How do you know when a man doesn’t love you anymore? What are the key signs he doesn’t love you anymore? And how do you deal with a guy that doesn’t love you anymore? What do you actually do?
It’s a tough topic. Especially as there’s two common sides to this:
- We can be in denial, staying in a toxic / loveless relationship, clinging on and not wanting to face the truth.
- We can live our fears – jumping to conclusions and worrying about our partner losing interest, but then damage and sabotage the relationship, when we didn’t actually need to.
For this reason, on both sides, it’s vitally important that you’re able to spot the signs he doesn’t love you anymore – and be able to know, when it’s you being too sensitive, or running wild with your fears, and when it’s actually true… things aren’t the same anymore.
How Do You Know When a Man Doesn’t Love You Anymore?
So how do you know when a man doesn’t love you anymore?
Especially as every single person is different, many people show love in different ways, and many people deal to other life dramas differently too.
Is there really a “one size fits all” when knowing if a man doesn’t love you anymore?
Well, no, not exactly. But there are key behaviours to look out for, which we’ll run through in just a moment. And another thing you can do – is analyse your partners behaviour, compared to what you would expect and what you know about them.
- Why are you worried that your boyfriend / husband doesn’t love you anymore?
- Where are these fears coming from? Is it more him (and his behaviour) or you?
- What is he doing differently that makes you concerned he doesn’t love you anymore?
- Are these big things, or little things? How much “power” should you give each one?
- Have you spoke to your partner about how he feels? And how did he respond?
- Has anything else happened, which could have impacted the way he feels?
- What is his overall character like? Would this come as a surprise to you?
See, you know your partner better than anyone. (In most cases anyway.) So really sit down and start to think it all through.
What does everything mean? Or is most likely to mean? Where is this all coming from? And how likely is it to be genuinely true?
The clearer, and more rationally you can think, the more accurate a picture you’re able to build. But if you’re struggling to make sense of it – remember, you can reach out and we can work it out together.
20 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
So now we’ve got the brain ticking, let’s build on all of this further, with 20 of the key signs he doesn’t love you anymore.
These are the things you want to look out for, to better piece it altogether. See, if he doesn’t love you anymore, you’re likely to find that at least a few of these signs are true…
1) He’s Walked Away, Or Says He’s “Close” To Walking Away
Let’s start with one of the more obvious signs he doesn’t love you anymore, which is that he’s given up on the relationship and called things quits.
Now this in itself, doesn’t automatically mean he doesn’t love you anymore. After all, you can still have an ex who loves you, and wishes they could be with you, yet had to end it.
But at the same time, if the feelings were truly strong enough, or the relationship was right – it wouldn’t have had to come to that.
If he’s not already walked away, you may also find he says things that suggest he’s thinking about it. So maybe he throws around that he “can’t deal with this anymore” or he “needs space” or wants to “go on a break.”
He hasn’t quite got the courage to leave the relationship yet. (After all, relationships are comfortable, and breaking up, having to start over – that’s hard, right?)
But you know he’s not happy and you’re scared of stepping one foot wrong and that being it. So it’s got to a pretty bad place. Following on from this note…
2) He’s Given You An Ultimatum
Another bad sign is if he’s given you an ultimatum. (And boy is that hard to deal with!)
You know the relationship isn’t quite how it should be, you know there’s things that need to change (from both sides in most cases), but instead of being a team and working through it together – he puts pressure and demands on it.
This isn’t fair, or how it should be. It also makes it very difficult to build a healthy relationship when you have something like that lingering in the background.
It also allows little room for inevitable mistakes that you will continue to make, as you grow and work through whatever it is that needs to be worked through.
And yes – you’re likely to be aware of the fact that if things don’t change, it will eventually break you. But for your partner to set a strict standard or put a deadline on it – it doesn’t create a supportive, loving environment, and it’s like he’s already made up his mind.
3) He Doesn’t Want To Be Around You
What else are you likely to notice, if your partner doesn’t love you anymore? Well, they probably don’t seem to want to be around you. As tough as that is.
