What are the best questions to ask to get to know someone? The deep questions that will really bring you closer? Well my friends, in this post, we’ll cover the key questions to get to know someone to really strengthen your relationship or take it to the next level.
20 Questions To Get To Know Someone
Here’s 20 questions to get to know someone. These are just the starting point. There are many questions that can branch off them. The key to these questions:
- Ask them at the right time. Don’t rush them or push a person too soon.
- Be open to sharing too. This is a two way thing.
- Let the conversation flow naturally. It’s not an interrogation, it’s a discussion.
So you ready? Then let’s jump straight in…
1) What kind of life do you want to live? How would you like your future to look?
This question allows you to get a good picture of what they are envisioning for their life and how serious they are about making it happen. What are they doing to work towards it? Is it realistic? How do you know?
You’ll also know what’s important to them, what drives them, what goals they have and how clear they are on what they want.
If you really want to get to know someone on a deeper level, go beyond this question too, to discover where this desire come from.
Are these things that they had growing up, which is why they aspire for the same? Or maybe it’s the opposite – maybe they strive for more because it’s always been lacking.
2) What have been the most challenging times of your life? And how did you get through them?
It could be around a past relationship, a difficult childhood, a trauma, a conflict. It can be tricky to talk about, but it creates openness, demonstrates trust between the two of you.
You will also better understand the person and their strength of character – what has shaped them? What has influenced who they are today? And how big of a part did each experience play? In what way?
3) Do you think you’re fully healed from the past?
By understanding the place in which someone is in mentally, it will help you to get to know them far better. Are they ready for something serious? Do they have things they need to work through first?
And what are their coping mechanisms? Do they face challenges head on? Do they do the things they know they need to do, even if they’re hard? Or do they carry their issues with them? Hide away from them? Bury their head in their sand?
See, everyone’s got “baggage”, but it’s what you do with it, how you deal with it, how much you allow it to influence your life today.
4) What do you wish you could tell your former self?
This question reveals their innermost thoughts, the biggest lessons they’ve learnt. It will most likely get them thinking about it before they’re able to share too. It requires depth, which is why it’s a great question to ask to get to know someone.
5) What has been the best phase of your life and why?
It’s not all doom and gloom! You can ask deep questions that are still meaningful yet positive when trying to get to know someone.
Watch them share stories, happy moments, memories. Connect with them. Listen to them. Share similar experiences back, or compare against the differences.
6) When are you happiest?
Building on from the last question, get clear on when they’re happiest, understand what makes them happy.
- What are the key things they need in order to feel good?
- Is happiness tied most to accomplishments? And if so, what makes them feel accomplished?
- Is happiness closely linked to relationships? And what kind of relationships?
- Are romantic relationships a big factor? And what does a happy relationship look like?
This leads onto one of our next questions to get to know someone on a deeper level…
7) What do you think is most important in a relationship?
This is important when dating, or even if you’re already in a relationship with them. It’s all part of understanding how they feel and what’s important to them.
What are the key things they need in a relationship? What makes them feel good? What’s their love language? How do they give and receive love?
And what about their “deal breakers?” The things they don’t want or couldn’t tolerate? How about their “must-haves”, the things that are none-negotiable?
What are they like in a relationship? What do they look for in a partner and why?
Again, these questions will change, depending on where the two of you are at, but it’s invaluable to understand their relationship vision as this is how you make sure yours aligns and are able to work together to make each other the happiest that you can both be.
8) What have your past relationships taught you?
There is so much you could ask to get to know someone with this question. For instance…
- Why did their last relationship end?
- Did they grow from it?
- What did they take away from it?
- Are they self-reflective or tend to shift blame?
- Have they picked up any limiting beliefs from it?
- Do they find it difficult to trust?
- What’s their outlook like?
- What mistakes have they made?
9) What do you think is most important when it comes to parenting?
What kind of parent do they think they’d be? How important is it to them that they become a parent? Or, if they already have children, what do they mean to them? Get them really opening up. Take an interest. Listen, connect and really hear.
Some other good questions to ask on this topic…
- What were their parents like with them?
- How has that shaped them?
- What do they think was or wasn’t right?
- What have they learnt or will take away from that?
10) What values, morals and beliefs do you pride yourself in?
One of the classic questions to get to know someone has to come back to their values, morals and beliefs. You’re finding out what’s important to them, what they stand for, how they choose to live.
You can also find out a lot from this one in terms of their thought and views. For example…
- What are their beliefs when it comes to cheating? Is it something that’s forgivable? Could they take someone back after cheating? How would they respond if they ever cheated? And have they ever?
- What about how they feel when it comes to honesty? When is and isn’t it okay to lie – and what about? What’s their views on “hiding the truth” or not bringing up the truth – is hat classed as lying?
