So you want to know how to get over first date nerves? How to deal with them, manage them, and overcome them so that they no longer take away from the joy and excitement that comes with first dates?
Then you’re in the right place my friends. In this post, we’ll share our top tips, plus step by step guide for how to get over first date nerves – once and for all.
So let’s start from the top, shall we?
Why Do We Get First Date Nerves?
First date nerves are very common, and an ELEMENT of nervousness actually isn’t a bad thing.
It shows you care and this date is important to you. After all – this person could end up being pretty important to you. They could end up being “the one.”
The thing is, first date nerves also often stem from feeling the pressure to make a good impression, to make a guy try to like you or want you. You may also feel nervous around the feeling of being judged…
When nervousness stems from this, it’s then almost a battle of self esteem. And that’s the kind of first date nerves you therefore want to work through and overcome.
The Common Go-To
Now, a common coping mechanism for first date nerves is, unsurprisingly alcohol. It gives you that “dutch courage”, right?
In fact, an interesting study found that, nearly nine in 10 (89%) admitted to getting the jitters before a first date, and 39% of them have an alcoholic drink beforehand to help calm their nerves.
The thing is, using alcohol to combat first date nerves can be counterproductive.
For starters, you shouldn’t need it in order to show up as your best or true self. You DON’T need it. You just THINK you do. Which means you’ll never work through that low self-esteem.
What’s more, drinking before a first date doesn’t usually stop at that one drink. One drink becomes two, then three, and so on.
As the date continues, it can lead to oversharing, misinterpretations, and potentially hinder genuine connection, while also increasing the risk of regrets and anxiety the next day.
3 (Healthy!) Ways To Deal With First Date Nerves
So what else can you and should you try, in the moment, to better deal with first date nerves? Well…
1) Breathe
To calm nerves through breathing, practice slow, deep abdominal breathing, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth, focusing on a longer exhale than inhale.
You can experiment with other breathing techniques if you want – like the 4-7-8 breathing or box breathing – these are both popular relaxation techniques.
That’s right – instead of swigging a drink, take a DEEEEEP breath. You may actually be surprised by how much this can help.
2, Speak To Yourself
Now bear with me on this one. There’s going to be plenty of positive self love habits you can do, which tie into your master plan for how to get over first date nerves.
It may sound silly if you’ve never done anything like this before. But don’t knock it til’ you’ve tried it, my friends.
When you’re feeling those first date nerves starting to bubble up as you’re getting ready…
- Stop what you’re doing and look in the mirror.
- Look at yourself with self compassion, care and love.
- Talk to yourself – whether out loud or in your head, whilst looking deep into your own eyes and who you are inside. Tell yourself the things you’d tell your best friend who’s getting nervous or starting to fill their head with self doubt. Reassure yourself, calm yourself and encourage yourself through your own self-soothing or uplifting words.
You might like to use dating affirmations here too – so long as you actually believe the words you’re telling yourself.
It’s a seriously effective way to calm yourself down, in the moments you need.
⭐ We can show you exactly how to do this in a Power Hour Dating Coaching Call if you’re feeling unsure. ⭐
3) Shake It Out
Another useful technique to help you deal with first date nerves as you feel them bubbling up, is to try – literally – shaking them out.
If you’re sat down whilst you’re getting ready and feeling yourself getting more and more worked up – stand up and shake your body out.
Do it to music if you like. Shake, shake and shake, with no care about how you look. In fact, the sillier you look, the better you’re probably doing it.
This action actually releases adrenaline and tension. It literally actives the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and a sense of calm…
So as silly as it may sound, it’s recommended for a reason!
4) Read Reminders
Now, if you’re on the date itself, you probably don’t want to start talking to yourself, deep breathing or standing up to shake your body out! (Can you imagine?!)
So a helpful technique to deal with first date nerves in the moment, when you’re right there, on the date itself – is to quickly read reminders that you’ve pre-written on your phone before.
This can be done when your date is up at the bar, ordering a drink for example. Or you might like to quickly pop to the toilet to read them there.