- Whenever you make plans, they’re always coming from you.
- Getting him to do things with you, also seems like a battle in itself.
- And when you are together – he doesn’t make the same effort as before.
Either that, or he actually goes out of his way to avoid you – sitting in different rooms when he comes home from work at night, or making more plans than usual so that he doesn’t have to see you.
Maybe the relationship has become a little toxic, or perhaps he’s just not “feeling it” anymore – but if he’s avoiding you, or doesn’t make the same effort with you as before, there’s going to be a reason for it.
4) He Doesn’t Make The Effort To Speak To You
Another similar sign, is if – not only does he not want to be around you – but he also doesn’t make the effort to speak to you. With this one, you may notice things like:
- He stops telling you about his day, and confiding in you in a natural way.
- Or, if you do speak – your conversations have slipped into surface level. There’s no deep chats or “heart to heart” conversations. You’re not as close as you used to be.
- When it comes to you then trying to share things with him, he may also seem disengaged. You don’t feel like you can open up to him anymore, because you’re not getting a lot back – or his responses are not what you’d expect.
- If you’re together, you may notice conversation is now at a minimal. It’s like you’re together, but no longer really together. He’s not fully present with you. (Yet you notice it’s completely different when he’s with others / in social settings. This means the lack of conversation is not in general, but actually just with you.)
- You may also find it’s always you texting him first. In fact, you feel like you could leave it days without texting him and you still wouldn’t hear anything from him.
As a whole, the relationship has just become one-sided. And yes, he may have just become too comfortable, or gotten “lazy” in the relationship.
Perhaps he takes you for granted and leaves things to you because he knows you’ll put in the effort. But this isn’t right or fair.
If he doesn’t love you anymore, and he’s acting like this – you’ll also notice the coldness… and lack of care if you bring his lack of effort, up. There will be more to it than just the little things…
Has He Fallen Out Of Love With Me?
You may find yourself asking, “has he really fallen out of love with me?”
But that’s the thing you have to remember… Everyone has off-days. No-one can make 1000% effort or be 1000% on form, 24/7 (nor should they have to be!)
Sometimes, you can overly read into situations, picking up on every single small detail and jumping to conclusions. But that’s why you have to monitor these things – notice how long it’s been going on.
You also want to be able to recognise all of the signs he doesn’t love you anymore, and look out for more than just one thing…
See how many of these signs ring true, instead of picking up on that one thing, giving it too much weight and thinking, “oh no, this is it!” Because that’s not necessarily the case.
In fact, if you do this, it’s actually like when you’re poorly, you have certain symptoms, jump onto google and self-diagnose the worst possible illness – then panic, which makes everything worse, when the chances are – it’s probably not what you thought it was anyway!
You see? So awareness is key. Also trust your gut, as that will help you to see things that you know – deep down – are or aren’t true.
5) He’s Often Snappy, Irritable or Angry
What else have we got when it comes to the signs he doesn’t love you anymore then? Well, significant mood changes are never a good sign.
And this isn’t just him going through a tough time, being moody and taking it out on everyone. It’s also not him doing this – and not realising the way he’s acting.
It’s when he no longer treats you the same way… and it’s probably happening because he no longer feels the same.
So you may notice he’s snappy or irritable. He may not necessarily want to be and probably doesn’t like being this way. (We’re not saying he’s a bad person.)
He’s just torn about how he feels and what he should do, and so frustration starts to build up.
As a result, you may feel like he sometimes acts like he doesn’t even like you – let alone love you. It’s like everything is your fault, or you can’t do anything right.
Maybe he yells at you over little things, or gets angry at you when – beforehand – he wouldn’t have blown up like this.
His tolerance levels towards you have dropped… rapidly… but it’s not nice nor fair.
6) He Can Be Pretty Mean
In some cases, you may even find that he’s started to get nasty. This could be through jokey little digs, or in the heat of an argument.
It’s a major sign he doesn’t love you anymore however… or doesn’t love you as much as he did. After all, if he did, he wouldn’t risk losing you by saying something he can’t take back.
