Respect is about the freedom to be yourself and to be loved for who you are. However – unfortunately – not all relationships have a healthy level of mutual respect. So, in this post, we’re going to look at the key signs he doesn’t respect you enough.
Notice it. Identify it. Address it – talk things through. And don’t settle for a relationship where your partner doesn’t respect you and – consequently – treat you the way that you deserve. Love is not full love without the respect there.
And you deserve that full, unconditional love, where someone brings out the best in you, whilst appreciating everything that you are. Agreed? Agreed! So let’s get stuck in.
10 Signs He Doesn’t Respect You Enough
Here’s some of the key signs he doesn’t respect you enough, or – going one step further – the key signs that he’s disrespecting you.
Some vary in degree and intensity, but it should start to get you thinking:
- Is he acting like he respects me?
- Is he actually disrespecting me here?
- And where is this coming from: a place of ignorance or intention?
Because that’s the key. We can all make mistakes, start acting in ways that become a little toxic at times – especially when other things are going on in our life and mind.
But this behaviour, it should be a one off or infrequent. And it should be something that can be openly discussed and then worked on – so that it doesn’t remain.
So let’s get a little clearer on some of the signs he doesn’t respect you enough – reminding you of your standards and boundaries, what is and isn’t okay.
1) He Makes Little Digs
So first up, there’s the nasty little digs! If you find your partner is often making little digs – either about the same thing, or related to a particular thing, it’s likely that he doesn’t respect you in this area.
Now, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you (he does!) but he doesn’t love this thing about you. (Whether that’s right or wrong.) But let me give you a couple of examples…
- Maybe you’re not great with your finances and so every time you’re disorganised or behind on payments, there will be little comments or jabs about it.
- Or, perhaps he seems to have an issue with the way that you dress and every time you go out with the girls, you find he never has anything positive to say. (Although that’s more to do with his insecurities / trust issues – that one is nothing on you… but it’s a common dig so I’ll leave it in.)
Like I said, it doesn’t mean he hates you, or has a problem with everything, but he is showing you a lack of respect in this particular area.
Digs aren’t needed. They aren’t helpful. And they certainly aren’t healthy.
You are who you are, faults and all. No-one is perfect, and no-one will necessarily like every single thing about a person. But that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t still be treated with the respect that they deserve.
Sometimes digs are tied in with power plays – if he’s emotionally abusive, he will make digs, nasty comments to try to knock you down. Take notice, and don’t tolerate it. (Although I know it’s easier said than done. If you’re in a bad place, please do get in touch.)
2) You Have To Watch What You Do Or Say
Going one step further, you know that your partner doesn’t respect you enough when you feel like you have to watch what you do or say. Like we said at the start – when respect is there, you can be fully yourself.
When it’s not (and you know you’re likely to get a backlash from particular things), you can’t be. You find yourself holding back, treading on eggshells, keeping things in.
3) He Doesn’t Respect The Way You Feel
If he doesn’t respect you as a person, he’s likely to dismiss or minimalism your feelings, thoughts or concerns. He doesn’t get it, he doesn’t understand you – but, in all honest, he also doesn’t particularly try to.
It’s almost like your “opinion” doesn’t matter. Unless it matches his own, unless he “gets” why you feel the way that you do, he doesn’t want to know about it and he doesn’t want to deal with it.
This not only shows he doesn’t respect you, but goes one step further into disrespect. You’re not being deemed as important. Your thoughts and feelings aren’t valued. And in times like this, you have to speak up, you have to make sure you’re heard.
4) He Doesn’t Respect The Things You Say
The best way to explain this sign, is to give you some examples. So for instance:
Let’s say you have an important family meal on the weekend that your partner has been invited to, but he makes plans to go out with his friends the night before.
You say this is fine, but you ask him to come back early so he’s not too hungover or tired for the next day. The day is important to you. He says okay, but then he goes back on it.
He comes back late, is grouchy the next day and shrugs it off. And he may even turn it on you(!) making out you’re being unreasonable or controlling. (When you’re not by the way.)
Or perhaps he has a habit of lying. You set boundaries. You say it has to stop. They’re only little white lies for now, but it makes it difficult for you to then trust him.
And yet still, despite knowing that you can’t tolerate it anymore – he pushes the boundaries and keeps lying to you. He’s showing that what you say and what you want, isn’t important to him.
He’s going to keep doing what he wants to do (and probably has always done) but it certainly shows a lack of respect.
Let me give you one more example on the boundaries front. Let’s say you’re an introvert. You need space and time to yourself. Let’s say in times of conflict, you need this even more – to digest, to calm, to evaluate.
You try to express this to him, you want him to understand because you know it will benefit your relationship. And maybe he takes it in, maybe he doesn’t.
But when you then have your next argument, or the one after, he still doesn’t give you the space you need. He wants to talk it out and so he demand that you talk it out.
He’s not respecting what you want, say or need.
