Find yourself asking, “why is it so hard to make friends as adults?” Wondering if it really is difficult, or if it’s simply difficult for you? Then hold up, hold up – don’t start to take things personally. In this post, we’ll break down EXACTLY why it’s so hard to make friends as an adult and show you that – actually – you are not alone.
See, according to a 2021 survey, Americans report having fewer friendships than they once did. But why is it hard to make friends as an adult, and – arguably – more difficult today, than ever before? Well, let’s get stuck in, shall we?
Why Is It Hard To Make Friends as an Adult?
See, growing up – having friends is far easier. Friendships are simpler, less complicated and in many ways, they’re almost ready-made.
You go to school, you’re put in a class together, you’re learning and growing with one another and doing the same things and aside from this – you have very few responsibilities or challenges therefore very little else comes into it.
As adults, there’s far more factors involved, far more needs to be met, more “baggage” that comes into it and complicates things; not to mention the fact that it’s harder to find and meet friends to begin with…
Why It’s So Hard To Make Friends As an Adult
Breaking it down in a little more detail, ultimately it is hard to make friends as an adult because:
- There’s less opportunities to meet people to make friends as an adult. (E.G. Once you leave school, college or university, meeting the right people gets a little trickier!)
- With an increase of people working from home, the most popular way of making friends through work, has also declined the number of friendships made.
- After the increased isolation from the pandemic, people’s behaviours and habits have changed. This also therefore ties into why it is harder to make friends as an adult now.
- Ultimately – it’s hard to FIND the right people to form friendships with and be able to spend enough time with them, in order for that friendship to be able to develop.
Why It’s Hard To Make Friends as an Adult (That Actually Last!)
On that note, let’s also now actually mention the fact that – research shows that making a casual friend takes 50 hours on average, while close friendships take 200 hours. (That’s a lot of time, right?!) And yet…
- As adults, we tend to have less and less time. Especially once we get married, start a family, or focus more and more on our career. This also then plays into why it’s more difficult to make friends as an adult.
- Many people also move away, and therefore drift apart from their friends. Friendships are harder to sustain as an adult, as life takes over and people follow different paths.
- Not everything happens for the same person at the same time. And so meeting someone at the same life stage as you, also makes it harder to find friends as an adult.
- You have to not only find and meet the right people, but put the time and effort into developing friendships that last, with like-minded people who are willing to prioritise and value friendships to the same (or similar) degree as you. Fake / performative friendships are a real issue in today’s world.
Challenges That Make It Harder To Make Friends as an Adult
As we briefly mentioned above, people also have baggage as adults. This “baggage” not only affects romantic relationships, but friendships too. See…
- As you get older, trust issues can play a part, preventing friendships from developing into anything meaningful. It can be hard to open up, let your guard down and allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to form genuine friendships. This is because friendship breakups or betrayal hurt. And the older you get – the more likely you are to have experienced this at some point or another. This holds back new friendships from forming or developing into everything they could be.
- Emotional baggage plays its part in allowing genuine friendships to form, and people to show up not only as their best version but also their truest version.
- Insecurities and fear of being judged also play their part in why it’s harder to make friends as an adult.
- Friendship standards have also increased. As a child, you simply look for friends to play with and interact with. As an adult, you tend to want more than that, which of course, makes friendships harder to form. On a similar note…
- People often tend to look for like-minded people to form friendships with, but this requires actually getting to know yourself, who you are and what’s important to you, to then find who you align with. This is a long process. It takes effort and work, and can break down friendships along the way when you notice the misalignments.
Why It’s So Hard To Make Friends As an Adult
Ultimately, it’s hard to make friends as an adult because friendships take consistent time and effort to develop, and they develop in a non-pressured, natural way over time.
Many people – quite simply – aren’t willing to put that in, for whatever reason, and perhaps in some ways, you have your reservations / reasons for struggling to do so too.
Now remember – all hope is not lost.
By knowing why it is so hard to make friends as an adult, you can better find ways around the challenges and stay focused until you find and keep the kind of friends you both want and need in your life now.
Just be patient, because although it’s not easy – it’s so worth it.
Good luck!
Love,
Ell_xx