And yes, he may apologise – but if it keeps happening, you have to reach the point where you wonder if it’s the right thing to accept it.
After all, is he really treating you with any respect here? Is he even the right person for you, if he thinks that this is okay, or how he wants to be towards you? On a similar note…
7) There’s Likely To Be a Lot of Arguments
If you’re in a position where you’re questioning whether he loves you, it’s likely that you’re in a pretty rocky spot. Unfortunately, arguments often work hand-in-hand with a lack of love.
There’s only so much one person can take, and eventually, they will start to take their toll, chipping away at how a person feels. Arguments are damaging, you see, not to mention draining.
They also indicate that you’re clashing more, and it might not just be one sided…
- Has your relationship become toxic?
- What major issues are the arguments flagging up?
- Are you starting to question his love towards you, because you’re questioning your own feelings towards him?
- Where are the two of you at? If you’re being honest, here?
These are all things to consider when looking for the signs he doesn’t love you anymore.
Recommended Read: How To Tell Your Boyfriend You Need a Break
8) The Affection Has Dwindled
So when it comes to the signs he doesn’t love you anymore, like we said at the start – you want to look at any changes in behaviour, without any other explanation.
Now, affection is an important part of a relationship. And yes, it may go up and down over time. But:
- Does it feel like he doesn’t want to kiss you anymore?
- Have you noticed it’s always you moving in for a cuddle?
- Do you find he often pulls back, or cuts intimacy short?
- And he never imitates anything himself?
- Does he make excuses?
- What does he say about it?
- Has he stopped caring about your needs?
- Has the relationship moved into more of a friendship?
- Have you stopped desiring affection in the same way too?
These are all important things to consider. So weigh it all up.
If you’re feeling unsure, talk to your partner about it, as you can also gage more from his response then too.
9) You Barely Ever Make Love
Building on our last point, how the two of you are in the bedroom, can also be a massive indicator to how he feels. Especially when you consider how it once was.
- Do you find that you’re sleeping together less and less, or struggle to make it happen?
- When it happens, does it feel less natural? A little bit forced?
- Do you find that he’s no longer really “feeling it”? In fact, it doesn’t feel like there’s much “love” involved in it at all? You’re not connecting on the same level anymore?
- Are there always excuses as to why there’s no intimacy?
- Or when it does happen, it feels as if it’s an effort, a chore?
- How long has it been like this? And how are the two of you as a whole?
- What does he say about it? Has it been spoken about?
Physical intimacy is just as important as emotional intimacy. It’s one of the key ways you connect in a relationship, which is why any major, long-lasting changes to this, can be a signal to bigger, underlying problems.
Recommended Read: 10 Signs He Is Forcing Himself To Love You
10) He Doesn’t Care What You Do
What next? What next? Well, if he doesn’t love you anymore, he’s likely to stop caring so much (if at all) about what you do.
- Did he used to message to make sure you got home okay when you went out without him?
- Did he make sure the two of you spent enough time together? And really valued that time?
- Did he always take an interest in your plans and what you were up to?
- Could he be protective at times? Or ever got jealous / overreacted about situations?
Well, if his feelings have changed and your relationship is in a bad place – you’ll notice there’s none of that anymore.
In many ways, you feel as free as a single woman, because you can do what you want, when you want and there’s no-one to really check in, or say otherwise.
But actually… that only hurts. It’s not how it should be.
Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
We’re half way through the signs he doesn’t love you anymore. How many are ringing true for you so far?
Remember – with each sign, try not to just pick up on the TINY things that COULD ring true, then become adamant that that’s it… Instead, with each sign, ask yourself:
- What things can I relate to here? What situations / examples do I have of this being true?
- On the flip side – what other things could it be? What other reasons could be the cause of this? And what’s it most likely to be?
- Is there anything that goes against this? Anything that shows – despite this sign – he does still love me?
