing to lose.
And lets say – worst case scenario – he isn’t feeling is and pulls back, you should still feel DAMN PROUD you went for it! (That’s more than many will do… yet life’s too short not to!)
So have confidence. Hold that head up high. And remember – you’ve totally got this.
Take care.
Love,
Ell_xx
