The Toxic Detox

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Hello, hello. Welcome to the toxic detox. This is a short, snappy challenge post, creating immediate change in your life. It’s time to lift a little weight, to remove the people who are negatively affecting the way that you feel about yourself. It’s not harsh or brutal, it’s necessary. And I know some people are going to be harder than others to let go of, but hear me out okay.

The People We Want To Remove From Our Life

The toxic detox is like a review. It’s an assessment to see who’s taking their toll on you and WHY. The ‘why’ part is important. Sometimes toxicity builds because you give that person the power. Take it back!

Let’s say someone treated you badly, hurt you or disrespected you… yet they’re still on the scene, lingering around, watching what you do, popping up as a constant reminder. It’s unhealthy and unnecessary too.

CUT THEM OUT! It doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means you don’t want anyone affecting your vibe. You don’t want anyone tainting your mood. And if these people aren’t genuinely supportive, why even let them into your circle? It’s not genuine or real. 

These people are the easiest ones to remove to start with. Get rid of them for good. Unfollow them, block them, delete that old chat. Sounds extreme? It’s NOT.

Your Mental Wellbeing Has To Come First

The most important thing here is your mental wellbeing. If someone doesn’t make you feel good, and are no longer adding value to your life in any way, then remove them completely. Take them out of it fully.

That’s what the toxic detox is all about. That’s the core fundamental and the one thing you need to do to make this challenge complete. It doesn’t have to be difficult or painful.

Think about it – that’s the point in still having them there? If someone’s hurt you, or the relationship has become toxic with a person, and there’s still this lingering bad feeling, just get rid of them for good, to close that chapter well and truly behind you.

Trust me. It will enable you to gradually give a sigh of relief, let go and move forward. And you certainly don’t need to care what they think!

Where It Gets a Little Harder

The toxic detox gets a little harder then, when there’s toxic people who are in your life, who are still heavily in your life. You might be in a toxic relationship (click here for the signs) or perhaps have toxic influences in your life – like close friends or family members.

With these, I get that you can’t always just instantly remove them just because of A CHALLENGE. (If only it was that easy hey!) But, what you can do, is identify them, detox your life a little by either reducing your time with them or taking the time to see if the relationship can be detoxified in any way. (Because I’m all about accepting responsibility and sometimes there’s things we do to add to the toxicity. Subscribe to this series to read more about that.)

The first step however, is to see the toxic relationship for what it is – what’s making it toxic, how long has it been building this way, the impact that it’s having on you, and what you’re going to do about it. This is all about action my friends – taking positive steps forward to a more toxic-free life.

If You Can’t Remove Someone Fully, Take Action To Create a Change

So if you can’t remove someone fully, decide on ONE change that’s going to be made today to reduce the toxicity in some way. It may be:

  • Working through your issues with a person.
  • Addressing the fact the relationship has become toxic and talking it through with that person.
  • Removing your toxic habits in that relationship.
  • Getting counselling or therapy with that person – having a professional involved.
  • Reducing the amount of time you have to spend around them.
  • Being less responsive to them, again, to cut down contact.
  • Distancing yourself from them in any way that you can.

These are just a few suggestions, but have a think about one thing that you could do which would make the relationship less influential and less draining for you. Work through this process with everyone, as part of the toxic detox challenge. You need to:

  1. Identify the toxic people in your life.
  2. Remove them there and then. No explanation needed.
  3. If you can’t remove them, take some sort of action to reduce their impact.

PLEASE NOTE: You may find that a person isn’t necessarily naturally toxic, but the situation between the two of you has become toxic. When this happens, in order to remove yourself from the toxic situation completely, you have to cut yourself off from that person. They may not have all of the toxic traits you’re about to read, but they’re still causing harm in your life so the same process must apply for them.

Got it? Alright then. Let’s very briefly look at how to spot those soul-sucking toxic characters…

The Signs of a Toxic Person

To help you better identify the toxic people in your life, here’s the signs of a toxic person, mixed in with the impact – how they’ll make you feel.

One sign on it’s own probably means nothing, but if you’re going through this list and there’s a lot of things that sound true to a particular person, you then know that they’re someone to review for removal as part of the Toxic Detox.

Remember: you don’t have to stay involved with someone who is a negative influence on your overall health and happiness.

Here’s the signs that they’re doing more harm than good:

  1. They’re manipulative.
  2. They’re critical and judgemental, jumping on whatever they can.
  3. They take no responsibility for their own feelings and instead project them onto you.
  4. They never apologise. Instead, they’ll try to make you feel bad.
  5. They’ll make you prove yourself to them.
  6. They’ll gaslight you and make you feel like you’re “crazy” or “oversensitive.”
  7. They disrespect you and seem to have a lack of understanding that they’re even doing it.
  8. They can’t put themselves in your shoes, nor do they want to, because they don’t particularly care.
  9. They’re inconsistent. You’ll find their perspective, attitude, behaviour and action often changes. You never know what to think or expect.
  10. They lie, make excuses and can be overly defensive.
  11. They’ll leave important conversations unfinished, if it’s not important to them.
  12. They’re not caring, supportive or interested in what’s important to you. It’s like they see themselves as superior and think they are above you.
  13. They try to intimidate you to get their way, or control you by guilt tripping.
  14. Everything is always about them – as if they’re the victim.
  15. They withhold attention and undermine your self esteem.
  16. You have to fear that any fight could be your last because they punish you when you make mistakes and you find yourself constantly scared of them walking away.
  17. They make you feel on edge, uncertain, insecure… Yet you still crave for them to like you.
  18. They don’t make you feel good about yourself. Not really. Most of the time, they make you feel like there’s something wrong with you, like you’re difficult to love and you’re lucky that they’re still there.
  19. They’re always digging – bringing irrelevant details into a conversation, or never letting you forget certain things so that they have a hold on you.
  20. They will make you defend yourself or prove yourself. (I mean, what’s with that?!)
  21. They seem to have this sense of entitlement… Like they “deserve” special treatment or obedience from others.
  22. They may try things like idealisation, love-bombing or flattery to keep you hooked in.
  23. There seems to be this continuous need for admiration from others – this thirst for attention.
  24. They hide their true self to others, very few know what they’re really like.
  25. You find yourself playing detective, never quite able to explain how you feel, but knowing that something is “off.”

Start To Free Yourself From Toxic People

This is just touching the surface on the signs of toxic people. Everyone is different. And remember – people become toxic for different reasons. Their behaviour is bad, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re a bad person. Regardless of this, whatever’s made them this way, know that you deserve far better and there’s no space in your world for them.

As you remove toxic people form your life, you free up space and emotional energy for positive, healthy relationships.

Start today, even if it’s starting small, but take SOME ACTION to free yourself from the people who drag you down. Take care, best of luck with the toxic detox and don’t forget to subscribe below for more encouragement and support.

All my love,

The Toxic Detox

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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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