They should be short and snappy, so it won’t take long…
These should be reminders that you know you need to hear in the moment, saved on the “notes” tab on your phone. They might include things like…
- The right person will love you for you, anyway. It’s impossible for you to “mess up” here.
- You can do this. Don’t stress. There’s no pressure, no expectations here. The sole purpose tonight is to HAVE FUN, get to know this person and make the best of it!
- You are brave, you are beautiful, you are smart, you are funny. You’ve got this!
This is basically like the “speak to yourself in the mirror exercise”, but a faster version.
Another clever way to embed these reminders into your mind when you need them is to write ONE word that reminds you of them, in a small spot on the side of your hand.
For example, it may be: ENJOY, or Y.G.T (short for: You’ve Got This.)
It can be very effective in stopping your worrying thoughts from escalating and bringing you back to what’s actually important in that moment.
5) Smile & Share
Our final quick-tip for dealing with first date nerves in the moment is to “Smile & Share.”
Remember, nearly 90% of people experience first date nerves anyway, so the chances are – the person sat opposite you is likely to feel a very similar way as you.
Instead of getting lost in your own head, take a deep breath, pull a smile onto your face and share with your date, “Gosh, I’m feeling nervous!”
Smiling triggers a positive neurological reaction, releasing “happiness hormones” like dopamine and serotonin, which can elevate mood, reduce stress, and even influence how you perceive things.
Sharing to your date that you’re feeling nervous is also a great way to break the ice and connect with your date.
It’s also an opportunity for you to show vulnerability which also further bonds the two of you, whilst giving them the opportunity to step up as a date, and make things a little easier for you too.
Don’t overthink it – just try it next time you’re feeling nervous on a first date.
How To Get Over First Date Nerves (Once & For All!)
There’s plenty of coping mechanisms you can try when you’re feeling nervous on a date, but these top 5 should help you to get started.
Looking ahead now then – you may be wondering how to get over first date nerves once and for all, and if it’s even possible at all.
Well yes, it is. The nerves may not COMPLETELY disappear, but you can work through them so that you don’t feel them so intensely – it will be a more healthy, exciting, comfortable feeling of nerves…
Nerves which drive you rather than overpower you.
So how do you get to that point? Well let’s break it down with some key, actionable steps…
Step 1) Get Clear On Your Wants Vs Needs
The surer you are about who you are, what you’re looking for and what your sole purpose is when dating, the more confident you will feel.
- Start by asking yourself these key questions to establish your wants vs needs in a partner.
- Get clear on who you want and need to be to attract that kind of person, and how your ideal partner would actually embrace you – for who you are, as you are, right now.
By doing this, it helps to eliminate first date nerves in the long term because it puts things into perspective…
First date nerves are unnecessary. You won’t need to TRY to impress the right person. You’ll just naturally click when you find the right match for you. So there’s no worries or pressure really. There’s nothing you can do wrong to “mess things up”, you don’t need to fear rejection, and you won’t ever lose the right person from a supposedly bad date. All you can do is show up, try to be yourself, and that’s a successful first date!
Step 2) Go Into The Date More Prepared
This is HUGE when it comes to how to get over first date nerves.
See, nerves often thrive from the worries of:
- What should I say? What should I ask on a first date? And what if there’s awkward silence?
- How should I flirt? How could I flirt? And how will I know if he’s flirting with me, or likes me?
Instead, you want to get a little smarter when dating – go into dates more prepared.
Know which questions you should ask, know which questions you want to ask, know how to read body language and signals, know how to use your own body to feel the way you want to feel on a date.
These are all things we can work through on a Strategic Dating Coaching Plan.
That’s right, you don’t have to work it out alone. It is a lot, admittedly. But when you work through it all properly and get all the groundwork in place – you’ll completely transform your dating experience, not to mention your success when dating.
First date nerves will certainly be a thing of the past once you do this step.
Some other important steps that will then follow?
Step 3) Opt For Dates That You’re Comfortable With
Don’t make things harder for yourself!