Weigh it all up, clearly, fairly and rationally. That’s the most important thing. Agreed? Then let’s continue…
11) He Blows Hot & Cold
Carrying on with the signs he doesn’t love you anymore, another thing to look out for is hot and cold behaviour.
This is actually a big one – especially if he’s still trying to work out how he feels, is in the earlier stage of starting to lose interest or is in denial about where the two of you are now at.
He’s still torn, you see, as we mentioned. So sometimes he may snap – then feel bad about it. This leads to a burst of effort and affection. The problem is, it won’t be able to last because – in most cases – it’s not genuinely how he feels anymore.
There will be mixed signals. It will be confusing. At times, you will feel the love. Then other times, you’ll probably feel like a stranger. It’s difficult to deal with, for sure.
12) He’s Distant
If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you anymore, you won’t feel as connected as before, because he’s likely to pull back and become distant.
This won’t be an instant thing either. It will grow and grow, more and more over time, until you reach the point where you feel like you don’t even know him anymore.
He’s not himself with you. As a result, you may even feel like you miss him… You miss him even when you’re around him, because it’s not like it’s him anymore.
He’s not the fun-loving, happy guy you first fell in love with you, and he doesn’t act the same way around you… Nor do you actually feel like you can act 100% yourself either.
It’s like there’s this big wall between you and him, and you can’t seem to get through it.
If you try to have conversations about it he’ll say nothing’s wrong or brushes over it. Perhaps that’s when the snappiness or irritability comes out too.
But you know the truth, because you feel it – and have felt it for some time now.
13) He’s Shifty or Secretive
Just like he may have shut off to you, it may also feel like he’s started to create a life without you – and continues to block you out by becoming shifty and secretive.
So maybe you notice that he’s going out without telling you where he’s going, he comes back late with no explanation, or hides his phone so you can’t see who he’s messaging.
Whether he’s going behind your back and being unfaithful or not, he’s still not treating you like a proper partner, or treating you how he did before, because he’s no longer open with you.
Like I said – it’s like there’s this big wedge between you.
When you love someone, you naturally want to share things with them, and certainly have nothing to hide. So this is why it can be a sign he doesn’t love you anymore…
He no longer feels an obligation to share things with you, and seems to have got it into his head that you have “no right” to question you.
After all, you’ll probably hear, “I’m not doing anything wrong…” But that’s kind of missing the point. It’s not even just about that.
14) He’s Unfaithful
If he has gone one step too far, and become unfaithful then – it’s a no brainer, right? – it’s certainly not looking good.
Because yes, people can still make these mistakes when they love someone. But if he loved you enough or the relationship was as happy and healthy as it should be – would he really have risked losing you in the first place?
And sure – there are exceptions. Nothing is black and white. But you then want to look at:
- How did he respond to it?
- Did he own up to it? Face the consequences? Do whatever he had to do to make it right?
- Or did he hide it? Continue on with it? Let you down time and time again?
In some cases, if he doesn’t love you anymore – it won’t just be a blip, but a case of him literally lining someone else up. That’s why you’ll often also see emotional affairs, that develop after the relationship is over (which can hurt just as much, if not more.)
So if he’s been unfaithful, in any way, be very careful if you choose to stay, as he may not actually be worth it, or deserve it.
Recommended Read: 10 Signs Your Relationship Is Broken Beyond Repair
15) He Doesn’t Want To Plan Too Far Into The Future
What else may you start to pick up on if he doesn’t love you anymore? Well, he’s probably stopped making so many plans with you… especially bigger ones, or ones which are further away.
He doesn’t want to make too many commitments. After all, if he’s being honest, he doesn’t know if you’ll then still be together then.
He also doesn’t really look forward to things with you like he did before either. This is why you’ll also find that most plans or dates are coming from you – and it may feel like a battle to get him to say yes to them. In fact, the relationship is really becoming one-sided.
Like we said, he’s starting to carve his own path – he’s just too afraid to fully let go.
STOP!! If you’re feeling unsure about how he’s feeling, what he wants or whether you have a future together, don’t be afraid to ask the tough relationship questions. It may be daunting or scary, but you’re better to open the conversation up and know for sure!
