Society seems to push the concept that you aren’t truly “complete” until you’ve found a significant other. Single lives are often portrayed as a sort of purgatory they are forced to endure until they find someone to settle down with – as though we can’t be completely happy if we’re on our own. Yeah right – give me a break! This is so far from the truth and I think it’s about time we dispel some of the myths. You can be just as happy – if not more – without a relationship. In fact, there are plenty of reasons why being single is a good thing, so here’s a few of them to hopefully help you to embrace your new-found (or maybe not so new but not fully utilised!) freedom…
~ It gives your mind a chance to rest and be restored.
Relationships can be so mentally draining. All that time spent investing in someone else, all that energy wasted worrying about both little and big things… Not to mention the arguments and challenges you will have most likely faced if it ended in a break now. All of this takes it’s toll, more than you may realise. Being single enables you to let go of all of that. It removes the stress. It removes the complications. And it allows you to really purge the clutter in your mind, making room for new thoughts (and dreams) to breathe and grow again.
~ For once, you’re able to prioritise yourself.
When you’re in a relationship, you can’t just do what you want to do. You have to consider the other person. You’re a partnership, a team. Which is awesome! But, sometimes it doesn’t leave all that room for you. When the relationship progresses, you might also think about having a family and then you’ll have even more responsibilities. So if you can’t have this time right now, where you can focus solely on you, then when else can you? You deserve this time on your own. It’s a blessing, not a curse. But you have to allow yourself to see that, to be able to fully make the most of it. Use this time to do all the things you want to do, without anyone holding you back. Explore things you’ve never explored before, learn more than ever, focus on becoming the best possible version of you – full of love and confidence. Because if you do this, by the time you do then get into a relationship – you’re able to give yourself more fully and will feel far happier and more fulfilled. Allow yourself to develop, learn, experience and grow. Don’t deprive yourself of that.
~ You’re able to be open to opportunities.
How often has something cropped up, but you turned it down because you were in a relationship? Or maybe even not allowed yourself to consider it to begin with? Opportunities pass you by when you have ties and commitments. When you’re single, you’re better able to be open, more likely to take risks and give things a shot. Because – why not?! How about moving to a new city, starting a new job, saying YES to that trip, or simply deciding to venture out into the world on your own! Your life is totally and completely yours. There’s no-one holding you back or hindering your progress. You can go in whichever direction you want and feel – AND – will meet so many awesome people on the way by doing this. People who are more likely to be on a similar path to you. Is that not something to get excited about? When you’re single, you don’t have to live with any “what ifs…” or regrets. The options are endless. You can make your own rules and live the way you really want to. Because the only thing left to potentially hold you back is your fears!
~ You’ll also go after your goals more shamelessly.
Have you ever held back from doing something because you were worried about what others may think? I know I have. In fact, there were ideas I had when I was with my ex, which I kept to myself because he knew me better than most people, so if he didn’t believe I could do it, I knew it would knock my confidence. And this wasn’t necessarily a reflection on him. To be fair to him, he was generally pretty supportive. But when I had an idea that was also very close to my heart, I wanted to keep it there – I didn’t feel confident enough to let him in. And that often stopped me from taking serious action on it.
When I ended the relationship and faced the big wide world on my own, I actually felt free to do anything I wanted to do. I could work away on my ideas, without any judgements, and just like with launching this blog – I didn’t care if it kicked off instantly or not, because I could just carry on working at it in the background, until eventually it worked out. When you’re single, you fight for your dreams more, you don’t have as many distractions, you’re not just comfortable and settled so you push yourself to go for what you want.
~ You’re able to discover your own identity.
We all change when we’re in a relationship. It’s pretty normal. Not to the point where you feel like you’ve completely lost yourself, that’s not healthy. But you spend so much time with this other person, you begin doing things as one, to build something together. It’s therefore going to have an impact and you change, because your life changes too. This can be a daunting prospect, but to limit the impact and avoid feeling like we’ve lost our individual sense of identity, it’s important to have that time alone first – to discover what yours really is. This is why being single is a good thing – because it gives you the time you need! You’re able to find your own identity, or – better yet – to build yourself into the way you’ve always wanted to be. This is a fresh start and you can do whatever you like with it!