5) He Doesn’t Actually Listen To You
Everyone gets distracted at times, has other things on their mind, but if he doesn’t respect you enough you might find:
- You often have to repeat yourself, or are just outright ignored.
- Your partner doesn’t look at you when you talk.
- Your partner is disengaged… You speak and get very little back.
- You feel like you’re having a conversation with yourself.
- Your partner often sits on their phone whilst you’re talking.
- Your partner is completely different when talking about something they want to. (Full of life then!)
It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about big things or little things, if your partner often doesn’t listen to you, or makes the effort to be fully engaged when you’re speaking – it shows a lack of respect.
6) You’re Not His Priority
When you get into a relationship, you’re investing your time in that person. You’re saying you love them, you value them, you want to be with them and – in many cases – you want to build a life with them.
Being prioritised doesn’t mean that you constantly have to be put above everyone and everything else. However, it’s disrespectful if you’re put to the bottom of the pile all of the time.
- Does he change plans with you for other things or other people?
- Do you often feel let down, brushed aside?
- Does he fail to make time for you?
- Is it always you trying to make plans with him?
- Does he push aside responsibility, not even try?
These things, when compiled, show that he doesn’t value you enough, which all ties in closely with respect.
You’ll also find a person that doesn’t make time for you, doesn’t truly appreciate who you are, and everything that you are.
If they did, they’d be running over! This leads me onto my next point…
7) He’s Often Late… Or Cancels
You make plans. He lets you down. It doesn’t matter if you were looking forward to it. He’s not a man of his word when it comes to you and it shows a serious lack of care and respect.
Or maybe he does turn up, but he’s constantly late… We can all be bad time-keepers at time, but one persons time is not more important than another.
And maybe you’re chilled, maybe you don’t mind too much. But it’s still as if he’s “above” you. He doesn’t mind keeping you waiting, and that’s the problem here.
8) You’re Not a Team
Another sign he doesn’t respect you enough is when he makes decisions without you. Important ones too.
It’s like he thinks he knows best, or maybe he doesn’t think of you at all. But relationships should be about being a team – that’s not how it should work, nor what makes it work. So it’s not something that should be overlooked.
Does he involve you? Does he discuss things with you? Are you a key player in important decisions?
9) He’s Not Honest or Faithful
If your partner lies to you, goes behind your back, cheats on you, is unfaithful – it’s an obvious sign he doesn’t respect you as much as he should (of course!)
You don’t treat people you love, care and value like that. You also wouldn’t be willing to risk losing them, so there is of course an imbalance there (although still, things aren’t necessarily black and white.)
Other, more subtle signs of disrespect however include:
- Him constantly having a wandering eye – checking out other people, even when he’s with you.
- Speaking to other people in an inappropriate way – whether you’re with him at that time (oh the nerve!) or not.
- You may also find he messages other people behind your back, or is just not fully honest or faithful.
If he’s doing things that you wouldn’t do to him, that you’re not really comfortable him doing, and he jokes, laughs it off or blows it up – getting defensive – it’s not really right nor fair.
10) There’s a Lack Of Trust There
Now take any insecurities away, a big indicator that there’s a lack of respect in your relationship is if there’s also a lack of trust. I repeat: if insecurities are there from either side, this is going to affect it.
But let’s look at it from both a lack of trust from you and a lack of trust from him…
1. He Doesn’t Trust You
If he doesn’t trust you, you haven’t given him any reason to not trust you and there’s no deep rooted issues that come into play here, then his “lack of trust” shows lack of respect.
I mean, it’s essentially him assuming the worst of you. It’s like he doesn’t know you, doesn’t know the values that you have and that you wouldn’t stoop down and let him down in any way.
There can also be an element of hate there. It’s like he knows that – really – you wouldn’t do anything to betray him, but it comes back to the unnecessary digs, some controlling behaviour, him not wanting you to go out and enjoy yourself…
This isn’t right nor healthy and can fundamentally come back to him not seeing you or the relationship in the way that he should.
Now of course, your behaviour could also be similar, but let’s also look at it from a different angle.
2. If You Don’t Trust Him
If you don’t trust him, ask yourself why.
- Does he give you reason not to trust you?
- Does he consistently lie to you?
- Has he ever betrayed you?
- Does he go behind your back?
- Flirt with other people? Cross the lines?
If your trust issues come from any of those reasons, it links back to his behaviour and this kind of behaviour shows… you guessed it, a lack of respect.
So if you feel like you have to play detective, you don’t feel safe and secure, know that there’s something not quite right – it shouldn’t be this way and you can’t keep ignoring / denying it.
Is He Disrespecting You?
Like we mentioned briefly at the start, there’s a difference between him not respecting you enough and outright disrespecting you. Only you’ll know what that is in your situation and if you don’t, get in touch.
Just know that you are loved, you are worthy, and if he doesn’t respect you enough – there are plenty of people who will and you don’t have to settle for that!
Hope this has helped. Take care!