16) He Lets You Down More
Aside from not wanting to make plans, and the only plans that do seem to happen, have to come from you – you’ll also find that he lets you down more.
Uh huh, it doesn’t matter how easy you try to make things for him, or how much you may go out of your way to try to plan things that he’ll like or enjoy – he still doesn’t value it enough.
He knows these things are important to you, but he just doesn’t have it in him to muster up the effort or try to act in the same way.
And maybe he’s not purposely deceiving you – he doesn’t fully understand how he feels now either. But nothing matters enough to him.
You’ll find him bailing out of events or date nights, saying he’ll be in places at certain times, only to arrive late or not at all – and then he’ll get defensive if you raise it with him.
There’s always excuses and the apologies don’t seem 100% genuine, nor do they really “cut it” as the times of him letting you down only continue to rise and rise.
17) He Stops Saying “I Love You” As Much
Ah, one of the biggest signs he’s stopped loving you now then – is when he can no longer express how he feels as easily, or refuses to say “I love you” altogether.
With this one, you want to take particular note of change in behaviour. After all, if he didn’t say “I love you” often before, you can’t now say, “oh but he doesn’t say it!” If that’s the case – there’s no change there. So instead, what you want to look at, is:
Has he stopped saying it when he usually would?
For example, did he used to say “I love you” as he left for work every morning? Say goodbye, “I love you” and give you a kiss? Only now, he’s gone, with nothing at all. You’re lucky to even get a little wave.
Or do you say “I love you” and he can no longer say it back?
No longer say it back and look you in the eyes as he says it? Or if he does say it – it’s reluctantly, kind of forced and with no meaning so it doesn’t seem genuine?
What Else Are You Noticing?
There may also be a drop in complements and, little to no, endearing words. The romantic connection seems to have dwindled, if not completely disappeared and you’re starting to feel more and more like friends (or strangers) each day…
Are You Becoming More Like Friends?
This is an interesting note to make now, because not all of the signs he’s fallen out of love with you means that he hates you or is unpleasant to be around.
He could actually still love you, but that love could have moved more towards a friendship. It may be the romantic love that is no longer there.
If you’re concerned at this, you want to focus on:
- Is it passionate or just pleasant between us?
- Can I get that spark back or has it well and truly gone out?
- Does he seem to be more attracted to other people than me?
- Has our relationship stopped progressing and is just becoming too comfortable?
- Does he see a future with me, or could this be coming to an end?
- What things show we are still, very much, more than friends?
- Could I see this moving into a friendship? (Be honest now!)
Recommended Read: 10 Signs You’re Better Off As Friends
18) He Cares About You, But Not Enough
Like we said above, just because he’s stopped loving you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t still care about you. In most cases, you’ll have been together a while (after all, true love takes time to develop) and the chances are he’s not a bad person – he’s just not meant to be your person.
Things can get very difficult when you realise he no longer feels the same way however, as he can no longer be there for you in the same way before either…
He doesn’t give you the love you need, the care you need. He’s no longer the partner you need and deserve. And yes, he may still make effort – but it’s not enough. And there’s therefore likely to become a point where he starts to give up.
This is when you’ll notice him detach himself further from you. You’re no longer involved in decisions, he no longer takes you into consideration as much. He may know what you do and don’t like – but he doesn’t account for that anymore.
It’s not because he doesn’t care. He does. He doesn’t want to hurt you. But he can’t force himself to be the same with you. And he can’t help acting differently than he would have before.
19) He Won’t Work On Things Anymore
So the chances are, if you’re looking for the signs he doesn’t love you anymore – the two of you are most likely having issues. That’s one thing…
But when he’s not even willing to work on them anymore, or make the changes that he knows he needs to make and support you through the changes that you do – that’s when you know he really has given up.
And why has he given up? Because things have got too much and he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. If he did, if he still felt 100% the same way, he COULDN’T give up on you. But he has if he’s stopped trying. It’s like the two of you are just a lost cause now…
- He does things he knows you don’t like.
