Okay so if you would have asked me this a few months ago, I would have said the answer is simple: alcohol. All you need is alcohol. Day date, night date – alcohol. Ha, I’m joking! Well kind of. But luckily there are other, more socially acceptable ways to get over first date nerves. So there’s certainly no reason to let those nerves get the better of you!
Five Top Tips To Destroy First Date Nerves…
1. Spend Some Time Dating Yourself First
Umm, what? You wasn’t expecting this one hey? But one of the best pieces of advice I read when I was first single was this,
“Be alone. Eat alone. Sleep alone. Take yourself on dates. In the midst of this, you will learn about yourself. You will grow. You’ll figure out what inspires you. And curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity. So when you do then meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself…”
Powerful huh? By dating yourself you are able to become happy in your own company and be completely confident in who you are. When you reach this point, your dates will get so much easier and the pressure will drastically dwindle. So that’s certainly my #1 tip to get over first date nerves!
2. Be Sure Of Yourself
Building on from my previous point, you’ve also got to be sure of yourself. To know your worth and to be confident about it. It also helps to put things into perspective, because – at the end of the day, this date isn’t an interview for a job. It’s a two way thing. You’re going into it not only trying to show your best self, but to see if this person is a suitable fit for you too. Instead of scrutinising over how you’re coming across, just try to relax, be yourself and know that the right person will see all your wonderful qualities… And there are many, believe me!
If you work through the development section of this blog, you’ll actually reach a place where you know who you are and are happy with it. In which case, it reduces your nerves because there’s less pressure on impressing and it’s more natural to just be yourself. If you struggle with self-doubt, have a read of this post. It should help to point you in the right direction to overcome it.
3. Don’t Have Too High Expectations
Don’t go into the date with huge expectations. Also don’t go into them hoping the next person you meet will be the person you marry. I mean, they very well might be. But jesus christ, imagine the pressure you’d feel if you knew that this was potentially the defining moment in the start of your life-long relationship! That’s enough to make anyone want to run of hills and is certainly not going to help you get over first date nerves! So instead, approach each date, looking to simply go out and enjoy the company…
Just like you would if you were meeting up with a new friend. Ease the pressure and lower your expectations. This also means you won’t be so disappointed if things don’t quite have the ‘best case scenario’ end result. If the date leads to more, then great. If not, well at least you can put it down to experience and hopefully have enjoyed your time! Don’t even worry about “whats next” anyway. For the time being, just live in the moment and take each thing as it comes.
4. Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude
I talk about this in the topic of staying motivated when dating, but the same applies when you want to get over first date nerves too. Just like it’s important to not put too much pressure on the date, it’s also equally valuable to go into it feeling thankful. Not everyone can get dates easily, and this person you’re about to spend time with is genuinely interested in getting to know you – that’s a pretty nice feeling when you take a moment to think about it! So, instead of focusing on what could go wrong or what’s so daunting about it, appreciate that someone’s investing their time in you, because they think you’re worth it.
You can take away something from every single day – something you’ll learn, something you’ll discover, something that will help you develop. Every date is part of your journey – to finding yourself and to finding the kind of person you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. So get excited about it!
5. Pick a Date You’re Most Comfortable With
Moving onto the more technical aspects for my final top tip to get over first date nerves, there are ways to make things a little easier – including taking control of where the date is and what you do. So, before anything gets organised, arrange meet somewhere you’re familiar with or suggest something you know you’d look forward to doing. If something active is more your thing, as oppose to a formal sit-down meal – say about doing that. If drinks is on the table, ask for somewhere that’s in your city, or if you’re both from the same place – somewhere that you go to fairly often so you know it quite well. You can also pick something that’s fairly short (but with the option to expand it if it’s going well!) This is the first time, it doesn’t have to be the biggest, best or longest date in the world, because at this stage – you’re simply meeting and learning a little more about the person.
There’s nothing wrong with setting up the first date more on your terms, just like actually, there’s nothing wrong with telling your date that you’re a little nervous. If they’re a decent person they will do their best to put you at ease – both before when deciding and whilst you’re there.
The Night Before The First Date
When it comes to the night before the first date, this is when the nerves can really begin to peak! But stay calm. The night before is the perfect excuse to have a little TLC. The better you feel on both the inside and outside, the more confident you will be. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t need much of an excuse to have a little pamper! You’re not doing this for your date. But for yourself. It’s just a bonus that it’s also a great way to get over first dates nerves too!
Have a bath, have a face-mask, put on some relaxing music and stay calm. Here, try this routine. After that, you should then try to get an early night. We certainly don’t want you loosing sleep over this – or working yourself up into a state where you’re likely to drop out last minute. Use some natural sleeping remedies if you need, get to bed with a good book and have the rest you need to feel fresh the following day!
The Day Of The First Date
When it comes to the day of the first date, allow plenty of time to get ready. You don’t want to be rushing around and end up feeling flustered. It might also a good idea to arrive a little bit earlier at the date – so you can get your seat, send them a text to let them know where you are, and you don’t have to look out for them then. Pictures on social media can look a little different to how people are in person, so you then avoid the stress of potentially mistaking them!
Or, if you want to make your entrance and prefer not to wait around – plan to get there just after them. (Only again, ask where they will be sat and tell them you’re on your way.) Before you walk in, take a deep breath, tell yourself you can do it (positive affirmations can actually help!) and put on a big friendly smile… You can do it!
Let’s Round It Up…
Dating really is a fun experience if you let it be. If you struggle with first date nerves, I guess the final thing I want you to do is ask yourself – what is it that’s making me so nervous?
We can try so hard to suppress our emotions, we forget that actually, sometimes it’s okay to just feel it. If your nerves are in proportion to the situation that you’re in, understand that there’s no problem in feeling this way… actually, it’s a good thing. Because at least this date actually means a little something to you! All of these experiences are going to help us develop and grow. So good luck with this new dating journey. And remember… you’ve totally got this!
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