If you know dinner dates are far too formal and only fuel first date nerves – take control, find things that you do feel more comfortable doing and suggest these instead.
Being confident enough to know what you want is actually one of the qualities men really value in women, so it’s only going to work in your favour anyway.
You can also pick something that’s fairly short (but with the option to expand it if it’s going well!)
This is the first time, it doesn’t have to be the biggest, best or longest date in the world, because at this stage – you’re simply meeting and learning a little more about the person.
There’s nothing wrong with setting up the first date more on your terms, just like actually, there’s nothing wrong with telling your date that you’re a little nervous.
If they’re a decent person they will do their best to put you at ease – both before when deciding and whilst you’re there.
Step 4) Lower Your Expectations
Now just to be clear – I don’t mean lower your expectations of what you want in a partner. Instead, simply lower your expectations for the first date itself and what you think it “needs” to be like.
Try not to go into the date expecting fireworks, an instant burning attraction and it be the first meeting with the person you’re going to marry…
It might be, but imagine the pressure you’ll feel every time if this is what you’re hoping for or expecting!
That’s enough to make anyone want to run of hills and is certainly not going to help you get over first date nerves!
So instead, approach each date, looking to simply go out and enjoy their company…
Just like you would if you were meeting up with a new friend. Ease the pressure and lower your expectations. This also means you won’t be so disappointed if things don’t quite have the ‘best case scenario’ end result.
If the date leads to more, then great. If not, well at least you can put it down to experience and hopefully have enjoyed your time!
Don’t even worry about “whats next” anyway. For the time being, just live in the moment and take each thing as it comes.
Step 5) Keep Working On Your Dating Mindset
Your dating mindset will determine many things – one of which includes, how nervous you will feel when approaching first dates.
If you want to get over first date nerves once and for all, you want to keep embedding a mindset of:
- I’m grateful for this dating journey.
- I appreciate meeting new people and the time that they’re also putting into this.
- Every date is an exciting new opportunity.
- I can shift my nervousness into excitement – both are similar feelings physically anyway. I don’t HAVE to feel nervous about this. I can simply choose to be excited.
- There’s no bad outcome from this.
Instead of focusing on what could go wrong or what’s so daunting about it, appreciate that someone’s investing their time in you, because they think you’re worth it. (Which you totally are!)
You can take away something from every single date – something you’ll learn, something you’ll discover, something that will help you develop.
Every date is part of your journey – to finding yourself and to finding the kind of person you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. So get excited about it!
And HEY, I GET IT – this is easier said than done. As time goes on, unsuccessful dates can of course, drag you down. But take time out when you need to, have a reset, and shift back to the dating mindset you need to more effectively find the right person (and better enjoy the process.)
You can do it. If you say you can’t, then you of course won’t. But you can. Your mindset is something that is always in your control.
BONUS: Develop Your Own Singles Personal Development Plan
Working out how to get over first date nerves, is probably just one area you’d like to work on. And truly tackling it once and for all, is likely to include additional action tasks and steps that are personal to you.
For example, improving your self esteem may also come into it, learning how to be happily single, perhaps you need to let go of your fear of abandonment, or anxious attachment. There could be many things that contribute.
But now is the best time to work on this. No time is wasted time when you’re using the time wisely to genuinely work on yourself. And even the smallest steps forward are positive steps.
So I highly recommend creating your own Singles Personal Development Plan and tying your goal to work through first date nerves into this.
As always, if you’re feeling unsure about any of this, and want to learn more about how we can better support you, be sure to schedule a FREE Discovery Call with one of our Dating Specialists.
There’s no cost, no risk, nothing to lose…
That’s All For This One
So there we have it – that rounds up how to get over first date nerves, plus how to deal with first date nerves in the moment.
I hope this has helped, and made the next steps that little bit clearer.
What is one thing you will do today to start to tackle first date nerves?
Let us know in the comments box below.
Good luck! Wishing you all the very best.
Love,
Ell_xx
