Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely?

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Why does he stare at me so intensely? What does it mean when someone stares at you? Is he checking me out? Or am I jumping to conclusions here? In this post, we’ll help you work it all out – based on the situation that you’re in. So let’s start from the top…

Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely?

Before we look at the possible reasons why he could be staring at you (with a pretty big degree of intensity here too!), it’s worth first establishing the situation.

  • Is this someone you know, or just a stranger you passed in the street?
  • What’s your current relationship with the person, if you do know them? Is there any history there? 
  • Does there seem like there’s also a bit of chemistry? How does it make you feel?
  • Are there any other signs are there, that he could be interested in you?
  • This intense eye staring – has it just happened once, or multiple times? 
  • And were you in a conversation or does it happen across the room?
  • How does he behave with / around other people? Particularly when he’s talking to others?
  • What else do you know about him?

See, by asking yourself these sort of questions beforehand – it will help you to evaluate what the most likely reasons are for why he’s staring at you so intensely. 

Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely?

So let’s move into some of the possible reasons now. There are actually plenty! Bear in mind, it may not just be one simple answer – but multiple of these answers.

So have a read, break it down and establish the most logical explanations from this…

1) You’re Beautiful

So first off, let’s start with one of the most obvious answers as to why he stares at you so intensely, which could be the fact – YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!

(And have confidence in yourself, you really are!)

Essentially, he’s attracted to you, so his eyes are drawn towards you – possibly more than he even realises. It makes sense though, if you think about it.

Don’t you find yourself looking at attractive people? Whether that’s guys, girls, or both – and not necessarily always even in a romantic way.

Studies actually show that we are naturally curious about others faces, and the brain’s reward system is triggered when we look at “prettier” faces. We also naturally seek out eye contact (interesting, huh?)

So if a guy is staring at you, and it’s down to beauty – the chances are, you’ll often find people tend to stare at your a fair bit in general.

It’s then about deciding if there’s anything more to it than that – and if the attraction is romantically too.

2) You’re Interesting

Next up then, he could be staring at you because he finds you interesting. This could be in terms of the way you look or the way you come across.

  • Are you quite “out there”?
  • Do you tend to draw attention?
  • Are you loud? Full of energy? Outspoken?
  • Or perhaps unique? Mysterious? Quietly confident?

There could be so many different things that draw him in, and so many different reasons for him finding you interesting.

I mean, he could also find you interesting in the things that you talk about.

So he’s curious, he’s watching you and taking it all in. You genuinely intrigue him, or – going one step further – he may even be a little bit in awe of you. In most cases, it’s usually a complement.

(Unless we’re just talking about a stranger who’s watching you and judging you… But these kind of people aren’t worth worrying about, let alone thinking about!)

3) You Have Great Energy

So we touched on energy in the point above, but I want to highlight it further, because if you have great energy, you’re likely to naturally just draw people in… even unintentionally!

You engage people, you bounce off people and this automatically makes them look at you more intensely. (Again, it’s certainly a complement. Whether they’re romantically interested in you or not!)

4) He’s Trying To Read You

A very common reason that causes people to look at you intensely, is if they’re trying to read you.

Maybe you’re saying something that they don’t quite believe, or they think there’s more to it. For example, if you say “everything’s okay”, or “nothing’s happened” and they’re not quite buying it!

They are then likely to look at you more closely to try to see any clues that suggest otherwise or give anything away.

In most cases, they’re only doing this because they care – or they want to get to know you better.

So consider:

  • What kind of conversations are you having when you notice them staring at you intensely?
  • Is it certain types of conversations or every conversation? (EG if it’s every conversation, and you notice that he’s also being pretty flirty with you, there’s a good chance that he’s staring intensely to try to understand you better.)
  • Do they also ask you lots of questions? Dig a little deeper? Try to connect with you further?

You see? From this, you can start to better piece it together.

Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely?

5) He Likes You

Now we have to throw out the possibility that he keeps staring at you, or holding eye contact, because he likes you! (Ah, cute!)

To become clearer on this, have a read of this post on the Top 20 Signs He Likes You. If you notice these on top of the intense staring, there’s a good chance, this could be a key cause of it!

6) Or Has a Crush On You

Now if he does like you, and that is the cause, you may be wondering – well, why didn’t I know about it?!