So as you can see, there’s many ways in which you could branch off to get a far better picture of who they are and what they’re truly about.
11) What things do you wish you could change about the world?
This is a big question, a very deep question, but it will help you to gage what they’re most passionate about. What gets to them and why.
The answer will likely be closely related to their values and morals – as these will be the things they want to fix most.
It’s a big discussion point. Something which you could talk about for hours! But it’s interesting to hear, and an easy one for you to share from too.
12) What emotions do you find most difficult to deal with?
Loneliness? Stress? Overwhelm? Regret? Sadness? And how do they go about dealing with these? What also tends to spark them off? And how often do they feel them?
These are the sort of questions to ask to get to know someone on a deeper level, because you’ll really be able to understand where they’re at and the kind of person they are.
You are not your emotions. But your emotions can play a big part in how you feel.
How much power do they give their emotions? How do they handle them?
13) What are you afraid of? What are some of your deepest fears?
And we’re not just talking about snakes or spiders here. This is a deep quesion. One that allows the person to really open up. To share their vulnerabilities. This strengthens the foundations of your relationship and again, allows you to better understand them.
Maybe they’re afraid of commitment, loneliness, and/or abandonment. But discover why – where it comes from and what it means, the influence it has on them today. It may be big, it may be small. But the openness will pull you closer than you’ve ever been before.
14) What do you believe in? What would you hope for?
This is one of our deepest questions to get to know someone now. It goes further than the values, morals and beliefs question. Instead, this is about sharing your inner-most thoughts.
Whether they’re religious beliefs, spiritual beliefs or just hopes – like wishing for an afterlife or heaven. It could be anything. And that’s the best part of it: being able to be open with 0 judgements.
15) What do you do when the going get’s tough?
How do they respond to difficult situations? For example…
- If they’re dating someone and there’s rocky patches, do they instantly give up and move on? What about in a relationship? Do they cut ties and walk away?
- Or how about in work situations? How to they cope with stress? Do they find it easy to solve problems? To work around things?
- What about when they’re struggling mentally? How do they push through it? How do they cope? And how is this similar or different to you?
16) What do you think are your strengths and weaknesses?
Another great way to get to know someone is by finding out their strengths and weaknesses. This can be both generally and when it comes to being in a relationship.
Whether you’re dating them or already in a relationship with them, it’s interesting to see what they are and aren’t aware of about themselves.
What are the areas they need to work on? Are they doing things to work on them? Do they think they can change, or people can change in general? What are their views?
17) How would you define yourself?
This is a really interesting question now. One will will tell you a lot about their identity – how they want to be seen, how they think they should be seen, what they think gives them value, what makes them feel good, what’s actually important at the end of it.
For instant, does their career define them? Do they rely on titles to make them feel good, feel important? Or is it family? For instance, they could have a great career, but fundamentally define themselves as a husband, a wife, a mother, a father. A sister even. A friend.
There’s lots of strong questions to get to know someone that can lead off from this too. For example…
- Are they happy with who they are?
- How do they feel when they look in the mirror?
- Do they feel like themselves or like they have to put on an act?
- Are they proud of what they’ve achieved? Where they’re at?
- The list could go on and on.
It will be very insightful, and also show you how well they actually know themselves, how aware they are or how much of a big thing it is.
18) How do you think other’s see you?
Do they come across in different ways? Are they aware of this? Do you see them how they think you see them, how they think others see them? In which ways are they right or wrong? And what does this say about them?
You may also want to ask if they care what people think? Do they think it matters? Does it make them worry, influence the way they live or get them down?
19) Are you where you thought you’d be at this current stage in your life?
Do they feel, happy, fulfilled, “on track”? Do they have any wishes or regrets? Any times they would go back in their life and do things differently?
Are they doing what they always wanted to do? In what way has their path changed direction, and why? Also break things down, mentally, physically, emotionally, in their relationships, in their career, even financially…
Financially is a big one – It’s good to be open on this one, because finances can be a major source of relationship issues. It can also be a good indicator of how they deal with life, in general. It doesn’t have to be awkward but it should be honest.
20) If you died tomorrow, what would you have wished you’d have done?
Talk about a tough one to finish! But it’s a great question to ask to get to know someone because again – you find out what matters most to them. You may also find out some things that they really want to do, which you actually didn’t know about.
With this information – you could plan a surprise trip, or give them an experience gift. Because that’s the great thing about really getting to know someone, you then have the power to make them even happier, to do things that you know will mean a lot to them, to show them you care.
So there we have it…
That rounds it up – 20 questions to get to know someone. It’s a great starting point anyway. Remember to ease into the questions, to not rush them, pressure them. Instead, let them flow naturally as your relationship evolves.
Take care. Wishing you all the very best.