Noticed your boyfriend is online late at night? Or someone you’re dating, perhaps? Wondering why he’s up, if there’s someone else, and if there’s anything to worry about? Then fear not, as in this post – we’re going to break it all down. Why is he online late at night? We’ll soon work it out…
Why Is He Online Late At Night?
So let’s get into it. What could be the reasons why he is online late at night? Well, let’s get the most common, automatic assumptions out the way…
- He could be speaking to other girls.
- Or catching up on the messages of other girls he was speaking to earlier in the day.
- There therefore COULD be someone else “on the scene.”
Remember, there are all “could’s”. It’s dangerous to jump to conclusions and run with it. See, other – more than valid and viable – reasons are:
- He might not be able to sleep and so he’s scrolling through social media.
- He might not be able to sleep and so he’s clicked on social media by accident or out of habit.
- Maybe he popped on because he couldn’t sleep, just to mindlessly view a notification. (It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s been sitting online for a while – unless you’re awake too and can see it of course.) But that leads me onto my next point as you have to bare in mind the fact…
- Social media is not already reliable. It could say he’s still online when he might have only clicked on it, and so it’s inaccurately saying he’s “active” when he’s not.
- He could even have been hacked. (This is a long shot, but it does occasionally happen!) Someone else could be on his account, not him.
Now I know what you’re thinking – but the last reason is so far-fetched. As if that would happen!
However, your assumption that there’s anything to worry about could be far-fetched. There could be very little chance of that being the case at all. I mean, let me ask you something…
Where Is This Worrying Coming From?
Why are you obsessing over your boyfriend or the guy you’re seeing? Is it because:
- You’ve seen something that’s led to this worrying. Maybe it’s messages from others, or he’s being secretive over his phone, so you’re starting to add things up and – rightly or wrongly – getting concerned.
- There’s trust issues that stem from him. He’s let you down before, in other ways, with the same / other people, and so now you’re suspicious and assuming the worst.
- There’s trust issues that are within you. You’ve been hurt before and so you’re scared of being hurt again. He’s not necessarily done anything wrong, but you’re waiting for something “bad” to happen, and so always seem to be on edge.
Now let’s just pause here for a moment, because if it’s the latter (and I’m saying this in the nicest possible way), it’s probably time you address these trust issues. Address them now.
Obsessing over small things like this isn’t healthy. It also doesn’t make you happy. And if you’re not careful, it will damage your relationship.
So do the things you need to do to work through them so that it stops ruling your life.
If your boyfriend / the guy you’re seeing has given you no real reason to be concerned and you know he’s the right person, don’t allow yourself to live these fears before they’ve even happened because they probably won’t happen at all!
Agreed? Okay, then let’s continue…
See it’s important to understand where the worrying is coming from, and why it’s bothering you that he is online late at night, because this will help us to determine the validity of the concern, and how to address it…
What Are You Scared Of?
Ultimately, it’s not the fact that he’s online late at night that’s bothering you. It’s what it means or what it could mean. This is closely tied into where your worrying is coming from. So let’s build on it further.
- Are you scared that there’s someone else? Scared that he’s cheating?
- Are there other people that you know he’s close with? People that he says are “just friends” but you feel threatened or suspicious and think there may be something more there?
- Do you think he’s losing interest in you if he can constantly talk to others, but seems to be drifting from you? Or are you afraid that he’s fallen out of love with you even? Is the the biggest concern here?
- Or maybe he’s no different to you, but you’re just scared of it coming to that? You’re constantly looking out for other “threats”? (Recommended Read: How To Feel Secure in a Relationship)
TASK: Write it out. Write out:
- What you’re scared of.
- Where the worry is coming back.
- And THEN, go back to the start. Link it back at this point to why he is online late at night. What’s the most likely answer? What “proof” do you have? And what judgements can you make?
What To Do If You’re Worried
If you’re feeling worried, and it’s your boyfriend who is online late at night all the time – ask him. Say,
“You not been sleeping well, babe? I noticed you’re often online late at night. You okay?”
Say it out of a place of care – as opposed to crazy-stalking “I want answers now!” sort of vibes!
If it’s a guy that you’re dating who you notice is always online late at night, you can perhaps say a similar thing, but say it at the time that you notice it. It makes it more casual.
So if you’re up, and it says he’s online, say something like:
“You can’t sleep either then? 😴”
And see what he says. If he’s not actually online and it’s just his phone playing tricks – then you’ll know.
If you only notice it the next day, just leave it out. It’s too soon to be keeping your radar on him and you certainly don’t want him to know that you are.
Why Is He Online Late At Night?
At the end of it all – the truth is – you’re never going to know the answer as to why he’s online late at night, for sure.
You’re not going to know many answers with complete and utter certainty, about many different things. (So this is nothing unique or new.)
However what you can do is stay level-headed. Look at the facts. Live in the moment. And try not to torture yourself over “what ifs.” I mean:
- Are there any other signs that he’s being unfaithful or interested in anyone else?
- How is he acting towards you? Is he distant or still the same?
- What do you know about his character which suggests there’s nothing to really worry about here?
Also consider: how much time am I going to give this?
“See ultimately you decide where you direct your focus and how you feel your thoughts.
So take a breather. Try to put it all into perspective. In most cases, the reason why he is online late at night, is probably not what you think.
Not if you’re assuming something shady is going on anyway. And if it is – you’ll soon find out. The truth always has a habit of revealing itself in the end.
If the trust really isn’t there, and it’s not there for a reason, decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to have – if this is the way you really want to live.
And then take action (whichever way) based on that.
Hope this helps. If you’re still feeling unsure, about this or the relationship as a whole, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’ll work it out together. Take care.
All the best.