Discover who you are, what you stand for, what makes you happy, what doesn’t. Become so clear on who you are, because then when you do find the right person – you’re more likely to stay true to yourself. (Because like I said in the last point, we’re not rushing into anything and we’re also going to find someone who brings out the best in us, not makes us question who we are!) When you do this, you’ll keep being you, regardless of who you meet. You won’t compromise, you won’t let the relationship take over and you’ll keep doing your thing – because you’ll value it more. A relationship should add value to your life, not become your life.
~ You learn new things and become far wiser.
I have developed more in the past six months as a person, than I had over the last four / five years. No exaggeration! Why? Well, being single helps you to reflect on yourself and your experiences. This means there is a natural stage of development and growth that comes once you are able to heal. You learn a lot about yourself, you’re able to re-define yourself and in the process of doing so – you will learn a lot. You also learn from the new experiences you say yes to, because life is no longer so predictable. And if you really want to, you can actually skyrocket your knowledge by using this time to develop. Focusing on learning and growing as much as you can. This can come from reading books, reading articles, watching videos, listening to podcasts, gathering as much info as you can – whilst you can. Because like we mentioned earlier, without any ties or commitments you do have a little more time for you, which is why there’s no better time to do this.
~ You don’t have to wonder if you’re with the right person.
Deciding who to spend the rest of your life with is a big deal. There are billions of people on the planet. How do you know who you click with the most? What kind of person you’re most compatible with? What kind of person will give you the most fulfilling relationship? If you jump into settling down with one person too soon, you will never have the answer to any of these questions, because you’ve not explored it enough.
Being single enables you to date, get to know different people – it’s fun and that’s something we shouldn’t be forgetting! Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you can’t have significant people in your life. You can still have the closeness, the connection, as you get to know different people. But that’s the thing – you’re not putting ‘all your eggs in one basket’ nor rushing into any life-long decisions, because you know the next person you’ll be with – that will be it! So it’s arguably even foolish to make that decision too fast.
By taking it slow and fully making the most of your single-status, when it does come to settling down, you won’t have any questions or regrets. You’ll know you’re with someone who is truly good for you (because you’ve experienced the good, the bad, and everything in between!)
~ You can learn to enjoy your own company.
This is a big one! When I was in a relationship, I thought I was pretty independent but the truth be told – I didn’t even know the meaning of the word until becoming single again. When you’re single, you actually gain an appreciation for your own space and time… it’s liberating! You want to create a new creative space in your home? Go for it! Cook what you like, when you like? Of course! Make spontaneous last minute plans? Absolutely… Just see where life takes you and do your own thing!
If you can become happy in your own company when you’re single, you’re also far more likely to be selective about the people you do choose to spend your time with. This enhances your life because you end up spending time with better quality people. You’re also happier day-to-day. Remember, there’s a difference between being alone and lonely. Single life does not have to equal loneliness. In fact, you can actually become more isolated in a relationship because you’re not mixing with as many different people.
~ You’ll learn what it means to be truly confident.
When you’re alone, you’re forced to stand on your own two feet. This develops strength, which in turn gradually builds to confidence. Confidence is also built by all the things you do when you’re single – maybe it’s down to the time you put into your fitness and getting into shape again, maybe it’s to do with all the things you’re doing socially now, or the opportunities you said yes to (like we mentioned earlier) that in turn made you grow.
As your confidence grows, so does your self-love. You know what you’re worthy of, you know what you want and when you remove the low self-esteem, you’re able to give a more pure, unadulterated kind of love. They say you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else, or expect to be loved as deeply in return. And it’s true. If you let it be, single life with build your confidence, your character and your self-worth. It’s just about choosing to see why being single is a good thing and appreciating everything that comes with it… Only then will you fully make the most of it!
Let’s Round It Up…
The list of benefits for why being single is a good thing, could just go on and on. Honestly, this is just touching the surface right now! (I mean, we didn’t even mention the fact that you can slob around in your pjs all weekend without judgement, or don’t have to worry about shaving your legs every goddam day!) Ultimately however, it’s down to you how you choose to see it. And I’m not saying that being single is always easy. It’s not. It will push you more than ever before. But if you let it, single life really can be the most epic journey of self-discovery. And I happen to believe, that’s the best viewpoint to take and embrace!
Remember, you are strong, beautiful and oh-so worthy of the best. Believe in yourself, always.
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