“What does orbiting mean in dating? What does it mean when a guy orbits? And more so than that – why is he orbiting me?” Got questions about orbiting in dating? Find yourself in a situation where someone is orbiting you? And are you now, therefore wondering, what to do?
Well in this post, we’ll get to the bottom of it all and more, leaving you with far more confidence and clarity over why it’s happening and what are the next steps. So let’s start from the top, shall we?
What Does Orbiting Mean In Dating?
Orbiting is a new dating term that has nothing to do with the solar system, but instead – someone’s behaviour towards you.
See, it’s similar to ghosting in the fact that things are pretty much done with the person who orbits you. In some cases, you can be both ghosted AND then orbited. (Insane, right?!)
However, often, they will actually have the conversation to tell you they want to call it quits, as opposed to just disappearing. This is – usually – fair enough.
Maybe you’re looking for different things, are in different places, or aren’t quite compatible.
But the confusing part comes, as – instead of you then going your separate ways – either amicably or not, they keep you in their orbit.
Not only do they continue to follow you on social media, but they keep tabs on you – watching what you share, and often interacting with it too.
So maybe they’ll be the first to view your stories, “like” or “comment” on posts.
They may even send the odd message, even though you’re no longer seeing each other in person and are certainly no longer dating.
Now there’s no denying – this can mess with your mind, big time. You’ll find yourself asking:
“Why is he orbiting me?!”
It’s baffling. Especially as he was the one that ended things. You’re thinking:
“Why is he still keeping tabs on me like this? What’s his game here? Does he regret his decision? Does he want me back? Or is he just trying to play with me?”
What makes it more confusing is, when a guy orbits you, they’re usually “just there.”
This may be by constantly snooping on your profile and continuing to constantly view what you share. There may also be odd comments and odd messages here and there as mentioned above…
But the biggest thing is, in most cases, none of this actually leads to any meaningful conversation. They aren’t approaching you again or asking to try again.
They’re just… there… lurking. (Brr, it’s kind of creepy actually!)
Why Do Guys Orbit You?
See, although it’s confusing, it is actually pretty common. In fact, it’s arguably “the new ghosting” now, happening more and more.
This is because we now live in the age where social media has pretty much taken over…
It’s very easy to keep tabs on someone nowadays and – often – hard not to let curiosity get the better of you. But is that all there is to it – curiosity? Is that why he’s orbiting you?
Well, let’s see, shall we? Let’s get to the bottom of the mind-boggling, “why is he orbiting me?!”
10 Key Reasons Why He May Be Orbiting You
The best way to answer, “why is he orbiting me?” is to break down your current situation:
- understand where your “relationship” is at,
- understand where he’s at (both mentally, and when it comes to dating and relationships)
- … then work out the most logical reason from there.
With that said, there are some common reasons why guys orbit after dating, which help to give you a better idea of what the most logical reason could be in your situation.
So as you read through, ask yourself:
Do any of these reasons sound like they could possibly ring true? What other similar cause could it be?
Take a step back. Look at it from an outsiders point of view. And work it all out that way.
AND BY THE WAY: We’re going to finish off with what to do if a guy is orbiting you.
But don’t forget – you’re only working out the “why” part to give yourself the clarity and therefore closure, you need, to get over it all.
With that, you can better let go and move on, which we’ll get to shortly. Okay?…
Why Is He Orbiting Me?
So why is he orbiting you? Well it could be down to the fact that…
1) He’s Still Attached
So first off, a guy may be orbiting you, because he’s still attached.
Just because it ended (even if it ended for a valid reason) doesn’t mean that the feelings completely disappear, nor do they go instantly.
Now this doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s regretting his decision to call it quits. And the chances are – if you were still in the dating stage, he was never madly in love with you anyway.
But he did like you, and most likely, cared about you. And so the attachment is going to be there.
2) He May Have Wanted It, But Isn’t Ready For It
Now let’s say he was falling for you, he really did value you and know that things had the potential of going somewhere with you.
Maybe you were falling for him too which is why his orbiting is messing with your head so much now…
The thing is, there is such a thing as: “the right person in theory, but the wrong time.”
BUT (and this is a big but!) – if it was the wrong time, this automatically makes him the wrong person. It just feels confusing as it FELT right. He FELT like “the one“, but he can’t be, because he’s no longer here.
Essentially, there was something there, but it didn’t work out because he wasn’t ready for something serious.
For you, it’s worked out how it should, but for him, he’s now going to have regrets or – at the very least – “what ifs”.
See, he abandoned what would have been a really great thing. Logically, he shouldn’t want to know how you’re doing…
But for him – there could be the fantasy of what could have been… which is why he can’t help but continue to check you out!
