Teasing is a great flirting technique. It goes back to those high-school days, right? Where you wind up someone that you fancy. But flirting by teasing is actually a great way to build attraction. Let’s first look at why, and then how to up your teasing-game to do it in the right way. (There’s some sensitive souls in the world after all!)
Why Teasing Is a Great Flirting Technique
Teasing – when done properly – is a great flirting technique because it adds a new level to your relationship. When you affectionately tease someone, it brings the two of you closer, whilst keeping things fun and humorous. Dating can become tiring, and can often seem way too serious, too fast. Teasing eases the pressure and makes things less scary.
It also helps you to become more comfortable and relaxed around the person. You can connect better, and actually understand each other better – whilst showing your understanding of them by finding things to laugh about together. We’ll talk about it shortly, but it enables you to develop ‘inside jokes’ between the two of you and helps to develop your bond.
Aside from this, it shows the two of you are actually on the same wavelength and do share the same sense of humour – an important and attractive trait, for sure. You’re able to build not only a physical connection (with perhaps a bit of chemistry – as teasing does build sexual tension!) but you’ll also have the starting base of a strong friendship behind it.
If you know enough about a person to be able to tease them, and still accept and appreciate them (‘flaws’ and all!) that creates a pretty strong base for something potentially quite special. Agreed? So where do we start when it comes to this teasing? Well, let’s first cover how NOT to do it.
How NOT To Tease
When it comes to teasing, there’s a time and a place… or more so, a situation and some key topics. Don’t ever tease someone on something that could potentially be sensitive. For example, a big one is their appearance.
As confident as a person may come across, you should never tease someone on their appearance, especially in the early dating stages when you don’t know enough about a person to know where their insecurities lie. That selfie they took that you’re not 100% sure on? Don’t pick up on it. The hair he’s really clinging onto? Don’t mention it – or if you do, say how it’s not a big deal. Making fun of someone about the way they look is really not cool, so leave any thoughts like that to yourself.
You should also avoid teasing over a lack of knowledge or understanding. Let’s say you’re trying to explain your job and they don’t really get it, or there’s a conspiracy theory they’ve never heard of, or even just a situation they knew nothing about. If you tease someone just because they don’t know something or grasp it straight away,
- You’re making yourself look like a know-it-all. And…
- You’re making them put their guard up because they won’t feel comfortable to be able to actually discuss things with you if all you ever do is pick up on things or correct them.
One final example is when you tease a guy and it emasculates him. For example, mocking his work, his mannerisms or when he’s opening up to you and expressing his emotions.
Basically all you need to do is put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What would you think if someone said that to you? The way you say things also makes a difference – of course – but if something could potentially be a touchy subject or insecurity, just don’t go there.
What To Do If Your Teasing Get’s Taken The Wrong Way
Explain and apologise. If you’re flirting by teasing and the other person’s response isn’t what you expected, follow it up with a note that you were only messing, and smooth it out with something positive to say. This will back up the fact that you didn’t mean it, and you wasn’t trying to be disrespectful.
It shouldn’t happen often anyway, but if you ever do cross the line, that’s what to do! The other thing worth mentioning is knowing when to stop. It’s fun, flirty teasing – not a mission to try to wind the person up and take the jokes too far. So just remember why you’re doing this! Also don’t keep teasing about the same stuff, because that get’s pretty old too.
Last but not least, you want to remember to strike the right balance. If the teasing is constant, you risk friend zoning yourself or not forming a deeper connection. The other person may also not know where they stand or how you feel. Teasing should therefore just be one aspect of your relationship with this person. It should go far deeper.
Flirting By Teasing…
Teasing is all about doing so with the right intentions. It should be playful and geared towards building connections – not knocking someone down or getting one up on the person. Often people can tease as a defence mechanism, especially if they’re scared of rejection. But this isn’t healthy.
If you’re flirting by teasing, the person needs to know that you’re joking, it’s light hearted and fun – with no underlying digs. You want the other person to bounce something back at you! This teasing can start to create some inside jokes between the two of you. That’s what it’s all about.
The Right Way To Tease When Flirting
So now we’ve covered the basics, let’s jump in with seven top teasing tips: the things you SHOULD do and the things that DO work – to get you started on your teasing journey!
- Relate the tease back to the two of you. A tease about the other person is one thing, but if you can tie it into the relationship between the two of you, that makes it even better. For example, let’s say he’s cooked a ham and pineapple pizza and is about to dig in, a great tease would be, “Oh boy, PINEAPPLE on pizza… no, no, no, no. That’s all wrong! Didn’t you know that was one of my deal breakers? Damnn. I don’t know if we’re going to work now!”
- Use your tone, expressions and gestures to flirt by teasing. You can actually turn many statements into teasing when you do this. It’s perfect when the two of you are together. For example, adding in an eyebrow raise, giving a little nudge, throwing in a quick deadpan before giving a cheeky grin… Because that’s the thing – flirting by teasing is far easier in person. Sometimes messages can be misinterpreted which is why teasing always works the very best when the two of you are together.
- Tease in a sarcastic way that actually builds them up. For example, you’re speaking to a guy who’s really into his health and fitness. He misses a gym session and you say something like, “Gee, you’re really slacking now aren’t you!” He only went the day before. It’s obvious you’re joking. You could also follow it up with something like, “Nah, I think it’s super impressive how disciplined you are. I don’t know how you keep it up – going so often!”
- Tease about temporary things. If there’s something someone CAN’T change, that’s getting into more personal and potentially insulting territories. However if it’s something like, a one-off situation that happened recently, an occasional hobby, a guilty pleasure, etc, it’s going to keep things lighter and there’s less areas for offence.
- Tease with nicknames or ‘insults.’ If he’s teasing you as well, throw back a jokey insult like, “Oh you’re such a penis aren’t you!” Or let’s say he’s talking about what a crappy day he’s had (temporary situation), tease with something like, “Chin up baby cakes, at least you have -this- or -that- to look forward to. It can’t get any worse anyway can it?!”
- Tease about the things you know they’re thinking. Another great way to flirt by teasing is to use it as an opportunity to relate to the person. So, let’s say you know he doesn’t rate certain people who act in certain ways – make a joke that relates back to that. For example, if he hates Public Displays of Affection, you’re walking down the street and see a couple that are ALL OVER EACH OTHER – this gives the perfect opportunity to tease, saying something like, “That could be us, that could. Wouldn’t you love that? Come and give me a kiss!” He knows you know he hates that and are just joking around, winding him up. But it shows you get him and are only trying to make him smile. It’s a great way to break the ice.
- Disagree – sometimes for the sake of disagreeing. And yes, I know, you’re being purposefully annoying to get a reaction – but you’re being playful with it (just remember to know when to stop!) Like the movie that you saw last week, that he loved, “Nope, that was so unrealistic! I mean like that would REALLY happen.” Or the naff song that’s just been released that he says annoys him, “Oh really? I love that. Damn. I was going to put it on repeat this weekend with drinks!”
So there we have it, a quick guide running through flirting by teasing! Above anything else, just remember to have fun with it. Teasing will become more natural, and easier, the better you get to know a person. But in the meantime, it’s going to add a new dynamic.