But that’s the thing – he could like you but be hiding it, he could like you but be afraid of rejection so not act on it, or maybe he’s fighting his feelings for you because you’re a co-worker or (right now) just a friend and he doesn’t want to cross the line.

I’ve added heaps of links on those points there, so click on through to have a mooch.

The better you can understand the situation and know how to spot the signs – the easier it is to determine why he keeps staring at you with so much intensity and what it therefore means.

But him having a crush on you? It’s definitely a consideration. It’s why he’s taking so much notice of you. (He’s obviously just not being subtle enough about it!)

Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely?

7) He’s Trying To Flirt With You

What else? What else? Well if you want to answer, “why is he staring at me so intensely?” you want to be able to recognise the signs of flirting – and if this eye contact is part of his flirting technique.

So have a read of this post for How To Tell if a Guy Is Flirting With You (the Top 20 Signs) as it will help to make everything so much clearer. Do many of the other signs sound familiar? Is it likely that eye contact is coming into play because he’s flirting too? You decide!

8) He Flirts With Everyone

WARNING, WARNING: Now if you notice he’s flirting with you – which is why he always holds you gaze – just double check that’s not naturally how he is with everyone… and that he flirts with everyone or is just playing the field. Click here for the key signs.

Because yes, we want to always assume the best of people, but sometimes – people can be pretty crafty. So he could be doing this to try to make you feel special, but is not be ready for anything serious at all, so it’s not something you want to read too deeply into.

9) He Could Just Be Comfortable or Confident

Now let’s say he’s not necessarily flirting with you, or anyone. See, it could just be that he stares at you (and others) so intensely because he’s a confident person.

He wants to look? He will. And he’ll do so shamelessly! He doesn’t shy away from anything. So although you see it as pretty bold, to him – it’s not a big deal.

Likewise, if he’s comfortable around you, he’ll stare at you as much as he likes – whether that’s when you’re talking, or his eyes are just glazing over, and he won’t think anything of it.

This is common if you’ve reached a strong friendship level.

Recommended Read: 15 Signs He Only Sees You as a Friend

10) He’s Really Listening To You

Now we’re looking for why he’s staring at you so intensely, but is he actually staring, or could he just be looking? Listening even?

See if he’s fully engaged with what you’re saying, as you’re speaking, it could come across as a little intense (especially if you’re not used to someone paying so much attention to you!)

But actually, looking into someone’s eyes as they’re talking to you, is pretty normal – and respectful too. So it could just be partly this too.

Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely?

11) He Wants You To Engage With Him

Similarly to if he’s staring you at intensely because he’s listening to you, if he wants you to know he’s actively listening to you, and wants you to reciprocate that engagement back – then he’ll actually add the intensity on purpose… It makes his intensions clear.

In most cases, this won’t be done in a demanding way, but should be more seen as a complement. It’s like, “I’m really enjoying this conversation. I’m interested in hearing what you have to say, and passionate about sharing my thoughts with you too.”

This is therefore not necessarily always done in a romantic way. If it is…

12) He’s Trying To Impress You

If he’s openly and actively making engaged conversation, he’s doing so, wanting you to notice him and recognise how much he values you. There’s more of a romantic intent there.

Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely?

So what other reasons do we have, when it comes to answering, “why does he stare at me so intensely?” Well…

13) He’s Zoned Out

We have to throw out the possibility now, that although it LOOKS like he’s staring at you intensely, he may have actually just zoned out.

He’s deep in thought, looking but not really looking at anything, and his gaze has just happened to fall on you!

You can usually tell if this is the case as you’ll notice you won’t be getting eye contact. His eyes have just focused on you, but he’s also likely to look in thought / lost in another world!

(Now I actually do this all the time, so can totally relate to it!) Alternatively it could be…

14) He’s a People Watcher!

What’s another common non-romantic reason why some people end up pretty much “staring you out?!” Well, if they’re “people watchers”… Just not very subtle ones!

If this is the case, it means he’s likely to look at you but also look at anyone of interest.

It can come across as a little rude if you notice it, but he means no harm, really. He’s just a little nosey! So why not give them something to talk about?! (Stick your tongue out at him!)

