Do you find yourself asking, “Will I ever get over my ex?” It doesn’t matter how many days it’s been, how many weeks it’s been, how many months – or perhaps years even (yikes!) – they still seem to have this hold on you? Still keep coming back into your mind? They’re like the ghost of your heartbroken past, haunting your mind? Brrr, not ideal. Far from ideal. Well my friends, fear not. Because in this post, we actually have all the answers.
Will I Ever Get Over My Ex?
So first up, before we look at if (or let’s say, when), you’ll get over your ex, let’s consider if NOT getting over your ex, ever, is actually even an option.
Because hey, we all have moments of dramatics right? Like for example when you say, “I’m BOILING”… well, technically speaking, you’re not literally boiling.
Or, after you’ve been on a difficult run and you say, “Ahh, I am DYING here!” Well, you’re blatantly not – but we still get what you mean. We all have those moments.
The thing is, when it comes to “Will I EVER get over my ex?” it’s less likely to be a flippant comment. It’s frustrating. You’re fed up of it. I get it. Maybe there’s still a lot of pain there.
And sure, there probably are cases of people who feel like they have that one true love, that – actually – they never completely get over. But let me tell you something…
This is in your control.
We’re not talking about a 50+ year marriage that ended in loss, ended in you being widowed. We’re talking about a breakup, or a divorce even – but still, this person is your EX. Your ex because something about your marriage or relationship didn’t work.
So although it hurts (and boy can it hurt!), this is still in your control. If you truly want to get over your ex, I’m telling you, you can. So let’s challenge this a bit.
What Does “Getting Over Your Ex” Look Like To You?
Expectations can be lethal. Being too black and white can be too. But let’s really look at what your definition of being “over” someone is.
- Does it mean you can’t ever think about them?
- You can’t ever wonder what they’re doing? Want to check it?
- Any dreams about your ex would be a bad sign?!
- And any memories – well, they should be avoided?!
- Does it mean you can’t ever get upset when you think about them?
- Can’t occasionally miss them or miss what the two of you had?
- You just have to completely forget about your ex?
Right? Well actually no. That’s very much wrong. See, a wobbly moment when you’re not in the best moment does not mean you’re not over your ex. And actually, this is an important point in itself…
Is It Actually Them You Miss?
Is it really them? Or is there just a void that hasn’t been filled? In what moments do you feel like you’re not over them? And how do you feel in yourself in these moments?
- If you felt more emotionally stable, do you think you’d still keep coming back to this question?
- If you met someone else – do you think you’d still feel the same way you feel now?
Your mind is everything. Honestly it is. And sometimes you just need to take a breather.
Sometimes it’s not about them. It’s about you.
You have all the power you need, in your own hands, to get over your ex. And as you explore things further, as you better understand yourself and your emotions, you’re likely to find that it’s not entirely about your ex.
Why are you still holding on? Why are you unable to let go? What beliefs are you living off here? What’s your confidence like? Your attachment like?
See there’s so much more to it, so many things that can STOP you from getting over someone. But at the core, at the heart, it’s to do with you, not them. And that puts YOU in control.
With you in control, you can and you WILL get over your ex, trust me. As long as you want to and you commit to it, you can.
Be Patient, There’s Going To Be a Period Of Adjustment
Also remember that – although you have the power to speed up the process when you deal with your breakup properly – getting over someone will still take time, naturally.
That doesn’t mean you have to be in complete and utter misery 24-7, but it’s going to take a period of readjustment to get used to how things are now.
You were with this person for XYZ, they were a part of your life. And just like when you cut yourself – that wound takes time to heal. If you pick at it – it only makes it worse. If you let it heal naturally, it heals a lot faster. So don’t try to run before you can walk because – in many cases – you only end up trying to kid yourself and prolonging the process.
And I know what you’re thinking… But my ex moved on fast. Why can’t I?! Well, read this:
Or this even…
Not everything is black and white or all that it seems. So stop being so hard on yourself, don’t even waste time comparing yourself to your ex, and focus on your own journey… Because that’s all it is: a journey. And the end destination really is you being over your ex!
Will I Ever Get Over My Ex?
So when you find yourself asking, “Will I ever get over my ex?” change that question. Change your attitude towards it. Tell yourself you will, and do one positive thing towards making it happen. Do one thing today, one thing right now, even.
Because yes, there may be things stopping you from getting over your ex, things you need to work on, things it would be helpful for you to do, to finally close that chapter.
If you’re genuinely not over your ex, there will be reasons why you’ve been unable to fully let go. But the good thing is – these are all things that can be worked through and addressed.
Tackle a specific issue, something that’s currently standing in your way, swat up on it, learn to deal with things properly, put more time into building yourself up.
Speak to a therapist. Speak to a specialist breakup coach. (Because trust me, that will get you over your ex far faster and less painfully!)
But whatever you do – don’t stay stuck, because you don’t need to.
You’ve got so much life ahead of you, so much LOVE that will come. But you have to close one chapter to fully embrace the next.
So don’t give up. You can do this. And I’ll be here to help you – if you need me – every step of the way.