- He does things he knows he shouldn’t do.
- He’s not the partner he should be. But he doesn’t care enough anymore.
- He isn’t willing to try.
- He won’t compromise.
- You can’t reason with him or talk things through.
It’s like he’s pushing you to leave, because everything’s his way or not at all. He doesn’t care what the consequences are. And that’s when you have to know: you are worth more.
20) You Feel It In Your Gut
Last but not least then, one of the final signs he doesn’t love you anymore – is when you have a gut feeling, you know deep down that it’s true.
You know him better than anyone. You know what is and isn’t right, you can read his actions and piece it altogether – even if it’s not always 100% easy to pinpoint every single sign and how you know. But you just feel it. It’s an accumulation of things.
Now there may be a stage when you’re in denial or clinging on, thinking that you can get that love back. But it always comes back to these feelings of anxiety, insecurity, hurt and frustration.
You know things aren’t quite right, and have been this way for a while if it’s reached the point where he doesn’t love you anymore….
You don’t FEEL loved… and it’s not just your fears / insecurities running wild. It’s that things have built up and up and you now know it to be true.
What Do You Do If He Doesn’t Love You Anymore?
So now you know the signs he doesn’t love you anymore, what do you actually do if a lot of these ring true? Well, first off, I want to remind you to try not to jump to any conclusions.
Yes, you want to be aware and know what to look for, but unless you’re thinking level-headed, you could start to piece things together incorrectly.
If you are thinking clearly, and you’ve had this feeling that his feelings aren’t the same anymore, for a while – then this article just confirms it, then okay, you’re not in an ideal situation. But:
1) Talk To Him About It
Choose the right time, where it’s just the two of you together, there hasn’t been a major blow-up and everything is quite calm… and ask him, ask him how he feels.
Tell him the changes you’ve noticed, tell him how you feel in the relationship now, and have an open, honest discussion about it.
- How does he say that he feels?
- What does he say about your concerns?
- What reasons / explanations does he give and how valid could these be?
- Is he willing to listen? Willing to discuss? Or is he just shutting you out?
- If you can have a proper conversation about this – try to build on it further…
- What could you do to get that love back?
- How could you salvage this, together? And are you both willing to put in the effort to try?
- What needs to be done here? What are the next steps forward?
Now this conversation may or may not go to plan, but you have to be open-minded, and at least try. What else is important? Well…
2) Look At How You Feel
If you recognised the signs he doesn’t love you anymore, it’s very easy to panic – to feel like clinging on.
Rejection hurts, and (especially) if you have a fear of abandonment, it’s easy to feel like you can’t let go… like you can’t possibly lose them… even if things aren’t right.
It’s very easy to stop thinking clearly, but this will only prolong the pain. So take a step back. He doesn’t love you anymore (if that really is the case!) but:
- How did it get to this place?
- How healthy actually is the relationship now?
- Is he / the relationship meeting all of your needs?
- Is this really the kind of relationship you want to be in?
- Are you actually even happy anymore?
- Can you genuinely say that you still feel the same way about him?
3) Do What You Have To Do
You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them in return. You deserve someone who’s going to put the effort in and treat you right… and all of these signs he doesn’t love you anymore… that shows that – right now – that’s NOT what you’re getting.
So don’t lose yourself trying to cling onto something and someone that isn’t right. I know it’s hard. Walking away can often be the hardest thing.
But if you’ve tried to make this better, you’ve put your absolute all into this relationship but it’s just not good enough, and have now realised that things just aren’t the same between the two of you anymore – then sometimes you’re left with very little choice.
Just know that that choice, you will soon see, did actually work out for the best. And you’ll look back on this and be thankful – I promise.
Recommended Read: How To Break Up With Someone You Still Care About
That’s All For This One
So there we have it – 20 signs he doesn’t love you anymore, plus what to do about it.
This may have been a difficult read, and – hopefully – not everyone has come to the same conclusion.
If you’re feeling lost or unsure at all, remember: I’m here for you, so please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
Take care. Best wishes.