15) You Look Familiar To Him

When trying to determine, “why is he staring at me so intensely?”, all you have to do is consider, well… what COULD it be?

  • Have you never met him before?
  • Is it a stranger who keeps staring at you?
  • Do you find he perhaps looks a little puzzled too?
  • Or is trying to catch your eye even?

Then this could be because you look familiar to him and he’s trying to work out whether he knows you or not. Now admittedly, this is a long shot.

A lot of the other reasons are more common than this one… but it’s a great example of how you can try to read him, to better understand his behaviour. (Makes sense, right?)

Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely?

We’re into the final five now. Who’d have thought there could be so many different reasons? But hey – people are complex characters, right? So what else could it be?

16) He’s Looking Out For You

Okay, so… how to explain this one, without it coming across as creepy (yikes!) But another possible reason why it feels like he’s staring at you so intensely, is because he kind of is.

He’s watching you, keeping an eye on you, looking out for you… essentially because he wants to protect you. If this is the case, it will happen in potentially daunting situations.

Like for example, if there’s a large, rather intimidating social event and he keeps catching your eye to make sure you’re okay. He’s basically saying, “Don’t worry. You’re safe with me. It’s okay.”

You see? So it’s rather nice really! Similarly to this, he could be doing it to build trust with you.

Research shows that we tend to see people who avert their gaze as less sincere, socially anxious and deceptive. Conversely, we’re more likely to believe someone who looks at us directly.

For this reason, trust could almost certainly tie into it when it comes to why he’s staring at you intensely… He perhaps just hasn’t quite got the balance right with you, if you feel like it’s a little TOO intense. Or, maybe you’re just not used to it!

Does He Fancy Me?

17) He’s Trying To Tell You Something

“Hey, watch out. The boss is coming!” / “No way, look at that behind you – it’s really kicking off over there!” These are just a couple of examples of how intense eye contact could mean he’s trying to tell you something.

It’s usually pretty easy to identify as he’s likely to have expressions on his face, or give a little eyebrow raise! This is when it’s something more obvious that he’s trying to tell you.

However, if a guy stares at you longingly, it could be a good sign that he’s trying to drop a few hints. He’s trying to tell you he likes you.

Or he’s purposely holding that eye contact with you, to show you he feels that connection with you (if sparks are flying!) He doesn’t want to look away.

Prolonged eye contact is indeed a form of communication, you see. So it’s all about knowing how to read it! (Interesting, huh?)

18) He May Be Trying To Manipulate You

Say whaaaat?! So here’s one you perhaps didn’t expect, and no – we do not want to jump to conclusions here, or put labels on people too far, but at the same time, it’s important to be aware that intense, prolonged eye contact can be used as a form of manipulation – in some cases.

Because of the intensity, it can be used to intimidate you, or make you feel small. If you’re in a relationship or dating / “seeing” someone, it can be used to try to take control. It’s also often used in love-bombing (a horrible thing!)

Of course, there has to be to the situation. This and this alone is likely to not usually be the case. But if you recognise the other signs that come with it, then the added intense eye contact in certain situations, may start to tie in.

19) Or Show His Dominance

It sounds old-fashioned, but there are still some guys that try to be the “alpha”. They’re not trying to intimidate you as such, but show that “they’re the man” and they’re not afraid to stare straight at you. This goes back to the degree of confidence they need.

However if they’re showing it to try to put themselves out there, and show what they’re all about, it most definitely means they’re interested in you! Just don’t be afraid to challenge them on it, by not being afraid to stare straight back!

20) It’s Just The Way He Is

Last but not least then, it could just be the way he is. Some people are more intense than others, and for him – he may not even think he’s looking at you with particular intensity!

Remember, typically, people are raised to look at other’s when they’re speaking to them, so in some cases – it could just be about politeness.

Your job? To weigh up the intensity of it, and whether or not it’s something to read into!

So, Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely?

Based on these possible reasons, what’s the verdict? Why does he stare at you so intensely?

With all of this newfound knowledge at your hands – you should have everything you need and more to figure it out.

The only thing to decide from there, is what it means for the two of you, and what you’re going to do about it.

How will you express your interest back if he is feeling it? What will you do?

Have fun deciding! All the very best.


Why Does He Stare At Me So Intensely? (20 Possible Reasons)
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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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