3) He Doesn’t Think It’s a Big Deal
Now it could be that you’re here asking, “Why is he orbiting me?! What does this mean?!” yet for him, it really could mean nothing. From his side, he may see it as:
- We dated.
- It didn’t work out.
- But there’s no bad blood between us.
- We may not speak anymore, or speak like we used to.
- But there’s no need to “avoid” her on social media. Why would I?
This is actually a very common reason for orbiting and a clear example of two people just being on different pages, and affected (or not affected) by the dating experience in different ways.
See orbiting is NOT amicably keeping in touch with an ex. It’s when you’re stuck in the past, not quite able to move on, and know that – really – you don’t want it to be known that you’re looking.
Sure, people who orbit, orbit shamelessly, but the key part of orbiting is that it’s not appropriate, not healthy or you shouldn’t really be doing it.
So if you think a guy is orbiting, but he doesn’t see what he’s doing as a big deal, he either doesn’t realise he’s orbiting or – from his side – he isn’t orbiting. He’s totally oblivious!
4) He Still Likes You As a Person
Even if he does recognise the fact that it didn’t end the best between the two of you, and things are still different now, he may be orbiting you because he still likes you as a person.
He finds you attractive, he finds your posts interesting, he thinks you’re a cool person, and he wants to see what you’re up to… In fact, he can’t help but look.
After all, if you keep checking social media for updates of a person and you go on their page and find something new – you give your brain a little dopamine kick. You’re rewarded for the behaviour of checking.
So there’s further incentives for him there, which is why it starts to develop into a habit. There’s not always a hidden agenda as such. Speaking of which…
5) It’s Just Habit
Even though you’re no longer dating, or properly speaking – if he’s simply orbiting you by watching your things as opposed to interacting with what you share too – it could just be habit.
Maybe he views everyones stories pretty quickly – and always did with you before, so continues to do so now. With things like this, you can actually better determine it however:
- Is he viewing your content as much, or as quickly as he did before? Or have you noticed a significant increase in attention, and that’s what’s making you question, “why is he orbiting me?”
- Has he suddenly started commenting on your posts? Or putting reactions? Like flirty emojis on your selfies, as if to “claim” you in some way? And is this unusual, or inappropriate for where you’re at now? Or is this different to what he used to do / how he used to behave?
It’s these kind of differentiations that you want to look together, to ultimately (and confidently) be able to answer, “Why is he orbiting me?!”
6) It’s All About Curiosity
Now orbiting you because he’s curious, is different to orbiting you because he wants to see what he could have had, he misses you, or he’s waiting for you to come back – to want to try with him again.
Instead, he simply can’t help but be intrigued by what you get up to, and what happens with you from here.
- Now, it could be about him and he’s wondering if you’re sad or struggling now it didn’t work out.
- It could also be that he wants to see if / when you find someone else and what they’re like.
- Or, maybe he’s simply curious about what you end up doing with your life (both now and in the near future!)
Can you see how all of these reasons for orbiting can tie in?
Because as part of this – the attachment is still likely to be there, as is the care and liking you as a person… Which then LEADS to the curiosity.
This is important to note. If a guy is orbiting you, there’s most likely to be multiple reasons for it.
It’s then for you to work out which ones are probably valid, and what you want to do with that information or if you need to do anything at all. See…
7) He Wants To Keep His Options Open
Another common reason for orbiting after things don’t work out with someone you’re dating, is when they want to keep their options open.
He could therefore be orbiting to show he’s still there and the door’s not COMPLETELY closed.
This is pretty similar to breadcrumbing in the fact that he’s leaving little traces of, “hey, I’m still here!” that lead you on.
Just remember – he’s chosen not to pursue things with you and will be pursuing things with other people.
He doesn’t want you (as harsh as that sounds) but he doesn’t like the thought of others being able to “have” you, and wants to see if he can come back, if he wants to, later down the line.
Now I’m sharing this pretty bluntly because I don’t want you to forget your own worth.
Him making a mistake and wanting to try again, is 100% okay. But him purposely lurking around to keep his options open for his own benefit – that is not.
So if he’s orbiting for this reason, the “what to do” part, which we’ll move onto shortly, is very clear… STEER CLEAR! You deserve so much more than that.
8) He May Be Regretting His Decision
Now it could be that he’s regretting his decision for letting things work out how they did.
Maybe he liked you, but as afraid of rejection and has this pattern of running before he can get hurt.
Or perhaps he’s not comfortable falling for someone. It makes him feel vulnerable and so – again – he’s fallen into the same old habits.
It could be that he’s never felt this way about anyone before either. It’s new territory. But regardless – he didn’t have the confidence and courage to see where it may go…
Whatever it is – there’s regret there. And this regret is causing him to ruminate and fixate on you.
He could also be orbiting because he wants to gage where you’re at, or put the feelers back out there to see if there is a chance he could come back.
This leads me onto my next possible reason why he’s orbiting you…
9) He May Be Trying To Get You Back
Maybe things are a little too raw right now. If so, he could be orbiting as the first stage of easing his way back in…
If this is the case, you’ll usually find he’s orbiting not just by looking, but also by commenting on your content or sending messages.
10) He Doesn’t Know WHAT He Wants
Last but not least then, we have to throw out the possibility that he’s orbiting because he doesn’t know what he wants and he’s not really thinking about what he’s doing.
In this situation, you won’t really be able to work out WHY he is orbiting, because he probably won’t know entirely himself and so it’s very difficult to understand what he’s doing and how he’s feeling.
Either way, it’s not really your problem or concern anymore. In fact the best way to look at it, is:
“Hey, I don’t really know why he’s orbiting me. I don’t think he really knows what he’s doing right now either. But he certainly doesn’t know what he wants, and so I don’t want him!“
What To Do If He’s Orbiting You
So now you know the common reasons why guys orbit when dating, you should hopefully now be able to determine, “why is he orbiting me?!”
For some, your answer may be totally clear and make perfect sense.
For others, maybe you’re still weighing up a couple of possible reasons or concluding – heck, I’m still not sure.
But here’s the thing:
You don’t actually have to know WHY someone is orbiting you. You just have to know HOW it makes you feel. That’s the best (and only!) way to work out what to do about it.
So let me ask you:
- Is this making you feel uncomfortable?
- Is this proving to be a constant / regular reminder of him?
- How exactly does it make you feel when you see him watching you or popping up, contacting you?
- Are there any benefits of continuing to let him do this?
- And – if so – do these benefits 100% outweigh the negative impact this is having on you?
- What are your options here? What are you thinking of doing? And what do you want to do?
- If you want to take action and block him on social media (to stop the orbiting and regain your control), then what’s stopping you or holding you back?
See usually there’s two choices when it comes to dealing with someone who’s orbiting you:
- Ignore it.
- Block them.
Option 1) Ignore Him
Ignoring him, of course, would solve everything.
If you can ignore him and not be bothered by it (especially now you have your head around why he’s doing it) – that would be ideal.
It gives you the power, you see.
However, for most people, they’ve tried to ignore it and it’s not working.
This is most likely the case for you, if you’re here now, reading this article and looking to understand it all further. And I don’t blame you to be honest…
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the fact this is bothering you. It’s perfectly normal and okay, for you to be affected by this.
But that’s when the second solution comes in…
Option 2) Block Him
On the flip side, blocking the person who’s orbiting you can also be seen as daunting because most people care how they look and what this guy will think.
“Won’t it look childish? Won’t they then think I’m still bothered by them? Wouldn’t I be better just ignoring them?”
Well in all honesty – none of this matters. The ONLY thing that matters when it comes to you and him, is you.
So if it’s having a negative impact on you, NOTHING should hold you back from doing what’s best for you. And you have absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed about.
In fact, having the confidence to do that, and act on it, without a care for them or how it looks – is really rather empowering and only helps to grow your confidence further.
If you’re struggling to do so – try embedding some of these dating affirmations in your mind. (They make the world of difference!)
Why Is He Orbiting Me?
At the end of the day, if a guy’s orbiting you – for whatever reason – he’s being a little weak.
He’s not making effort, he’s not being open and honest, he can’t have a proper conversation and he’s not making any sort of proactive action…
He’s just lingering when it’s not entirely appropriate to do so anymore.
So don’t forget that. Don’t forget the kind of man (not boy) you want and deserve in your life.
And anyone else, who doesn’t value you or treat you right? Well, they’re really not worth worrying about. Trust me.
If someone leaves, let them. If they try to linger – it’s then up to you what you want to do about it. But ultimately? Do whatever makes you feel the best or protects your mental health.
Because hey – if he really wanted to come back, he’d have to put in the GRAFT, and right now – he’s not doing that at all.
That’s All For This One
So there we have it. “What is orbiting when dating? Why is he orbiting me? And what should I do about it?!”
I hope you now have a far better understanding of it all, and the answers to those burning questions.
Take care. Stay strong. And hold that head up high – no matter what happens.
The right person is out there for you, I promise. It may just take a little time and patience to find them… But it will happen. All at the right time.
Love,
Ell_xx
